| what time is it there? |
[04 Sep 2002|07:44pm] |
| [ |
mood |
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 sad |
] |
don't be sad, angel.
it makes me cry.
i'm not one for regrets,
but the fact that you slipped through my fingers will always be killing a part of me.
i'm sorry that i didn't love you fast enough.
i'm sorry that you're gone.
i'm sorry that i can't see your face, and
i'm sorry that i can't be kissing the tears from your cheek.
i love you.
i'll be thinking about you while i fall asleep tonight.
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[30 Aug 2002|10:40am] |
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mood |
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 blah |
] |
has been too much time. i am apologetic (deeply) to all of my fans. ha!
school has started. classes go something like this:
belly dancing
modern
thematic development in choreography
math
contemporary dance
spanish
social psychology
(repertory company, 2 graduate theses, 1 independent project.)
schedule goes something like this.
monday. school, work (10am.11pm.)
tuesday. school, rehearsal (9am.8pm.)
wednesday. school, work (10am.11pm.)
thursday. school, rehearsal (9am.9pm)
friday. day off! rehearsal, school (1230pm.3pm.)
saturday. sunday. work only.
not that i'm worried about it or anything, right? no problem. it's a good thing i'm a superstar. we'll see what happens when the homework really gets going. i don't see how constantly being in class, rehearsal or at work is conducive to cultivating personal relationships, especially in the hey-you're-cute-wanna-go-see-a-movie area, but challenge is good for me, right?
***
i dreamt last night, in frighteningly realistic tones, that i had 3 days to live. when i woke up, i believed it for a moment. still sorting through the meaning on that one.
***
william (new roommate) moves in this weekend. i have a great idea for my fetish ball costume. need to be a bit more in shape first, but i've got all year, right? sculptures are coming along, although ideas are in my head faster than hands can make them into art. thank god for my sketch book.
***
no other news. i am hungry. time for ramen.
***
dammit, why don't i have a girlfriend? (hypothetical. you don't need to answer that.)
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[02 Aug 2002|12:16am] |
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mood |
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 tired |
] |
shit, sarah, we gotta talk, 'cause i finally watched that movie again, and i need my thoughts verbalized. damn. maybe this weekend? i'll watch the director's commentary version tonight/tomorrow.
also, everyone go see 13 conversations about 1 thing. it's gotten terrible reviews, which means 1 of 2 things:
1. it sucks.
2. it's art.
(being the expert that i am, i'd go with number 2.)
the red tent is amazing. i'm trying not to read too much of it, because i know i'll be upset when it's over, but i hear it calling to me even now. it's this really amazing book about the women of the old testament, told from deborah's point of view. as much as it talks about some pretty old ideas, it's written in such a way that addresses the universality of them. also, elana and i think that one of the characters is definitely a lesbian.
not a whole lot of news here...just lots of work, and hanging out with kids from there.
conoci un chico a una fiesta quien habla espanol y engles, y quiero practicar con el, pero no quiero pasar mucho tiempo con el porque cuando un chico te mira como el, es muy peligroso...
grrrr!!! why does everyone have to do that? why can't i just talk to someone at a party? what about me is screaming "please...hit on me...you don't have to sound intelligent or anything, just look at me that certain way as soon as i introduce myself." holy fuck. i just want some cool friends. ick. (too bad cute girls don't talk to me more...) *sigh*
i want denver to move here. then everything would be okay.
what? you've had enough incoherent rambling for one night? fine. i'm going to bed.
*sulks away...*
;)
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[31 Jul 2002|05:44pm] |
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mood |
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 weird |
] |
a moment of silence, please, for our good friend pierre, who is distraught over the fact that his favorite band is *gasp* OVER. i found him curled up on the floor, sobbing, first thing this morning. he wasn't even comforted by the prospects of new vegan discoveries....poor thing.
the day was filled with chores, really...i took the recycling in and did 3 loads of laundry, which didn't get all the way dry, and is currently spread across the living room, air drying.
i got a letter written to my favorite girl at home, and got some crafty things done, which feels good...talked to my mom, which is always nice. over all, it was a pretty good day off.
my roomate comes home on monday (yeah!!), which i'm looking forward to. it's been nice living all alone, but it will also be good to have someone to blame when i can't find things.
i miss kathrin!!!!
grrrr...
also looking forward greatly to starting school....reading a great book for orientation. maygin, what do you think of it? *sigh* i wish you were one of my copilots...
