Real life is getting more like fiction each day

Okay, so she's not everyone's cup of tea, but I love Ellen and I'm glad she's hosting. Hosting the Oscar's has to be one of the most stressful non important jobs ever. At least 50% of the people watching are going to think you sucked... that's 40 million people hating you.

Opening: Um... what the hell happened? This is boring. Hate the shiny white shoes, but I like her red suit... although it looks a little Christmas-y. What is she doing with the tambourine? Ellen this is why people don't like you... I excepted so much more, what I'm not sure. But more.

I wonder if Nicole Kidman misses moving her face.

Omg those dancers that turned into a big Oscar?? I totally thought it had something to do with the Cosby Show! Dear Lord. Why would that be at the Oscars? I have no idea, but that's where I went.

Aw, Will is a sad clown. Wow... the Will/Jack/John C musical number was great. sadly it's been the funniest part of the show. And I agree Helen Mirren is hot.

Shit, Meryl better hand out an award... I didn't get to see the red carpet... so I need to see what the fuck she's wearing. It looks asian.

Dame Judi is getting her "eyes" done. Ha!

Abigail Breslin and Jaden Smith... I don't like children, but I think my uterus just ached a little. I could eat Jaden with a spoon. (Which is a weird saying i made up years ago... it's a good thing). Will Smith looks so proud. They are both very posed and mature... I hope they still get to be kids.

Steve and Greg! I like them. And y'all know how much I love sound editing... it's like paint drying, but I can't skip to the end.. what if I happen to miss someone I love hand out an award for 3 minutes?? What then?

Okay so the sound fx thing is kinda cool, but I would so rather see someone I've heard of win an award.

WHAT THE FUCK IS JESSICA BIEL DOING AT THE OSCARS????

FINALLY! An award I give a rats ass about. Marky Mark!! I love that's he's nominated. And I loved him in the Departed. And I loved Alan Arkin in Little Miss Sunshine. Sadly Eddie Murphy is going to win... he annoys me.

OMG! The first spoiler of the evening! Way to go Mr. Arkin. Abigail Breslin brought a teddy bear!! She is a kid. I bet Eddie Murphy is pissed and Scary Spice is laughing it up.

Ellen in the auidence. eek... okay, giving Martin Scoresse a screenplay was funny. I couldn't understand what Mark walberg said though.

I love this Meissa Etheridge song. Her make up is awesome. Ways to fight global warming on a show watched by 8000 million people? Great.

AL!!!!!!!!! I heart you!! And Leo.. but for very different reasons. Al Gore needs to go on the Bill Clinton diet. And I think he wears blush. Leo needs a new hairdo. I love that Leo is peer pressuring Al Gore into running for President. HAHAHA he got played off... I think I should marry Leo, I mean I've loved him since Growing Pains. We could save the world together. And we could have a dog named Gilbert and he could say the dog's name in his Arnie voice. We coud have sex in an old fashion car and steam it up and I could put my hand on the window as he to quote Cosmo "takes me to O Town". And then we could go to New York and join a gang and then go get lost on a beach, and then he could fly a plane to Boston. And we could try to stop global warming. It would be perfect!

Why is Jack Nicholson bald? Is he stoned, because he was just laughing a lot at the Gilligan's Island jokes. Aw, Ellen looked really cute with her shy little awkward laugh/shrug.

Cameron Diaz tries to be funny... and fails. She should go away.

Aw, the guy who made Happy Feet made Babe. And as the guy walked down to get his award they showed a clip of Cars... I guess everyone thought it was just a give in that Pixar would win.

Ben Affleck! I'm so glad he's making a come back and putting the horrible Bennifer years behind him. He was thin and clean and polished then, but his career was going to the shitter. Except Jersy Girl.. why didn't more people like that?

Aw, I wish I was a struggling screenwriter. I've seen about 80% of these movies.

Seriously, Jack Nicholson... why no hair?

Thank god The Departed beat the Clive Owen will watch the last pregnant woman on earth movie.

I like the white suit Ellen. It doesn't make me look at her feet... which is what happens when you wear all cranberry and shiny white shoes.

OKay, so it would seem Meryl is just wearing a lot of necklaces and she's still perfect in practically every way... maybe more so then Mary Poppins. So I ask you.. why is the living dead known as JLo's husband sitting behind her...

And HOLY SHIT, I just looked at the TV and saw the best costume design is being acted out. Please make it stop! I love that Emily Blunt keeps giggling.. she knows it's lame.

