diary of a spinster & lunatic

I am officially decreeing

2008-06-26T03:45:25Z

That my future husband is going to be either:

a) black
b) British
d) have an accent
e) a basketball player
f) a footballer (soccer player)
g) an R&B singer

Hehehehehehehehehehehe.

Euro 2008: Turkey versus Germany

2008-06-25T20:42:52Z

I had a dream last night that I missed this semifinal match because of work. I was so pissed off. And in that dream, Turkey and Germany scored 4-4 and the result went to penalty kicks. But I don't remember who won the PKs, I think that's when my dream shifted to something completely different. Or I woke up.

Anyway, so in reality it's 3-2 and looks like Germany's gonna come away with the win. Something's fucked up with ESPN, there's been technical difficulties for like the past 20 minutes. OK, the whistle's been blown, Germany's officially won.

But Turkey! I'm so fascinated by them. When they came back from 0-2 against the Czech Republic, it was amazing. I never got to see the match against Croatia, but coming into this game, everybody was talking about them.

Now I'm looking forward to Spain winning tomorrow and spanking Germany next Sunday. Let's hope.

TWILIGHT!!!

2008-06-24T04:10:57Z

I remember when I first picked up a copy of this amazing book. It was either at the library or in Barnes and Noble, I can't be sure which. But I distinctly remember reading the following short "preview" of the contents inside:

About three things I was absolutely positive. First, Edward was a vampire. Second, there was a part of him - and I didn't know how dominant that part might be - that thirsted for my blood. And third, I was unconditionally and irrevocably in love with him.

I remember scoffing and dismissing the book as some cheap gothic romance novel when I read that bit. I wasn't interested in reading it then. It wasn't until the last couple of months that I finally realized that my own friends - people I knew - were talking about this book, hyping it up. And so I finally managed to borrow a copy and decided to see what all the fuss was about.

And boy, oh boy, did I see what all the fuss was about. The plot was a little sketchy but nonetheless suspenseful, and some of the minor characters felt too underdeveloped. But never have I ever fallen so hopelessly in love (or maybe lust) with a character before as much as I am right now with Edward Cullen. I'd say he's jumped up there with Mr. Darcy on my list of fictional-characters-I-would-love-to-have-my-way-with. I got tingles reading about the love between Edward and Bella, a love so magical and forbidden and exciting and real.

Sigh. Stephenie Meyer has brought out the hopeless romantic in me again. I've never read a book so dark and intense that got me this chilled, this excited. I've become a Twilight groupie, and so damn proud of it! Better late than never, eh?

AND I CAN'T FREAKING WAIT FOR DECEMBER 12!!!!!!!!!!!!!

This whole Sox/Cubs deal

2008-06-23T00:56:30Z

Growing up, I watched baseball occasionally in the summers with my dad, but we never declared any allegiance to one team. True, he tended to watch the Cubs more, but I have visual proof of my younger brother wearing Sox when he was a baby. So clearly it didn't matter. And since my childhood took place in the midst of all the Jordan heydey, I worshipped the Bulls instead.

Fast forward to 2005. By some stroke of fate, the White Sox found themselves on the road to winning the World Series. I became fascinated, interested. My history teacher that year happened to be a Sox fan, and I guess he wielded some influence over me - it also helped to know that true Sox fans existed. And so, the boys in black and white went all the way, and I became a Sox fan.

Most people would scoff and brand me as jumping on the bandwagon, a "fair weather" fan. And so I am. I jumped on the wagon, I cheered with everyone else on it. But so far I have yet to jump off it, even when the weather was "bad" like it was last season. In the past three years, the Sox have somehow managed to make me actually LIKE baseball.

The same couldn't be said for the rest of my family. My father and brother cemented themselves as Cubs loyalty, while my mother and youngest brother couldn't care less. They mock me now, tease me, taunt me (as have nearly 85% of the people I know). And now, as I sit here watching the final game of the first Sox/Cubs series this year, I realize something about this rivalry the Sox and the Cubs share.

And it's that I don't give a shit.