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[24 Jul 2002|08:33pm] |
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mood |
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 content |
] |
i love watching sunsets...it's always such a strikingly unpersonal time...
i just sat and watched about 20 minutes worth of end-of-day, feeling the last rays of the sun hit my skin, promising renewal within twelve hours, struck, as always, by the beauty and impossibility of the color of the sky, and realized at the end of it that the world had just done something else for twenty minutes and done fine without me.
what a liberating feeling...to know that it's okay if i don't do anything but breathe for about half an hour...the rest of the world will get over it. *mmmmm.*
back to reality and the hum of various electronics.
lately:
lots of hanging out with sarah, watching movies, cooking way too much.
the paper project...no more recycling bins for me, only cutting my paper into teeny little pieces and recycling it myself. i made 10 pages yesterday.
work. lots of work. most people are thinking about unionizing...i think it's a bad idea. that's long and boring, though...don't want to make you hear all about that.
hanging out with cool new friends from work. hooray for new people!
missing a certain someone...lots of people, in fact, but ESPECIALLY a certain someone.
today:
said goodbye to sarah...last time i will see her pre op. i'm glad that they're not giving her a lobotomy or implanting some wierd chip in her brain, because i like her the way she is.
hung around, moved furniture, took a shower...
went to the depot for creative reuse...so exciting!!! i found inspiration for my next sculpture, but it's a secret right now. i'll tell you later, but you can know right now that it involves corporate materials that look like tvs and doll torsos. *shhh*
came home and read adbusters for a while, then napped. for a long time. like 4 hours. feeling refreshed, got up and watched the sunset. i'm sure that i'm up for a while tonight...maybe a movie? maybe i'll call some kids...
maybe write...make some art...we'll see...
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| long time coming |
[20 Jul 2002|10:36am] |
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mood |
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 hungry |
] |
wow...i haven't written in this thing forever. sadly, all of my journals have been collecting dust for the last couple of months. i don't know what it is, but when i'm in denver, i get into this funk where i can't write anything. i probably could have done something towards the end, but i also got incredibly busy seeing everyone before i left.
quick summary of the trip home...
when i first arrived, i taught (all in one day) 3 spanish classes and a dance class at my high school. that was amazing. that day, i could feel with every part of me that i absolutely have to teach, at least in some capacity. it was awesome.
i saw nick. it was cool, then it was wierd, then it was cool again, then we didn't talk for a long time, then it was cool, then wierd, then on the verge of cool, but just as i was leaving. now things have happened that make it weird again. i'm so tired of this. i just want to move on and be happy to be doing so, but it seems like one of us is always dragging the other one back into something. arrrrgh!
i made a decision early in the summer that it was going to be the summer of inappropriateness, and behaved myself accordingly. as a result, i had a number of ridiculous affairs with all kinds of crazy people, one of whom is a 32-year-old (!) tattoo artist. funny how 12 years can be reduced to nothing, given the right person...
i also now have a ridiculous lesbian stalker (more on that to come later) and a budding romance, which scares me a little, because (once again) this person lives in denver, which, last time i checked, is a thousand miles from here. right now, though, he's a part of my day, and things are beautiful...i don't know that i could really ask for more right now.
not a whole lot else happened while i was there. saw some amazing shows (cursive, planes mistaken for stars, dose one & some other berkeley hip-hop guys, and pedro the lion, which was by far the most amazing show i've ever been to. i worked a fucking ton, but needed the money, so it's all okay.
i'm back now...things are good. i'm really getting things settled in the apartment, which feels nice, and i'm being spoiled with attention from sarah, which i love. i got to see paris, mike and jen, and meet ernie last weekend. we all went dancing at the tenderloft and had a blast.
more to come, promise...no more slacking on my part. there are things to be said and lots to be written...
just out of curiosity, who's still reading this? will you leave me a comment if you are? thank you...
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[19 Jun 2002|01:48am] |
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mood |
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sad |
] |
things that make me miss talking to you:
*i went to a hip-hop show tonight. it was amazing. so fucking good. it's funny, because everytime i listen to hip-hop, i think about the time that i told you i was going to a show. you said: "mmmm...i love hip-hop. it feeds me."
*the other day, i told someone that they rock like granite.
*a friend from work is bringing me a manuscript to read tomorrow. it's part of a multimedia project on che.
