Real life is getting more like fiction each day

So this morning I'm at that lovely stage of waking up on your own, rested, warm, comfy still very out of it... when my phone rings, and there is a knocking sound up stairs. And I immediately wake up because I think I'm being arrested.

Because of course cops play the L&O theme 24/7, I am a moron when half asleep and I need coffee.

Anyone who has seen What's Love Got to With It? knows that Tina Turner did not have an easy life. Ike was not a nice man. It doesn't help this is what she looked like in th 80s:




Sure, she had her famous legs, but she was attacked with 80s hair, clothes, and lip stick. And these were her prime years, the time she should logically be looking her best, she was moving towards the "looking good for her age" period of her life.

But then she released her wildest Dreams cd, and Oprah started making people's Wildest Dreams come true. And I cried when she did. And Oprah wore that stupid wig and danced with Tina when she went on tour. And Tina Turner was 60 years 6-0, and she looked like this:



I'm 25 and would kill to look like that. And if I did, I too would go out in my slip. Hell, I would probably walk around nekid.

And now at 68, she's still hotter than me.



Maybe it's her house. I saw it on Oprah, her back yard starts off as a pool and went right into the ocean in Italy.

It's April 1st.

April Fool's Day. The best prank ever was when I was in high school. It was the year the teachers had been on strick for two weeks, so we of course were out of class for two weeks. Mr. Fell, aka the world's best principal, came on after the morning announcements and explained because we missed two weeks we had to make it up, which meant two extra weeks of school and that exams would go into July. We lost it. We weren't the ones who went on strick, how could they make us stay longer. Etc Etc etc. Mr Fell just laughed and told us to look at what day it was.

April 1st is also April's birthday on For Better Or For Worse. She's 16. The other day a boy brought a bottle of wine over and they were kissing in a bed! It's very weird when a comic strip makes you feel old. I mean I remember when she was born! There was a snow storm, it was a home birth. I heart FBOFW.

The couple behind http://www.newmindspace.com are my new heroes. They are my favourite kind of people, the ones you can't tell if they are ill and should be on some sort of meds, or just fun and free spirts or a little of both.

I want to be their friends.

Greatest website EVER

Considering he was almost 11 lbs when born, he looks really tiny there. He's going to be cute. I'm glad Mariska's hands went back to a normal size. Peter has a creepy smile...maybe it's the beard. There's still something oddly hot about him. Loving Mariska's hair.

From this week's PEOPLE:

Happy Birthday Mr. President

What's the last body part that gave out on you?
My knee. My legs are probably next. But I'm working out hard still at age 60, trying to retard age, riding hard [on my mountain bike].

What's the worst birthday gift you ever got?
... Maybe a new pair of bike shorts from the First Lady is all I would care about.



Trying to retard age? As always, excellent choice of words Mr Bush. And I know have to go burn the image of him in boke shorts from my mind.

Two car crashes and four people were arrested in excitement over a gasoline giveaway Wednesday to reward the city for its safe-driving record.

Its meeting the man of my dreams, and then meeting his beautiful wife. And isnt it ironic... dont you think? A little too ironic... and yeah I really do think...

Sorry if I just got that stupid song in your head.

http://oneredpaperclip.com

I'm very impressed. Kyle did it, he traded one red paper clip for a house in exactly one year. Isn't the internet amazing?

It almost got a non virgin laid.

That's Bizarre: An American woman was left terrified when she found a bear in her kitchen – feasting on oatmeal.

The woman from Vancouver called the police after making the startling discovery.

The bear – thought to have just come out of hibernation – did not appear too grisly, so police decided to let the bear finish his meal.

Sgt Paul Skelton said: “The bear didn’t appear to be aggressive and wasn’t destroying the house, so they let it do what it was doing and eventually the bear decided to make its way out of the residence and down toward a forested gully.”
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Hip recap when I can stay awake long enough to go into detail.

