i am an exhibitionist.

DIG!

Fri, 01 Oct 2004 20:08:08 GMT

My best kitty friend is crying outside. It sounds like he's saying "hellooo?". It's finally October, and after a breakdown, crying in the bathroom until the weee hours, wondering what should be happening, things became okay again.

We've been listening to music. Portable record player on the grass in the front yard with Spike curled up next to us, the song from Lost in Translation. Taking pictures with a grandfather camera. Rummaging through boxes to find a cd that used to be my favorite, and actually finding it. My mom coming downstairs in her llama wool poncho to rummage with us.

We start working at the Penny Saver on Monday, I'm hoping it will be as hilarious as I think it may be. Making excellent money with all these odd jobs, which will be good for all of our 322734895 plans. Maybe Astoria.

We're going to see DIG! tonight which I am beyond excited about, and have been asking asking asking when it begins since I first saw it flash across the big screen, because it's real. And it's how I feel inside. Real real real. Something waiting to explode.

I think we are going to play tennis, and my aunt gave me the tempature thing back. Now I can tell you, it's an unfortunate 80 degrees.

::Thanks Alli, and Michael, I just dont expect anyone to repond these days.

And Jen of course...oh Jen, but I'll email you later because you just know.::

Mon, 27 Sep 2004 14:40:01 GMT

Happy Birthday to me.
My mom wants to commit suicide....

One Year Off

Sat, 18 Sep 2004 06:21:26 GMT

"Are you going to come watch tv again?"
"Yeah!"
"Okay, I'll be there, bye!"

It's been nice to have a friend around during confusing moving times. It's been almost 3 months since I've had my own place, and I miss it, I do.
I've seen my friend every single day for the past two weeks, 24 hours a day, but suprisingly, it's been nice....even for me who prefers time alone. I haven't had a second to be lonely. Just reasurance, and laughing like silly kids into the weeee hours of the night. Trips to the library, piles of books, felt flower making, tv watching, job searching, dog walking, kitty petting, reading my very first diary, and I even cooked dinner. Spagetti, and chocolate mousse.

I've decided to skip the plan making here, since plans never do work out. Just ideas I guess. We have no idea where we will be in a month, just that we are taking it one day at a time. We might tour the country again, take jobs in small towns, just until we can move on again. We might make something permanant, I just cant be sure, and I like it that way because as it turns out, I can't stand routines.
9-5 just doesnt do it for me. I need suprises, new faces, stories, because afterall, I am a writer at heart.

Tomorrow we become babysitters, sunday we will see what it takes to get a spot in a certain LA flea market, Monday I start the 9-5, or rather, 8:30-5 receptionist job..at least I know what I dont want...at least that's a start.

Would you guys like some oatmeal?

Wed, 15 Sep 2004 19:57:17 GMT

Sept 9,
"Yesterday, Ben and I were walking to the park, and these two boys stopped us, and asked if we wanted to be in a documentary about racism. He basically just wanted us to say 'Fuck racism!' into the camera. We were carrying the guitar with us, so Ben played and I sang, then screamed. The boys smiled and said 'That was awesome!' and we went on about the day."

+Meeting up with a pop starlet from England, and her traveling mate Gharam.

+Drinking till all hours in a hostel overlooking Broadway, where somewhere, Claire was probably stripping.

+Hippies asking us if we minded a little Blind Melon, and then going crazy as they blasted over the stereo

+Listening to this pop starlet's cd in the car

+Hiking all the way down a mountain side with no shoes, and meeting up with the ocean

+Vegan sandwhiches

+Nepolian Dynamite/ The Brown Bunny

+Sitting on a hill surrounded by dancing hippies, and little baby hippies, smoking pot, and dancing to drums

+Having our own session on the same hill days later with a guitar, dusk, and the england kids jammin.

+Fire dancers in the dark

+Being led with my eyes closed into a tent bursting with wild flowers

+The best new hat ever

+Making the best mix tape ever with Katy D's records

+A brand new zine about Portland

+suprise camera shots

+The lesbian soccer team

+Ben chasing a parking ticket down a busy street

+Looking over the city and truly falling in love with the idea of community

+"I'm still standing here, i think someone told me you said hi. other people keep relaying your messages to me and i wish you would just come stand here with mee and tell me in person. i'm over here." being written on Katy's wall in swirly blue writing.

