halika, sakay tayo ng pulang chubibo

XXIII

Sun, 10 Aug 2008 13:45:03 GMT

Keeping with my traditional birthday post every year... =P

I like birthdays. I like having my cell phone inbox full at the start of the morning, along with my Facebook wall filled with greetings. It's my special day! *confetti!* Nyahahah. Since my birthday this year falls on the unfortunate day wherein you see the people you love the least, Sunday, they decided to surprise me the day before. =P

Buns, Kits, Jodes, Char, Vinci, and Rach gave me a surprise birthday dinner at HEAT, complete with my own banana cream pie and balloons. =D Thank you, dears. =) Spent the start of my birthday with them as well, downing a couple of beers with my favorite Enderun drinking bud, Jodes.

Couldn't wake up earlier than 10am today, which is bad since I had plans to go boxing and go to the spa before heading off to my birthday mass. Anyway...went to mass, then to Serendra for lunch. Mamou was full, much to my disappointment. Had to settle for Abe (horrible service and ambiance, sub-par food, oh...and my molar got chipped - long story) instead. Picked up an NY cheesecake from Miss Desserts! Yuh-UM! =D

From the first to the last:
Lance, Buns, Kits, Jodes, Char, Vinci, Rach, Nickie, Yas, Bea, Koi, Kimkim, Jang, Ail, Chard, Chef M, Derek, Mikoy, Tina, Pola, Nicky, Bill, Marwin, Pauie, PiaB, Ed, Chingpats, Reg, Kwinsi, Kathy, Mel, James, Jal, Osbert, Migs, Carol, Kash, May, Carlos, Kevin, Eli, King, Tyn, Jang, Menchu, Leen, Sir Dave, David, Bianx, Kathy, Kimchi, Essa, Marwin, Jey-Aiy, Karen, John, Nona, Clang, Lili, Tash, Cams, Mon, MM, Bertie, Jina, Jess, Welo, Ryan, PiaL
Thank you. =)

So I'm 23 years old, none the wiser nor richer...I'd love the say that it was an extraordinary day, but as you get older, it really just feels like yet another day. =P Birthday party? Wait for it...I'm tying it up with my despedida. =P

I love Russell Brand. <3 Heeeheeem

wince

Mon, 04 Aug 2008 11:08:21 GMT

I'm not normally a clumsy person, but I think today qualifies me as one.
My right butt cheek hurts like an abused punching bag. That usually happens when it hits a steel step, bounces off on another, skids off one, and finally lands squarely on a rain puddle. My jazz pants quickly soaked up dirty water. Pfffft. Stupid, slippery steel steps! Hmpf. Of course, it's not my fault. Nyahahaha.

So that's my quick update for the week. *bow*

ps.
Elorde has the weirdest music...They actually play senti songs. *slaps forehead*
WTH.
Horrifying or hilarious?

pps.
Just checked...so that's why it hurts that much. I have a purplish, redish, greenish 4-inch wide bruise on my right butt cheek. My god. Gaaaaaaaaaaahhhhhhh

points

Tue, 29 Jul 2008 03:11:04 GMT

Just so I won't forget what has happened in the past few weeks/days...

1. Sydney was fun. Tiring. Hellish because of uncontrollable attitudes. FREEZING. As I repeatedly said, the water isn't ice-cold, it's dry ice cold. I'm too lazy to upload videos/photos right now. Oh...and although I did enjoy the place, I wouldn't mind not coming back. The place didn't feel 'right' for me, for some reason. =t

2. Brought home a crap-load (okay, 8 kilos) of veal chops and osso bucco, lamb brains, lamb roast, and steaks. Vegemite, anyone?

3. Went boxing yesterday after 17 days of being MIA. Hello expanded lungs, nausea, and dry heaving. It's even worse than when I started! Embarrassing can't even begin to describe it.

4. Missed dad's birthday last Sunday (20th). Ate at 22 Prime last Sunday (27th) and was terribly disappointed. Carrot and Ginger Soup and the Salad bar were a great prelude, making me think that the prime rib would be great...pffft. Can I call it tough without being shot by 22 Prime fans?

5. Pray for my F1 visa--it's the last one before everything can be settled. =)

6a. Oooohhh, what an accomplishment! *snicker*
6b. Honestly, was that an entry meant for yourself? Again, a mirror, s'il vous plaît.

7. Wow...it's almost August. In two months, I'll be leaving Cav already. Anyone interested in my job? It's quite nice. Or maybe it's just me because I love the place, and I know it's a temp thing? =P But no, seriously, it's great. Interested? =) Oh...you have to be qualified to do it...a degree is a must. =)

Going boxing again later...I need to get back into it! Gaaaaaaaaah!!!

the pope still looks like that guy from star wars

Sun, 20 Jul 2008 11:38:44 GMT

a 28 hour flight ahead. possibility of flight delays
(500k pilgrims out of sydney, of course there will be delays! huhuhu)
...i think i've exeeded my baggage allowance.
exhausted as well.
my kids weren't that mindful of rules and that makes things doubly tiring and embarrassing for me.

a small prayer, please?
or even just crossing your fingers.
=( i'll make kwento when i get home...and after i eat lots of rice. haha

But of course...

Wed, 02 Jul 2008 05:24:14 GMT

Dynamic Thinkers are confident and independent persons. They radiate enthusiasm and energy. Dynamic Thinkers pursue their objectives actively and energetically. They love nothing better than new challenges. This type is the born leader, competent, energetic and responsible. They have a sharp eye for errors and can criticise without mercy if they see the success of a project endangered. They are completely unconcerned as to whether they alienate anyone in the process. But they are always open to objective arguments; they love discussions, they are very gifted rhetorically and they are good at convincing and enthusing others.

