| lucky stars |
[Monday
October 13th, 2008 at 7:36am] |
The great thing about New York is that you have tourist attractions walking all over the city. My first spotting was Chelsea Clinton at Chelsea while we were doing the galleries. And Rosie was at the second Madonna show. Then, I did not chance upon celebrities until yesterday.
At Otto, Mikey pointed out Famke Janssen to me.
And at the final New York show by Madonna, Chelsea was there. Kelly Ripa too. Ivana. Erstwhile male supermodel Alex Lundquist who looked like deer in headlights while I aimed my camera at him when we saw him waiting by the men's room after the show. I got a blurred pic. Someone said Lindsay Lohan was around. And from where I was seated, I spotted Marc. I was not sure it was he, but I snapped a telephoto pic and showed it to Jon who confirmed it was the Marc.
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| Again With the Wings |
[Monday
October 13th, 2008 at 2:23pm] |
| [ |
mood |
| |
 pissed, travel-lite |
] |
I am a little whisper
with wings (tm) :D
I want to live in a box with wheels or wings.
That way I won't have to talk to people and travel at the same time.
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| My awakening is your slumber |
[Sunday
October 12th, 2008 at 5:41pm] |
A person who was suffering asked me for advice on what she should do to resolve the difficulties in her life. I responded that she had to decide for herself. "You have to trust yourself," I wrote. "The alternative is slavery."
She wrote back, "It pisses me off that you won't tell me what to do." Many people who want to hand their authority over to a Dharma teacher feel this way; unlike most of them, this person was being honest about it.
I did not tell her what to do (other than pay attention) because I did not know what she should do. I am not a person who believes in things. But, even if I had felt certain about what she should do, I still would not have told her - because even the wisest, most compassionate instructions on how to live her life would have harmed rather than helped her.
My enlightenment is delusion for you. My awakening is darkness for you - because it is not yours. You have to get it from yourself, experience your own Buddha-nature. Secondhand awakening is no awakening at all, only a vivid dream. What another person gives you can also be taken away, and, even while you have it, it is just one more hindrance.
This person told me that the reason she did not want to make her own choices was that she was afraid that she might make the wrong choice. She did not realize that any choice made for her by me or anyone else would be the wrong choice. She told me that she was in an "emotional hell" - but she could not see that the hell was created by her fearful clinging to her ego. She was her own jailer, and no one else could liberate her. She did not realize that she was already perfectly, fully enlightened, and that it was up to her to do the hard, scary work of awakening to that fact.
There is no place for gurus in the Buddha Dharma. The Buddha himself - "the Tathagata, the Arhan, the Fully-Enlightened One"* - refused to be a guru. He refused to take anyone else's authority, even when they desperately tried to give it to him. He told his students to work out their own enlightenment. He guided them, and taught them to see past the false, conditioned self - the ego - and trust their own innate perfect clarity and wisdom.
Frightened, suffering people will always put chains around their necks and try to get teachers to hold the leash. But no awakened teacher will ever accept that authority. Anyone who does is a scam-artist.
Wake up. Trust yourself. Give life to the Buddha.
* The Diamond Sutra, translated by Red Pine
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| Quiet |
[Sunday
October 12th, 2008 at 5:24pm] |
In addition to the recent back pain, the other night I was attacked by a dog while riding my bike, took a spill and landed on my left knee. Both the back and the knee are recovering, and I've been holed up at home working on what will be the last draft of Kill Your Self before I hand it over to the publisher.
I also have been taking care of some sangha business that's been preoccupying me, but regular bloggage should resume soon.
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| old school |
[Sunday
October 12th, 2008 at 10:27am] |
I did not bring my laptop along with me on this trip. That explains the sporadic updates. That also explains the lack of picture uploads, but I'm going to make it up to my online galleries when I get back. The Canon Powershot G10 is one of the best cameras I have ever had. Trust Canon to have the controls where you just need them. The best thing is that I can even navigate the controls even in the dark. This is a camera they designed even for the blind. Well, not exactly, but you know what I mean.