*i got in a debate with someone the other day that made me think of you. they said that surrealism is dead because true surrealism has to be a response to the current artistic climate, and that postmodernism isn't strict enough to rail against.
*going out dancing and being thirsty.
i definitely miss you.
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| been a while... |
[06 Jun 2002|12:15am] |
| [ |
mood |
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mischievous |
] |
hmmm...maygin will appreciate this one, if she's still reading.
"gotta cover my butt 'cause i covet
another man's wife,
i got to divide my emotions
into wrong and right.
and then i get to see how close
i can get to it
without giving in...
and then i get to rub up against it
'till i break the skin.
they're gonna be mad at us
they're gonna be mad at me and you
they're gonna be mad at us
for all the things we wanna do..."
i am officially really in love with ani.
why? she knows what's up.
i have a big (completely inappropriate) crush on this girl at work.
inappropriate why?
#1: i'm leaving in a few weeks
#2: we work together.
#3: i'm 19, she's 32.
#4: she's been with the same girl for 5 years.
however, she wrote me a really great letter, which i got today. it said this, among other really great things:
"i find myself thinking of the topography of your skin and i can't help but cross my legs and shiver."
fuck.
i'm ready to be back in california.
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[26 May 2002|12:16am] |
| [ |
mood |
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blah |
] |
i hate people who call in when they're really just sick of working on sunny saturday afternoons.
i am sick.
not sick of working.
i love both of my jobs -- all 60 hours a week of them.
i have some sore throat shit that i hope is not strep.
i want to be out of this city.
i couldn't tell you why.
just feeling a bit ridiculous.
i didn't just get home anymore, and i've fallen into this pattern that reminds me of last summer, but without nick, except worse than without him because he's right here, but he doesn't return my calls and then tells me that i should be patient and that i'm his best friend and he needs me.
but the rest is the same.
i have a date with a hot girl on monday. we went to high school together, and we have lots in common.
like we're both queer.
other stuff, too...
we both like david bowie.
she's 19, works at denny's and has two kids, neither of whom are in her possession.
hmmmm...
it should be fun. i dig her. she's super pretty. lots of fun.
the thing is that tonight, i'm remembering what it is to have someone to go home to every night.
to be sick all day at work, and know that it's okay that you hurt because someone will be there when your shift is over to rub your back while you fall asleep.
fuck.
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[30 Apr 2002|01:06am] |
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mood |
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 moody |
] |
you know when the wind blows through the hole in your chest like it's a coke bottle and your tears fall
drip
drip
drip down to the tabletop until you run out
that's the music.
^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^
i came across this tonight. it made me smile.
i see her.
steamed milk and whipped cream
Does she see me?
black coffee bitter sweet
i see her
red hair like sunset
does she see me?
unties the apron from around her neck--
i see her
closing up the cafe
maybe tomorrow
she'll see me.
^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^
then, i came across something from nick. actually, everything from nick. i let myself read every last bit of it, too. it was important to do it that way. it was important to feel it.
opened the box of your letters,
and it was like pandora all over again letters words
bits of
starlight
rushing out at me from end
to
beginning
the first words you ever spoke
like some divine creation myth
like some divine sacred prayer
like some
divine
kind of dream come true
from that
mo
ment on
two souls with but a
sin
gle thought two hearts that
beat
as one
a promise
a promise
a promise ring like a crystal ball
bro
ken lying on the floor
mine is intact i hold it let myself feel the weight close my eyes and slide it over my fingertip and the tears come rushing through my eyelashes and my face burns bright red and nothing matters for a
mo
ment
but you and the lack thereof
^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^
liz mieuli called and had something for me so i went to her room and she gave me this great letter
about how she appreciates what an optimist i am
and i just started crying all over again because i feel like a liar
or pathetic
because i'm
not
over a relationship that ended almost a year ago and i'm
not
sure that i will be soon and i'm
not
going to say that i'm falling in love with her because i'm
not
swept away in it and i'm
not
really thinking that it's more than fun and support and i'm
not
saying that those aren't important things they are but i'm
not
falling in love with her and i'm
not
writing love letters all over and i'm
not
getting poetry and i'm
not
wonderful and beautiful and exciting and breathtaking to her but
i
don't
need to be
i just know that i won't be and i guess maybe i wonder a little what i'm doing but i'm
not
going to question something beautiful
it's beautiful
in it's own way and
it's beautiful
in the moment of it and
it's beautiful
because i can appreciate it in the moment and not all of this forever bullshit and
it's beautiful
because i'm an optimist, right?