As they are very sociable, Dynamic Thinkers like to have a lot of friends around them, preferably those with whom they can share their interests and discuss all sorts of subjects. They are very direct but never in an underhand or scheming manner. If you can bear being spoken to frankly, you have in them a loyal and unwavering advisor as friend. Everything new and unknown stimulates Dynamic Thinkers and awakens their curiosity. However, rules, routine and traditional things arouse their resistance. If something does not go the way they want it to, they can react rather pigheadedly and obstinately.

Dynamic Thinkers expect a great deal of themselves and of others. Whoever does not fit in with their scheme of things does not have it easy. They sometimes appear to be rather severe due to their frankness. Partners and family also find it difficult to satisfy Dynamic Thinkers. They know exactly what they want and compromising is inconceivable to them. Whoever has an Dynamic Thinker as partner should have a strong personality and have a great deal of independence and sufficient self-confidence in order to give this dominating type some opposition. Normally, for Dynamic Thinkers, a partnership only takes second place after their profession. But they like to have someone at their side who is a match for them intellectually, with whom they can pursue mutual objectives and have interesting discussions all night long; preferably factual discussions - sentimentalism and romance are not their thing.

----

I want to go boxing again. Hahahaha. Addict.

anne marie duff must diiiiieeeee hahahahah

Mon, 30 Jun 2008 14:36:10 GMT

It really makes you rethink about your preference...

OK, SO MAYBE NOT! =)) =)) =))
LOOK AT THAT! JAMES MCAVOY IS SEX ON A FUCKING STICK! GOODNESS LORD. XP
...and God created the perfect male specimen.

Go watch it (I did, twice hahaha)...I actually just gave it four stars (plot, characters, entertainment factor, etc.) but gave it another star solely because of the two scenes depicted by the photos above. >:P

and the pressure's on...BRING IT ON, BABY! =))

Fri, 20 Jun 2008 15:31:50 GMT

Just sharing the good news cause I rarely feel this smart. =)) Sure, I have a feeling they send it out to most international students, but who caaaaares?! Nyahahahahha! =D

Was taking a shower when I got a message from my mom downstairs. CIA package just arrived. So I came flying out of my room to get it. In my bathrobe, with my towel turban on my head, I rip open the package. Lalalalala...Acceptance letter was expected...then I turn the page and viola...

June 10, 2008

Paula De Pano
*Address*

Dear Paula,

I am pleased to let you know that you have been selected to receive one of our High Impact Leader Scholarships. This prestigious merit award is based on your academic achievement, leadership and experience.

Your High Impact Leader Scholarship will be $3000.00, and will be repeated in subsequent years provided you maintain a Grade Point Average of 3.2 or better. This scholarship will be included in your Award Letter from the Financial Aid Office, along with any other financial aid you will receive.

Congratulations! You should be proud of your accomplishments. We look forward to your joining us as you begin your journey to a successful culinary career as a CIA alum.

Sincerely,

Pat Arcuri
Director of Financial Aid

From the CIA Website:

High-Impact Leader Scholarships

The CIA seeks students who have demonstrated academic excellence and will go on to become leaders in the foodservice industry. High-Impact Leader Scholarships will be awarded to students identified through the admissions process. A separate scholarship application is not necessary. These scholarships will be renewable annually with a grade point average of 3.2 or better.

*happy dance!!!* Reading it made me think..."What the hell?! I didn't apply for any scholarships!"
Because (1) I was tamad to do applications for them, (2) Merit-based scholarships are far-fetched for me since I'm a B-student until Enderun (even though I almost didn't make it to the DL). But now that this came in, I'll try for the Cream of the Crop Merit Scholarships, which has a $20000/year grant...I might make it. I wish. Hahahaha. Who cares, I'm going to at least try! Yay! =D

It just makes me super happy. =D The giddiness is still there...Sure, 3k doesn't make such a big dent in the annual tuition, but it's the fact that I'm smart enough to get a merit-based scholarship! ME! A B-Student got the scholarship! Who knew!? =)) I feel as smart (okay, not as smart) as my genius seester. =))

Anyway, got to hang out with the twins and May today. Got to see Auntie Josie again after a while of not seeing her. I love talking to her, honestly. At first, during the first few times, it was uncomfortable but after a while, she's someone who makes sense and observes the same things that I see. And we did agree on some points about current situations--that was very interesting to know. Charchar, Lovie, and Chingpats weren't able to make it. Pooh. KUNG FU PANDA!!!! It's Nickiebear on screen! =)) Nyahahahahhaha!

Ooooh...Also got to hang out with Assbitch last night in a random turn of events that led us to Fully Book's Starbucks Smoking Area. MIA for the last few months only to hear that he spent the last couple of months traipsing in, of all places, NAPA VALLEY! Damn you, you didn't even try to reserve a seat in the French Laundry! SACRILEGE! Nyahahhaha! Happy Birthday, Antonini! You suck! You didn't tell me it was going to be your birthday today! Kaya pala you were already drunk! =))

Stop.

Take Care.
Hubris is a fatal flaw.
Pride cometh before the fall.
Underestimating people is a baaaad, baaaaad thing.

Assess.