One of the best things about this trip is meeting a lot of old acquaintances and friends. I have not posted yet about meeting my old college friends. I think it was on my third day here when I met my college friend, Mita, for lunch. It was great to see her again after years and years. The last time I saw her was probably graduation day. We had lunch at a nice Italian place near where she worked, the Thai consulate, and had dessert at Pink Berry's where I had yogurt and rice crispies. Ang laki siempre ng small nila. And that's all the size we have back home sa The Ice Cream Bar at Rockwell. The yogurt was good, but I must say I like the yogurt in The Ice Cream Bar more. Pinipig is better than rice crispies. So that's one thing I'm missing here in New York.
The day of the second Madonna concert, I met Tesa and her friends at Rosa Mexicano. Great guacamole. I am not a fan of guacamole, but that was great. I met Maia--who it turns out is a sister of Pola who was a schoolmate. Pola probably does not have an idea of who I am, but I remember her quite well because she was really one of the sexy girls back in school. She made jeans look hotter than they were. Not that I was interested in women, but wait, yeah I was still sort of interested somewhat back then. Yeah right. Maia was funny. She told us about her horrifying experience with the police, but I don't think I'm at liberty to say something about that here. But it was probably the most horrifying news I've heard in quite a while--narrated in a funny way. She could try standup comedy.
I also met Barry and Angelique. Angelique is the sister of college batchmate, Agnes. Angelique does not look like she aged a bit. Actually, my college friends look like the way they did back then. A few gray hairs, but basically it was like 19-something all over again. Tesa was still the way I remembered her, but now I could not believe she was talking to her son. I never imagined her to be a mother, because back then she was modeliing for fashion. You just never think of fashion models as mothers.
Tomorrow is Tesa's birthday. I am hoping to see her again a couple of more times before I leave the following week. It would also be good to meet her mother, since her mother and my mother were schoolmates. Her mother has a facebook account and does photoshop. How cool is that?
Anyway, today Mikey and I go to Uniqlo to beat the crowd of tourists. I am also going on my third and last Madonna show in NYC. Last night, I heard that Pharrell was at the show and joined her for the last song. I am hoping that something special happens tonight.
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| 3SUM |
[Sunday
October 12th, 2008 at 7:36pm] |
| [ |
music |
| |
jason mraz - dynamo of volition |
] |
UP DULAANG LABORATORYO presents
3SUM
featuring 3 new one-act plays
by Palanca Awardee Arlo de Guzman
october 23-24, 3PM
october 25 3 PM & 7PM
Dalisay Aldaba Hall, UP Diliman.
Performing are:
Camille Iris Hernandez,
Nicole Andrew Guila,
Jacqueline Olirelle Amper
(Theatre 198 students under the tutelage of Prof. Alexander Cortez, PhD)
for inquiries, please contact 09277069696
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| Kakagising ko lang |
[Sunday
October 12th, 2008 at 4:30pm] |
And I don't feel all that hot. Wait, I do pala. Kakababa lang namin ng baguio e. Actually I'm feeling a lot better compared to the last few nights of bad vibes.
That lingering, throbbing nick at the bottom of my gut is... slowing down. It's the best we can do in the meantime; I'm doing my best too, given the circumstances and the options. I still acknowledge that are things I can't do and yes, I do feel insecure and irritated at the fact but there's only so much I can do. But I'm doing my best. *smile*
Yesterday I gave a stuffed bunny a new home. I know she'll care for it because good God if you saw it you'll really have to ask why it was there for us to find in that ukay bin. I mean come on! If cuteness can kill well... bunny = switchblade. And switchblades are cute too.
Okay, so I don't feel hot anymore but that's because it's getting a bit dark out there and there might be a bit of rain coming out soon. But I do feel warm. I'd like to think that warmth counts.
