||[13 Aug 2009|08:44pm]
Let me start off by telling you all that it is very surreal posting on LJ after all this time...but I just felt the need to write about some things that have been haunting me lately
I'm absolutely devastated my best friend Kate left me and before that my best friend Mike who coincidentally discovered they knew eachother and more recently became engaged.
I met Kate through my cousin Brissen, I never imagined we'd become as close as we were or that she even knew Mike but from there everything just seemed to fall into place. It was my favorite chapter in my life since I've been back in Jersey...I finally felt like I had made new friends here that I'd carry with me throughout everything (and I still do- please don't get confused)...a group I could finally belong to without all the immature bullshit I've encountered...
Bottom line...I'm gonna miss it all. The late night trips to Paterson- the bar, the diner, DOMINO'S, waiting for Mike to get out of work at Babies R Us at midnight...our parties, New York City trips in the blistering cold right in the dead of winter. I'm going to miss it all, and while its not over, and while I do realize I'm speaking as though these great friends have died (god forbid)- its a new chapter for us all, a crossroad...
Catch is- I was never ready to close the old one. and I never saw Iraq in any of our futures, or an engagement, moves to Florida or even a GOOD BYE. Its something I've dreaded for the longest time but no matter how mentally prepared I could try to make myself i would never believe it.
while we've grown up so much in the past few years of knowing eachother my favorite memories were with YOU ALL. If i could go back and re-do it all I would just to have those moments there with you before all this change...and while in ways we will always have our connections and our memories we've changed, and grown up in adults and its a premature pill to swallow.
I know we'll always be friends...but i also know youll never come back here...not jersey- not this place and its killing me...its eating me alive driving these streets we've traveled a hundred times together knowing its all in the past. It happened all too quickly this crossroad we've come to and I wish you all the best and while someday we'll all meet again like old times and talk about all the times I've been writing about I just need to figure out for myself....whats next?