Mean it. Mean it, AND DO SOMETHING ABOUT IT.
Acting upon it shows that you are sincere.
You've got nothing more to lose so DO SOMETHING ABOUT IT.
For you own sake, my dear.

boxing and films

Mon, 16 Jun 2008 14:37:24 GMT

i never thought i'd say this about something that's supposed to be exhausting and is related to that dreaded word *coughexercisecough*, but i think i'm falling in love with boxing. :)) usually, i'd just attend the first session and then quit but i went back this afternoon and paid in advance for future lessons. =P i guess it's all that hitting and punching involved. =))

but dear god, there was this petite girl there, half a head shorter than me and very attractive...and good lord, can she pack a punch. O_o^ the trainers even joke that she's manlier and stronger than some guys in there. but she's sooooo nakakatuwa. if i were a boy, i'd crush her. hahaha. oh...but i am a girl, and there's this hella hot guy there as well. quintessential eye candy, complete with shirtless goodness—oh yes, he has that v-shaped torso that i sooo like. >:P there, was that a girl comment or what?! =)) gaaaahhh. i know it made nicky cringe and turn up the radio volume in the car when i was making kwento hahahahah!

before i headed off to boxing, i went to the french film festival in shang to watch two movies. one was blah, the other was good enough. going back tomorrow after boxing in the morning. well, if all goes well and i don' feel tamad to wake up so very early. speaking of movies, i was browsing through a good list of french films in the net as well as my 'want to see' list in facebook (flixster). there's soooo many films i want to watch but have no idea how i will be able to watch them (since they're not available here or in the net...hehehe) and i barely have the time to watch as well. pfffft.

then there's WYD on the 10th of july...can i just say that my monthly period (hahahah overshare) started yesterday and it just pisses me off since i'm a regular and when i counted the days to my next period, it's going to be EXACTLY on the first day we arrive in sydney! GAAAAAAAAAHHH!!! HASSLE! i need to remind myself to buy my pills for next month to avoid having that problem...*sigh* downsides of being a girl, i tell ya...super hassle. speaking of sydney, i have a feeling i won't be able to enjoy it so much since it's mainly a religious trip and i have five girls to look after in the trip. i sure hope they'd be game to explore the darned city cause if they are, i'll make sure they have a great stay. yabang ba? hahahah...but yeah, i'd do my damndest to give them a good trip.

darnit, there's so many things to do and see there and markets and bazaars to explore...and hidden diners to visit! plus their subway and bus system is AMAZING (and cheaaaap! yeay!) albeit a little more complicated than what i'm used to figuring out. yes, i haven't figured it out yet but give me a couple more days...hai, i'll just cross my fingers and hope to have at least three (broken or unbroken...doesn't matter, i'll figure it out) free days out of the ten days there. pffft. hahahah, i really have to remind chef m that i'll be gone for ten days (whahahaha), which means i won't be in at least one meeting and two functions at most. =P

there's really nothing much going on these days...and it's not as if i'd willingly go and visit people randomly anymore since gas prices are a pain in the ass now. the next few months will go ever so slowly...and i'm guessing it's going to kill me. *groan*

ps. i want to watch wanted!!! james mcavoy+angelina jolie...gaaaaaahhhh *drools*

a random piece of fluff

Thu, 12 Jun 2008 03:05:31 GMT

Just a friendly suggestion,

Grab a friggin' mirror, damn you.

...joke ka ba? seryosong question yon. =))

DAJADKLAFJAJFOWKOEK:A

Tue, 10 Jun 2008 02:05:38 GMT

Dear Paula:
Congratulations! You have been accepted to the Culinary Institute of America's July 29th 2008 entry date for our Culinary Arts Associates degree program.
You will receive a letter in the mail very soon with more information regarding this.
Have a wonderful week!
Susan P. Lavender
Admissions Officer
The Culinary Institute of America
1 800 CULINARY
s_lavend@culinary.edu

~~JOKE BA KAYO?!?!? SINABI NA NGANG LATE FALL ANG ENTRY DATE KO EH!!!! GAAAAAAAAAAAAAH!!!!!~~
On another note....Yeay! Visa nalang ang proproblemahin! =D

edit...

Tuesday, 10 June, 2008 20:23

From:

"Susan Lavender" <s_lavend@Culinary.Edu>

To:

pcddp@yahoo.com

Paula:
What I see must have happened is that the season you applied for at
Greystone was what you were posted as applying for here in Hyde Park
when you were switched over. Your request for a changeover of campuses
was in your file when it was reviewed (I saw it).
Since Spring is now unavailable here in NY, we placed you in the next
available entry date.
I will adjust your season to Late Fall right now. Don't fret!
You most likely will be placed in December of this year, as the other
dates are full.
Have a great day, and congratulations on your acceptance.

Susan P. Lavender
Admissions Officer, NJ Region
The Culinary Institute of America
1946 Campus Drive
Hyde Park, NY 12538-1499
(845) 451-1557
1-800-CULINARY (285-4627)
s_lavend@culinary.edu

OKAY...SO NOW MAS MAGULO NA. WAAAAAAHHHH!!!! *CRAZY*

Tuesday, 10 June, 2008 22:18

We will place you in the earliest enrollment date possible within Late
Fall. I will waitlist you for September right now...you'll get a phone
call if any earlier date becomes available.
:)

Susan P. Lavender
Admissions Officer, NJ Region
The Culinary Institute of America
1946 Campus Drive
Hyde Park, NY 12538-1499
(845) 451-1557
1-800-CULINARY (285-4627)
s_lavend@culinary.edu

So yun...wait-listed for September...*crosses fingers* September's perfect! =)

ps. i hate mountains. i hate mountains. -___-'

35 days to Australia...
Who wants to go to Vietnam with me?! Tentative date is early September! =D

MOUNTAINS ARE EVIL!!!!!!!