+wearing a scarf

+walking to the warf so late at night, watching a seagull eat chicken

+watching spainish tv in the landromat

+Going to the best 45 record store ever. Meeting Dick, watching laughing boys paint a mural, Dick knowing Ben by name, and checking out his legs. Dick telling me "it was nice to meet you honey"

+Katy D in the backyard, talking about a jam session, and playing on top of a pool table in a bar. Running into her later coming back from eating tacos

+Meeting Andrew and Isack-the connections began. As Isack was Laurel's sister, who is Katy's girlfriend, and later meeting Andrew's roomate who is the waitress at this diner who we met and later saw at Denny's one night who was sharing my favorite snack

+Andrew making the best soup ever

+A mexican dance with techno lights

+Seeing Katy D in the car with Laurel right next to us on the freeway, and calling on cellphones so that screaming out of car windows didn't have to be done

We were lucky enough to perhaps fall into 12 dollar jobs, at the same place. Car pool! Later today is a pool party, and watching summer end in such a strange way.
Moving myself all over the west coast, and the drive away from the North made me realize that no matter where I am, I'm home, and it finally set me free.

Ricearoni

Fri, 03 Sep 2004 23:49:37 GMT

I just got off the phone with a girl that moved from the west coast to the east coast. To the same city I lived in, couldn't understand, and moved back to California, just like she did. To the city I am leaving for tomorrow. And then moving to the city she's origionally from, and says is still her most favorite place. Portland Oregon. Yes, that's my final destination.

Anyway, I told her all 3 of us should hang out because we have cities in common, she said that was a good idea. Sigh. I love these kinds of connections that make me so excited to meet new people and talk about experiences!

Oh yeah, and I have a temp appointment for Tuesday. Word. BIGG MONNEEYYY!

Today I am crossing to do things off of my list, tomorrow I will wake up and drive to Alabama street where I can meet up with my friend and go play on a 3 day holiday. From what I hear, Katy D is back in town.

We have houses picked out, this is my favorite one yet.

or this one because of the garden and huge basement for basement shows. Oh my my my, it will be wonderful.

$380.00 each, that's not even a full time job. That's enough time for art, music, friends, cooking, gardening, zine making, bike riding, thrift shopping, Maybee playing, exploring, and dancing on the side.

Tomorrow starts a whole new chapter.

*ding* please turn the page.

It's peanut butter jelly time!

Tue, 31 Aug 2004 23:51:37 GMT

PEANUT BUTTER JELLY AND A BASEBALL BAT!

It's funny cause I was singing this song all in San Francisco, and last week. Ahhh good times.

Granite Seeds?

Tue, 31 Aug 2004 23:28:16 GMT

I think my mom just admitted to me that she's had a three-some. How bizarre.

C.B.'s day to write is Sunday. Mine has always been Saturday, but alas, there's nothing wrong with a little procrastination. What day is it anyhow?

I had a dream I was baked to death in an oven.

My mum and I just went on a trip to the library, which is one of my top most favorite places ever. Others include: the zoo, and the airport, record stores, etc. I always end up with piles of non-fiction books. I like to learn about everything. Last time it was about the sea, this time was more a variety. A reference book about cats, how to fix bicycles, ways to boost your immune system (I'm going through this whole health thing right now), a book about everything from the best ways to start your day, financial planning, gardening, down to how to plan a party..it's just informative and cute.
My mom was pointing at this book about weed and laughing and said I should get it. It's funny cause I dont really smoke, and I surely haven't said anything about it to my momma...she's such a silly hippy. It turned out to be a book about weeds..like in the yard, and she was trying to convince me that she knew that all along. Lies. And that was my trip to the library.

I finally washed my poor sad dirty car. Spike (the neighborhood cat) came over to visit, and hung out in the shade while I was so hot in the sunshine..I think I may be allergic to the sun like my mom...yikes. Earlier this week, I went to AAA and got tons of free maps for all the appealing places I want to be, so I know where everything is in comparison to so-and-so.

It's been a week with animals. A visit to miss Maybee, who is in heat right now and acts so sexy. A lost squirrel in the neighbors yard..where did it come from? Why is it visiting the burbs? A sleepy dove, nesting in the grass this morning, my poor old Lulu dog, who grew ill this week and we were so scared that she was going to die. We had to rush her to the emergency room only to get no information out of the doctor. It was obvious he was trying to rip us off, and so we took my sick love out, and she was already doing better. Wagging her tail and smiling like she does...my dad took her to her O.G. vet the next morning. And of course Spike's visits. He comes over to visit every now and then. He'll start meowing at the door and I go outside and play with him. He fell asleep on my lap while I was on the phone with San Francisco the other day. I like animals more than people.<3

The plans are all coming together. By this time next week I could possibly be gone, just to work until the bigger plan. It's so crazy man. Anything is possible, who knows what will happen. I like it that way.

B.F. left his camera in my car. Cannon. Just like the one I used before I moved the first time! Manual to the max. I've been taking upclose pictures of things in this house. To give to my gramma when she moves..she's lived here 40-some-odd years and took a chance to move to the beach! I'm going to frame them and give them to her for her big 70. She's my hero.