I take more pride in loving the Sox than hating the Cubs. And I'm not going to stoop to other people's level and waste my time finding reasons to hate on them. Yesterday a co-worker asked me how I was feeling about the "crappy Sox." I regret the things I said to him then, and if I could have said it differently, I would.

The Cubs are good this year, I acknowledge that. I acknowledge that in the same vein that I acknowledge that the Celtics were the best in the East this year, even though I hate them with a burning passion, knowing that everyone had tipped this year to be the Bulls' year. But the Sox are not "crappy." They are good. They are in the first place of their division, and have won a World Series in the last half-century (and yes, that IS a valid argument - if the Red Sox can win two World Series in four years, then don't count out the White Sox). They are also underappreciated, which is the part that pisses me off the most. Ozzie said it right when he said that the Cubs are loved because they've been total shit (OK, this is the Sox fan in me speaking out now) for 100 years now, while the Sox will never be appreciated enough even if they win another 10 World Series in the next 10 years.

So what's the point of my rambling and messy post?

I'm a Sox fan. Don't fuck with me. I stand behind them as my team, and you shitty arrogant Cubs fans can fuck off.

This is going to sound so juvenile

2008-05-29T05:26:15Z

But I don't fucking care.

I'm pissed. So very fucking pissed, about something really stupid.

What's the problem here? I can't find anybody to watch a midnight showing of Sex and the City with me. And when I say anybody, I mean anybody (nobody?). Oh, sure, people are willing to see it Friday. Or sometime during the weekend. BUT I DON'T WANT TO FUCKING SEE IT ON FRIDAY DURING THE DAY. I WANT TO WATCH IT AT AT FUCKING MIDNIGHT.

I seem to have bad luck with watching midnight shows. The first one I ever went to was Spider-Man 3. But since then, it's like I've been fucking cursed. I couldn't watch Harry Potter last year at midnight because there was a fucking power outage at the theater (fucking ComEd). I didn't get to watch Indiana Jones because I had to fucking WORK the midnight show of Indiana Jones. And now nobody will watch Sex and the City with me. I've exhausted my resources. People are busy, people can't get permission from their parents to go out at midnight, and worst of all, people are watching it with other people that are not me!

WHAT THE FUCK.

This is so pathetic. I'm ready to cry. And I don't care anymore, I think I'll just go to the midnight show by myself. I don't fucking care. I work at the damn theater, I don't care at this point what other people think. I know people who watch movies by themselves, I knew it was a matter of time before I started going to see movies by myself.

But still. I'm irritated. That people made plans without me. That people break plans with me. That people don't fucking take the initiative to contact me. I'm fucking sick of this, this is why I always had insecurity problems in the first place, because I was fucking tired of always having to take initiative and feeling like people didn't like me enough to include me without me asking.

I'm so very fucking cranky.

And I'm going to go watch Sex and the City by myself. Fuck you all.

Unsuspecting Sunday afternoon

2008-05-19T03:44:13Z

I seem to have developed a nasty habit of excessively typing characters, such as vowels and punctuation marks. I just wrote a Facebook wall post on my friend's profile, and ended it with !!!!!. I've been typing things like "yesssssss" and "helloooo" and "heeeeeyyyy." WTF? Isn't college supposed to make you smarter? Why is it that my typing has regressed intellectually then?

So the Celtics beat the Cavs today in their Game 7. Am I pissed? Yeah. As much as I despise both teams, I just absolutely cannot stand the idea of the Celtics going to the Finals. Because I hate them. I just do. I hate them even more than I hate LeBron, and that's saying something. But yeah. The Hornets' Game 7 with the Spurs is tomorrow night, and I'm super duper excited - except for the fact that the Gossip Girl finalé is at the same friggin' time! Anywho, if the Hornets lose (which they better NOT), then I'm pretty sure I'll be rooting for the Pistons all the way, because I don't want the Lakers, Spurs, or Celtics winning. Hmmmmmmm....... (see, there goes my stupid little habit!!!!!) (there too!!)