Sun, 08 Jun 2008 13:49:26 GMT

A mountain tried to kill me today.
...at least it felt like it.

3 spills going up,
8 spills going down.

A bajillion and one paper cuts from cogon grass (yes, I doused my face and arms with alcohol after the climb),
twisted ankles,
jellied knees and calves,
two bruised palms,
a battered butt,
an expanded pair of lungs.

For a girl used to living in the city, a creature who loves her comfort and pretty much abhors back to nature activities, I can't believe I was able to finish that five-hour climb. From small pebbles that make you slip, to gnarled protruding roots that trip you, to humongous boulders that you need to hurdle, to even passing by foot-long centipedes...I really have no idea why I am still alive right now, if not for my LifeStick (I bought a tungkod for Php100 from a manong cutting bamboo for firewood because I was desperate not to roll down the mountain on our way back, and pretty much annihilate all living creatures with my bulk)!

I don't even walk from one end of the street to the other unless it's absolutely necessary! Good LORD! And to think that we only went to half-way of the mountain...CURSE YOU, MOUNT MAKULOT!!!
BUT YOU FAAAAILED!!! I'M STILL ALIVE!!! RAAAAAAAAAAAAAARRRRRRRRRRR!!!! FIGHT!!!!

I'm so sorry...but I couldn't scream and yell and curse the skies for my rotten luck and everyone else's during the climb since being one of the facilitators, we had the task of keeping the girls' morale and energy up. Oh my God. The girls that we were facilitating were AMAZING. ABSO-FUCKING-LUTELY AMAZING. I cannot understand how they can go down a steep mountain without falling...and still get to talk to each other animatedly! Talk about balance! Good Lord! I was so close to breaking down after my 11th fall--cry and just sit there since every part of me was aching...but yeah, that wasn't an option at all. I am so not in shape. A hundred meters going uphill during the start of the climb, and I was already sweating buckets.

The thing is, the mountain that we will climb in Australia is the Blue Mountains...one with paved trails, and bathrooms in every corner. WHAT THE HELL WAS THIS TORTURE ALL ABOUT?!?!? GAAAAAAHHH!!!

Anyway, I do feel proud of myself. Because during times like these, I really opt to give up most of the time and wait until they're done at the "peak" (we just ate lunch and took pictures there) to go down. Sheer willpower. All I can say. I didn't think I could do it, but I guess, giving up is not an option during times like these. And it helps that I was with a great group. Honestly, if not for my LifeStick and Nina, my climbing partner and co-faci, I wouldn't have survived. I probably just let my head hit some boulder and expire. I can't remember how many times I wanted to do that while climbing. -____-'

Pictures to be added when I'm not this close to expiring anymore. Oh...and Boracay Adventure Update as well! =)

The French Film Festival starts on Wednesday! See you guys there! =D

skeddadle

Fri, 30 May 2008 18:59:49 GMT

Pau...
is someone who'd go lengths to make and prove a point.
But she won't do it if it would mean her harm in the long run. =P

Totally unproductive day, I'd have to say. *sigh*
Did hang out with Nick, Sinag, and Jang, though I really can't say 'hang out' would be the best thing to describe it. Harhar. I did, however, find out that I can finally tie my hair again! Wuuhoooo! Hahahaha. I do miss my long hair. This short hair stint is kinda boring the hell out of me, and it does get annoying sometimes. Pfffft.

Not being a sourpuss or anything, but later would have been the flight to Bangkok. Demmit. =t Escape! Back to one of my favorite destinations! And with the twins and Char...But as Nickie would say, Owel. I guess I really do have a thing for planning trips, especially the detailed ones--down to the last minute. Hahahaha. Of course, comes with the territory of a person who is mightily afraid of getting lost in the middle of nowhere. Might as well research on everything and anything about a new place, di ba? Might be boring for some, but it's fun for me. =P I would be very, very disappointed if the kids would get lost though *ahem blue_apronahem* Hahahah!

Responsibilities are piling up again. I know work's very easy lately, but now that we're pairing up with Moët et Chandon and Belevdere for the next campaigns, I'm more than a little intimidated. Damnit, I want Chef M to like what I'm doing! I just can't read him well enough. Gaaaaah. Speaking of work, I've gotsa 9am meeting in Cav later...and I'm still awake. Yes, the weird body clock is still on. I hate only being able to sleep when the sun's about to rise. Sunrises be damned, I want to be asleep and dreaming about puppies and kittens before that time already! And half of my day's wasted as well since I generally don't wake up before half past noon these days. Urgh.

I still have a few things to say but now that I realize that I have less than 3 hours of sleep to enjoy before I have to wake up, I'd defer it to when I'm in Cav already...God-willingly that the wifi there doesn't plan on pissing me off. Hahahaha.

------

I dunno if you still read, but just in case...Happy 24th, Ry. *hugs* =)

Another day...Another dollar down the drain

Mon, 26 May 2008 14:57:30 GMT

=)) =)) =)) =)) =)) =)) =))
oh dear lord, thank you, thank you, thank you. =)
buns, kits, charbear, rach, nickie, and chingpats, thank you as well. =P
damnit, the best things in life are truly for free.

i'm deleting this tomorrow cause i know happiness is only temporary. =P
but tonight, i am enjoying this moment of clarity. =)

dance with me! =P

----

and because i'm truly crazy...i love you david cook! =))

pau and her small dilemmas

Thu, 15 May 2008 15:25:51 GMT

thud...thud...thud...thud

That is the sound of my forehead hitting the kitchen table. -______-'

I do not consider myself as a technophobe. In fact, I love them. They make our lives so much easier. Then why...WHY do they hate me? The laptop isn't here yet. Damn UPS. It arrived the day after my relatives left for the Philippines. The iPod did make it though. Gah, why couldn't it be the other one that made it instead? Hahahahahah!