With that, I must read. I must learn. I know so much more has happened lately, I can't even remember it all. A mess indeed!

<3mandy melson.

Thu, 26 Aug 2004 01:15:11 GMT

I.
Once upon a time I went to the beach (this past Sunday). It was Jen's 21st birthday, and as far as I knew, everyone was going to be there celebrating her life. I was walking through the sand, holding my high heels in one hand, and her birthday bag in another, looking quasi confused and hoping I would find someone I knew.

Instead, someone I didn't know found me.

This boy ran up to me and asked me what I was looking for. I told him it was my friend's birthday and he started asking me questions, what was my name, where did I live? What color were my eyes? (I had big sunglasses on). He seemed nice enough, we sat down and started to talk, just so I could scan the beach and not have to walk 42390869304 miles in the sand. It turns out he was from Barcalona, and was traveling around for 2 weeks before school started again..that's about the time he let the lines start rolling

"You are..how do you say...so beautiful, yes? I will write about you in my journal!"

oh man that killed me..best line EVER! I started making excuses to leave, and he was asking me to stay

"just 5 more minutes, yes?"

"just 5 more minutes, no..I have to go"

"Can I give you one kiss before you leave"

"WHAT? No way man!"

"You do like me, yes?"

"I dont even know you"

"Oh, you do like me"

"what?"

"Okay, well a hug goodbye then!"

He came in for the kill, but tried to kiss me afterall, so I turned my head and started making those nervous sounds. THEN HE STUCK HIS TOUNGE IN MY EAR!!!!

"WHOOAAA!!!! WHAT ARE YOU DOING!?!"

"come on...just one!"

This is why I don't like most boys. And when it comes down to it, I would have thought that I, before anyone else would have punched the guy in the face, but I didnt. I pushed him away and said

"BYE" and ran off. And that's it. Needless to say, I never found my friends, but I got a phone call later that cleared every thing up. Congrats on the nipple Jen, yeow.

II.
I have made a change of plans to where I am moving. I will not say where it is yet, and only a few select people know. It's a secret.

III.
My mom got me the best thing ever ever ever. This HUUUGEE wicker picnic basket with holders for plates and forks and cups and it's so great, I can't wait to put it to use. That's what we should do Jen (if Bryan doesn't come through).

IV.
We were sitting in the living room watching a movie the other night, when we heard this helicopter outside. It turned out to be a friend of my gramma's, this guy has his own helicopter and stopped by to wave hello. I hope to be this way when I'm that age. He takes his friends up to the tops of mountains in it and they fly kites all afternoon, and then have picnics. Ah, the golden years. :)

V.
I went to the second baseball game of my life last night. I dont remember actually paying much attention to the game. Someone handed me a pair of binoculars and I had more fun watching people all over the place get so excited about a game they weren't even playing. I think we won.

VI.
At this point I am guessing the roman numerals, I dont really remember. Today has been spent with my gramma, going to see her new house, doing lunch, and we're about to head out to see a movie. Fabulous!

<3<3<3

I'm barfing

Sat, 21 Aug 2004 07:52:20 GMT

Frankly, I dont feel like doing a thing now. I even got out the sissors tonight, but I put them safely away before I cut all my hair off once again.

It was my own stupid decision, but I dont feel like it was done correctly, or in the correct manner, or if it should have been done at all. I just feel sickish, so I'm listening to my favorite mix tape (thanks again Danny), and would like to erase the past 3 days. Thankyouverymuch.

The best thing that happened today was iced tea, and discovering a bunch of oatmeal soap that had been hidden away..this excites me sadly. Maybe too much. It smells so good. Other than that I have been completly obsessed with finding a place to live. All day long, I look and look and call and email to take my mind off other things and focus on the main goal of now.

Tomorrow involves adventures with B-mar and miss Jennipie, Sunday is Jen's beach birthday bash. Get me away from the house, or I will fall back into hermit-dom, I'm good at that.

Couch time.

Panda pop

Thu, 19 Aug 2004 08:06:30 GMT

I am back to all day pajama action, Sex and the City, and phone calls to the place I want to be. Oh, and bactine, an ice pack, and looking up symptoms of the West Nile Virus because I ended up with 7 HUGE bug bites on my arm and belly, 2 of which have become blisters..I'm full of poison. POISON POISON POI POI POISON. Oh early 90's hip hop...

Anyhow, I dont think I am dying just yet.

Though I have also started period part 2 of this month from the stress of moving and being so excited from being there. Hooray for being a girl.

