am i really that

Mon, 18 Jul 2005 03:45:35 GMT

Wondering where all the posts have gone?

Closed Journal.

F R I E N D S o.n.l.y.

Thu, 30 Sep 2004 03:12:16 GMT

Ok, so here I am at the Rock, sitting in the computer cluster looking over French grammer for our first exam Friday when ADelolis (one of the guys XJ and I "stalked" last year) interact with his other socially inept friend AQR boy, aka Henry. So here they were, talking about how he couldn't make it to the other's birthday party and Andrew gives Henry a bottle of wine or whatever. So I'm just watching them in.. dumbfounded amazement.. for no particular reason, half snickering because I can't believe I thought they were attractive.. however, then I realized that they were PROABBLY getting more ass from some zit-faced indy-wanna be, than I am. Not that I'd want ass from a zit-faced indy-wanna be, but that it's just NOT FAIR. Another reason why the remainder of my evening was mediocre is because I just left my TA23 group "rehearsal" which basically consisted of us sitting in the studio gossiping, NO WAIT, let me rephrase: THEM gossiping and talking. I felt very excluded, for the first time in my life. I was just like... ugh. Did anyone NOTICE how unhappy I was? Maybe I didn't express myself better. I also hate how everyone thinks Lizzie is sooooooooooooo fantastic. First off, the girl ISN'T that great of an actress, her eyes don't focus, and she talks weird. HELLLO!! Is everyone else BLIND or something?! P.S. Her body is hideous.

Anyway. To make my evening even better, as I sit here typing this entry, one of the guys I thought was cute who is actually a senior and a friend of Jude's just walked in.. walked towards me and then stops just short of MY computer station to talk to the UGLY GIRL to my right blowing her nose. OH MY GOD I WANT TO DIE. Why is Brown such a haven for socially retarded morons?! Why do all of the normal people here get screwed over?! Sure, it could be argued that Brown is a haven for the intellectually progressive, blah blah blah educational elitists, yes we are, but STILL. Some of us are normal! Why do we (i.e. ME) get screwed over?! Like, even the gay crowd is more with it. GOD. I am so annoyed right now. It's 11:07 pm and I haven't studied for my French exam yet. I have a lot to do but not yet. You know the feeling? Like, I'm about to be assigned a fuck load of work for the weekend but it hasn't really registered. For my grad class, the professor handed me a manila folder STUFFED with at least 300+ pages of reading. ahhh

And listening/ watching this Lucus interaction is driving me up the WALL. WHHHHYYYYY.

OMG. She just kissed him goodbye. SHOOT ME.

Well, at least Joe just walked in. S-C-O-R-E.

Tue, 28 Sep 2004 06:23:08 GMT

So today has been a pretty good day!! Like, I cannot even BEGIN to relay all of the crazy-wonderful-busy-PRE LAW SCHOOL shiznit I've been doing. This semester is UBER hardcore for me, like, I'm taking 5 classes and one is a graduate course which is outtacontrol. Other than that, tonight one of the b-ball players asked for my number-- he's so cute! And THEN my hot friend Joe who just got back from his semester abroad in Costa Rica walked me home -- we were in the Rock together-- it was great. I love him. EHEHE. I am SO OVER the grad student. I don't get him. He mentions me because people tell me this but, ugh, whatever. Too many other things to focus on! I'm happy because I have been maintaining my gym routine! I can only go every other day so I plan my workouts that way, you know.

TA23 Art Projects are coming up, I have been sooo functional lately! My life is FINALLY coming together! My family and I will be moving to Atlanta in November, I had a fantasstic, most geniuine conversation with my friend Jeremy tonight! he might be coming to Paris with us this Winter Break which'll kick ass! I'm excited about so much shit, like, I just need to get this paper out of my way. And Miguel is going to help me with the theory! I'm totally psyed. And this weekend I am GOING BUCK WILD SHOPPING!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! WOOOOOOOO!!!

Alright, I'm screwed for tomorrow. Night all!!

P.S. French musique is the way to go.

Better than you

Fri, 27 Aug 2004 07:24:15 GMT

I have to be. I have to be better than him. I hate Him. Dropping numbers and names. I hate him. I hate him. I will be better. I ALREADY AM! How annoying of him. AHHHH. That fucker. AHHHH. Whatever. I will get Mr. X. I WILL BE BETTER THAN HIM! I WILL! I WILL!!!

Fluffy!!! Like a cupcake?!

Mon, 23 Aug 2004 07:45:49 GMT

So many people don't like 311's remake of "Love Song." I, personally, LOVE IT. Thank you.

So I was in Barnes & Nobles today, enjoying myself, having a little "banana" time. I'm sitting in one of the comfy chairs, sipping my cafe mocha and skimming a few potential purchases, which included:

"The Birth of Venus""

"Rule of 4"--which I refuse to buy because it is similar to the DaVinci Code which is pretty good, though predictable and annoying at times. ALSO, because the two pretentious authors think they're cool. Yes, it's shallow. And there were no females mentioned in the first 20 pages! The hell? It feels so traditional and cliche. Bah.

I also read a little of "Skinny Dipping"which is going to be a GREAT book! I might get it.