I had the most random morning today. Jeff walked in this autism walk today downtown. He was supposed to take a 6:05 train in the morning with a bunch of other people from school, but of course, he missed it. So my dad had no other choice but to drive him downtown, which usually would aggravate him because driving to Chicago is like an hour-long ordeal, but since today was Sunday and it was the wee hours of the morning (at least to me it was, LOL), he didn't mind. I had woken up in all the hustle and bustle and went with them just for the heck of it. We took I-90 and made it into the city in around half an hour. I had never seen the city so empty in broad daylight, it was a little freaky. Plus, I hadn't woken up at 6 in the morning for over a year now. But it was pretty fun. My dad and I dropped Jeff off at Jackson and Wabash then went driving along Michigan and Lake Shore for like an hour. We parked by Adler and walked around for a bit, then went home.

All in all, it was a pretty sunny day.

Redesigned

2008-05-14T20:46:57Z

Revamped the layout. Green!

I'm home now for the summer. It's only been less than a week and somehow I have yet to hang out with a human being my own age (Jeff doesn't count) in a suitable social environment. Strangely, I'm feeling indifferent about it. Usually I'd be breaking down in tears over this, but I think I just can't be bothered to go out at the moment. I have a shitload of housekeeping to do.

I've started designing again. Conceived plans, worked on content, yada yada. I'm quite excited, actually, and I can't wait to get everything up and running. There's a lot left I have to do, though, so we can add that to my ever-growing list of chores.

Speaking of, I still haven't called Cinemark yet to let them know I'm home and ready to work. Mainly because I don't feel like working yet. Even though my bank account is in dire need of refilling, I still have nightmares about the 12-hour shifts and impossible customers and holiday hours I had to deal with last summer and over the winter. I can wait a couple of more weeks to get a paycheck...I hope!

So I'm in the middle of rereading all seven Harry Potter books, a project I initiated last summer about a month before I had to move out for college. I managed to read the first three before leaving, finished The Goblet of Fire during the first semester, and am *still* in the process of finishing The Order of the Phoenix. This one is taking forever to reread, mostly because I think I've read it way too many times and I feel like I'm only reading it as a chore because I gotta read everything in order. Unfortunately, my copy is the one suffering; it's tattered, stained, and probably in the worst condition out of all my books. I guess that's just a mark of how many times I've read it! But now that it's summer I should be able to finish it by tonight or tomorrow.

SAM, PIOLO, JOHN LLOYD, AND POKWANG!!

2008-03-24T04:44:08Z

Oh my GULAY, I am in love. I cannot believe that a little over 24 hours ago, I touched the hands of Sam Milby, Piolo Pascual, and John Lloyd Cruz. They were in Chicago last night for the Heartthrobs concert, which definitely had to be the most insanely Filipino event I've ever been to. Every time Sam, Piolo, or John came near the front aisles, herds of middle-aged women would come running down them, cameras ready. This old lola who sat in front of me kept whining about how everybody standing was blocking her way, but I mean, come on, who would actually listen to her? My mom and I had pretty good seats; I was right next to the aisle near the front.

And did I mention? I TOUCHED THEIR HANDS. I did NOT get any pictures with them, unfortunately, which was my main goal. But I have quite a few closeups. THEY ARE SO CUTE. I've always been in love with Sam and Piolo, of course, but John is just so damn adorable! So pogi. Piolo has massive arms, he is so built. And Sam...oh, Sam. His face is just too pretty.

Sigh. And now I'm in the mood to watch more Maging Sino Ka Man. But I'm not at home anymore, I'm back at stinky Urbana.

_aerosparked @ 2008-03-05T20:03:00

2008-03-06T02:13:40Z

I hate my Asian American Studies class. It's stupid. I thought it would be interesting, insightful, maybe even help me learn more about myself as an Asian American. But no. It's bullshit. It pisses me off. The readings this week focus on Chinese and Korean Americans and nobody seems to care about the fact that most other ethnicities are pretty much fucking excluded. I'm lucky Filipinos are even mentioned. I don't agree with a lot of what we're learning, most of it is bullshit, and my TA is this Korean woman with an impossible accent and instead of teaching us, we do leading discussions and effectively teach ourselves.

This is pissing me off.

We are not amused

2008-02-22T06:13:37Z

I am crabby. Bitchy. Cranky.