It was wonderful though. Walking blocks upon blocks in my first pair of really high magenta high heels. Most of which consisted of being barefoot, and a homeless woman worrying that I might step on a piece of glass, and trying to move any particle out of the way. Bus rides to late night diners, quarters getting stuck in the jukebox. "THAT'S THE LAST KNIFE IN THE JUKEBOX!" The waiter saying fuck and shit and getting excited to tell us all the hot spots of SAANNN FRAAANNCCIISSSCOO. Lots and lots of sleeping, and listening to records, stealing Katy's CDs for car rides through town, listening to that Pavement song that made Tom Westfall go insane in the backseat of my car on a trip to the mountains that one time.

A trip to the Golden Gate bridge from afar, another flower crown, and lots of crazy dancing to the Rondelles on the way to look at lofts. Which I fell in love with. Which are no longer available. Poo on Bob Mullen for renting away my bathroom and stove-less dreams.

(There was one hallway that smelled like her so much, and made me miss her like hell. It was so ironic to hear from her once I got home. So so nice...so comforting.)

Another night at the lesbian bar, minus Seth and Claire, and not fully ready for such hard liquor, but the music was good. Someone played the Moldy Peaches, and lots of Yeah Yeah Yeahs.

The weather was perfect there for 4 days straight. There were clouds when I first arrived, but they were gone within an hour or so. From there on out, it was sunshine, I dont know what people are talking about..all these bay area clouds. Pish Posh.

We did laundry yesterday, choclate milkshakes, ice cream brownies, the best soup ever, and salad. Our waitress friend from ice cream diner and late night denny's. Call backs to everyone, and a hug but not for goodbye, cause I will be back in no time my friend.

it just tastes better.

Mon, 16 Aug 2004 21:00:26 GMT

I'm at this internet place on Valencia, and goddamn if this place isn't my heaven, I dont know what is.

Beginning day 1:
I drove. and drove and drove. Writing down things i saw along the way. A cloud shaped like a uterus, 10 million cows in the same spot. Trucks filled to the brim with tomatoes. Lots and lots of yellow hills, blue sky.

I found the place relativly easily, Alabama street, the blue house with the chair and the vespas outside. The yellow bike tied to the pole down the street. I was all ready to go out and explore. Get this woman a drink! Ben Forshay and I began our adventures early on. First stop was this lesbian bar that Katy had taken him to. The bartender (Seth) was this girl that had lived here for 10 years and knew how to make killer White Russians. There were only a few people there, and this great big dog that cried for attention. We played with the jukebox, they are amazing here! Gravy Train, Le Tigre, Erase Errata.

After a nice buzz, we made our way to the bar that had Beat happening in the jukebox. on the way, I saw this kid i used to hang out with and trade music with. It's funny cause I had been listening to the CD he had made me again recently, and had his tape in my car. i called him the wrong name, but didn't feel so bad when he asked if my name was Megan.
The drinks were way too strong, and Beat happening didn't work out, but Smog did. We headed back to our side of town. But stopped along the way to make flower crowns in the middle of the wet grass in front of the Civic Center.

Lesbians! The bar was packed when we got back. And we had already drank too much, so we ordered more. That's about the time the dancing girls got on top of the bar, and i had just the right amount of alchohol in me to fall in love. This girl that was in front of me and was sexy as hell, smiling down at me, putting her hat on my head, me acting silly and nervous. Sexy eyes. She kissed me and then bought ME a drink..yeah. We took shots together, and talked about jobs. Turns out she's a stripper..shit man. Her name was Claire and she wants to hook me up as a cocktail waitress at the place she strips at. It's funny because it was the secret job i wanted, and it fell right into my lap. The last shot was the end for me. I ended up crying, cause thats what i do when I drink too much. Crying and then not being able to stop. We were about to head home when Claire came running out to hug me and give me her phone number and ask if I had someone to walk home with me..that girl? ho ho ho.
One late night phone call to B-mar, sobbing that I missed him, and then waking up the next morning in Katy's bed with my make-up still on and feeling absolutly amazing, minus the biggest hangover ever.

Nausea nausea nausea, BUT our plans for full time drunks was in full affect. Word.

We slept most of the second day, got up long enough to get lunch, go to Amoeba, purchase the wrong Of Montreal album, and Quintron, and head to Golden Gate Park to make more flower crowns, sleep in the grass, and have the best grass fight of all time. Then back to the house and back to bed until it was midnight and our bellies were growling for more food. We hit up Denny's and saw the guy that served us breakfast. Cheese sticks! And then back to bed and dreaming about Marna and ghosts, and saying "no!" and "stupid" in my sleep.

I'm so in love with this place. in lovelovelove with the way Katy's room smells, and her window and all the records and listening to Belle and Sebastian to fall asleep to. The guy from the Numbers sleeping two rooms down, it's all so close and nice. The kids with the 400 dollar room emailed me back, but I'm considering a loft. I want to stay in the mission. I was walking down the street the first day and was overwhelmed with a sense of De ja vu, everything felt so familiar, and it was strange and comfortable, and this is where I'm supposed to be for now.

