how about a complete update on my life?

first off is always RICKY, woo. i broke up with him wednesday, but we of course are back together. and better than ever might i add. it was dumb stuff bringing us down and i think everything is under control now. he means alot to me and i'm willing to work through whatever comes up.

SCHOOL... and moving. sooo nervous. but i have a job already so that takes some of the stress away. kinda nervous about the apartment, don't know the girls all that well except for briony. she's awesome btw. we've spent alot of time together this summer and im glad. she is a really good friend, always there.

i dont really feel like doing this now... im tired

seems everything that could go wrong this week has. tonight being the worst so far. and it's only wednesday. hopefully the rest of the week will be better. even if it's just a little better. maybe ricky will decide not to break up with me. how ridiculous was tonight? gah... he gets mad and just totally loses whatever it is in your brain that makes you NOT do stupid/mean things. i do the same thing though. except i usually just say mean things and then apologize later when i realize what an ass i'm being. anyway, i don't even want to think about that right now, i'm sure i'll have to deal with it tomorrow anyway.

work is just gay, besides the money. i'm seriously considering a new job. but i'm moving soon so it's kinda pointless. and i'm done with this bullshit it's 1:30 in the AM

wow, so much has happened since i last wrote in here. i happen to think i've changed quite a bit. i've spent the last few nights reading this journal and the one i  had before this. i have to admit i was kinda(really) stupid. the things i did and said are just ridiculous to me now. i'm sure it will be like that again in a few years though. i guess all that really matters is whether or not you are enjoying life. i have made sooo many mistakes in my life and it never ends. hopefully i have and will learn from them.  namely my most recent mistake. i'm such an idiot.

well anyway, the last few days have been a little tough but overall i am really loving my life right now. don't get me wrong, it's far from perfect, but it's mine. i am finally in total control of what i am doing. i'm with someone i love. we have hard times, a lot lately, but i love every minute i have with him. he's become more than just a "boyfriend" he is definitely my best friend. i would not hesitate to tell him anything, no matter how stupid it made me feel. i really can't say that about anyone else anymore. that upsets me a little. i miss my 2 best friends more than anything now. i guess we all have separate lives to live. but i would drop everything in a heartbeat if i knew i could do something to help one of them. that will never change, i will always love them just the same. even if they don't want me to haha. i understand that melissa lives far away so it's not like we can hang out regularly. (not that that doesn't suck just as much) but miranda is HERE less than 15 minutes away, i think. and i can even get her to return my texts or anything. but i guess that is part of growing up, letting go. i guess there are a few things you can never prepare yourself for.

speaking of, i'm moving in a little over two months. i won't lie, i'm nervous as ever. i have no idea what to expect. i don't know what it will mean for ricky and me. hopefully everything will work its way out. i really can't imagine how my life would be without him in it. everything i do revolves around him, seriously. and i'm not complaining.

i could go on forever but it's late and i need the sleep.

so i think i'm going to start using this thing again

but right now i have to clean...

-Research Paper 5 pages Monday
-Paper for Psychology 3 pages Monday
-Biology test tomorrow
-World Civ test Friday
-Online Test-proctored- Before Friday
-3 make up tests for Biology
-Another biology test thursday
-500 other stupid little things i have to have done in the next week


all that and work, and being sick. oh and i'm supposed to play soccer thursday too and go to the gym with miranda one day. hahhhaha... i'm gonna die or something.


i don't even know where to start.

you've already won me over. (:


so life is hectic, but good. i need to try really hard this week to get caught up with everything in school. i have THREE tests to make up. all for one class. cause i'm a lazy bitch. gah. but i have fun so who cares.

my mom has a heart murmur(sp?). she has to go get an ultra sound of her heart sometime soon. something about a valve not working properly. that scares me more than i can put into words. pray for her.

right now i have bronchitis and pharyngitis. let me tell you... that's a whole lotta fun. coughing stuff up and shit. mhmmm. i have 3 more days of medicine then i'm supposed to magically feel better. i'm supposed to go back to the doctor in a week but i'm not gonna. i dont have time for that.

spring break was better than i thought it would be but still sucked a little because of the sickness and all.

there was something else new, but i forgot. oh.. and guys are worthless. well, besides the obvious. HA. jk.. of course.

peace. be easy. fuckers.



oh wait, i remembered now. moms going out of town for easter and a week this summer. so it's def going down at my house. MELISSA AND MIRANDA. prepare yourself ho..hoe...i dunno..s. (:

tonight was refreshing. haha. just real chill. went and watched a movie with briony and richard and some guy i dont know his name at richard's fema trailer. we watched the island. none of them had seen it. i saw it when it came out with barlow. but its a pretty good movie and i didnt remember much of it the first time anyway. i'm really glad briony doesn't hate me anymore. i'm going with all of them and some others to biloxi then mobile tomorrow for mardi gras. will def. be fun. they're a fun group. i should spend more time with them..

getting ready to play some intramural soccer at JC. haha. i can't wait. seriously. i miss it so much.

well ive got a killer headache and i gotta be up early to meet up with the "crew" haha so i better get some sleep. night. love.

so, Vault, the new energy drink from CoKE is pretty damn good if you ask me. one of the ingredients is concentrated orange juice. that doesn't really matter.. i just have this think where i read the ingredients on everything even though i don't know what half of them are. corn is in alot of stuff btw. like dog food. haha.

we went to the gym today. again. my legs are sore. and my abs. gayyy. i need to drink some water but we're all out of dasani and thats the only kind i drink. dont know why. i get things set in my head and then thats the way they always have to be. haha.

so i've been learning alot in my world civ class believe it or not. Thinking too long leads to thinking wrong. I definitely need to remember that one.