WOW... this kinda hurts me... Tom Cruise looks good... and young.

Ellen in the audience... it shocks me that this is funny. If history has taught us anything this should be awkward, but it's really funny.

Is it wrong that I think the dance numbers are neat? They are quick.

Robert Downey Jr. <3. Okay do Namoi Waits announces she're pregnant and for the first time in years shows up at an award show in a dress that doesn't make her look pregnant... Aw Robert Downey Jr just made fun of his drug use. Remember when he was on Ally Mcbeal? And he sang River and I cried? Or when he had to go back to rehab so he left the show, but then later on she had a dream about him and something about a snowman.. I don't totally remember that part, but it too made me cry. Remember Wonder Boys? Loved it.

The name of the foreign films are being cut off... and a lot of them look weird. Italy mskes a lot of movies. CANADA IN DA HAUS! LOL, I could totally work for a Canadian entertainment show now. Because all they do is try to tie back anyrhing that happens anywhere to Canada.

Clive! No tie... brave choice. He doesn't look like he wants to be there.

Wow, the Germany guy just flew out of his seat. Another shocker. I thought for sure Pans Labyrinth would win for sure, and if it didn't Water would.

I want to be Ellen's friend. She's wearing a lot of make up.

George Clooney!! If he would ever like to have sex with me. I would some how find a way to handle that. I will die if Jennifer Hudson doesn't win and abigail does.. or the cute Asian girl from Babel. Jennifer Hudson is already crying.

Shocking she won... and she hugged Beyonce! What a liar... she just said she didn't think she was going to win. Beyonce is crying too. Maybe there is no scandal and they really do like each other... or maybe B is crying because that isn't her. We may never know the truth.

George Clooney has Ken hair tonight. And can someone please explain to me how it ended up on dlisted and perez and such that he had his eyes done? I of course watched the Oprah Oscar thing and he was clearly joking! It hurts me.. am I going to have to start doubting the random gossip I read?

I really want to see Babel.

Ew, a girl I've never heard of is wearing a really ugly dress. She's with some guy I've never heard of. Handing out an award for a bunch of documentary shorts I've never heard of...

Does that mean Al is next?? An Inconvient Truth is so going to win.... too made Al doesn't get the award. Although maybe i shoudn't get ahead of myself I thought for sure Super Size Me would win.

The other day on the View there were seeing how much people could remember about who won Oscars last year and no one could remember anything... and I could remember them all... and I remember Super Size Me lost... is that sad?

Jerry Seinfeld. I try not to, but I find ya funny.

YAY!! AL!!!!!!!!!!! My Hero My Hero (that's just a joke because it beat My Country My Country... get it?) Hehe.. Tipper. Is Leo crying? He really loves the earth.

Clint Eastwood seems neat, I bet it would cool to hang out with. I wonder if he still knows Meryl Streep, if they ever go for coffee or anything and talk about how good Bridges of Madison County is, and how it seems like it should be boring, but is really good... and oddly hot. I would like to think they do. And Paul Newman and Robert Redford are BFFs and Elizbeth Taylor keeps in touch. And Leo and Kate still chat time to time.

MY EARS!! GAG! I fucking hate Celine Dion...

Hugh Jackman cut your hair!!! Why was Penny Cruz so happy the Babel music guy won?

Shit it's 11:0....

Why have I been swearing so much?

Blah.. I hate Kirsten Dunst and she looks like ass. And what's with Toby's hair? Did you know Paul hagis is canadian? you would if you watched ETalk... Yeah Little Miss Sunshine! I heart that movie.

I really thought J-Hud was going to pop out of that dress. It looks much better on her then the brown one she wore to the actual show... she really needs help finding clothes for her body. Meryl seems to be enjoying this.

Why can't they talk about Hairspray?? Because it's a piece of shit and it's going to make me cry because I love it so much and they ruined it?

YAY it's almost over! bring on the people I've heard of!

I can't handle Will Smith having gray hair!

I liked that little thing about American as explained through American films.

Aw she's cute, and got to kiss Marky Mark and Leo. Creepy bald Jack Nicholson cheering Thelma on from the sidelines... how sweet.

FINALLY! I was scared they forgot this part. R.I.P. Umm... sadly a lot of eople have died in the past year.

Meryl didn't hand anything out... boo. Who was she waving too? She looks very free and hippie, and one day I'll find a way to be her friend. Could you imagine Helen Mirren lost to Penny Cruz? HA.