The sun hasn't stopped shining since i got here, and ben forshay took the day off so we could play. We made a list that included book stores, thrift shops, record stores, and phone calls to places so I can get myself back here ASAP.

I finished my last week of work, and the kids threw me a party with this huge amazing cake and chinese food and promises to call for drinks and visits, letters in the mail. I'm such a lucky girl.

<3

Marching Bands

Sat, 14 Aug 2004 16:17:46 GMT

Drink coffee.

Pack bag.

Get MONEYYYY

Gasoline.

And off to San Francisco with me!

Magnolia.

Tue, 10 Aug 2004 04:21:31 GMT

I forgot to mention, to those who do not already know...the Mates of State kids had a baby! A little girl named Magnolia Hammel. Hooray!

Runway Roadkill

Mon, 09 Aug 2004 04:42:03 GMT

I can't see straight..my eyes get have been getting blurry around this time for 2 days straight from sewing tiny pieces of felt individually. The outcome is good.

One tote bag with a kite flying, rainy day scene.
K pillow-yellow
Owl pillow-pink and green

I must admit, for being so anti-social this weekend, I'm feeling pretty satisfied. Well..not so anti-social, I did spend almost the entire time in San Francisco, only, it was on the phone. It all comes down to actual plans for a real trip up there next weekend for sure. FO SHO'. I emailed an awesome little place in the Mission for only 400 a month. With artists and activists! Am I working backwards? No way.

The boy didn't call back again tonight...meh. It's a Sunday thing, it always tends to happen on Sundays..why is that?

Being the last work week I will have to deal with for awhile, I am waking up extra early to put in that much more time for that much more money to get there that much sooner.

Here's to everything coming together.
Cheeerss mate!

Poopface.

Sat, 07 Aug 2004 21:20:04 GMT

It's mother effin hot out, so I came home and took off the majority of my clothes and put on the moving mix..I think I'm about to explode. There's so much inside me waiting to come out...it's mad. These are the days of realizations, I seem to understand things more these days. Why things didn't work out. Why certain friends couldn't make it. Why I do the things I do in relationships. it's like I'm on shrooms without the halucinations.

I went to find my momma at Jo-Anns. I like to go in there and see if I can find her without looking. I want to see if I can find her by our mother-daughter connection. I listen for her voice..I found her that way. She was all excited and bouncing around all over the store showing me robot and giraffe materials. I swear that's me in the future.
Anyhow, I walked out of the store with a huge new pile of felt, and a tote bag. My house will be transformed into a sweat shop this weekend.

I've started setting dates. One more week of work!
GET READY NOW! GET FUCKED UP! MAKE-OUT! GET HAPPY NOW!
The kids at work are going to throw me a pot luck! WITH A MOTHER EFFIN CAKE! I haven't even been there that long, and I'm already getting a goodbye cake! So nice.

Ben and I have decided to become full time drunks up north. Since I couldn't completly pull it off here, I'll be the Brett Martinez of San Francisco. It will be fabulous.

I want to buy records, I want to buy records, I want to buy records...Coachwhips....dahhh!!

It's not Paris, but it'll do.

Thu, 05 Aug 2004 05:03:44 GMT

I wore a shirt to work that I made last week, and I already have 3 requests for them to be made for other people. How strange and neat. I've been cutting tiny little felt stars for my first one. It's going to be an explosion..fish on the next, and I haven't figured out the last yet. I had a boy ask me if I did boy shirts too.
I already have an octopus and airplane ideas.

I was driving home and saw one of my most favorite things ever in the sky... it looked just like that too...it made me smile.

My support system is gone, and I feel really alone. I didn't think I would, but I do. I guess that's how it's supposed to be anyhow...but now I think I'll be going on this journey all on my own and I'm a bit scared because I feel lost and confused as to why I'm doing it all over again. I just wish I knew where I'm supposed to be, or what I'm supposed to be doing..everyone else seems so settled. I dont feel settled at all..I mean considering the events taking place, it makes sense, but I already miss my friend and I dont know what's going on. He's there, and then he's not, and I have to adjust, I guess it takes time.
I'm sad that my dad didn't come over like he said he would...as always...it reminds me for the 29057240967th time that you can't depend on anyone..not even dad. It just didn't help the current situation and feeling somewhat abandoned by best friend for what I guess are important reasons to him, but to me..well I just wanted to play in the park and maybe go to a show. I'm feeling quite negative towards the idea of moving at the moment. I have to really think about what's important to me. Why I wanted to go in the first place. I've hit another road bump, and I need reassurance...oh bother.

