Oh, B, I will not, must not, and cannot fall for you. For, deep down inside I know you are a player. Yet deep down inside, every girl also yearns to tame a player and I suppose I am no exception.
It's ironic though, that we are seeing each other(albeit not exclusively - I don't know how many women you might be playing with behind my back, if any). After C and S, I told myself never to date men from your country again. Very prejudiced, very myopic of me, I know. But I eventually relented.
We behave so much like a couple whenever we go out. I suppose I find the attention flattering; the most unforgettable date being, that time at New Asia Bar as we chatted over drinks from sunset till dusk - and, looking down at the cityscape from the 77th floor, you held me close and kissed me. The idealist in me honestly reveled at how romantic it was. Yet the cynic in me also knew how seasoned a player you are, and perhaps something like that date comes to you as second nature.
Plus you told me how you might leave Singapore very soon in search for greener pastures. You can't be serious about us both then, knowing the distinct possibility of you relocating. From your actions and experiences, I gather that you are a free spirit; one who doesn't like to be tied down by anything and I suppose I cannot hold you down after all.
At this point I am convinced I don't have any real or strong feelings for you. Something tells me that at the end of the day, when it all comes to an end, I will be just another statistic of yours. I suppose I felt that way about K in Germany too - although truth be told, I still think of him every day, wondering what he is up to. It is obsessive of me, and I know I shouldn't do that, but I still do.
Or maybe, at the end of it all, I am actually using you to get over K too. So perhaps, you could also be but another statistic of mine. It seems like we are both playing this game together.
Je ne sais pas.