As I say everytime she wins, remember Teaching Mrs Tingle? Her dress is really pretty. Her husband or boyfriend or whatever should shave or not dye his hair. His face hair is white and the top of his head is brown, it's creepy.

Rolling papers?! lol

Reese witherspoon needs to gain about 7 pounds in her face... she doesn't have the right chin to be that thin.

One day you'll win Leo don't worry. But Al Gore won, so really aren't you already a winner? Nice purple jacket Mr O'Toole... you creepy old man. Forrest's wife is pretty, but purple eye shadow with a yellow dress? Aw... he's gonna cry. Again Leo looks like he's gonna cry... Okay he's reading a speech, but it's very deep and touching. So I guess it's okay. I love that he directed Waiting to Exhale. Why? I dunno.

Marty? The crowd seems to think so. It's about fucking time! Oh I totally called the win and standing O... of course I'm sure most people did. He's so little. And has Bert eye brows. And is really in love with Leo... is he crying? Why is baldie hangig out back stage?

HOLY SHIT Diane Keaton is skinnny!!! And high? What is wrong with her.

THE DEPARTED!!!! woot woot

I actually saw a lot of the movies this year... maybe it's because I'm tired, but this was pretty boring.

Happy 43rd Birthday Mariska!

And congrats on Oscar nomination 14 Meryl.If Prada had come out last year or really any year with the Queen you'd totally win.



Seriously, if you say the movie when it first came out and, like me spent the entire time pointing out everything that wasn't like the book (90% of the movie) rent it and just watch Meryl. She's amazing.

And I'm really happy Little Miss Sunshine got nominated. If you haven't seen it yet go rent it tonight... the State of the Union is on tonight and really who care about that?

So I’m warm, comfy and lap top is in position.. Let the Globes begin. My favourite of the award shows.

George Clooney… what a wonderful way to start the show. Jennifer Hudson? Yep! Good for her. I wanted her to win Idol, but I’m sure she’s glad she was kicked off. Aw, she almost fell up the stairs. Beyonce is crying… does that mean they are really friends or is she upset because she’s not going to win? Her boyfriend looks like Carlton. Oh, she didn’t thank her! Scandal!

Mr JT!!!! Hotness. Best song? Hmmm Seal? Prince! Where is he? As if he didn’t send out the memo he wasn’t coming.. JT waxes his eyebrows.. And badly.

7 minutes in and a commercial.

Jeremy Piven with the Mom again. Jeremy Irons is hot. Ugly shirt, but hot. I think he needs a nap.

Clint Eastwood is wearing all black, except a white bow tie.

Tina Fey is my hero and she looks cute.

Ms Falco? No Kyra Sedgwick. Interesing choice. She seems pretty shocked. She has nice hair. I really loved her in Heart and Souls, that was a great cute/sad movie. I watched The Closer once, it wasn’t bad. It must be cool to be married to Kevin Bacon.

Nancy O’Dell annoys me. And Maria whatever her last name is annoys me more.

Nelly is hosting the Junos. That’s fun. Makes sense 2006 was her year.

Mmmm Hugh Grant.

Naomi Waits always seems to wear dresses that makes her look fat, and she’s not even close.

I want to see Babel, but on DVD. It’ll either be brill or boring.

You know what would be great.. If René Zellweagger could open her eyes.

Aw, Meryl Streep didn’t get the memo she was nominated 13 years ago.

Why is Jessica Biel famous? And where did her ass come from?

IZZIE!!!! She’s Purdy. So Emily Blunt won and that made Tom Hanks happy? Michael Buble was at a different table, that’s sad. They’re a cute couple. I hope they stay low key. Bill Nye the science guy?? Huh?

Patrick Dempsey is dreamy… oh is that where they got it? I heart Hugh Laurie. Keifer! House! He’s a really funny guy, I would like to be his friend. He has a white fluff in his hair. His wife has cute hair.

EW. What the fuck is Hilary Swank doing with a brooch in her hair? Oddly, she looks more girly with short hair,

Cars is cute. “He did what in a can?” Aw, the rapping baby penguin. Monster House.. “so it’s a girl house” Way to go Cars. Is wrong that animated movies were better in 2006 than a lot of the ones with humans? If you have yet to see Over the Hedge go rent it. It’s great.

I’m in love with Meryl Streep. And she just won! Yeah, she has funny speeches. I really want to be her friend, or at least clean her house or something just so I can say I know her. The gave all the clothes from Prada to charity, that’s awesome. I think Meryl and Kate Winslet should be in a movie together because how could that suck? And just throw in some George Clooney and Johnny Depp. Omg, it would be my favourite movie ever.