On a lighter note, I finished another monster tonight. He's pink and has a lazy eye.
Now I must go wash my hair.

Warning: I'M A GIRL

Wed, 04 Aug 2004 14:30:32 GMT

I need a warning label.
May get crazy from time to time.
May hurt your feelings
May confuse you to all hell and back

I was literally on my way to work yesterday..actually, I was sitting in traffic listening to Masters of the Hemisphere, and that last song came on..and it just explained me at that moment. I almost killed at least 3 people by swerving off the freeway and heading back home. Only to start packing my bags and calling a few people to tell them that I was just leaving. That I've been in this goddamn confused state because of the pressure that I was just going to make people happy...or unhappy by leaving and just going to San Fransisco. I got far as to make sleeping arrangements of sorts, and having 2 bags ready, but I was trying to call Plan A (so dumb) but he wasn't picking up the phone. And I couldn't just leave without warning, so I drove over and woke him up.
I had already left some crazy message saying I was leaving now. My plans on the way over had changed to I was visiting for a few days. And by the time I left they had changed to I would go for the weekend. Now I just dont care, and we'll go together when we have time in the next couple weeks.

I was told the other day that maybe making things happen wasn't always the answer..maybe that's true, but I'm so impatient, I want to see the change..if I can feel it starting, I will speed up the process by making rash decisions..this is why my hair never gets any longer. That and anger.

Plan B has left the building. Again.

I emailed my first place though..it had tennis courts and a running path, since I'm such the sports and health freak, as you all know of course. It was on Treasure Island, unfortunatly, miss Maybee was not allowed since they were already over the kitty limit. Dissed.

I got an email from a Mr. Hotchocolateboy, that email will be returned asap. For now, work.

I'm imagining thinking...

Tue, 03 Aug 2004 03:33:30 GMT

I expected to be asleep early Friday night, but Brett was too fun to resist and I ended up at Underground with him, Brent, Dawn, and Michael..and then Jennipie, and Thomas! This boy Ray that makes Raybombgranades or something..I dont know, I remember him talking about them, and then drinking one the next night at the Brett Michael party.

Anyway, the night was splendid. Dancing to the Velvet Underground with Dawn, and getting crazy to the Faint with Brent and his amazing underarm scent.<3

Brett's party was many things. Many many things.
highlights:

+ TEQUILA SHOTS WITH BRYAN!
+ Jennipie being drunk so cute
+ Sitting next to Thomas on the ground and being silly and making friends..I never really get the chance to do that with him!
+ Just wanting to hear that boy talk...hearing him and then laughing hysterically...oh I finally met him...geez...
+ A girl named Melina..so sweet..
+ Jeremy wearing a pink Microphones shirt and doing somersaults on the grassy patch with Ashley
+ Jen stopping by with amazing strawberries..needless to say, I do miss the girl, if she believes it or not.<3
+ Eating said strawberries with Jeremy on the ground
+ Being introduced to indie rock kids
+ Having one of the best music conversations ever..very very very rare is it that I meet someone with the SAME musical interests as me. Beat Happening as their number 1 favorite...and has met Gene Defcon...sooooo jelous am I...plus he's moving to San Francisco around the same time as me to the same spot. How ironic? A NEW FRIEND who promised me a mix tape, and gave me one out of his car as a preview..I've listened to it all day, it's amazing..and funny because I made one that's almost the same...so strange. These are the things that excite me most in life..how silly.
+ that ray bomb granade thing..it was interesting...
+ a late late late night phone call...me crying..explaining how I am not supposed to be involved in certain things because I intentionally do things to fuck them up just to see what the outcome is....this is bad.

After that, I fell asleep on the phone and was reminded that I still sleep with my mouth open..yeah, it's true man.

Today a boy at worked was shocked that I have a boyfriend. He said that I seemed like I would be single and dancing all the time because I seem so independent, carefree and fun...that was interesting to hear coming from someone I hardly know. I dont know how I feel about this.

Hot damn I miss my records and my tape player..I want to create mix tapes like never before......geez geez geez....

21:49

Thu, 29 Jul 2004 04:49:35 GMT

I have the yo yo on my finger while I type this..it's an addiction I tells ya. I was having withdrawls when I realized I hadn't brought it to work with me. oh sad times.

It's funny how full of sound effects my life is. The WHOOSH sounds I make when I turn really fast, or when I'm falling over. I do it so often, I dont even notice myself doing it anymore..except today I was putting files away and I kept doing it whenever I would put something up on the shelf. I finally noticed when I realized people were looking over at me and making the sound back. WHOOSH! I know Denise used to do it too..I wonder if I got it from her? It was funny when she did it cause it was all crazy and fast. I dont even know.

