Below are the 12 most recent journal entries recorded in _akimbo_'s LiveJournal:

Friday, December 23rd, 2005
2:54 pm	like a fool what should i do? i feel like a fool. but i really want this. and i think it's o.k. that i do. i don't think there's anything wrong with it. i guess i just feel foolish coming back to it like this. so sudden. so desperately. i don't want him to see me as desperate. i just want to be with him a while. but he doesn't even know it cuz i can't get a hold of him. i tried. and tried. which made me feel even dumber, not being able to reach him. i have no idea what he's going to think of this. or if i'll ever know. if we'll get in touch in time. i really only have one more day. and there's a good chance it's not going to work out. and if we see each other in another context, i know nothing can happen. i really hope he calls. and i hope he understands. the frustrating thing is even if i do get to talk to him, it's only going to be an hour's notice, and who knows what his situation is going to be. i'm gonna go read...or draw... cuz i can't just sit with my mind so exposed to thoughts of him. two fools...two jokers. that's us. Current Mood: lonely (Comment on this)
Friday, July 22nd, 2005
3:16 am	"Ah...good taste. Taste is the enemy of creativity." -Pablo Picasso so...i know it's like 3 in the morning and all, but i just have to say...i am officially in love with IFC. heh. i just watched two movies in a row on that station. they show damn good movies, i tell ya! the first one was called All Over the Guy, and it was about relationships - probably one of the most genuine depiction of a relationship i've ever seen a movie portray. pretty good. then i watched this crazy animated one called I Married a Strange Person. lol it was hilarious...er, also pretty sexual and violent, but very funny and clever nonetheless. it offered up these ridiculous explanations of belly button lint and tears. so clever and so far from the truth - it was awesome! wish i could have the quotes from the movie - maybe i'll google it or something. also, this woman actually had a fish in her fishnet tights. and there was this store Glass Land, where they had this sign up: 'You break it, you bought it!' Funny thing was, the store was all these martini glasses stacked in pyramids throughout the room - it was practically impossible to even walk a foot into the store without breaking one of those barely balanced glasses. my favorite part was when they had these three guys in this television studio place presenting their ideas for a new t.v. show to the owner of the studio. the first guy's genius show was "belch opera"...pretty self-explanatory heh. the second dude's show was called "amoeba wrestling"...once again, speaks for itself. and the third guy's absurd but rather comedic show was "rocks in love". :-p so the studio owner hates all of their ideas and has each of them beat up or something, and all of a sudden this smile stretches across all the way to his ears, and he shouts, "I've got it! 'The Belching Amoeba Rocks in Love'!" :-D hehehe. good stuff. so yeah, i'll be tuning in to IFC lots more now. should get some shuteye though - might be a good idea. i caught a glimpse of the sunrise this morning..er..yesterday morning, and it was breathtaking. made me want to wake up earlier, not sleep in so long. anyway, i'll be lucky if i make it up by noon, at this rate, so night night. IFC'll still be on tomorrow. ...unless a suicidal bird flies through the window, instead of into it, and precedes miraculously to fly through the t.v. screen as well tomorrow... which...well... chances of that happening. slim, i'd say. ~.^ Current Mood: amused (Comment on this)
Wednesday, July 20th, 2005
12:45 am	damn good lyrics. i gotta get me a bryan adams c.d. Bryan Adams Back To You I've been down - I've been beat I've been so tired-that I could not speak I've been so lost thatt I could not see I wanted things that were out of reach then I found you and you helped me through and ya showed me what to do And that's why I'm comin' back to you... Like a star that guides a ship across the ocean that's how your love will take me home back to you And if I wish upon that star - someday I'll be where you are I know that day is coming soon - ya, I'm coming back to you. You've been alone, but ya did not show it You've been in pain, but did not know it Let me do what I needed to - you were there when I needed you Mighta let you down, mighta messed you round but ya never changed your point of view and that's why I'm comin' back to you... I'm coming back to you I'm coming back to you I'm coming back to you That day is coming soon I'm coming back to you i think my favorite bryan adams song is "Everything I Do - I Do It For You" Although... "Please Forgive Me" and "Have you ever really loved a woman"...those are damn good too. :-p anyway, gosh i'm not tired at all. I'll put the lyrics to "Have you ever.." in the next entry. Current Mood: hopeful (Comment on this)
Monday, July 18th, 2005
9:53 am	happy if it was raining, i'd be dancing in it. Current Mood: happy (Comment on this)
Sunday, July 17th, 2005
6:16 pm	love/hate relationship waiting i hate waiting time i hate time love i hate love waiting on time for love i hate it it's a love/hate relationship but it's what i live for Current Mood: annoyed (Comment on this)
12:32 pm	July 1, 2005, journal entry How many hours of my life have i spent staring at the ceiling? Scrutinizing the corners of rooms, interviewing (secretly) shapes of faces in the tile, laughing at a joke the wall told me when everyone else was talking about things that didn't interest me...how acquainted have i become with the floor? The rugs that lie so effortlessly, and the dolls that smile regardless, sitting pretty, sitting still. Still...sitting, though, like me. I can relate more easily to the contents of a room and the room itself--the space, even, that it provides, shadows behind doors, and i can see the shadows behind eyes. Other people don't seem to see these things. Is there something wrong with me? There lives this sadness underneath it all, underneath everything. But they don't seem to notice. It's just me, and sadly, something tells me, it's always going to be just me. Alone. It seems, i am my only true friend. And, sometimes, knowing a thing like that--it's enough to kill a girl. Current Mood: blah (Comment on this)