Cameron Diaz looks like shit. What the fuck is on her shoulder?

Borat!

Oh mini series category aka 5 things I’ve never heard of. Okay, I’ve heard of Prime Suspect, but I’ve never seen any of them. Elizabeth I won for those of you keeping score. So far it’s 1 for a movie about a queen with Helen Mire in it.

Oh I’m torn. Ben Affleck is a comeback role or JACK in The Departed my favourite movie of 2006 or Marky Mark in the Departed. Huh, Eddie Murphy. Think he’ll thank Scary Spice? Nope.

Movie with a queen and Helen Mire in it- 2 awards. Helen won her first Globe for the evening. And I think we all know she’ll win later.

You when you make a pot of coffee and you think you want 4 cups, but you only get around to drinking 3. Will if you put the left over cold coffee and some ice cream and a dash of milk into the magic bullet… Delicious!

Cameron Diaz’s dress is even worse when you see the whole thing at once. She either can read aloud or should be wearing glasses but doesn’t.

Aw, Jake is dreamy.

QMW/HM- 3 (The Queen screenplay)

Vanessa Williams is wearing a lot of ugly fake hair.

Alec Baldwin? Zach Braff? Jason Lee? Steve Carroll?? Alec Baldwin! Good he’ll make a speech and I can listen to his awesome voice. He has a hernia removed. The 30 Rock peeps are wearing blue pins that are puzzle pieces. What’s up with that? I know in the States Grey’s CSI and 30 Rock is all on at the same time, but CSI is boring and you should really check out 30 Rock when Grey’s is a rerun because it’s really funny.

Why is Mary j Bilge crying?

DH blah. Entourage hi-lar-ious. The Office- winner. Ugly Betty- favourite new show of 2006, possible winner. Weeds- Looks great, but I’ve never seen it. Aw America is cute! I don’t think I’ve ever seen someone freak out like that at an award show. I hope she wins for actress because that’ll be tres drool.

Reese Witherspoon looks cute. Sharon Stone looks like a slut. The guy from Babel just said a bunch of people I’ve never heard of that I also couldn’t pronounce. Oh.. It’s foreign language… that explains it. I’m gonna go with Volver or Letters from Ima Jima. I love Clint Eastwood. If jack Nicholson had won the three who had been nominated 13 years ago would have won again.

Hey Prince is there. Seems he just showed up late. Always a smooth move when your category is second.

Remember Teaching Mrs Tingle? I saw it the theatre.

Music and Lyrics looks fantastic. Hugh Grant is amazing, I would like to do him. Drew Barrymore is very tan. Ooo original score… who will win? Who will win? Hans Zimmer, cause I’ve heard of him. Nope some French dude for the Painted Veil. Congrats.

Aw America won. She’s so cute. And she has every girl in the place crying. I want to be her friend.

Warren Beatty blah blah blah blah.

I love Dustin Hoffman. He’s so little. Little Miss Sunshine is great, rent it if you have yet to see it.

Eastwood, Eastwood, hot Babel guy, Scorsese… Martin Scorsese! And a greatly deserved standing O. The Departed is the shortest long movie I’ve seen in a long time. It’s fast, funny, full of great actors.

Reese Witherspoon is wearing bright yellow. I don’t remember a time she wore so much colour. Johnny Depp’s not there.. Boo. I’m shocked sasha Coen won. If you have yet to see Borat don’t bother because you won’t like it, but if you’ve already seen if you can agree that it’s brill. Sasha is kinda hot. Best.Award.Speech.Ever.

Jennifer Lopez is annoying but pretty. And married to an ugly dude. He dress is fab. Dreamgirls, sure.

So the power went out and I didn’t get to see best actor/actress or picture. Stupid power… really you’d think by now they would have mastered how to keep the power on in Canada when winter comes. It’s madness outside, there was an ice storm, but it’s not that cold out so it’s all wet ice. Dangerous. Congrats to Helen Mire yet another award for playing the Queen. She y’all at the Oscars.

So I finally saw the movie.... and I can think of about three things that were like the book.

( Don't read if you plan on seeing the movie or reading the book. But really... you should read the book )

I make a lot of lists when I'm bored. It must be my inner John Cusack. I also like to hold my boombox over my head and blare In Your Eyes. So heres some lists I was making on my bus ride home form Hamilton...