But that's not where the biggest frustration lies. My dying Toshiba laptop is so Jurassic already to the point that it cannot read the iPod. The iTunes version that I have in the laptop isn't compatible with it so I had to download the more recent version. So I did. But the version wouldn't update itself because the laptop has Windows Service Pack 1 installed and the iTunes version needs a WSP2! Gaaaah! I tried downloading it, it wouldn't update automatically! Gaaaahhhh! So now, I'm using the other laptop, which has a more updated WSP. -_______-'

Is there any way that I can just transfer the .mp3s from my old iPod to the new one? I'm being such a frickin' noob because I'm downloading all the songs again since the songs that I have in the iPod was downloaded using my IBM laptop (RIP). Haaaai. Hahahahah whatta shallow dilemma I have right now. =P I have a grand total of 20+ songs in my iPod. Wenk wenk wenk.

Work...work...work...
I just encountered a veritable asshole yesterday. Coffee or iced tea? Feeling cute pa! Yeah, we were laughing at you. Sorry.
Had a nice time catching up with a few friends last night at Sentro. Found a nice new dessert place, Sweet Confections (tama ba?). Hahahhaha! I shall recreate the damn Banoffee Pie if it's the last thing I do! Nyahahahah! The first three layers are easy to make, the base is a little tricky but I know it's a crumble base...Hmmm...Though I have to say how dare they do away with the dulce de leche layer!!! It's not a real banoffee pie if it doesn't have that heaven on earth sticky caramel that I can literally eat the entire day. I did that last year. Nyahahahah. No wonder I've got such a fatty ass.

I made lasagna verde for dinner today. T'was good, but I think it should be declared illegal to eat anything for 24 hours due to the amount of fat and calories a serving of that pasta dish has. -_____-' And to think I made two casseroles of it. Hahahahahah. I swear, cooking is such a therapy for me whenever I'm feeling frazzled. I bet anyone who has made a crapload of tomato concasse knows how calming it can be for a person. =P

Ooooohhh...
I have found the school that I want to go to after I'm done with my A.O.S. in culinary arts in CIA.

Hahahhaha...Promise. Last na to. Hotel and Restaurant Management Diploma. =))

Mon, 12 May 2008 13:26:29 GMT

There are so many things worth saying right now, but the enormity of actually knowing the unfairness of it all is simply too overwhelming.

I won't explain anymore.

because we're all a little crazy inside

Mon, 28 Apr 2008 16:27:08 GMT

what do we do? what do we do?
Excuse me, too busy
Writing your tragedy

Garden State is <3. :)

I'm okay with being unimpressive. I sleep better.

Yeah, it's weird, huh? You're, like, so freaked out right now. You're running for the door. It's okay. You can go. Don't feel bad. It's really...
Stop doing that.
What?
The whole thing you just did. I wanna be here. If I didn't, I wouldn't be.

It's like you feel homesick for a place that doesn't even exist.
Maybe that's all family really is. A group of people that miss the same imaginary place.

How are you feelin'?
Safe. When I'm with you, I feel so safe. Like I'm home.

-----

Felt a little more than harassed with work. Compounded with my isolated state for the past few days. Okay! Okay! So I'm worrying again--it's nothing new. CIA applications went haywire as well. My fault since I forgot to email them that I'm supposed to be applying for Hyde rather than Napa. Had to write a transfer letter pa. Dumbass. But honestly, I have a lot to complain about right now. I want to...It's unhealthy for me to keep them all in for this long. UGH. And to think that this is post-PMS already. I need to breathe something that would calm me down...I'm feeling a little more than frazzled. It doesn't show on YM, yeah? Blergh.

I had another emo moment this evening while chilling at Nickie's. Oh, lookie...Ellipses. :t
Skydive...

Disorder	Rating
Paranoid Disorder:	High
Schizoid Disorder:	Moderate
Schizotypal Disorder:	Moderate
Antisocial Disorder:	Low
Borderline Disorder:	Moderate
Histrionic Disorder:	Moderate
Narcissistic Disorder:	Moderate
Avoidant Disorder:	High
Dependent Disorder:	Moderate
Obsessive-Compulsive Disorder:	Moderate
-- Personality Disorder Test - Take It! -- -- Personality Disorders --

useless post...just wanted to blather on.

Fri, 25 Apr 2008 16:29:54 GMT

I am such an accomplished procrastinator, I swear to God. -_-' Anyway, let's leave that part behind...suffice to say, it was because I was putting off sleep to get some much needed rest that I stumbled...okay, so not really stumbled since I have this habit of randomly visiting blogs of friends and reading entries that they wrote on the same day as today but a few years back...um. does that make sense? anyway, BACK TO MY STORY...hahahaha. see, there's this one prof that i had in college that i really liked. i mean, i hated the subject and all, but i enjoyed his lectures. philo can make a person's brain turn liquid in a matter of seconds after hearing heidegger, rorty, etc etc...it's great to find a teacher who doesn't make philo complicated (and also made us do yoga while listening to bliss' kissing!). for a non-philo major, it's really best to explain dead people's philosophies in life using hello kitty terms. but still, I resent that he said that a CHEF belongs to the lowest rungs of that priority of love lalalala thing (TAMA BA TO?! jope kids...what am i talking about?! hahahaha basta that level of priorities? and since chefs serve other people...sustenance chuchu...goodness. this is why i only got a B in his class....). goodness, so much back story going on here!

