Real life is getting more like fiction each day

Okay, so she's not everyone's cup of tea, but I love Ellen and I'm glad she's hosting. Hosting the Oscar's has to be one of the most stressful non important jobs ever. At least 50% of the people watching are going to think you sucked... that's 40 million people hating you.

Opening: Um... what the hell happened? This is boring. Hate the shiny white shoes, but I like her red suit... although it looks a little Christmas-y. What is she doing with the tambourine? Ellen this is why people don't like you... I excepted so much more, what I'm not sure. But more.

I wonder if Nicole Kidman misses moving her face.

Omg those dancers that turned into a big Oscar?? I totally thought it had something to do with the Cosby Show! Dear Lord. Why would that be at the Oscars? I have no idea, but that's where I went.

Aw, Will is a sad clown. Wow... the Will/Jack/John C musical number was great. sadly it's been the funniest part of the show. And I agree Helen Mirren is hot.

Shit, Meryl better hand out an award... I didn't get to see the red carpet... so I need to see what the fuck she's wearing. It looks asian.

Dame Judi is getting her "eyes" done. Ha!

Abigail Breslin and Jaden Smith... I don't like children, but I think my uterus just ached a little. I could eat Jaden with a spoon. (Which is a weird saying i made up years ago... it's a good thing). Will Smith looks so proud. They are both very posed and mature... I hope they still get to be kids.

Steve and Greg! I like them. And y'all know how much I love sound editing... it's like paint drying, but I can't skip to the end.. what if I happen to miss someone I love hand out an award for 3 minutes?? What then?

Okay so the sound fx thing is kinda cool, but I would so rather see someone I've heard of win an award.

WHAT THE FUCK IS JESSICA BIEL DOING AT THE OSCARS????

FINALLY! An award I give a rats ass about. Marky Mark!! I love that's he's nominated. And I loved him in the Departed. And I loved Alan Arkin in Little Miss Sunshine. Sadly Eddie Murphy is going to win... he annoys me.

OMG! The first spoiler of the evening! Way to go Mr. Arkin. Abigail Breslin brought a teddy bear!! She is a kid. I bet Eddie Murphy is pissed and Scary Spice is laughing it up.

Ellen in the auidence. eek... okay, giving Martin Scoresse a screenplay was funny. I couldn't understand what Mark walberg said though.

I love this Meissa Etheridge song. Her make up is awesome. Ways to fight global warming on a show watched by 8000 million people? Great.

AL!!!!!!!!! I heart you!! And Leo.. but for very different reasons. Al Gore needs to go on the Bill Clinton diet. And I think he wears blush. Leo needs a new hairdo. I love that Leo is peer pressuring Al Gore into running for President. HAHAHA he got played off... I think I should marry Leo, I mean I've loved him since Growing Pains. We could save the world together. And we could have a dog named Gilbert and he could say the dog's name in his Arnie voice. We coud have sex in an old fashion car and steam it up and I could put my hand on the window as he to quote Cosmo "takes me to O Town". And then we could go to New York and join a gang and then go get lost on a beach, and then he could fly a plane to Boston. And we could try to stop global warming. It would be perfect!

Why is Jack Nicholson bald? Is he stoned, because he was just laughing a lot at the Gilligan's Island jokes. Aw, Ellen looked really cute with her shy little awkward laugh/shrug.

Cameron Diaz tries to be funny... and fails. She should go away.

Aw, the guy who made Happy Feet made Babe. And as the guy walked down to get his award they showed a clip of Cars... I guess everyone thought it was just a give in that Pixar would win.

Ben Affleck! I'm so glad he's making a come back and putting the horrible Bennifer years behind him. He was thin and clean and polished then, but his career was going to the shitter. Except Jersy Girl.. why didn't more people like that?

Aw, I wish I was a struggling screenwriter. I've seen about 80% of these movies.

Seriously, Jack Nicholson... why no hair?

Thank god The Departed beat the Clive Owen will watch the last pregnant woman on earth movie.

I like the white suit Ellen. It doesn't make me look at her feet... which is what happens when you wear all cranberry and shiny white shoes.

OKay, so it would seem Meryl is just wearing a lot of necklaces and she's still perfect in practically every way... maybe more so then Mary Poppins. So I ask you.. why is the living dead known as JLo's husband sitting behind her...

And HOLY SHIT, I just looked at the TV and saw the best costume design is being acted out. Please make it stop! I love that Emily Blunt keeps giggling.. she knows it's lame.

WOW... this kinda hurts me... Tom Cruise looks good... and young.

Ellen in the audience... it shocks me that this is funny. If history has taught us anything this should be awkward, but it's really funny.

Is it wrong that I think the dance numbers are neat? They are quick.

Robert Downey Jr. <3. Okay do Namoi Waits announces she're pregnant and for the first time in years shows up at an award show in a dress that doesn't make her look pregnant... Aw Robert Downey Jr just made fun of his drug use. Remember when he was on Ally Mcbeal? And he sang River and I cried? Or when he had to go back to rehab so he left the show, but then later on she had a dream about him and something about a snowman.. I don't totally remember that part, but it too made me cry. Remember Wonder Boys? Loved it.