^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^
going home in
8
days.
my room is a disaster area right now.
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| subject? sex, apparently. |
[26 Apr 2002|12:05am] |
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mood |
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 surprised |
] |
so a crazy thing happened to me today this year this lifetime.
i got here last fall, and noticed lots of cute girls. a small subsection of these girls were what i'll go ahead and call "that kind of girl." "that kind of girl" is someone that you look at, and you know they'd be fucking crazy in bed. girls you know could make you forget your name. girls whose walk just screams, "yeah, i know you want it. get in line, and stay there, because none of you are gonna get it." it's not that they've got a reputation for it or anything...they're just hot, and all you can see is sex when you close your eyes...you see these girls, and you just know.
the funny thing is, that a friend of mine was talking to one of these girls the other day, and somehow i came into the conversation. this girl...this amazingly hot girl that i've always thought was fucking hot beyond control...when my name was mentioned, she said something to the effect of, "oh, yeah...liz. she's so...sexual."
i'm not positive that i completely understand the context, but it made me remember a conversation with paris, sarah, and kathrin. i had mentioned some girl or another that was tormenting me simply by existing, and sarah goes, "liz. don't you know, though? don't you get it? you're like that too."
it's interesting, because i guess it's really there. it was just funny to have my perceptions of this person brought down to a more realistic level, and then to hear that, in some context, she thinks the same thing about me...
hot.
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| YES!! |
[24 Apr 2002|11:21pm] |
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mood |
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 stressed |
] |
which 80s hair band are you?
this quiz was made by colleen
i think that's the coolest thing i've heard all day.
it's been quite the day, too.
dramatic re-enactment:
8:00 - alarm goes off. (the first time.) there's a beautiful girl (besides me) in my bed. hit the snooze button -- hard.
9:00 - roll out of bed, take a shower, work on my solo.
11:00 - modern.
1:00 - spanish.
2:00 - choreography final. dance. walk out after class. it is officially over. breathe.
3:30 - work for a measly half hour.
4:00 - excused from work to get ready for the dinner.
5:30 - freshwoman dinner. i got to give a speech. room full of people at tables. the front two tables? chaplain, freshwoman dean, sophomore dean, director of student life, my adviser, president of the college. ack! it went well. they laughed at all of my jokes, and pres. jan says she's impressed with me. Judy said that i am one of the dance department's most shining students. *blushing*
7:00 - tech rehearsal for tomorrow. cute girl is running lights.
9:00 - home, finally. work, work, diet coke, work, more work...
11:00 - sculpture is finished. (!!!) taking a break for yummy rice and more diet coke.
to do:
sculpture write-up.
spanish homework.
lit take-home.
spanish final.
psych final.
change of address.
pack.
move.
go the fuck home.
as of tomorrow, that list will be two items shorter.
i hate finals, but something about them is so satisfying.
i'll be home in two weeks minus 3 hours...working at the grocery store, teaching dance and spanish classes, reading trashy novels, and hanging out with my family. mmm....colorado peaches. take me home NOW!!!
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| for you. you were beautiful. |
[21 Apr 2002|10:51pm] |
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mood |
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sympathetic |
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my brother took tap for a while at my studio, and one year, we got to be in a piece together. this was, of course, the year that i had seven different shows in a month and a half. i was driving myself crazy with choreography for two different studios, as well as my high school. needless to say, i was a little stressed out about everything. i got onstage, but forgot what i was doing at least 4 or 5 times, and had to do my best to follow along with MY LITTLE BROTHER. what made it really bad is that of course my parents were only watching the two of us, and later, they made some comment about my brother being such a better tap dancer than me.
When i was in 7th grade, i was in jesus christ superstar. on a dinner break one night at rehearsal, i twisted my ankle running across the playground, and i had to be onstage with a cane the next night.
i was in a piece once that was costumed in blue one-sleeved leotards and leggings,with this sheer blue cloak kind of thing over the top. mine didn't fit well at all, and i didn't perform very well because i was so focused on making sure the audience didn't see my breasts falling out.
i remember a dance with high extensions, and i remember trying to get my leg way up high. on one of the kicks, i got it up high enough that it pulled the rest of my weight out from under me and i landed on my butt. that was obviously not the choreography.
the best, though, was an outdoor performance a couple of summers ago. it was really windy, and we had to have people standing backstage, holding the scrim up so that it didn't fall on the dancers. i went out onstage to perform a waltz, and as soon as i took the first step, the wind blew my skirt up over my head. yes, i was facing the audience. yes, i was only in my underwear. no, it was not a one time thing. i could not keep that skirt down where it belonged during the entire dance. i needed my arms for the dance, and it flew all the way up at least 5 times throughout the show.