ANYWAY. SIR JOPE'S BLOG. so i was reading it, right? and most of the entries make me go "awwwww", especially those that have to do with Cathy. Married life really suits them well. Oh, and i was cheering him on when he got mad to this stupid student of his who threatened/bribed him blahblahblah. Goodness, is that how we treat professors these days?! i just find his way of thinking so pragmatic. so logical. how he explains why things are are just so impressive. it's the 'OO NGA NO' moment. it doesn't persuade you to agree with him but you still end up doing just that because he points out the things that one fails to notice in a situation. ah...gah. basta, it's nakakamiss super.

i remember senior year, i was seated next to the large windows in CTC and it was drizzling. sir jope was droning on and on about ordo amoris. it was a good topic, but i just zoned out--staring out the window. randomness. anyway, i was already reading one of his older entries, where he was talking about lovers, mistresses and being faithful...which started off this way, hindi lahat ng masaya ay tama. at ang tama, sa una masakit, pero nakakasanayan din.

last night, my PMS acted up again. dimsum was the pill of choice. HAKAW....keeee! Evert! Hahahah! adventure in Binondo with Nickie Ng as the lead star of the night...awwww! :)) and then tonight...as in right now...it's mountain dew + gin and churros con chocolate. OMG.

GA's back with Ep12...Ep 14 of GG and Ep4 of The Tudors are up as well. Finished The Savages...Trying to get past Across the Universe. GAAAAAAAHHH!!! MOUNTAIN DEW!!!! tralalalalalalalalalalallalalalal youuu prooooomised! tralalalalalala

...more than half of the things they brought home scare the shit out of me.

Mon, 21 Apr 2008 16:07:43 GMT

me: ma! how was china? was it nice?
mom: hay nako! grabe! nagkalat ang mga chinese!

-_-'

wow. four am!

Sun, 20 Apr 2008 20:16:37 GMT

It's been a long time since I've stayed up this late for work. Contrary to popular belief, I am not a workaholic. It's just that it's the only thing that keeps me occupied these days, so naturally, that's what I keep on doing. The last time I was awake for work voluntarily at this hour was a around a month ago for that dratted restaurant analysis paper. My sleeping habits have improved lately, which is probably one of the perks of working already—it exhausts me enough to make me want to go to bed as soon as everything is done.

Why the hell am I awake at this hour anyway? No, it's not for work. It's for *drumroooooll* Aegis!

*slaps forehead in frustration*

See, the department (Public Relations and Communications) that I headed in the yearbook editorial board already received clearance. Meaning, all our work was finished even before my batch graduated. Anyway, no use ranting about that...suffice to say, I'm helping other departments with their backlogged work. It's not difficult encoding the edited version of the yearbook pages. It's just that after twelve hours of working on it, my eyesight is already whacked. And that's not the worst part of it.

Reading through the write-ups made me want to repeatedly scream, ANG BOBO NG NAGSULAT NITO! AT ANG BOBO MO DIN KASI PINAYAGAN MO NA ITO WRITE-UP MO! BAKIT ANG BOBO NG WRITE-UP?! SHET! FEELING DEEP, DOESN'T MAKE SENSE NAMAN! LETCHE!

I swear, from the funny how-dumb-can-this-write-up-get, to the are-you-fucking-SURE-and-I-mean-a-hundred-percent-SURE-you-want-THIS-embarrassing-write-up-in-your-page?!?! to the ones that make you question if they went through English 11 and 12 in college...It's just way too much to bear at three in the morning. I'm no grammar Nazi, but COME ON. I used to think that the write-ups editor, who edited the hard copy of the yearbook, was too harsh with her sarcastic side comments, but now that I'm reading through them...SHE WAS DAMNED TOO NICE. I'm so temped to leave the side comments in the write-up. Ugh.

Anyway, enough with the yearbook ranting. Hmmm...might as well write updates about what's going on with me now.

(1) Enderun
Not an official student anymore. Manong Joe made sure I knew that since he won't let me enter the floor anymore. *sadness* Anyway, got into the dean's, as I hoped I would. Not the GPA that I wanted since I know that I worked I put in for the entire semester deserved a better grade, but yeah, I don't want to think about it anymore. The six months weren't wasted for sure.

(2) CIA
The admissions people contacted me already. Kaboom. Darnit. I was talking to Kitty yesterday about wanting it. There's no question about us wanting to succeed in this field. We're prepared to sacrifice everything just to get that one star. EVERYTHING. The big question then is, will we be able to reach that point? I don't like asking myself that, it makes me think about the different factors in my life that can hinder me from getting it.

(3) CAV
So I'm not in the kitchen anymore. I'm doing the restaurant's marketing. Yesh. My degree from college. It's fun work, not really heavy plus I love the place and of course, Chef M and J. It feels weired having this responsibility. Must get used to this new label. I'm getting my first official paycheck tomorrow...Ooohhh, so that's how it feels. =))

(4) Laptop
Ok. Sellout. I'm getting a PowerBook even after I swore never to get a Mac laptop, since I can't figure how that thing works. But Chard (who nearly had an orgasm after I told him the PowerBook model that I wanted and asked if the specs were good enough) and Earl convinced me that the space, speed, and...I forgot the other points that they had, basta it convinced me to get one. Hahaha. Pffft. I really need a new one. Preferably one that is super fast, with a gajillion space, and portable enough for me to lug around. Did I mention that this laptop that I'm using right now has its audio crapped out?! Hai. And to think that I'm editing super huge marketing collaterals for CAV, as well as InDesign files for Aegis right now. Darnit. I hope it doesn't die until I get the new one. Pffft.