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[Saturday
October 11th, 2008 at 11:30pm] |
|
So we're moving to Portland, OR. Hopefully we get the place we put in for or we get to go with someplace site-unseen. I'm excited, terrified, depressed, and eager which isn't a combination I'm not doing all that great with. I don't know if there are reassuring words for me because the negative emotions stem from a million reasons. The only way to get through it at this point is to get through it, to be as strong as I can be and live with how fragile that really is. I'm not ok but I'd rather this than giving up.
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| guggenheim, brendan bitch, whitney, mccarthy, macarons, non-van gogh, kirchner and katsu |
[Sunday
October 12th, 2008 at 12:04am] |
Today, I was at two museums. The first one was the Guggenheim. It was my first time there. And it was a bad experience. In the main gallery, people were constantly told by a certain Brendan to look at the paintings about three feet away. He was probably calling the attention of visitors every fifteen seconds or so. It was getting annoying. I was not enjoying the paintings. It seemed to me that he wanted more attention than the exhibit itself. So, I told his colleague to tell him to relax a little because our museum experience was not good with him around. He noticed this and approached me.
"Excuse me, sir, is there anything you want to tell me."
"I just want to say that I am not enjoying the exhibit because you are always in our faces telling us to stay away from the paintings."
"Sir, three feet is the ideal distance for someone to appreciate the artwork."
Of course, at this point, I just wanted to tell him to tell his bosses to put a cordon between people and the paintings if they did not want them going too close. Or maybe they could have built a bigger museum. Or maybe they could have acquired gigantic paintings. I was at the Met and I was taking macro shots of brush strokes on Van Goghs, Monets, and other impressionist work that were much more valuable than those at the Guggenheim!
"Well, Brendan, I am not enjoying this museum experience if I have to hear you constantly telling people off."
"Then, sir, maybe you should step out."
I should have been fuming by then.
"I think you should relax a bit. You are quite annoying."
Then I walked off. I was actually steaming inside. The Catherine Opie exhibit was boring. It did nothing to make me feel better about the Guggenheim.
Off to the Whitney I went. It was my favorite museum the last time I was here. It proved to be a great place to visit still. Joe McCarthy was in one of the galleries. What a relief to have been in that place. A museum guide, quite unlike Brendan, even engaged me in conversation because I had asked him about what time they were setting the installations in motion.
After McCarthy, I went up to see the permanent collections, and was quite pleased to see some Ruschas. Hayyyy. I really like his work.
The rest of the afternoon was spent walking around midtown. I went inside Macy's just to be able to say I have been inside Macy's. I also found this little French patisserie where they had macarons. I had been looking for macarons and I chanced upon this little piece of Paris on West 36th, near 7th Avenue. It was the real thing. The cashier/server was this pretty French girl. The chocolate macaron was glorious. I'm going to go back there for more macarons and maybe, some crepes. An old lady came in after I did, and she said that she had been looking for that place because she read about it in Time Out. Lucky me for having chanced upon it.
Clar texted me about joining her and her boyfriend Steve at the member only preview of the Van Gogh exhibit at the MoMA. I met them at 6:30 pm. We queued for the exhibit, but it was pretty long, so we decided to check out the other exhibit--something which was more interesting to me--Kirchner's expressionist paintings. After Kirchner, we went back to the floor where the Van Goghs were, but this time, the queue was even longer.
Clar suggested dinner before attempting to see the Van Gogh exhibit again. We went to this place called Katsu Hama, where they had really great katsu. We took some time there and it was 9:15 when we got the bill. So, Van Gogh will have to wait. Clar and Steve took the metro to Union Square and I took mine to 86th.
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| clar, jon, mars and banksy |
[Sunday
October 12th, 2008 at 12:03am] |
Yesterday, I was with Clar for lunch at Otto--this pizzeria by Mario Battalli. The cheese and pizza were great, and the dessert was fantastic. It was olive oil ice cream with a little raspberry ice cream on the side and pomegranate. That was the first time I ever had pomegranate. I did not know they looked like corn kernels that were slightly transparent and red. Later, Clar and I would have pistachio from this ice cream truck which was gaining popularity--I don't remember the name--but the ice cream at Otto was still the best. During lunch, Clar and I had much to talk about. Funny thing is that I have only met Clar for maybe, about three times before this time, but it seemed like we have known each other a long time.