The name of the foreign films are being cut off... and a lot of them look weird. Italy mskes a lot of movies. CANADA IN DA HAUS! LOL, I could totally work for a Canadian entertainment show now. Because all they do is try to tie back anyrhing that happens anywhere to Canada.

Clive! No tie... brave choice. He doesn't look like he wants to be there.

Wow, the Germany guy just flew out of his seat. Another shocker. I thought for sure Pans Labyrinth would win for sure, and if it didn't Water would.

I want to be Ellen's friend. She's wearing a lot of make up.

George Clooney!! If he would ever like to have sex with me. I would some how find a way to handle that. I will die if Jennifer Hudson doesn't win and abigail does.. or the cute Asian girl from Babel. Jennifer Hudson is already crying.

Shocking she won... and she hugged Beyonce! What a liar... she just said she didn't think she was going to win. Beyonce is crying too. Maybe there is no scandal and they really do like each other... or maybe B is crying because that isn't her. We may never know the truth.

George Clooney has Ken hair tonight. And can someone please explain to me how it ended up on dlisted and perez and such that he had his eyes done? I of course watched the Oprah Oscar thing and he was clearly joking! It hurts me.. am I going to have to start doubting the random gossip I read?

I really want to see Babel.

Ew, a girl I've never heard of is wearing a really ugly dress. She's with some guy I've never heard of. Handing out an award for a bunch of documentary shorts I've never heard of...

Does that mean Al is next?? An Inconvient Truth is so going to win.... too made Al doesn't get the award. Although maybe i shoudn't get ahead of myself I thought for sure Super Size Me would win.

The other day on the View there were seeing how much people could remember about who won Oscars last year and no one could remember anything... and I could remember them all... and I remember Super Size Me lost... is that sad?

Jerry Seinfeld. I try not to, but I find ya funny.

YAY!! AL!!!!!!!!!!! My Hero My Hero (that's just a joke because it beat My Country My Country... get it?) Hehe.. Tipper. Is Leo crying? He really loves the earth.

Clint Eastwood seems neat, I bet it would cool to hang out with. I wonder if he still knows Meryl Streep, if they ever go for coffee or anything and talk about how good Bridges of Madison County is, and how it seems like it should be boring, but is really good... and oddly hot. I would like to think they do. And Paul Newman and Robert Redford are BFFs and Elizbeth Taylor keeps in touch. And Leo and Kate still chat time to time.

MY EARS!! GAG! I fucking hate Celine Dion...

Hugh Jackman cut your hair!!! Why was Penny Cruz so happy the Babel music guy won?

Shit it's 11:0....

Why have I been swearing so much?

Blah.. I hate Kirsten Dunst and she looks like ass. And what's with Toby's hair? Did you know Paul hagis is canadian? you would if you watched ETalk... Yeah Little Miss Sunshine! I heart that movie.

I really thought J-Hud was going to pop out of that dress. It looks much better on her then the brown one she wore to the actual show... she really needs help finding clothes for her body. Meryl seems to be enjoying this.

Why can't they talk about Hairspray?? Because it's a piece of shit and it's going to make me cry because I love it so much and they ruined it?

YAY it's almost over! bring on the people I've heard of!

I can't handle Will Smith having gray hair!

I liked that little thing about American as explained through American films.

Aw she's cute, and got to kiss Marky Mark and Leo. Creepy bald Jack Nicholson cheering Thelma on from the sidelines... how sweet.

FINALLY! I was scared they forgot this part. R.I.P. Umm... sadly a lot of eople have died in the past year.

Meryl didn't hand anything out... boo. Who was she waving too? She looks very free and hippie, and one day I'll find a way to be her friend. Could you imagine Helen Mirren lost to Penny Cruz? HA.

As I say everytime she wins, remember Teaching Mrs Tingle? Her dress is really pretty. Her husband or boyfriend or whatever should shave or not dye his hair. His face hair is white and the top of his head is brown, it's creepy.

Rolling papers?! lol

Reese witherspoon needs to gain about 7 pounds in her face... she doesn't have the right chin to be that thin.

One day you'll win Leo don't worry. But Al Gore won, so really aren't you already a winner? Nice purple jacket Mr O'Toole... you creepy old man. Forrest's wife is pretty, but purple eye shadow with a yellow dress? Aw... he's gonna cry. Again Leo looks like he's gonna cry... Okay he's reading a speech, but it's very deep and touching. So I guess it's okay. I love that he directed Waiting to Exhale. Why? I dunno.

Marty? The crowd seems to think so. It's about fucking time! Oh I totally called the win and standing O... of course I'm sure most people did. He's so little. And has Bert eye brows. And is really in love with Leo... is he crying? Why is baldie hangig out back stage?

HOLY SHIT Diane Keaton is skinnny!!! And high? What is wrong with her.

THE DEPARTED!!!! woot woot

I actually saw a lot of the movies this year... maybe it's because I'm tired, but this was pretty boring.