That was not a particularly easy decision to make; given how I've had this blog for 6 years! This blog has seen me through my angsty teenage years right up to my brink of adulthood.
But at the same time my writing mojo has stagnated.
Perhaps a new platform is necessary :) Change is, after all, the only constant.
Because I am prone to bouts of irrationality, and because this semester has been ridiculously terrible because of the workload ... I pampered myself by purchasing a ticket to tomorrow's F1 Night Race from E-bay at the last minute! Well, I've been wanting to watch the F1 up close and in person after watching the previous year's broadcast anyway. And ... The Backstreet Boys and Travis will also be performing tomorrow! It's gonna be a great night :)
What a whirlwind of emotions this week has been; last Wednesday, I met up with A for the first time proper since we saw each other at the clubs a month ago. He took me out to drinks and dinner, and also to catch up with me since he was nearing the end of his internship and due to return to Milan.
Initially, I'd refused to meet him because I found him to be whiny and perhaps, even a sleazebag. What made me decide to change my mind on Wednesday? I can't pinpoint a particular reason actually; maybe because prior to that I was in fact, thinking about whether or not he was already back in Italy. And he texted just at the exact moment - and being the opportunistic person that I am, we decided to meet.
It was but a brief date that lasted 4 hours; brief in that it was probably the first and last time that we would see each other again. I suppose I would have liked to meet him on Thursday, but he was too busy with work; leaving the office late and coming in very early in the morning to finish his tasks. (His internship ended on Friday, just as he was due to fly back at 1 am on Saturday morning.)
When I was at work last evening, he called to ask if I would be sending him off at the airport. I said yes, but I could only be done with work at around 1045 pm. Initially, he was fine with it, since his flight was due only at 1 am and perhaps, could linger around till 1145 pm, before entering the departure lounge.
And then at 10 pm, he called me, saying that he was sorry, but had to enter the departure lounge already. he said something about incurring some excess baggages, and had to go inside early to pay up.
I had no idea what came over me, but of course I did feel upset; I had really hoped to see him that one last time. And my heart ached so much at the fact that we were so close yet so far apart; there I was at the airfreight centre, and he, at Terminal One. Just a 5 minutes' drive away from Terminal One, but due to work issues, I couldn't send him off, sigh.
He says that he hopes to be back in February for another internship. I definitely will not say that I am hoping very much for his return; to do so would be stupid, and I myself am wondering why I am behaving so irrationally from just this one (okay, maybe two) encounter with him.
I know that I am prone to bouts of irrationality, and this just so happens to be one of them. He, just like the other guys, have always been so fleeting like the wind. And all that I can do is to look back on them in the future and laugh at the whole humour of it all.
Oh, B, I will not, must not, and cannot fall for you. For, deep down inside I know you are a player. Yet deep down inside, every girl also yearns to tame a player and I suppose I am no exception.
It's ironic though, that we are seeing each other(albeit not exclusively - I don't know how many women you might be playing with behind my back, if any). After C and S, I told myself never to date men from your country again. Very prejudiced, very myopic of me, I know. But I eventually relented.
We behave so much like a couple whenever we go out. I suppose I find the attention flattering; the most unforgettable date being, that time at New Asia Bar as we chatted over drinks from sunset till dusk - and, looking down at the cityscape from the 77th floor, you held me close and kissed me. The idealist in me honestly reveled at how romantic it was. Yet the cynic in me also knew how seasoned a player you are, and perhaps something like that date comes to you as second nature.
Plus you told me how you might leave Singapore very soon in search for greener pastures. You can't be serious about us both then, knowing the distinct possibility of you relocating. From your actions and experiences, I gather that you are a free spirit; one who doesn't like to be tied down by anything and I suppose I cannot hold you down after all.
At this point I am convinced I don't have any real or strong feelings for you. Something tells me that at the end of the day, when it all comes to an end, I will be just another statistic of yours. I suppose I felt that way about K in Germany too - although truth be told, I still think of him every day, wondering what he is up to. It is obsessive of me, and I know I shouldn't do that, but I still do.
Or maybe, at the end of it all, I am actually using you to get over K too. So perhaps, you could also be but another statistic of mine. It seems like we are both playing this game together.
Scored that Lufthansa Cargo AG internship, I'm ecstatic! :) I will be assigned to the Sales Management department and start work next week. It's going to be one hell of a semester I'm sure; juggling both school and work. But I tell myself, the reason why I'm doing this internship is because I'm hopeful in the grand scheme of things to come - time to motivate myself to do as best a job as I can!
I cannot, just absolutely cannot, wait to start working and saving up enough to move out and live on my own. Graduate next year, save up for another 2-3 more years, move out. Hang in there, Azlyn.
Today marks exactly 1 month since I last saw you, and the first out of the many countless months that I will probably never see you again.
I don't know why I have been feeling rather nostalgic of late; time leaves no room for nostalgy and sentiment, if you ask me. I've been thinking of you, of us ... of all those hot and exciting moments, and I smile as I revel in those memories.
But these are just memories; at the end of the day they mean nothing else. You have my number in Singapur, as well as my e-mail ... I said, "Keep in touch, as friends." And you said, "Yeah, sure." Of course, I wasn't holding on too much to your words. And indeed, I haven't heard from you since I last texted you when I returned to Singapur.
I expect you might have other women in your life right now - which is fine, really, because honestly, there were other men around during our time too. But at the end of the day, moments with you were honestly the only ones that mattered.
I guess I need to have someone else exciting to come along, in order for me to stop dwelling on the past. Maybe that time will come, although how soon or how long more, I have no idea. But for now, I will just hold onto those memories and smile, and chuckle at some of them too. I hope you do too.
No, we were never official, in fact there was hardly anything emotional going on (ironic, how the emotions only come after we said goodbye) - but I'm sure you might also agree on this; there was chemistry though.
You'll never read this, but I just had to pen it down. Miss those moments, but thanks for the memories ;)
It's been about 2 weeks since I flew back to Singapore. As much as I'm glad to see my friends and family all over again, I feel like I left behind a part of me in Germany. Fervently counting down to the time when I'll get to return - the only question is, how soon or how long more? Europe sapped me of my savings so I have to start from scratch again :(
I wasn't around in Singapore for my 21st birthday; was in KL for Rina and Iqbal's wedding. Lovely couple they are, definitely - here's wishing them a lifetime of marital bliss.
Of course, Azzie doesn't let things go down without a party so tomorrow, I've got a hotel room at Robertson Quay booked for me, Di, Suq and Andi(Saf!! How could you not make it at the last minute?!), drinks + dinner at Cafe Iguana, and finally, party at a club somewhere in Clark Quay.
And ... my virgin Brazilian wax to kickstart the day tomorrow; what I call "going to Brazil with my nether regions". Time to trim the tush, although let's hope that yours truly survives to tell the tale of the harrowing experience!
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