I think the boy said he starts his porn again this week..is that true? Eh? He asked me if I wanted to be in it. YYEAAAHH!!! PORN STAR MANDY MELSON. okay..so it was just in some extra scene, at a party or something. But whatevs man, I'll be in porn! yeow yeow yeow.

Ben Forshay called. He's going to some lesbian bar with Katy and the girlfriend. ho ho. DUDE, YOU'RE A DUDE! I dont think that's allowed man.

They call me PINCHE WETA at work. I think it means they like me :) Friends! I dont even know how to spell that. They tell me to say white power and it's amusing in the worst way ever.

Don't mind her, she's on speed.

Wed, 28 Jul 2004 04:52:18 GMT

The boy brought me a yo yo last night. I've been playing with it for the last 10 minutes or so. It's red, and there's a fly on it. I dont understand the fly...but it's there..and it's a fly...on my yo yo...AROUND THE WORLD!!..dahhhh!!

It's dangerous, the yo yo.

And I'm glad things are okay...

The first member of the moving to San Francisco crew has arrived, and is now out eating ice cream with Katy Davidson, and I am jelous as bloody hell. But so excited for him all the same! He has already called to report the many bookstores and old record shops that we will end up in, in only a matter of weeks now..dah the day is getting closer and I think I may burst!

I also received my very last CD from him in the mail. It's all his greatest hits. That song that Het sings, and the Cinderella jump rope song, the moon song with Lieber, and all his single stuff which just sounds amazing...WHERE'S THE MANDY MELSON SONG? Oh wait, I already know the story. And it's on my computer anyway, screw the red bicycle!
If I can get his permission, I want to post one of the songs. :)

I kept falling asleep at work..inside boxes of files, and it was strange and didn't make sense. I took a mini thin and walked around and felt high for like 5 minutes..continual shaking, and speedy thought processing..but then it was gone, and I was back in the boxes drooling on mortgages and home loans.

WALK THE DOG!! Soon I'll be the one appearing at your local high school as the one man yo yo team. WATCH OUT BITCHES...because I'm ROCKING THE CRADEL....okay stop...

you wanted an entry.

Mon, 26 Jul 2004 05:43:37 GMT

I hate to be so bitter about it, but it all comes down to:

What's up 5 am wake up call....

and you're still having fun....still...

I guess I'm alone here...goddamnit..that's just not how I wanted it to be.

That's a mighty powerful rocket you got there!

Sat, 24 Jul 2004 22:10:45 GMT

I think I'm supposed to be getting dressed or taking a shower or something along those lines. Fuck it.
BITCH, IT'S SATURDAY! I already went to the bank...and got gas..the 2 things I hate the most <3

Instead I'm sitting here so in love. in love lovelovelove...with another man. oh Gene Defcon..how i hate to admit how much i love you so.
And here is the tale of how our love found one another at last:

He found me. I emailed him. He emailed me back and wants a mix tape..in which i only put songs that describe my undying love...we were married.
From there we began making babies..many many babies. We started a baby ranch. Babies run about in tiny little chap pants and cowboy hats smoking Marbrols and drinking cheap beer.
This is all taking place in Austin of course, I dont want the man falling to pieces on me here.

This is all true.

Okay FINE none of it is true, except for the fact that he did find me! and i did email him! and he does want a mix tape!
oh and i do love the man. And we will one day be wed. You're all invited. Congrats. ..sigh..

Anyway, on our road trip last year, Ben and I were going to make posters including this photo and "HAVE YOU SEEN THIS MAN?" in huge letters underneath. We've decided to bring that idea back to life in San Fran. Look out kids...

Okay okay enough about the man I love...

Onto the plan! I guess I dont have an exact countdown date to be excited for..all I know is that it will be mid August, and holy fuck is it here yet? The red bicycle girl who sang Rocketship songs with her mom on stage..that used to live on the island state, that is/was best friends with a girl on my friendslist, who used to be the roomate of a boy I used to..whatever..emailed Ben and wants to start a mother fucking band! That I am already involved in. It's like I'm living this life that I haven't even started yet!

I'm still on part 2 of my list..the whole saving money and getting excited thing. It's gotten to the point at work where I'm just acting silly and laughing at myself all day. My hair was so dirty yesterday that I made the back into a giant point coming up from my head and went about my day like so.
Ben sent me the K movie and I was estatic. I recorded the whole thing on my tape recorder so that I can listen to it while I work and learn every little thing.
He sent the Shaggs too! The philosophy album.

Tonight we shall dance!