Juan wrote me about a Banksy installation near the corner of 7th avenue and Bleecker, so I dragged Clar to see it with me. It was a funny and sad installation--quite effective and affecting. I only know of Banksy as a famous graffiti artist whose works are owned by the likes of Brad and Angelina. This installation inside a "Village Pet Store" was quite witty and profound. I can't really describe it. I got videos and pictures, but I'm just too lazy to upload now because I'm not posting from my own computer.
Later, Jon met us at Soho. We walked to Pepe Rosso to have some pasta. It was a really small hole-in-the-wall place where I had one of the best puttanescas I've ever had.
We had to leave Clar at NYU, because she was already late for a meeting. Jon and I walked over to the West Village to look at the quaint shops and search for yogurt. He did not find his yogurt. My old friend, Mars, met us at this triangular park near the area. From there, we walked to a bar in Chelsea to have calamari and beer for them and orange juice for me. Mars was thinking of bringing us to Gym Bar, but I had to beg off. Not my kind of scene, and the crowd outside just reminded me that I was slightly claustrophobic.
It was a great day. No shopping, no museums. Just a lot of walking around downtown with old friends.
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| hirst, koons and tooker |
[Sunday
October 12th, 2008 at 12:02am] |
The other day, I was at the Met. I've been there before, but it was the first time I saw some other paintings. I probably had neglected those galleries before. Or maybe they have been rearranged. The best part of the visit was seeing Damien Hirst's The Physical Impossiblity of Death in the Mind of Someone Living, and Jeff Koons's scupltures on the roofdeck. I did not really know how to feel about them, but I was pretty excited to see them in real life. The shark was quite involving, notwithstanding the cloudy water.
I also went to the National Academy Museum, where they had retrospective of George Tooker's paintings. The most famous of his work is Subway--actually the only one I knew of before checking out the exhibit. Subway stuck in my mind ever since I saw it in a book because I thought it was quite disturbing and claustrophobic. The George Tooker show was probably one of the best I have ever seen. Two years ago, I saw Edward Ruscha's work at the Whitney and I loved that one too.
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| holler at your boy |
[Sunday
October 12th, 2008 at 1:12am] |
| [ |
mood |
| |
oh he just did |
] |
Someone isn't doing his scriptwriting final. But then that someone didn't address his fellow Americans as "prisoners".
Check out his vice president candidate's face, and more amusingly, the blonde girl to the right.
And lastly, the greatest shoes I've ever seen:
I thought of you, Sam Lee.
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|
|
[Saturday
October 11th, 2008 at 11:45am] |
| [ |
mood |
| |
shocked but... not so much, given the country |
] |
Crowd boos after McCain says Obama not 'an Arab' In addition to the man who said he feared Obama as president, another predicted the Democrat would “lead the country to socialism.”
“The time has come and the Bible tells us you speak the truth and that the truth sets you free,” the man added.
Yet another voter implored McCain in plain terms: "The people here in Minnesota want to see a real fight."
McCain promised the audience he wouldn’t back down—but again sought to tamp down emotions.
"We want to fight, and I will fight," McCain said. "But I will be respectful. I admire Sen. Obama and his accomplishments and I will respect him."
At which point he was booed again. Huh.
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| Pusan |
[Friday
October 10th, 2008 at 8:56pm] |
|
I had a wonderful time in Pusan. I will go back to Pusan and then go to Seoul. "100" was invited to compete in the 13th Pusan International Film Festival. Our screening tickets were sold out within an hour. The audience was young and youngish. They laughed and cried. They asked really sharp questions during the Q&A. The best picture awards went to a Korea and China. "100" was awarded Audience Choice. Happiness!