-------

You know what? That sounds like a swell idea. Pooof!
Ooooh, and welcome to the LJ world, Bunnyhop! *hugs*

Paula's Existing Situation

Sensitive; needs esthetic surroundings, or an equally sensitive and understanding partner with whom to share a warm intimacy.

Paula's Stress Sources

The existing situation is disagreeable. Has an unsatisfied need to ally herself with others whose standards are as high as her own, and to stand out from the rank and file. Her control of her sensual instincts restricts her ability to give herself, but the resulting isolation leads to the urge to surrender and allow herself to merge with another. This disturbs her. as such instincts are regarded as weaknesses to be overcome; she feels that only by continued self-restraint can she hope to maintain her attitude of individual superiority. Wants to be loved or admired for herself alone; needs attention, recognition, and the esteem of others.

Paula's Restrained Characteristics

Insists that her goals and realistic and sticks obstinately to them, even though circumstances are forcing her to compromise. Very exacting in the standards she applies to her choice of a partner.

Paula's Desired Objective

Seeks the determination and elasticity of will necessary to establish herself and to make herself independent despite the difficulties of her situation. Wants to overcome opposition and achieve recognition.

Paula's Actual Problem

Needs to be valued and respected as an exceptional individual, in order to increase her self-esteem and her feeling of personal worth. Resists mediocrity and sets herself high standards.

Paula's Actual Problem #2

Afraid that she may be prevented from achieving the things she wants and therefore demands that others should recognize her right to them.

gaaaaaaaaahhhhhhhhh

Thu, 17 Apr 2008 16:23:18 GMT

Summer's definitely here when...

1. My shampoo and toothpaste have the same temp as a person with a slight fever.
2. I keep the air conditioning unit on for the entire night.
3. I sleep with as little clothes on as possible. Said air conditioning unit is on full blast at this point.
4. Upon removal of a block of butter from the freezer, it turns soft in a matter of minutes. It would be stupid to attempt chocolates with this temperature.
5. I thank my oaf of a brother when shoves ice cubes down my back, instead of pummeling him to death.
6. I take more than an hour in the shower. And taking a shower from 10am-3pm is not an option because the water is boiling hot.
7. Vicks VapoRub burns, rather than cools my skin. Alcohol rubs DO NOT WORK ANYMORE.
8. My ice cream turns liquid instead of slushy-like. :(
9. I have an insane urge to cut off all the sleeves of my tops.
10. I make summer lists such as this one.

putaaaangiiiiinaaaaaaaa, ang init!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! i want to go to antartica.

might as well get used to it. oh wait, i should be used to it already.

Wed, 16 Apr 2008 16:17:04 GMT

I just realized that I don't really have anyone to talk to anymore these days.
I guess that God really made some people who are simply meant to be alone.

bratinella mode: this happy business.

Tue, 15 Apr 2008 15:17:14 GMT

I'm extremely good with negative emotions.
I can be explosive, bitchy, and whiny really well (all at once, even) but at the same time, I can deal with people in a crisis or those who need to calm down.

I mean, it's pretty obvious that I'm not the easiest person to be with. I'm not naturally happy. I'm aloof like that, and I'm not really chatty to people. I like keeping to myself and just continue watching what goes around me. Speaking random thoughts isn't something I do--I find it pointless, which also makes me a crappy person to do small talk with. I rarely offer opinions about anything, unless it's a negative opinion--or sometimes, I just lift an eyebrow to convey my displeasure. Besides, I rather think I'm a sedated, happy kind of person. When I'm unusually happy externally, I'm not really happy. I'm on a high--I'm hyper--not happy.

Talk to me about a problem, about anything that bothers you, I can handle it. I do crises, depression, and angst really well. I can do comfort and empathy like no one else. Heck, I like solving things and finding ways to make things work someway. And I feel bad when other people are sad, which is why I have this compulsion to fix it. Because these people that I talk to who are feeling bad, are the people I love the most, who undoubtedly don't deserve to be unhappy at all. And at some point, I feel guilty because I know I have a pretty negative aura around me, and I know it bothers the happy people I hang out with. So yeah, I'm siphoning positive energy...Call me a leech then. I'm sorry.

But talk to me about something that is happy, something positive...Sure, I can be happy for you, but I can't really relate to it so well. Mind you, I'm not faking it. I really am glad for that person who is happy. Is that weird? It's not that I'm not happy for that person (being happy about something perhaps pretty ordinary in reality for me), it's more of I can't really understand where all that happiness stems from...I just don't understand happiness, in general, all that much.

Happiness.

I feel it sometimes. I don't feel it regularly like a lot of people. I feel it in spurts. I'm thinking that being content is something constant...More constant than being happy. Being content's something that you might feel everyday, while being happy is more special. Oh yes, I've felt it. That sudden burst of giddiness, that feeling wherein I'm seemingly weightless, when the smile on my face isn't a wide one, but the dreamy, silent kind.

And then, I feel guilty for being happy. Guilty, because I know I don't deserve it. That there are people who are better suited for that emotion. Yeah, I know...I know that everyone deserves to be genuinely happy.

Anyway. It's just that I wish I understood it better. This happy business. Sure, I understand negative emotions better--but it's all so heavy to have all the time. But then again, I treasure those light, happy times, brief and seldom as they may happen, more. It makes them more special in a way.