*sigh.* and if those were my only stories...i can't count the times that i've forgotten to take off jewelry, missed or anticipated a cue, licked my lips onstage (my mother's favorite to point out) or screwed up choreography. i know that these things seem devastating, but they're just part of performing. mishaps occur. they don't mean you were any less beautiful, or that you performed any less well. it might seem like the end of the world if you make a mistake or two onstage, but i saw you pour your heart into your performance. i saw something amazing. you made me feel something great today.
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[20 Apr 2002|02:50am] |
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mood |
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 pissed off |
] |
i fucking hate girls.
i'm through with this bullshit.
fuck her, and the fact that she only wants what she can't have.
now she can't have me. is that somehow better? it's going to have to be, because fuck if i'm going to deal with her bullshit pushing me away
and making me feel like i can't do anything right.
i like her bigtime, but fuck her issues. fuck the fact that she KNOWS that she'll come after me if i walk away.
fuck the fact that i know i'll turn around and run right back into her arms.
once. no more.
i need to stay away from her. i need her issues out of my life for a while.
i just worry about what's going to happen when she calls, wanting me to come over or some shit.
fuck.
i fucking hate girls.
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| random-i-miss-my-dad |
[18 Apr 2002|01:02am] |
| [ |
mood |
| |
 nostalgic |
] |
when i was a kid, i had this fish, minnow.
he lived in a big round fishbowl in the kitchen.
one morning, i came downstairs for breakfast, and guess what?
that bitch was gone. straight fuckin' not in his bowl.
so i asked my dad where he was.
my dad told me that he had jumped down the drain and now he was in the ocean with all of his friends.
my very next fish was minnow 2.
i probably had 20 goldfish while i was growing up.
every one of them was named minnow, and every one of them swam out to the ocean.
*************************************
my mom sang me lullabyes, but my dad always told the story.
we read the cat in the hat over and over again.
i would fall asleep halfway through, and my dad would get up, turn off the light, and sneak out of my room.
i always let him get the door almost shut before i called him back in to finish the story.
when my brother was born, my dad started calling me thing one and my brother thing two.
*************************************
during the summers, we rode bikes to lickety split.
that was before that ice cream place in chicago called lickity split told the denver one that they had to come up with a different name.
now it's just licks.
same ice cream, though.
we rode all the way from our house -- my parents on the tandem, my brother in the trailer, and me on my bike, which i could ride with no hands. my father encouraged this. my mother did not.
i got a different flavor every time.
my dad always got two scoops of chocolate chocolate chip.
always.
**************************************
for some reason, it sticks out in my mind that he makes great pizza.
it doesn't matter that i'm a thousand miles from home.
i don't want a pet, i can probably sleep without a story tonight, and i'm vegan, so ice cream and pizza don't do me any good.
maybe if he could just tell me one of his real dumb jokes, or bore me with politics for a while...
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[17 Apr 2002|09:23pm] |
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grrr...dumb livejournal...
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| AAAAAAAAAAH!!! |
[17 Apr 2002|12:50am] |
| [ |
mood |
| |
 anxious |
] |
that screaming sound, just in case you were wondering, is me, running away from our relationship as quickly as i can.
i like you. i'm into you, bigtime. you're fun, and great, and i could maybe be falling for you. we talk about everything. we deal with every little problem, and it's perfect.
(capricorn + virgo = 2 earth signs...2 earth signs = process queens)
some nights, we hang out. some nights, we sleep together. some nights, we talk for a while. some nights, i just go home and study.
we're not restricted to each other sexually. we've discussed this. our committment is to honesty, being up front, and talking about things BEFORE they happen, not to monogamy.
we go places together. we hang out with your friends. we hang out with mine. i go places alone, and go places with my girls without you.
i have a million outlets for my creative energy, for everything i'm learning, for all of my ideas. i use them. i'm not depending on you, and you aren't depending on me, either.
