_absinthedreams

-12- CRYS

2005-11-02T09:11:43Z

live journal changed live journal changed live journal changed.....

its scary.... help.... explain these random changes....

<3Me

_absinthedreams @ 2005-10-15T16:42:00

2005-10-15T06:44:58Z

Well I talked to aiden yesterday, for those of you who have NO idea who he is... he's my replacement-try-hard-Boyfriend... he knows how to piss me off so easily...
let me relive the conversation for you all...

me: *hears people in the background* hey, are you busy?
him: hey, umm nope
me: I haven't heard from you in a while
him: yea I know... But I've been really Busy... (yea right)
me: so you dont like to talk to your girlfriend anymore?
*someone in the background* WHO ARE YOU TALKING TO?
him: Cassie
me: Do you want me to go.. you seem kinda busy....
Him: no!
me:*sighs*
him: Whats wrong babe?
me: *i start rambling on about how i feel about the relationship and stop half way through, after realising there's really no point* dont worry about it...
him: okay.... well can i call you back later... early hours of the morning....
me: dont worry about it because I know you wont
him: okay bye...
*end of conversation*

it really does piss me off because he makes out that he cares... but the truth is he really doesn't give a shit... Why put the effort in honestly....

and with me... I'm just a miserable wreck crying over the fucking bastard... why bother on my behalf... why even care.. why waste my fucking time and money... I could be buying a ticket to big day out... but fuck..

*jumps up and down like a little mad mexican*

GrRrRrRrRrrRrR!!!

fugg it...

Cameron called again *smiles* you gotta love that boy... hes so god damned cute... in all of his nerdyness...

arrrrrgh aiden pisses me off....

alis all catty n shit cause shes flat out at work... aidens a cock.. I havent heard from any of my proper friends in ages... *sigh* I'm a idiot...
getting myself all worked up over nuffin.... *laughs*

blehg.. I'm gonna go...

<333cassie

_absinthedreams @ 2005-10-09T23:50:00

2005-10-10T06:50:41Z

am the guy who came out to the entire school in his senior speech and got a standing ovation for his courage.

I am the girl who kisses her girlfriend on the sidewalk and laughs at those who glare.

We are the couple who planned and studied and got a damn good lawyer and BEAT the state that wanted to take our child away.

We are the ones who took martial arts classes and carry pepper spray and are just too dangerous to gay bash.

I
am the transgender person who uses the bathroom that suits me, and
demands that any complaining staff explain their complaint to my face
in front of the entire restaurant--and shares with my other trans
friends which restaurants don't raise a stink.

I am the mother who told her lesbian daughter to invite her girlfriend over for dinner.

I am the father who punished his son for calling you a fag.

I am the preacher who told my congregation that love, not hate, is the definition of a true follower of God.

I
am the girl who did not learn the meaning of "homosexual" until high
school but never thought to question why two men might be kissing.

I
am the woman who argues (quite loudly and vehemently) with the bigots
who insist that you do not have the right to marry or raise children.

We are the high school class who agrees, unanimously, along with our teacher, that love should be all that matters.

I am making a difference. Hate will not win.

If you agree, repost this. Do it. You don't have to be afraid. You can handle it. You're stronger than you think

I'm sick of these games... I know you are too...

2005-10-02T06:27:44Z

I'm sick of these games... I know you are too... we should just give in.. be fat junkies.. fuck... whatever.. I'm on the edge of giving in...

I'm in doubt of that though... im in denial actually... lets use proper words for once cassie...

your not the only one who is sick of "Nevermind" and all the other bullshit games we play.. or I play...

just open your heart for me... cut it down the middle.. i'll sew it back togeather... whilst drinking all the blood, filled with regret and my foolish faults...

I love you... I know I do.. and I also know you're the only one I've ever wanted...

get rid of the ciggerettes... the alcahol... the drugs... the sex... and just lay down and look into the fucking nightsky away from the city.. away from the filth of humanity... and just picture your life for me.. 8.. 10 years from now... where are you... what are you doing... what are you... and who are you with.. please...

I'm sick of these... and I know I cannot speak... but GOD... DAMNIT... WOMAN...

work it out...

1+1=2

and if I have to... I'll fucking die for you... I've always been ready to die for you...

