In the moment

_arielle @ 2008-10-11T21:45:00

2008-10-12T04:38:09Z

party at my place tonight..i cleaned the mess and i'm listening to beck wee.

chaos drowned me and now i'm trying to figure out what the hell happened. oh wait - i moved across the country..duh

_arielle @ 2008-10-10T12:33:00

2008-10-10T19:27:24Z

we're all on different pages

_arielle @ 2008-09-30T18:52:00

2008-10-01T01:45:39Z

tonight is the second date within a span of 24 hours. big pimpin

_arielle @ 2008-09-28T02:00:00

2008-09-28T08:53:52Z

people kinda like me
and i'm not a big deal

_arielle @ 2008-09-21T16:48:00

2008-09-21T23:43:12Z

okay better. danced the night away in the high tops. good times yay
got a job - oops a daisy
18 months clean
clarity last night. clarity today. not like normal, more spread out and im definatly okay with that. :)

anger has subsided because i prayed for him.
resentment and all

swing dance hop skip FROLACK yes

_arielle @ 2008-09-18T22:10:00

2008-09-19T05:05:11Z

I'm done believing anything you ever said - actions speak louder than words.
I'm a crazy psycho bitch and fuck you

_arielle @ 2008-09-18T21:33:00

2008-09-19T04:27:12Z

so, this is what anger feels like...now what

_arielle @ 2008-08-19T15:45:00

2008-08-19T22:45:44Z

k im back in LA

_arielle @ 2008-08-11T12:52:00

2008-08-11T17:52:51Z

missing home. wanting to go back. yes? no? i have no idea

_arielle @ 2008-07-31T11:48:00

2008-07-31T16:54:19Z

We broke up. On his account. It hurts, but I know that it will all work it; I will be okay.
I'm going to Los Angeles tomorrow. Wanna get away. Wanna see my mom and friends. Wanna feel some love.
Which I've gotten here, no doubt.

_arielle @ 2008-07-14T09:49:00

2008-07-14T14:49:22Z

He says the only way it would end is if I end it

_arielle @ 2008-07-10T08:44:00

2008-07-10T13:45:58Z

I don't think Ive ever been so content with myself for such a consistent time.
And on this 90 days of abstinence, I found someone. Someone who fits the puzzle.
And we agree. We're on the same boat, and it feels so good.
I can't read into the future, but this certainly feels right

god string

2008-07-04T17:40:19Z

_arielle @ 2008-06-27T08:10:00

2008-06-27T13:17:26Z

I'm beginning to really like myself. I feel comfortable in my own skin...most of the time. And I'm grateful for the friends I've made because they keep me clean. And whoever said the key tags don't keep us clean has obviously not been down the same road I've been down, obviously. I find myself staying consistently grateful which keeps me clean. I am grateful for my sponsor and the wisdom and strength she shares with me. I am grateful for the relationships I have made in the rooms which derived from trust and helplessness and hopelessness. I am grateful for being alive. I feel awkward giving out suggestions, but they were given to me so why can't I give them out? Caroline really is awesome. My gut tells me so. I can trust her. I feel safe around certain people, she is one of them. My relationships with women are building, especially since I'm in this 90 days of abstinence. And I'm grateful to be as well. It will give me time to focus on myself. When i apply myself, I get really far. And yesterday I went from shit to happiness and serenity. It was a miracle. I am thankful and grateful. I'm a pretty cool chick might I add. And I got my neck pierced...something I've always wanted to do, and finally did. I feel awesome. I am awesome! And I love that I have inside jokes with myself, because I'm the type of person who likes to share everything with everyone and this just proves that I'm growing to be more comfortable with myself. wee and yay

_arielle @ 2008-06-24T08:56:00

2008-06-24T14:00:47Z

White Water Rafting

When I look up into the sky at 4am and all I can see its tiny polka-dots shining down onto me, I feel so small in this master plan of HP's. Falling down a handful of waterfalls and bringing it down with s'mores will be revealed (part one) (sticks included) was only the beginning to this perception. Crackles and snores throughout the night. Team breezy, 200% Jewish, Russian and Polish, THE pyramid, monsters, not enough cigarettes, 3.5 GPA, carefree and full of life.