But yeah, maybe if I understand this happy business better, I'd feel it more often--and without the guilt attached to it.

blimunda

Sat, 05 Apr 2008 10:21:45 GMT

Okay...They CANNOT fuck up this movie. Maaasar ako super if they do! And come on...Jose Saramago wrote the freakin' thing, tas the director did City of God! And Julianne Moore! C'mon! Children of Men, she was super astig! I'm just not so sure about Sandra Oh playing that Minister of Health part...Parang...uhhhh...?

The only thing more terrifying than blindness is being the only one who can see.

-----

...didn't i tell you so?

Tue, 25 Mar 2008 15:23:23 GMT

mind over matter.

on the way home from anilao, i was already psyching myself for the next forty-eight hours. i already knew that it's going to be crazily hectic, but once I tried to list them all down in my head, i felt the numbness creep in.

i have a full day tomorrow, which starts at 930am and will prolly end fourteen hours later—from ortigas, to the fort, back to ortigas, then to makati. DOOM. i can already see how much traffic i'll have to weave through tomorrow. i. don't. want. to. drive. but. i. must.

thursday, i have food obligations to fulfill, which will take all morning...then in the afternoon, review class for Servsafe and a review session at nick's for the f&b finals THE NEXT DAY. great...so now, it's not 48 hours at all. friday's f&b finals + review for ServSafe, which I freaking have to ace because i have such a low grade in that subject. saturday is when i get to sleep after the ServSafe exam that ends at 1pm. i have a feeling there's no way i will be able to move after saturday is over.

this is what i get for not planning ahead. this is what impulsive people deserve. this is what people who fuck up their priorities get!

i am not tired. i am not sleepy. i am not about to collapse. i will cram everything in my head perfectly. i will ace the hrm exam. i will be able to function properly for the next four days.

mind over matter.

i've procrastinated enough for this. there is but one path that i should be focusing on. nothing else should matter but that. tomorrow's the day i have to have it signed. and the day after that, mailed. the conditional acceptance letter should arrive after two weeks at most.

new list:

start application for F-1 visa c/o I-20 kit
docs c/o mom
cav cert of employment + completed internship
acacia cert of employment + affidavit
scout for an apartment + car
transfer credit for servsafe course
compass test
enderun sem transcript

i will finish the letter. i will have it signed tomorrow. i will have it mailed asap.

mind over matter.

this is your punishment. that was your in-between.

i will see it through. i will finish everything on time. i will.

---------

but before i do the letter and study, i will cry first. ~~enough to last me for the next four days.~~ it wasn't enough-work was waiting.
god, i love red bull.

was supposed to be posted a few days back.

Sun, 23 Mar 2008 16:48:12 GMT

so this is it. the last hurdle.

at least, the last one until i start again in a different school. damn. with less than six days, i go say byebye to the school i never thought i'd fit in or make great friends (orientation entry and day one and two of school). and it feels so sayang because the fun part only started when the new year began. i already made drama with the instructor chefs after the finals, my usual ritual after i take the last exams. maybe ms. bel was right. i shouldn't have gone to enderun to get a taste of culinary school since that would screw me up for cia. that, and i wouldn't have separation issues when i leave.

see, enderun, with all its faults, also has some of the nicest people i've met in my life. there's gen aka kitty and gwen aka bunny (twins, go figure) who NEVER fails to make me happy. i mean, how rare is to find people whose faces just makes you instantly happy? those two give the best hugs...and they do it often. i don't mind if they actually do it to me. funny part is that they do it often enough for me to get used to the fact that they like giving hugs! for someone who doesn't like to be touched, that is is something. :)) then there's oli aka mr. sunshine and anton aka assbitch, who constantly drive me insane; whose main goal in life is to institutionalize me by the time i leave enderun. (again, written way before the last entry was posted. anton is MIA--which makes me sad, oli...is thankfully, still oli-like) nearing there, but not yet. there's rach and kat, my "mini-mes"--who stresses out as much as i do...well, not at my level yet, but almost there. who completely understands when i go berserk about insipid groupmates like anton and go raging through the halls of the school. there's miggy (who can be the kupal-est person in the world), nickie (my roy sub, hugs<3), mm, char, OSBERT (the only who made me realize that chivalry isn't dead in enderun+loads and loads more of osbertlove), sinag, rach, vinci, jodes...i can go on and on about it. i have distinct memories already about these people in school.

i was just thinking if it would be like after i graduated. going back to ateneo seems so foreign to me, now that my batch mates are also gone. being away from a place where i was so comfortable in, then coming back after a few weeks is a little distressing. too many things have already happened after those weeks. i've lost so much time, so many potential memories. if i go back, would i feel that sense of alienation again? after yesterday's episode, almost killing anton with my bare hands, it got me thinking. have i left a mark in this school, big enough for me not to be forgotten? have i left an impression in other people's lives in those five months that i've stayed? or will i just be remembered as this high-strung girl with the raging temper? :))

well, as they say, all good things have to end at some point. perhaps, that's the reason why i've been procrastinating about making the recommendation letters from chef markus and james for cia. it's already the last thing they need from me before they give me the conditional acceptance form, which i will need to get my f1 visa. anyway, i don't want to think about it any further. it kind of makes me depressed, especially after tonight, after being at the twin's place to study and do actual work...and having fun in the process. actual fun, mind you. i don't think i've laughed that much in a long time.

maybe it's because, as i've mentioned to osbert, i never actually thought that i'd get past it by the time school ends. i didn't think it would be that easy to close the issue and seal it shut. i guess it's a record for me. all loose ends must be tied up, and it has been. hence, the smiles. :)

----

dear lord above,

please don't let me ever go back to bataan. amen.

love,
pau

ps. please exterminate all the lizards that exist in this world as well. thank you.