But first I must get colored tights from the thrift store. Which involves getting dressed perhaps.

ohmymaybee: lates
ohmymaybee: hahahahHHAHAHAHAHAHAHAH
ohmymaybee: hahahahahahahhaa
ohmymaybee: lates...oh man i kill me.

it's one of THOSE days...hoho.

barf on your face

Tue, 20 Jul 2004 05:45:20 GMT

Goddamn you Britney Spears...
He loves this song way too much...."HOW CAN YOU NOT LOVE THIS SONG!? I mean godddamnit! UUUHH!!" (dance dance by himself)

I'm barfing.....
barf barf on you.

I hate you DT!!

Sun, 18 Jul 2004 18:27:52 GMT

"ohh this song..this song..." -Dawn Marna.

A:
Everyone keeps returning to beds all over the place. Bed bed sleep sleep dorritos!
This music could only be better if the weather was colder. mmm cold weather.
Brett is sitting in a chair by the window with crazy bed hair talkng to a mister Freeny.

I love waking up and feeling completly satisfied. Kelly coming into the room to inform us of a DISASTOR (which would be her glasses falling behind the bed at some point during the night). Dawn coming into the room with her bag of dorritos with one eye open. Brett answering the phone "who are you..". Me sleeping on the edge of the bed cause I think I'm still on a couch.

B:
Plans just fell into my lap yesterday. I didn't expect to do a thing until Brett informed me of The Magnetic Fields being in town. yum. We picked up Dawn who showed us her owl collection..which was indeed amazing, and headed to Brett's to meet up with Donny Osmand.
The show ended up being sold out.

C:
We ended up in the car speeding down the freeway with Kelly in the car towards Bang. What? Bang? yeah. We danced to Of Montreal the entire way, I think Marna and I may have some sort of chreographed something coming along. She did already steal my car dance...psh.
Of course we didn't make it on time, so we each popped open a bottle of champagne, to drink in style you know. We smoked Lucky Strikes and had to pee like whoa.
Interpretive dancing as always, laughing so much that Brett was secretly throwing up. Dancing crazy big, and losing Marna to a Shananagan brother.

I've never seen Kelly's underwear so many times. (They're pink.)

I was mean to a boy that tried to dance with me by grabbing my hand and smiling. Sorry boy.

D:
Coming home with the tape recorder on hand and Marna making puke sounds, calling us shitheads and cursing Del Taco (even though we were at jack in the box) it was fucking awesome.

E:
Oh how this song makes me think of 2 years ago when I first started Aaron Brothers, had just returned from a visit to Boston, and was on my way to Las Vegas for the first real time.

<3<3<3

crash landings seem to be the method I prefer

Fri, 16 Jul 2004 03:43:23 GMT

"haha, better than sitting around ...
its just like, ill have the worst day thinking the worst thoughts. rainstorms every which way, andthen youll come around and its like,
well its like here comes thesun" (an amazing friend told me this tonight. To you: thank you for caring so much.)

Part 1:
I've been listening to so much Masters of the Hemisphere and falling so in love with it over and over again. Especially with the days we've been having...warm warm warm and those clouds and the way the sky is blue and the trees are moving about, and all the planes flying over, that pink one I see everyday, and the birds.
It just fits together, like a puzzle...like us.

Though I am so excited for fall...so excited. I'm excited for pumpkins.

Part 2:
I'll be at work, and I'll be lounging around on the floor in my headphones and listening to music that's good to dance to, so i will dance. And I'll do it while I'm sorting these papers and getting paid to do it all day. I'll be thinking, because the job really is a truly mindless task, and I'm thinking of all the upcoming days and months and friends and possibilities and singing and making music and continuing monsters and walking dogs as a weekend job at the park. Visits from my pals and the boy taking his pictures and finding a good place to re-live our dancing days..and a place to develop our own film for cheap.
This is a normal day at work for me.

Part 3:
I feel so indescribable when I talk to my friends these days...I dont know what it is....they're such amazing people, and how each of them is so different:

How Brett calls me his love and calls me and worries about me and is just the best fucking person. How all he wants is us to be together laughing. Interpretive dancing for lyfe!

How Ben is trying so hard to make sure we have plenty of things to do once we make it to our choice destination. And how he makes sure everything goes smoothly along the way, and makes ABSOLUTE sure that we are learning about ourselves the whole way "im bringing out my portable record player and a case full of records only a handful from the stacks...and thats one of them so we can listen to rekids duude" oh, and all the mail I keep receiving from him! music music music. "like oh gosh mail is amazing"

How Andrew asked me to invade his privacy for a week, and lets me lounge in pjs and be sleepy and makes me breakfast and jump on his bed. How he's willing to go on any adventure, and wants me along for the ride. "As long as I have my camera, and you have something to write with, we're set" <3

How all my random spurts of new friends are just silly exciting.

Part 4:
smoothies, telephone calls, and reading.

A good good night indeed.

P.S. They totally played Gravy Train at Par Avion the other night...oh man...<3<3<3