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| dream |
[Friday
October 10th, 2008 at 9:21am] |
|
I had a weird dream. I dreamt that I was parked on a lot near Ateneo, where I went for college. My car was parked alongside other cars, near the very end of the lot, just right before it met the street. From afar, I suddenly saw my car's trunk collapsing as if were rammed by something invisible. Soon after, it was pushed away from the lot and to the street across it and down into some trees. It was a really strange sight. In my dream, I was talking to a friend and we thought that my car probably was parked over a place held sacred by elementals. Then, I told my friend that it had happened before and I never learned.
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| Is That Bacon I Smell? |
[Friday
October 10th, 2008 at 3:22pm] |
No friends, that's fear.
The foul feeling at the pit of my stomach has grown into a lingering malaise carrying on from that week up until now. I'm in Baguio with my brother and dragged her along, in hopes of somehow trying to circumvent or heal some invisible, psychic hole or a big, pink, rampaging elephant problem which has somehow wormed it's way again into this deal. I really don't know what to do anymore and I feel a snapping coming on.
...and what a grand snapping it shall be.
I sure as hell hope there won't be a season 4 or an off-shoot episode. I'm fucking shagged.
Oh okay they're calling me na for lunch. I'm off.
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| Two images from Sunday's show... |
[Thursday
October 9th, 2008 at 6:30pm] |
Courtesy of ![[info]](http://p-stat.livejournal.com/img/userinfo.gif) shadowprison :
Me
Rocky
You can see more here.
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| Time Was |
[Friday
October 10th, 2008 at 9:38am] |
The Waverly Class of '88 Reunion was a great time and the trip overall was the most fun I've had back in the US since I first came to Japan.
I was happy to see everyone who attended and was only outright snubbed by one person on the trip which brought to mind this tanka by the only Japanese poet to possibly have had more influence than Basho, and the only Shingon Priest known as widely as Kukai, the wondering monk Saigyo (1118 - 1190):
Utoku naru
hito o nani tote
uramuran
shirarezu shiranu
ori mo ari shi
Why should I resent
a person's growing cold?
Time was
when he didn't know me
and I didn't know him either
Translated by Burton Watson in the book "Saigyo - Poems of a Mountain Home", published by Columbia University Press in 1991
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| Aloha BABEH! |
[Friday
October 10th, 2008 at 7:50am] |
| [ |
mood |
| |
 tired |
] |
| [ |
music |
| |
Black Mages - JENOVA |
] |
Due to circumstances like the lack of an underscore, I find myself posting here once again. But what makes it interesting is that I'm typing on a cellphone. It ain't easy but it is quite an experience. Thank goodness for wifi. I am able to browse (albeit slowly and with so much limitations) away from the excruciatingly painful PC. You see... My chair is really uncomfortable. I have to squat/sit on my heels or on my calves to get the right elevation. That is until discomfort kicks in. : <
I am currenty lying down and suffering the tiny keys and lack of music on my second hand n9500. You just can't have everything it seems. He he he.
I always did have a fancy for second hand phones. The idea of buying my own slightly scares me. XD
How is everyone these days?
I can't really say I'm okay because I'm not. Never will be. Especially in this environment I'm in. But somehow I'm still alive. (Cookie points to who can tell where I got that line from ;D) So that should be good enough for now right?
I haven't been the most activeor easily seen person these days. Partly my fault. mostly of circumstance: I am often reminded of a 'expensive mistake' I've done in the past and thus am sort of punished for it. Then again even before this all happened, I have always been in a guilded cage. Except that now, I have become more aware of what I feel in favor against the 'what I ought to feel' scenario. Whenever I look back, I then realize how unhappy Ihad been.
I am still unhappy now admittedly. But this time I feel lighter. I stillbear unsettled scores and a lot of still bleeding wounds. I don't know if I'll really getout ofhere. ATM its really next to impossible
At least this time around, I'm more honest--kinder even, to myself. Deities know just how much I've neglected myself in favor of others for so long. Sometimes it Doesn't pay to be virtuous; you only come off stupid.
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