oh and i dont remember where i was reading this... but some gay quote was talking aboutsomething along the lines of...you shouldn't look for things in other people you should look for the things(good) that someone can bring out in you. which makes total sense really. to me anyway. cause you know... there's those people who just make you want to be a better person. everybody needs somebody like that. not someone that you want to be like... just someone who brings out the best in you i guess.

things are alot easier for me when i don't analyze everything and i just go with the flow(like i used to). being happy isn't all that hard people. just don't be sad. sounds hard but it isnt' haha i dont know how to explain but i know what i'm talking about and that's all that matters right now. i'm happy. (:

and i think that, if i want them too, things can work with ricky. i just have to let myself want it. because i know i want it, i've just been holding back. make sense? yeah... haha

NO CLASS TOMORROW FOR AMANDA! yay. cleaning out my car. woohoo. riiight. later. love.

life is... i don't know a good word for it. BLAH. haha. whatever i'm stupid.

nothing has really changed. rickys a big idiot. i shouldn't talk to him, but i do. i don't know why. i guess i like him or something. ha. i wish i knew more about tyson. what i know so far is good. he makes me laugh, alot. i miss my dad and sister sofuckingmuch. ahhh. sister will be here in may but i have no clue when i'll get to see my dad again. i hate you all that say you're parents suck and all that bullshit. if they were gone you would miss them, i don't care what you say. don't take that shit for granted. don't take anything for granted. ever. man, i've been thinking about "life" alot lately. just in general you know. am i really living how i should be? am i gonna look back on everything and be happy? who knows. weird people keep asking for my phone number. how do you say no to that without being a bitch? for real. you can't. so i just give it to them and don't answer if i don't know the number. oh well. college is ridiculous and i already don't like it. i almost cried so many times today and i don't even know why. being a girl is gay. so is mexican food. i'm sick of eating that shit. i wish i would have worked today. i think i might get another job. but keep the one i have because i LOVE it.

and stuff.

peace.

happy valentines day everyboddyyyy haha

time to go to work. (:

tonight will be exciting. (:

soo. i got my hair cut/dyed today. i didnt like it for about 20 minutes. but now i do. it's different. but good different. i'll probably take some pictures over the weekend with MIRANDA AND MELISSA which should be(better be) reaalllyy really fun.

dustin has been in the hospital all day. poor baby. he got blood takin and all kinds of other bad stuff. dont know whats wrong with him. not good though.

guys are stupid. stupid stupid boys. haha. anyways. im going to fail this online class if i dont start doing SOMETHING so im gonna do that now. (even though i probably wont.)

so i had a good weekend. pretty much.

friday. things didn't go as planned. ended up hanging out with ricky and getting pissed at him for being gay. yeah that was fun. haha. saw kevin too. and barlow.. still miss that kid.

okay ill stop that now.

saturday. went on this "date" with my coworker, tyson. we were supposed to go see the gay cowboy movie but by the time we got off work it wasn't playing anymore that night. soo.. we ended up just riding around and talking. sounds lame yeah, but it wasn't. i actually had fun. drank a little. finally found a beer that i sorta like. amber bock. i think is what its called. but yeah tyson is a cool guy.

finally got my bed! it's so BIG! like...taking up half of my room big. haha. but i love it. and i got one of those memory foam whatever beds. its nice.

you know, i haven't even thought about what i'm going to do for valentines day. until now of course. ha. i mean, usually i'm either excited or stressing about finding a "valentine". but i don't really care this year. i guess thats a good thing. maybe i'll just stay home and watch tv. i'm good at that. ha. or maybe i'll go somewhere.

oh man, what have a gotten myself back into?!?

everything was funny today.

started off with talking about weed and stuff in child psychology and of course some people had some pretty interesting things to say about that. that class is definitely full of potheads.

then, hahaha...on the way home on washington all these cars in the lane going the opposite direction were all backed up pretty far. all because these two ducks were crossing the road. i definitely had to laugh about that one. i dont know why but i thought i was REALLY funny ha.

then im outside messing with my car and this little kid walks by carrying a computer, like the hard drive part. dont really know what he planned on doing with it but it looked funny too.

..okay...so i'm easily amused. ha

been talking with this girl adrienne on facebook. funny thing is...she's rickys ex girlfriend. she's really sweet though. so yeah.

me and miranda might go to mobile again this weekend. haha

since when can you have 6 users pics? cool.

umm... today..i did not go to class. that's becoming a bad habit. oh well. work was real slow, and kinda boring. but better than being super busy i guess.

my little brother will be one year old in exactly a week. CRAZY. time really does fly. when i was little i always thought people were crazy when they said that but its true. you really have to take the time to slow down and appreciate life every once in a while or it will pass you by.

its amazing watching someone grow up. watching them learn all the things you don't even think about anymore. like..hey... if i go head first off the couch it might hurt. haha. and to see someone so innocent... its just wow. he's not even capable of hate. he has nothing but love, for everyone. complete strangers. everybody gets a smile, and a lot of times a hug too!

so anyways... i havent done anything for my online class yet. gah. i procrastinate wayyy too much. how do you stop doing that? seriously?! its not like i WANT to wait till the last minute and stress about it ha.

well i better get some sleep. hope everything is good for you all. if not, i'm always down for late night phone calls. especially if ya need to talk. ;)

hi guys.

...i'm happy.

so i had a bad week and was feeling really sorry for myself but im over that. i've come to the realization that you just have to learn to love what you've got. and everything...EVERYTHING..happens for a reason. you just can't always see that reason at first. and there's nothing wrong with being happy.

OH...aannndd...i'm not his type? no no no...he's not MY type. hahaha. but seriously. i'll find/have found better. ;)

been making quite a few new friends here lately too. even a few girls. haha

love. you. alllll.

keep it real. :P