"The Crimson Petal and the White"" by Mike Faber I might purchase as well. We shall see. Personally, I'd like to read some historical fiction or .. some political nonfiction? Like the 9/11 report that's out. Hmm. Perhaps. Of course, the school year will be starting soon.. so all free reading will come to an end. Boo.

But back to my encounter and the subject of my entry! So I was in Barnes & Nobles, sipping my cafe mocha and in a plush love seat sort of deal for a while now. Then, I see in the glass' reflection these two idiot bimbos sitting at a table, and there's this dood talking to them. The guy... sounded exactly like a surfer: "Hey, yeah man, totally. Like, you know, you are like, the party girl. I could dress you up as the devil. Like seriously! Yo, yo, check it out.." I was...annoyed. FIRST, he was black. Now, there's nothing wrong with being an African American and properly enunciating vowels, not using conjunctions and slang. It's great, even! I do it! But this guy lacked the substance to back up his pseudo-intellectual/surfer ramblings. So he continued babbling to this bimbos about how he could dress one up as a devil and the other as the angel. So the "angel" one responded with.. and boy, this response KILLED me, she said:

"Fluffy!!! Like a cupcake!!?

I... almost.. DIED. At that moment, I wanted to just slap her with a book and pour my cafe mocha over all of them. What kind of IDIOT response was that! Just listening to them, I could feel my brain cells slooooowly dying.

There is a moral to the story, however. Perhaps more of an epiphany. I have realized how much of a snob I have become over these past 2, going on 3 years at Brown. I have grown so much, I feel more well read in various areas I would have never imagined I would be well-read in. At any rate, I have found that as a consequence I have little tolerance for ... ignorance ... or idle, ignorant chatter. Not to say that I am above it! Not at all. But things such as "Fluffy! Like a cupcake?!" Just... gah! Cringe. I literally cringed. When I see the little inner city kids walking by to their free SAT prep classes, speaking in ebonics and dressed.. ridiculously.. I can't help but stare.. in utter disbelief that such people exist. I know that sounds terrible, but it's how I feel! And what's worse is that so many of these helpless souls ARE African Americans! That's another story in itself which I'll probably go on my soap box about later.

But yes, I have evolved into quite the snob with zero tolerance for ignorant, idle chatter. I suppose what exacerbated the situation was that he was SO BLATANTLY trying to flirt with them! What kind of pick up line is "You look like a party girl," or better yet "I could totally dress you up as the devil. With like, leather.." DOOD. PLEASE!!! If I was that chick, I would have walked away in utter disgust. I mean come ON. One could say that I should participate in a program or do something to bring about educational equality... SPEAKING of education, they even started rambling about universities. Get this. One of the girls attends Florida SOUTHERN University. The other: USF. I laughed inwardly, remembering that "Oh yes! I go to BROWN." Pretentious, elitist, snobby-- I know, I know. Though this should not reflect my entire persona, I will not hesitate to admit that it is, indeed, apart of me. SORRY. Do not interpret this as "Oh-my-god-I-have-to-be-IVY-to-talk-to-Hannah." Definitely NOT the case! I have a plethora of friends who attend community colleges and some that are not even IN college. And so what?! They have proven to be wonderful friends to me and that's all one can ask for. But as far as making a superficial judgment is concerned: yes, I will judge you and laugh. HA HA HA.

Hmm. This has turned out to be a longer entry than I expected. Oh well! Did I leave out anything? Probably. I'm meeting with my personal trainer tomorrow at 12:30. I have lost about 3 more pounds. I am going back to Barnes & Nobles tomorrow to find a book. Oh! And Justin brought me back a key chain from Mexico! How sweet!!! <33333

Count-down to Brown: 5 days.

Alright. I am officially out for the night.

Cherri-o!

P.S. -- I gotta learn how to add pictures to this thing!

"'Cause your're my baby girl, right, right?"

Mon, 23 Aug 2004 05:47:19 GMT

So why is it that every other person in the world has a significant other but me? Are my standards too high? Do I come off as a snob? Whatever, the entire concept of "dating" eludes me. It doesn't exist at Brown.. at ALL. Gah. I was talking to a friend of mine tonight, and just joking around.. and he's talking about how.. a kiss is serious and all of this stuff.. and.. GOD.. he has some girl he wants to marry I'm like what the hell?! Sure, I could have kept my ex but who wants a military guy that's going no where? Not me. If it wasn't for the fact that I have had far too many successful encounters with older men 25+ I would doubt myself.. or have low self-esteem, but I don't. And why does the man of my dreams have to be married. That really blows. I want to like, yank out my hair. Not really. a) too painful, b) i'm too vain.

HAR HAR HAR

In other news, I've dropped 10 pounds or more! WOOT WOOT! Probably about 20, actually. Yeah, about 20. So that's good, hell, it's fantastic. I already look A LOT better and I'm loving it. I'll be getting my car this year so I'm psyched about that.. I saw it today while I was driving to the gym. Black with a tan interior. What kind you ask? Mercedes ML350 or 500. Whichever. Why do I feel so guilty saying that? Because everyone reading this from Brown will probably be like "oh my gawd, how pretentious!"

I've met some really amazing people online for the time I've been home. I luff them ALL!!

"We don't have to be in love, we can be just friends."

--Lil' flip + Lea