SO WHY THE FUCK DO I FEEL LIKE I'M SUFFOCATING? i seriously feel like i can't even breathe sometimes. there's so much freedom in this, and it's so casual. i don't understand why there's so much anxiety about it. maybe dancing in the morning will help. maybe writing.
for now, i just want to scream.
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| not enough too much |
[14 Apr 2002|11:01pm] |
| [ |
mood |
| |
disappointed |
] |
our parents' generation says we shouldn't be together.
the good rev. jerry falwell says we shouldn't be together.
the fairy tales say we shouldn't be together.
the ads, the tv shows, the cartoons, the newspaper says we shouldn't be together.
i'm sure my grandfather would say we shouldn't be together.
seventeen magazine says that it's okay that we fantasize about being together. (see p. 96 for quiz -- "which guy is your type," p. 108 for feature article, "how to get him and KEEP him," and p.176 for fashion, "dreamy prom style -- 10 looks guaranteed to make him swoon)
the church says it feels sorry for us because we're together, because we'll never get into heaven until we renounce our sinful lifestyle.
a million and five people say that the fact that we're together just means that we're confused about our role in society.
sigmund freud says that we're together because we're narcissistic.
i'm enough to forget all of that. i'm enough to trust my heart, and it says you. i'm enough to love every moment that we spend together. i'm enough that i want to hold you and listen to your dreams. i'm enough to know that this is more than the fact that i'm at an all women's school. i'm enough to know that i'm attracted to you, and i'm enough to not have to question my own motives. i'm enough, if it's not too much for you to hear, that i enjoy fucking you. yes, dear, that's right. i'm enough to love the sex in a way that i very rarely have loved it before.
if that's not enough for you, you can walk.
it's already too much for most of the world.
*******
i imagine it was something like this...
-you wanna play i never?
okay.
-i've never...kissed a straight girl.
i have.
-me too...we both put a finger down.
alright...i've never...had sex with a straight girl.
-i never have.
me neither, unless you count liz.
-why do you count liz?
i don't know, i just...i guess i wonder sometimes.
*******
i counted on you to be the one person that wouldn't question me. i counted on you to let me call myself what i wanted and be okay with the fact that i don't know what specific group of people i'll be romantically involved with for the rest of my life. i counted on you not to hurt me by accusing me of not being real. i'm not some fucking straight girl that's leading you on. i'm sorry that you've been hurt in the past, but guess what? here i am, in the flesh, loving you, listening to you, wanting you. please just trust that i've thought about these things. please trust that i wouldn't be with you if i didn't want to be. so much of my battle this year has been getting people to understand that this is more than experimenting. i don't have the energy for that anymore. just let me be into you.
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| for all the men i've ever loved and all the girls i should have fucked in high school |
[13 Apr 2002|06:17pm] |
| [ |
mood |
| |
 frustrated |
] |
so i told you that i came out to my mom
and you asked as what
and i said "queer"
and you told me that you "fucking hate that word."
and i asked you why
and you said that it's just as bad as n*gger
and that it implies that there's something wrong with us
and i think that maybe california's different
and i happen to like it thank you
and i won't be straight because i loves me some girls
and i won't be gay because i won't put up with animosity from my peers for being a lesbian that sleeps with guys if i ever do again
and i won't be bisexual because that's ridiculous and it implies that i can't choose one so i'd rather have both and right now i don't want anything do do with men
and i won't be held down and put into a bottle by a label that i give myself my sexuality i think is a little more fluid than that and what's wrong with just treating people like people not sexes and just because you're a man i can't sleep with you even though i'm attracted to you because i'm a lesbian and if i'm femme and i like girls that look like boys doesn't that mean that i'm just kidding myself about liking women but when you get her long shorts and dyke belt and backwards hat off and you take off your skirt you're both just naked and when you love someone, you just do, not because they're a man or a woman that has nothing to do with it when you love someone when you like someone when you fuck someone it's just because and fuck this whole idea of men and women anyway fuck having two genders there's more to it than that and i won't be held down and put into a bottle and labeled and put in the front window on display for america to see only four-ninety-nine and maybe because i won't i'm different maybe that's the difference and maybe it's abnormal to not accept traditions and maybe that's why i like the word queer
and i'm not mad at you, if you're reading this, it's everyone else, it's the whole world, it's the fact that queer is a four letter word and so are dyke and fag (gasp) my aunt asked me the other day if i'm *gay* (shhh) and they're bad words until we make them okay and that can't happen fast enough.
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_angyl_
excited