Saturday, July 16th, 2005
7:07 pm	Wonder What's going to happen? Do I want to know? :/ Wish wishes just came true, but then life would be a lie. Am I o.k. alone? Sure. ...right? I mean I've got a lot more confidence than some girls. And being single def. has its advantages. But...is it what I want? Easy answer - no. But is something long distance what I want either? Maybe. I mean I'd be up for it and willing, I think, but not sure it's what's best. And I'm scared. I'm scared that I don't mean as much as I think I do. I fear...I fear a lot. I fear the future. Don't tell me, but what's going to happen, I wonder. Current Mood: curious (Comment on this)
Thursday, July 7th, 2005
2:47 pm	squirm so i've been thinking about moments lately. well, more, what i do in a certain moment. and why i do what i do, or don't do what i don't do. and how come it's almost as if there are two separate mes - the one in a moment, and the one that's outside of the moment. i try to make them blend, i really do, but it's not all that easy. you can't just blend two selves. it doesn't work that way. i mean, if it was that easy, i probably wouldn't have any regrets or anything. but i do. i do have regrets. the thing about regrets though - they're only regrets because you did what you did or didn't do what you didn't do in that moment, in that self. you can't really change that. you can't change who you are in a moment. i mean, i guess you could if you were really thinking and not just acting or reacting. but like i said, it's not easy. it's not always so easy to think. i mean, before you act and all. because someone says something or does something and if you don't respond or if you don't react, and you're just standing there, thinking, you're not gonna get through to anyone. they'll just walk away or squirm around uncomfortably in the unanticipated silence. interactions don't work that way. moments just don't work that way. ya know? Current Mood: thoughtful (Comment on this)
Tuesday, March 15th, 2005
9:19 pm	smashing shameless plastic smiles The art of experiences and easy spirit emerges houses of exits and things to get done if you're lucky, there's a corner a symbol of freedom to star on and detours around ignorance that he displays so innocently a destination of quality reached through greedy quantity and shameless plastic smiles I have no idea where all that ^ came from, but it just seemed to write itself down. Not sure it makes much, if any, sense. But now it has inspired me to go write some more, some more sentences with more sense in them, but nonetheless I shall return later. And I am going to see if I can't get Prin to allow us to get on Livejournal there, cuz I really miss it. I'm on break now, which is how I'm making an entrance...er, entry. I don't know how to make an entrance, not without stumbling at least. I'm queen of faux pas, if you don't know me. la la la good knight, and to all a good night Current Mood: pensive (Comment on this)
Saturday, December 18th, 2004
10:52 am	just ask e.d. falcon is my momentary pen name. just so you're in The Know. :) please be considerate and respectfully read. do not copy because that is plagiarism. if you'd like to have a copy of anything please just ask. i'd be happy to grant you the permission, so don't steal. just because they're words and not money doesn't mean they're any less valuable. thank you. (Comment on this)
Friday, December 17th, 2004
3:47 pm	down to this what i have to say about this life is i am speechless half the time and if i could put it into words i might but some things are just too beautiful like your eyes when i am talking to you what i have to say about justice in this country is it's like beauty - it's in the eye of the beholder fair is as fair does don't worry, you'll understand it when you're older and crime is simply a meeting of the minds cuz you know you weren't the only one who had murder in mind and you know you weren't the only one standing in the line of fire guilt burns and then it dithers down when you realize it's just a trip a trap set by the sleeping guards who convinced themselves you wouldn't get away with it but keys in hand, death row is liberating itself one by one, in the line of fire if death is freedom, then so is chickenwire and i'm not saying i admire killers, but i guess that's the catch killer is as killer does so why don't you throw your guns to the hungry dogs and yell, go fetch! cuz they'll all fight to bite the bullet just like every prisoner is forced to do facing the fact that they just weren't that in touch with why the caged bird sings couldn't even live it vicariously through their victim had to find it out for themselves how the confinement of unbendable, metal bars is painful but necessary punishment for their lack of moral education who decides what is just though? who decides what is fair? power is a gun in hand power is the largest plot of land power is not as power does and that's the one exception to the saying but what i have to say is this: i may be speechless half the time but i never stop thinking and the other half i'm choosing my words wisely so in the end it all comes down to this: wise is as wise does and it's the choices we make not out of hate, but out of love that are going to change this world but some things are just too beautiful like my eyes when i am talking to you (C) 2004 E.D. FALCON Current Mood: accomplished (Comment on this)
2:16 am	"akimbo" by ani what dreams cause me to abandon my pillow each night? push away each of them, in fact since there always seem to be more than one then wake to aching stiff neck twisted tits and face smashed against the mattress legs and arms akimbo like the high pitched body of a jumper waiting for her chalk outline finally at rest Current Mood: sleepy (Comment on this)