But dear god... just think normally...

get out of all your junkie habits... because it just makes you look cheap...
you're not cool for smoking...
your not sexy for being drunk...
your nothing when you're off your face...

just be ali for me... i dont care if you dont know who she is... just quit all that shit and maybe it will cut off 3/4's of the time it will take now when your drug fucked and making out with him on the webcam...

dont take the easy way out... just sit your ass down and be you... work your side out and I'll work mine out... and maybe one day.. when and if you want me back... we can work it out togeather...

.... she knows who she is...

<333Cassie

fuck it all... fuck fuck fuck cassie... your a silly bitch

yay now you're emo

avalanche shes soloum and too thin, she starves herself to rid herself of sin...

2005-09-30T16:40:19Z

Its 2am... and I figured... I'd write more if I'm tired... full of shit... but more... *nods*

listening to garbage - bleed like me at this moment of time.... came back from camping on thursday night.. it was alright... I don't really recall having to cook for my mother, her boyfriend and my little sister alright but hey... lol he couldnt even start a fucking fire... cassie suddgested taking the fucking KERO but nOoOoO!!! We had to do it the old fashioned way... 2 little bits of wimpy sticks and a fucking ciggerette lighter... fucking ~~dumbasses~~ how dumb could they really get...

dont answer that too fast because my idiot of a mother and her junkie of a boyfriend set up their tent on an angle... HELLO!!! but thats just a little too far fetched dont you think... and I guess I couldnt do any better because I fucking put my little sisters tent and mine on a fucking bull ant's nest.. and earthworms came up and whatnot... after the soggy dinner, I decided to call it a night and fucked my ass off to bed... well lack of bed... (also running off before the rain hit or, you could say thunderstorm...) had about 2 hours sleep... woke my little sister up and mucked around with her abit (not in the sexual way, dirty cunts *shakes head*) it was 3am... cold... miserable and wet... we decided to bolt for it into the car... we did as we were told... had a little party in there too... got a little tipsy.. my sister is so fuckin funny when shes drunk... so if any of you want an underage drunken hooligan to entertain you... give me a buzz... its so funny!!!

we woke mum and her ~~lack of~~ boyfriend up and forced them to party with us... mum was too tired to give a fuck about her drunken 11 yearold.. oh well...

anyway... cassie was exhausted... got stressed and forced everyone to pack up and be on their way... woo frickin hoo

fell asleep in the car... woke up in sydney and that was the end of cassies all "auzzie" ~~adventure's~~

after collecting everything from the car, I decided to go to sleep... did that... woke up with rob calling me and asking me if I was still going shopping with him, politely refused and explained that I wasnt feeling too grand...

heh its funny... this rob guy... everytime we talk... he always wants something from me... shopping... gothic shops... dying his hair... hair cuts... you name it he wants it.... except for sexual favours and what not... but its really random to me...

hurm im getting dehydrated infront of this feckin fire *curses and shakes fist to fire*

I might head off..
<333Cass... night

song that reminds me of ali... kinda makes me cry

2005-09-30T15:46:50Z

For you there'll be no crying
For you the sun will be shining
'Cause I feel that when I'm with you
It's all right I know it's right

And the songbirds keep singing
Like they know the score
And I love you I love you I love you
Like never before

To you I would give the world
To you I'd never be cold
'Cause I feel that when I'm with you
It's all right I know it's right

And the songbirds keep singing
Like they know the score
And I love you I love you I love you
Like never before Like never before

Like never before

(covered by eva cassidy)

Cassie decided to email her ex... big mistake... big fat whore...

2005-09-27T12:10:22Z

hey... I was bored... so I guess I decided to write you a email.. I guess I'm not one to write emails considering im so shit at it... but I am one to come clean with things that are in my head... I just don't know if its right for me to tell you all of it... but you're the only person I know who atleast gives a shit right now...

I'm sick of all those people who label others for the sake of their own humor... hell I'm sick of people all togeather... I know that may have sounded really... REALLY emo.. but hey...

all people do is bitch... criticise... bitch and judge... hell even I do it... but its starting to get really old... like really really old....

I broke my whole one month of no cutting... I snapped last night and made 35 big deep cuts on my leg... I'm very dissapointed in myself now... I guess thats why I'm torchuring myself with reminding myself of whaT i have done within the past 24 hours..