People are fucking loud. I have a 7 minute speech to give tomorrow at 9 in the morning, as well as a 4 page rough draft of a paper...in Spanish. I have trouble writing papers in the English language, I don't know how I'm going to manage it in a foreign one. The people in the lounge were being loud as hell, so I came here to the computer lab to get away from the noise. But now the people here in the fucking lab won't shut up as well. My roommate was talking to her friend through video on her laptop when I left the room, and I do not feel like going back there, not with the loud and rude people in the lounge. I'm stuck. Trapped. Nowhere to go and study in fucking peace.

My speech is in 8 hours. I need sleep. I want to look alive during those 7 crucial minutes. Fuck. Damn. I'm pissed off. I'm ready to blow up in somebody's face right now.

Somebody tell these people to shut the fuck up. Please.

So sick of

2008-02-17T19:09:25Z

I'm tired of the party scene. Four weekends in a row, and I'm pooped. Sick of the alcohol, sick of the music, sick of perverted frat guys, sick of boys, sick of everything.

I had my fun. But now I'm looking for more. I'm tired of meeting boys and never hearing from them again, tired of guys only looking to get some, tired of being hit on, all that bullshit. I'm sick of hangovers, of the things I say and do while intoxicated, sick of guys who can't dance or juke well. I want respect, damn it. I want normalcy, sobriety. I want to go home. I don't like living in the middle of nowhere. I want the city.

I just want more.

_aerosparked @ 2008-02-15T18:14:00

2008-02-16T00:25:47Z

It makes me want to cry. It really does. Out of all the tragedies that have happened in the last decade - 9/11, VT, Katrina - this is the one that has personally touched me the most. I applied to Northern Illinois, I have friends that go there, and one of the victims was from a town right next to mine. My friend asked me to keep her friend in mind because he ended up being one of the ones shot.

And now, they tell us that the killer was a grad student from this very university that I am attending. And that fucking scares me. It so easily could have happened here. It terrifies me to think that I might have walked by him on the quad without even knowing, to know that I've probably passed by his apartment at one point or another. I could have been sitting in Foellinger and he easily could have gone in there and do this. But no, instead he decided to drive some 3 hours up north to do this unspeakable thing. Why?

I'm not just scared anymore. I'm angry. And furious. What the fuck is it that's ticking these people off?

What happened today at NIU...

2008-02-15T07:34:11Z

What the hell?

I cannot even begin to express how I feel right now. You see this all the time in the news, but everything just feels so much different when it's a university 30 miles away from your home. When you have friends that attend that university. When the victims come from towns nearby your own. When, hell, the Tribune reports that the gunman was a current grad student at your own school.

It took about an hour to figure out if everybody I knew at Northern was safe. And it was shocking when I ended up hearing my roommate's friend on the phone with CNN. Or when my friend told me somebody she knows is one of the injured.

So fucking unbelievable. To think that some shit like this happened at a sister state school, a college I freaking applied to.

I don't know. I'm sad. I'm shocked. And moreover, I'm disgusted at the growing violence that's mounting in this country.

I hope everyone is okay.

_aerosparked @ 2008-02-11T00:06:00

2008-02-11T06:18:45Z

So it's 10 minutes after midnight, and I have only just managed to physically wrench myself away from the curse that is Facebook after wasting probably around 2 hours on it. I just simply cannot concentrate on my work right now. I have all these assignments and projects to work on, but I can't focus, I can't concentrate. And what's the point of even trying when I'm not feeling dedicated or giving effort?

This weekend was probably one of the wildest weekends I've had ever. Friday night, my friends and I headed out to an apartment party somewhere north of Green Street. We were expecting it to be somewhat lackluster, but it ended being a lot more than that. I saw quite possibly one of the hottest guys I've seen so far on this campus - and that in itself is a limited number - and managed to find out his name, introduce myself, and whatnot. But alas, it was time to go and now I'm most likely never going to see him again.