Woods and Water

The spirituality is alive here. Comfort found in unfimiliar places. Loving others and letting them go while kayaking to a meeting. Feeling free and alive. Found love in a hat (not a cat) But i love my cat who loves me and I tell myself so. Laughing for the right reasons and enjoying the thrill of meeting new people while embarking on a new journey (The Journey Continues). No music to set the tone, simply talking to the beat and moving to the feeling of the vibrations in the earth. Alive and real. Taking off the masks and being loved for the person I am. Letting go and allowing myself to be loved.
Flying a plane before I get my license. Yes, I flew a plane.

_arielle @ 2008-05-27T22:22:00

2008-05-28T03:29:17Z

I see the world through 4x6 images
But I don't ever take the picture
Because the memory is a private gallery fit for one

I'm so sorry for what I've done
And I never have hated the cliche sayings
I'm grown past
And the hardest part is letting go (3)
Lets make sense together
Because sometimes one is not enough
It'll be already
And Gorden's got my back

My Pamp almost died
And watching the whole ordeal play itself out
Was the scariest reality check I've ever witnessed through these beauties

And the idiots in ~~Detriot~~
I'm not sorry for what I'll do
Only what you've become
But enough of them. Let's focus on twelve
My pain is real; the comfort is real

Fly high. It's real. It's here. I'm alive

_arielle @ 2008-05-12T10:21:00

2008-05-12T15:22:58Z

I am grateful for the relationship I have with Patti
I am grateful for the times when my dad is in a good mood
I am grateful for the talks I have with my cat

I, Arielle Siegel, am a learning how to live life the NA way
I, Arielle Siegel, am not dependent on other people to make me feel good or bad
I, Arielle Siegel, have a good taste in music

_arielle @ 2008-05-11T18:46:00

2008-05-11T23:49:55Z

My goodness, where do I begin? I feel that I am powerless all over again. And arresting this daily is quite a struggle but always just enough to make it through. I'm scared one day it will get to me though, and I will pursue death. Enough of that though. You are not my therapist. Tracy is driving me crazy. I'm not meant to have a relationship of such rude and blunt aggressive behaviors. Just not my cup of tea. So I read the first step, and it mentioned no reservations. I don't know if I can do that, but just for today, I have no problem with that. My isolation has dragged me into a hole where I can still see the light. I don't know if I've ever been this able to pull myself out. It's just like they say, each time it gets easier and easier. and i feel i am finally in the process. and just because one person says im not working my steps doesnt mean im not working my steps. im not perfect, and ive only begun the journey. so fuck off you chump. ill okay be. and im worth it. and no one is better than me. i am totally better than i give myself credit for. its okay. i love me :)

_arielle @ 2008-05-05T11:32:00

2008-05-05T16:45:55Z

123 123 123
dance with me
literally
figuratively
in fashion, with style, and above all, whole.

i feel free.
i feel alive.
let me when the lottery, or don't - i really don't care at this point.

life is so good. i can't complain..well i could complain about my wisdom teeth removal, but i couldn't do that without mentioning the morphine they gave me and the cartwheels i wanted to attempt (until i was reminded i was never able to do cartwheels)

_arielle @ 2008-04-17T08:33:00

2008-04-17T13:34:27Z

LA was amazing. Alan is amazing. Sponsor is amazing. The word 'amazing' is amazing.

ps i love you, Jack

_arielle @ 2008-04-09T09:31:00

2008-04-09T14:31:11Z

yay :)

_arielle @ 2008-04-05T22:05:00

2008-04-06T03:05:44Z

hehe

_arielle @ 2008-03-29T22:49:00

2008-03-30T03:53:10Z

Everything we know is subject to revision.

Including the relationship with my sponsor. We're on two different pages in life. I feel disconnected and feel that I am not getting enough of out the relationship. I want a sponsor who can give me positive reinforcements as opposed to telling me only what I'm doing wrong. I feel that the little things I forget to tell her are coming back to bite me in the ass. I feel that I no longer can trust her because of the way she has let me down in the past. And I dont even know if she has let me down, or if my expectations were too high that I allowed myself to be let down.

Aside from all that, drama drama drama. Its grossing me out. I feel like these childish games are nothing more than that. And I'm an easy target to pick on. Fine. Have your fun. Enjoy it while it lasts because karma will come back around to haunt all of you. So long as I keep my side of the street clean, that all I need to worry about..

I kinda got a job at an pet hospital. yay for me

_arielle @ 2008-03-23T02:26:00

2008-03-23T07:26:51Z

my heart goes out to all those suffering tonight

_arielle @ 2008-03-23T00:06:00

2008-03-23T05:06:48Z

codependent no more
cant put it down

tom called..odd