I just wish I got run down by a bunch of hooligans right now... anything would be great... A coma would be even better...

dear god why am I saying this... fuck

anyway... It was 4am and I was thinking about you... I was trying to call you and ask you out... but i figured.... that its really pathetic... I decided to sms you... even worse....

so in the end i didnt bother... I realised that there would be no chance for us to be togeather ever... we wouldn't be right for eachother... or is it that I wouldnt be right for you...

Your all over there in SA and im here in sydney... long distance...
a chance to go out with someone like you would never come my way...
im a pathetic, attention seeking whore, hell, I'm emailing you and opening myself out to you...

FUCK CASSIE, your a idiot...

I know that you most likely wouldnt read this so why bother right? eh i have no idea either...

I went on myspace... and saw you're looking... its just really ironic to me... bleh... im pathetic... shut up cassie...

I'm sorry for bothering you...

dear god im so pathetic... I'm a whore... whore.. whore...

a possible new livejournal has been on my mind.... I dont know though... people should be sick of all my antics by now...

hell I know I am... but Obviously I'm too pathetic to stop them...

I dont know... we'll see...

give us 3 days....

maybe I should poll it....

New LJ or keep this one... ? you have the power...
<333 me

_absinthedreams @ 2005-09-27T00:13:00

2005-09-26T14:39:21Z

well... I spent the night at grandmas (YAY =) ) cause my little sister was at her prom/formal whatever you lads and lassies say...

I love my grandma shes the shit... she speaks about sex and shes just all up hillarious...

embarrasses you at the right times and hugs you and tells you that your pathetic for crying...

I love dove love her...

<333

on another posative note....

PICTURE TIME!!!!!

ALICAT

MY ASTROBOY <333

astroboy wrote it to me...

alex xXx

ok tis the end...

<333 catch u sexy mofos l8er

>.> put... the memories.... in.... the... BAG!!! <.

2005-09-25T08:32:52Z

heh... if your wonderin what that is about... my friend and i collected streamers (party colourness ones) from the concert...

which was on friday... twas my last McDonald College music stream gala concert... and cassie was too off her face to get nervous which was grand... usually im shitting myself or something... then on saterday I went to the movies with pavle and sophie... we initally went to see corpse bride, the new tmi burton movie... but APPARENTLY it wasn't showing.. so after cassie moped and sulked around for 15 mins... we agreed to see howls moving castle... which was grand... so yea... that was my satterday...

and today, my mother and I went out and bought Nightwish, Maccas Sunday Best (australian country music.. it grows on you...), the new jamie cullum cd( very good, i reccomend it!!!) and a queen tribute album... twas grand...

although I did rum out of drugness.. I seem to still be alive which is good.... I offically havent cut in a month =)...

Cameron got accepted into the navy... which is... bleh... I dont want him to go but hes happy... whatever...

I have so many thoughts running through my head... its just so hard to gather them all up and piece them all togeather....

Katie and Natasha left school on thursday offically... it cut me deep... they are the only two living souls at my school who actually gives a shit about what I have to say and vi-versa *I think thats how you spell it* and katie especially... I dont feel like I have thanked her enough... I feel so pathetic because of it... all I did was write her a letter and give her a frickin goodbye card.. way to go cassie...

I ~~HATE~~ myself so much for that.. It chokes me up even to think about them right now... they were true friends... and even though I will see them out of school ect ect... I miss them deeply...

I've became good friends with simon steadman from the band steadman, I decided in the act of kindness to copy 100 demo cds (with their permission of course) to promote them... although jason mraz and New York Minute (yes.. the lame ass movie) did promote them somewhat... I feel like they havent been promoted enough in both australia and america, and they sure as hell do deserve it, and by me saying this as a true musican, I know the struggles of the industry... once you have contacts to fall back on... you'll know in the future they'll have your back aswell...

if you wanna check them out... www.steadmanband.com

Hum... shall write back later in the week... if i dont, I'm most likely on a holiday with the family up at the top of Queensland... <3

thank you guys so much for being there for me when I've needed you all the most....

<333Cassie

Nightwish - Nemo

2005-09-17T11:19:43Z

This is me for forever
One of the lost ones
The one without a name
Without an honest heart as compass

This is me for forever
One without a name
These lines the last endeavor
To find the missing lifeline

Oh how I wish
For soothing rain
All I wish is to dream again
My loving heart
Lost in the dark
For hope I`d give my everything
Oh how I wish
For soothing rain
Oh how I wish to dream again
Once and for all
And all for once
Nemo my name forevermore

My flower, withered between
The pages 2 and 3
The once and forever bloom gone with my sins

Walk the dark path
Sleep with angels
Call the past for help
Touch me with your love
And reveal to me my true name

Oh, how I wish...