But that's okay. Because last night was the fashion show afterparty, and it was pretty insane as far as drunken college escapades go. Had quite a few shots of Smirnoff, fell down the stairs as the guy I was talking to passed out and pulled me down with him, danced with probably more guys in one night than I'd ever danced with before, and had an interesting adventure around campus at 3 in the morning. Woke up this morning with a hangover, and now here I am, sitting at my desk and desperately avoiding the mounting pile of homework that's awaiting me.

Shit.

Just scratching around for something to believe in

2008-02-05T06:34:16Z

Less than a week ago, it snowed 10 inches and students all around campus were groaning about the lack of a snow day.

Now, at this very moment, about 95% of that snow has disappeared and in its wake is a loud, noisy thunderstorm. Seriously, what the fuck? It is not supposed to thunderstorm in the middle of - er, well, I was going to say January but it is February now...anyway, is this the global warming everybody is talking about? Fucked-up weather where the air drops 30 degrees in a short three hours, as it did last Tuesday? Or what?

I suppose I sometimes forget the fact that I AM living in a completely foreign region of the state, but can 161 miles really make a difference?

Speaking of moving around, I went to St. Louis over the weekend for FAME, which was a blast. It was my second trip to St. Louis, actually, and a very much improved trip it was. It's not the hustle and bustle of my beloved Chicago, but it's still a city nevertheless, and after living in the middle of cornfields for six months, any urban area will suffice.

Tomorrow - er, rather, today - is the primary here in Illinois. And I'm not even registered to vote yet. I feel slightly ashamed. All those years before 18, I proclaimed that I wouldn't be one of those lazy, apathetic youngins. I was going to vote, any way I can. And yet here comes "Super Tuesday" and I've no plans to hop over to the nearest polling place and make my voice heard. And why? Because I HAVE become one of those lazy, apathetic college kids. I don't know who to vote for, don't really care much at this point. Politics is such a shady sport, why would I want to partake in such a thing? But alas...I still feel guilty and ashamed for not caring.

So who is Raissa obsessively crushing on at the moment? Let me just shout it out for the world to hear: CRAIG DAVID! I "rediscovered" - so to speak - this guy after also crushing on a fellow Brit R&B singer, Jay Sean, but needless to say, Craig David has won my heart (and yes...it is most likely the jungle fever in me talking!). This is going to sound so very shallow, but the guy has improved greatly in the physical department. He is fit! And fiiiiiine as hell. With a beautiful voice. I could go on and on. But it's 12:32, and I must return to my homework. Which, by the way, SUCKS. Why did school decide to get extremely and impossibly hard this week?

I've finally figured out how my PMS works

2008-01-31T06:38:33Z

First comes the horniness, then comes the sadness, and finally, there goes the one we all know and love - the bitchiness.

Any one else in agreement?

_aerosparked @ 2008-01-26T00:55:00

2008-01-26T07:06:34Z

So here I am, sitting at home (as in back-in-Bartlett-home!), trying to get a good start on this weekend's homework so that I'm not killing myself over it Sunday night. I'm doing fairly alright on this "NO PROCRASTINATING!" resolution this year. Although I should probably admit I haven't really quite started on this peer response thing yet nor read more than a couple of pages of Macbeth, but I mean, I'm getting around to it. That's still a pretty big accomplishment, especially on a Friday night.

I took a charter bus to go home today for the first time this year. It was not a wholly pleasant experience as I would have liked, but oh well. $25 was spent to sit cramped by the window for 4 hours while a guy next to me spread his legs out and nearly fell asleep on my shoulder. In addition, we were a fucking hour behind because of traffic, snow, and other shit. How could I not be satisfied with that?

Rebecca (1940)

2008-01-22T02:32:31Z

Had to see this movie for my music class. It was amazing; so suspenseful and incredibly romantic at the same time. Laurence Olivier and Joan Fontaine are so beautiful together, it was chilling. Olivier was just so damn good-looking! I've seen him before once, in the old version of Pride and Prejudice, but I didn't like him so much in that one. But now I do. And Joan Fontaine is so adorable and beautiful as the cute, shy young woman. I think I shall go look for the book now, I'd quite like to read it.