You are a Social Liberal (78% permissive) and an... Economic Liberal (11% permissive) You are best described as a: Socialist Link: The Politics Test on Ok Cupid Also: The OkCupid Dating Persona Test

I started reading A Million Little Pieces. It's a weird book, well weird format. I highly doubt every autobiography out there is 100% truthful, and think the whole thing was blown up a bit.

But one thing he says is people with addictive personalities just keep feeding their addictions. That when people join AA they are just replacing booze with meetings and affirmations. Will I think that is a little extreme, I can totally see his point of replacing one addiction with another.

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Best commerical ever... well not really since I just know it's for bread, and can never remember who makes it.

Creepiest commerical has to be the Polident commercial. The one with an older couple in bed getting it on when the guy gets up to clean his dentures and uses the chick's last polident tablet and is grossest out she only uses it once a week... yet by the end of the commercial he's back in bed getting it on. EW! First off... why would you pick that moment to go clean your dentures? And second.... is that what I have to look forward to in 40 or so years? Being in bed with a guy who jumps up to take out his teeth and clean them?

I love Atticus Finch. Gregory Peck was a great actor and I could name a long list of movies he was in I liked, but it's Atticus I love, and I like to believe he's real.

I think that Natalie Portman and Mariska should be in a movie together and play relatives.

And then Natalie and I can have our joint birthday party with Johnny Depp and Michael J Fox. Where of course she'll invite her dear friends Hayden and Mariska.

Speaking of birthdays, I'll be 25 in about 6 weeks. For the first time I feel weird about my birthday. 25... that just seems so adult. I really thought I would be doing more with my life by this age. I think 26 will be the hardest, 25 seems like the last socialable acceptable age to be a young moron, after that it seems sad. I don't know maybe when I'm 55 I'll think differently. It's hard to feel "old" when people think you're 18 though.

I used to really hate Natalie Portman, but ever since I saw Garden State I really liked her. I'm not sure why I ever hated her in the first place, I always liked a lot of the movies she was in.

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Is is wrong that I've seen The Sound of Music more times than I can count. Or that I spend last night, which was a Saturday watching it. How about the fact I have developed a crush on Captain Von Trapp?

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with Mark Darcy. I wish he was real. That is all.

I just saw a commerical for the Entertainment Tonight Oscar Special. I think it is the lamest thing I have ever seen. Mary Hart is wearing a horrible red ball gown and they are all in front of a white background talking about how the Oscars are such a moving experience and it's such an honour to be there and... are you ready for this... they started playing I've Had the Time of my Life.

I'm not really sure why I just thought about this. It's weird when you just remember shit out of the blue. Okay, so maybe it's not out of the blue at all, I was listening to Rotten Apples by the Pumpkins and it has Landslide on it.

A few years ago I went to the movies with my roommate at the time (Rules of Attraction was the movie). Well we were sitting around waiting for the movie to start and there was some crapass station playing, the norm for public places. And Landslide, the Dixie Chicks version came on.

Well a few rows ahead of us are these kids who were probably about 16 or 17. Total I'm-a-punk-and-going-out-of-my-way-to-prove-it type. This is what the "head" punk said:

Man, I fucking hate when country ruins good rock songs. My Mom listens to country I hear this crap all the time. This is a Smashing Pumpkins song.

I so wanted to say something, but I just rolled my eyes and ate my pop corn. I was so not in the right state of mind to bring on conflict. However, after the movie when I went to call a cab and saw the above mentioned punk, I didn't keep my mouth shut. My response:

Um, excuse me? Hi. Um, I just wanted to say that Landslide is a great song, but it's not a Smashing Pumpkins song, it's a Stevie Nicks song. You see Billy Corgan is a huge Nicks fan so he covered it. And as much as I love Billy, his version kinda sucks, the Dixie Chick's are much closer to the original. You should really check out Stevie Nicks and Fleetwood Mac. Bye!

And than I walked away before he could say anything.

I by now means pretend to know everything about music, or really that much about music. I know what I like. However, when I talk loudly in public I like to know what I'm talking about.