Top Three concerts:

1) Treble Charger in Bala at the Kee De Bala. It's a give in that a tc show would be my favourite, you don't go see a band over 30 times if they suck. This was a great show, Four Square opened, and after the show we talked to the band like we were their friends, not just crazy groupies that followed them around. It was also the show I got my bright orange coat from Rosie. "I bet Rosie's your favourite now, of course he was always your favourite." "Um, no, ah, I just like coats."
"A cat?" "No, a cow MOO!"

2)Greenday in Buffalo at the HSBC. The Toronto show was great and the first one I went to, but this was the best because Kim and I went together and actually sat together. Plus, Alyssa was there too. There is a lot of pressure on a band when you've been trying to see them for 10 years, and Greenday was amazing.

3) Smashing Pumpkins in Buffalo at the Odd. I cried because I was in the same room as Billy Corgan. This was the first indoor concert I ever went to.

Top Three actress:

1)Meryl Streep
2)Mariska Hargitay
3)Kate Winslet

Top Three songs:
1)Eleanor Rigby- The Beatles
2)Harvest Moon- Neil Young
3)Red- treble charger

http://latinoreview.com/filmpreview.php?id=29

The Devil Wears Prada comes out June 30th! I'm so worried about this movie. I've tried to like Anne Hathaway, but I can't, she drives me nuts and I'm afraid she's going to ruin this movie for me.

At least Meryl Streep is Miranda, and she can do no wrong. And I've had a crush on Simon Baker since The Guardian. And I've read the book 6 times, so hopefully I can block out Anne Hathaway when I'm watching the movie, she's only the main character, it won't be that hard.

So it's time for what everyone is waiting for... my feelings on the Oscars. Well here you go boys and girls...

Jon Stewart- I was hoping for a little more, but overall I think he did a good job. The Dick Cheney shooting Bjork joke was great as was the opening with all the past hosts. My favourite Jon part however, was when he laughed really hard after the Hard to be a Pimp song won. He has a great laugh.

George Clooney- in the words of Lauren Graham... he's a stone cold fox. I love him. He seems so cool and funny I would love to be his friend. Oh and Kim and I have decided he needs to be Joe Morelli in the Stephanie Plum movie, and Lauren Graham is Stephanie.

Reese Witherspoon- winning a thousand and one awards have made her a much better public speaker. She didn't say y'all once in her speech. I didn't like her dress, it was too big, if it was shorter or more a-line I would have liked it.

Meryl Streep and Lily Tomlin- I think these two setting up the Altman Honourary Oscar was the funniest part of the show. And I LOVED Meryl's dress, which doesn't happen a lot.

Lauren Bacall- Does she have Parkinson's? That's really sad if she does. She was pretty shaky. I adore her. She was in a lot of very famous and big movies, but I've got to say I have a weird obsession with Too Rich: The Secret Life of Doris Duke. Richard Chamberlain really creeped me out in that though.

Charlize Theron- What the fuck was on her shoulder?

Michelle Williams- her red lipstick didn't match her orange dress.

Heath Ledger- I've loved him since Roar, but he needs to loose the 'stache

Nicole Kidman- she looked beautiful. And as I told her over and over again I love her hair. I'm so jealous her hair can be straight or curly and look great and mine is, well mine is curly.

Naomi Watts- Hideous dress! If she's not pregnant the dress is even worse because it made her look thick around the middle.

Phillip Seymour Hoffman- I want to see Capote, but I'm not sure if I can handle is voice for 2 hours. I'm so glad that he won, he went so long being the unknown guy in every movie. I really hope when he was thanking his mother the woman they showed was his date, not his mom, otherwise his mom gave birth when she was about 3 years old.

Uma- Loved the dress.

Lisa Rinna- Why was she there?

David Strathairn- I have an odd attraction to him. And have a need to watch the River Wild.

Dolly Parton- Travelling travelling travelling... I'll have that song in my head for the rest of my life.

Crash- I'm very happy this won best picture. Brokeback was beautiful but kinda dull. And I think Crash should be far more controversial than two cowboys in love, they use every racial slur you can think of. I must say however, a man should never give his five year old daughter his "cape" that prevents you from being shot and say you don't need it anymore, because that can cause me to cry like a moron and have a mini heart attack.

And that is my feelings on the Oscars... Good night, and good luck.

Oh, and can those of you non LJers please use luctyn@yahoo.com not my hotmail address to comment. Thanks.