_aerosparked @ 2008-01-20T00:36:00

2008-01-20T06:54:11Z

I am not in a happy mood. I lost my cell phone on the bus while on the way to the school gymnastics meet tonight, which made me even more sour because I wanted to text a certain person about the Bulls game tonight, to, well, get him to start talking to me again. Speaking of, I ended up drunk calling another somebody last night, and whether that has proven beneficial or not remains to be seen. Blahhh!!!

Saw 27 Dresses today, and really, it just made me depressed. Why does every leading chick flick character always have to seem so perfect, even though the movie people try to make it look like he's not? James Marsden was so bloody gorgeous, I wanted to, as a certain Scottish lass from Ugly Betty once said, "bake him naked and eat him for dessert." General consensus of the movie after my friends and I walked out of it: "I CAN'T WAIT TO GET MARRIED!"

I want my fucking phone back. I think I'm a tad hormonal, because I'm feeling cranky and I want to cry.

Give me reason but don't give me choice

2008-01-18T00:55:07Z

This 'j' key is not working properly! I have to practically slam it in order for it to show up on the screen.

I don't know what's wrong with me anymore. It's like...I'm okay with just talking to him, being casual friends from afar...and then put me in a room with him and all I want to do is be next to him. And then there'll be days where I don't feel like talking to him or caring about him anymore! Why is it so hard to like and not like a guy at the same time? Why am I even trying?

My music teacher assigned us an hour-long presentation on My Fair Lady today. It's due in February and I like the movie, but still...I don't know how we're supposed to talk about it for 60 minutes.

Ah, shit. My SPCM and Spanish homework are calling for me...

First day of school-ness and ramble

2008-01-16T06:14:03Z

So, uh, it's nearly midnight and I still have a pile of reading to sort through for tomorrow's classes. But this chair is extremely uncomfortable, my stomach feels weird, and I'm about ready to pass out for the night.

I have managed to see at least one person that I know in nearly every class but one. It's so odd. There's a girl on my floor in my SPCM class, a girl I went to high school with in MUS 199, and like three other people in my LAS 199 class that were in my other LAS class last semester. OH, and in Spanish, I found another (crazy, isn't it?) girl who also went to my high school, but she's two years older.

You know what, this new Backstreet Boys CD is actually pretty good. I keep on listening to it, and the songs are REALLY starting to grow on me. How I miss those boy band days.

I am nearly in love with my music class. It's basically about the history of music in British heritage films, how they tie in together. And after looking up what the hell a heritage film was on Wikipedia (gotta love 'em), I'm starting to get more excited. For one thing, there is a heavy emphasis on Jane Austen, and well, DUH, who wouldn't be excited about that? We analyzed the Star Wars theme today as well as the shower scene in Psycho. I have never seen Psycho before, and let me tell you, I don't think I ever will. As bad and archaic as that scene looked, Hitchcock still manages to scare the crap out of me. I remember having to watch The Birds freshman year, and it was traumatizing.

My English class, Tangible Textuality or something like that, looks to be interesting, too. We have a paper due sometime next week, I think, and it's like a book report - literally. We have to bring in a book and write about its physical appearance, how it affects the context, how it was marketed to the public, etc. Not only that, but supposedly in the future we're going to go to the Rare Book and Manuscript Library and study things like an original Shakespeare folio and stuff. Cool, ne?

Argh! Why does my stomach feel weird? I feel like I should be hungry and feed it something, but I'm not hungry. It's just...bugging me.

A newsflash, an update

2008-01-14T04:50:47Z

I'm back in school. In Urbana. In my little dorm room. This just feels so odd, and yet much more natural at the same time. It's weird. Classes are in less than 12 hours, and am I ready? Oh, heeeeeellllll no. I don't have any of my books nor remember any of my schedule. I have a class at 9 tomorrow, and instead of prepping for it, I'm here. Writing.

So I finally got the new Backstreet Boys CD from Stacy, and I listened to it twice today while unpacking. Most of the songs kinda sound the same to me, but all the same, I still like it. The uptempo songs are pretty good, but lyrically everything just seems to mesh together into some emo-love-fest. But they're still hot (meaning the Boys). Heh. I feel like I'm 10-years-old again.

I saw P.S. I Love You last night, and dear lord, I don't think I've quite cried that much during a film in so long. It was such a heartbreaking, touching, emotional movie. Gerard Butler was PERFECT, though I got confused with the Scottish-actor-playing-an-Irish-guy thing for a bit. But he's so lovely. And charming. And a REALLY good actor, because only someone with serious talent could go from a macho movie like 300 to a sappy flick like this one. Anywho, so basically Hilary Swank's character, Holly, meets this guy (at least, according to the movie version) while on a "college trip" to Ireland. And seriously, I felt like this movie was speaking to me. Why can't I go to the other side of the Atlantic to find me a hot Irishman (or Englishman or Frenchman, I'm not really fussy about which country, heh) to marry and fall in love with?!

OH, and James Marsters was in the movie too! Hearing him speak with an American accent was just so awkward, and his hair was all normal-colored. They referenced Buffy too, I loved it.

Running through my head

2008-01-11T05:46:27Z

"You get out of it what you put into it."

That's what Uncle Phil said on The Fresh Prince just now. About life.

I've gotta be honest. I don't want to go back to Urbana, to college. Not just yet.

While I'm anxious for the glorious freedoms that are awaiting me there, I can't seem to bear the thought of leaving my shitty job at Cinemark, even if it's just going to be temporary until I come home for the summer. I love the people, the friends I've made there. I may have only spent two weeks of my winter break with them, but I feel like I've been with them forever, like I never left at the end of *last* summer to go to college. It's like just when I feel like I'm starting to get really close with the kids at work, I have to leave. Again. And it's heartbreaking, especially because there's a likelihood a lot of them won't be there when I come back in May.

I was watching Ysabella earlier, which my mom just told me is about to end tomorrow. I'd forgotten how incredibly fucking hot Derek Ramsay is. I just wanna bake him and eat him up. Naked, preferrably. Speaking of, that same mother told me last night that she's going to the Heartthrobs concert in March!! Without me!!! Argh, I've got to find a way to go. Last time Sam Milby came, I missed out because of a family party. I am not about to miss this one chance. At the risk of sounding like a cheesy fangirl, he is SO hot. And Piolo's coming too...yeeeeeeps.

More late night musings

2008-01-10T05:23:14Z

So I've basically just spent the last few hours scrapping together a new scheme for this thing and reeading every entry that's remained since I last purged it in 2006. The whole time I was doing the latter, I kept thinking, "Has it really been two bloody years since this happened? Or that?" It's amazing how time truly does fly. And yet at the same time, I feel so much different from the girl who wrote those words so many months ago. I touched upon an entry where I commented about how a former teacher of mine, Mr. Fash, declared that there is no "me" or "I," because you really are not the same person you were two minutes ago and you won't be four weeks from now. Or something to that effect. And it's funny how that still rings true for me today. I may still hold the same interests as before, but I'm not the same. I can just feel it.

I had a lot more philosophical musings that I wanted to go over in this particular entry, but that first paragraph took the wind out of me and now I've become slightly uninspired to.

Late night musings

2008-01-04T07:43:59Z

So I am a little disgruntled with a certain person right now. And for silly reasons, too. She's IMing me at the moment but I can't seem to bring myself to reply to her messages. I really just don't feel like talking to her. At the same time, I feel guilty and foolish because I have no real substantial reason to be cross with her. I just am.

I think my parents fell asleep downstairs (I'm in the loft). It's 1:39 in the morning, neither of them have come upstairs nor do I hear the sounds of TFC coming from the family room. Weird.

Work is in less than 13 hours. I am so bloody tired and yet here I am, blogging away and avoiding sleep. I do have proper excuses, however. I am fully determined to be active on the "trendy webdesign" scene again. I've been working on Stargazer for the past few days, and it's giving me exhilarating feelings I have not felt in quite some time. Though I fear that this time may be no different than the previous occasions in which I've tried to resurrect my online persona from the dead. Did you realize that I have been "revamping" and "reconstructing" this darned website for close to three years now? Of course you didn't. Neither did I. But I am determined this time to see it to the end.

We'll see.

It's 1:43. I really must get to sleep.