Nemo sailing home
Nemo letting go

Oh, how i wish...

I'll be seeing you... - Billie holiday

2005-09-17T06:53:41Z

I'll be seeing you
In all the old familiar places
That this heart of mine embraces
All day and through
In that small cafe
The park across the way
The children carrousel
The chestnut trees
The wishing well

I'll be seeing you
In every lovely summer's day
In everything that's light and gay
I'll always think of you that way

I'll find in the morning sun
And when the night is new
I'll be looking at the moon
But I'll be seeing you

I'll be seeing you
In every lovely summer's day
In everything that's light and gay
I'll always think of you that way

I'll find in the morning sun
And when the night is new
I'll be looking at the moon
But I'll be seeing you

I love you

Singing songs that make you slit your wrists....

2005-09-15T10:56:29Z

so... you may be wondering why the hell cassie is on... but a friend of the family died... mum, gran n pops hitched themselves up to gosford (north coast) for the night... so cassie is left looking after her lil sis... *sigh*

tis alright tho... im sick tho... coughing endlessly... puking anything i eat... runny nose... its hell fun...

although, as a possative thing... I'm gettin new glasses with shmeksi red frame.. AND new contact lenses... that aren't hard... woo fricken hoo!!!!

hurm... *coughs* choke... choke... die... hehe holy shit... I remember that.. fuggin helll....

opps... I havent checked up on my neopet in fricken ages... wonder how aiden is... hurm...

www.habbohotel.com.au ... thats where most of cassies online days are spent..

boredededness...

I'm thinking of destroying my mobile... i fuggin hate it... its stressful and pointless... >die die motherfucker die<

argh JOSHY POO FUCKIN FOOL!!! lol woah dude that rhymed... anyhow Cassie cnat speel.. so she shall be offness... update later....

<3 fugly fool

... fuck the numbers... I havent counted.....

2005-09-12T12:51:51Z

I'm offically back.... depressed and suicidal... but back...

today was offically the beginning of my many worst-septemberite-days to come....

joy

at 1am I washed my little sisters hair.. because she has nits (thankfully I dont have any).... THEN... woke up at 3 am and 6am... woke up offically at 7am crying.... slipped over in the bathroom... hit my head... yay 17 STITCHES!!!

hurtness.... Went to school... crying....

angry... silent... fucked....

had a fight with teacher.... I hate him hate hate hate....

gave me a progress report... even though i cook... wash... clean... fuck fuck fuck HOUSE!!!

WJKBDJKLBCFVNJMKSDF,L;CVXBHJ

I FUCKING HATE MYSELF!!!

Stuck

2005-09-07T03:15:20Z

so... I have a new look to my journal... and aswell as that... my internet is farked... so... I wont be on for a while... atleast until I get a new modem... which hopefully is this week... *fingers crossed*... I miss all my Lj Lovelys... =( I hope I can catch up with you all as soon as I can....

<3 U all!!!

*HUGE HUGGLES N KISHES....*

<3 YOUR mistress

_absinthedreams @ 2005-08-29T11:52:00

2005-08-29T01:48:35Z

I

FEEL

SO

SICK

-21- because ali said so...

2005-08-28T12:18:47Z

well spent most of last night and tonight talking to alicat... = ) shes a beautiful person when shes not in her manic moods... i know thats really mean to say....

shes beautiful.... perfect...

I love how I can hate myself... its so beautifully fucking graceful... life is graced when you hate your inner feelings... I hate me and anything thats attatched to me(physically)...

All I do is cry at this moment... s

he crys, shes waiting for something,
anything to make her feel alive once again....

the cutting wont help, alcahol, drugs, pills....
nothing helps her, for she is too far gone now....
striving for something.... she wants more... anything.... anything....

she screams out into the air, pitch black,
emotionless on the chair....
she doesn't realise, you pathetic little girl...

for you are not perfect, nor beautiful...
your ugly, pathetic, silenced by their power....
whenever you breathe, your are compleately alone...
and that is the way you are destined to be...

not a mother, nor father, forget about having a child,
look to the carpet, for there will lie a smile...
broken and shattered, all over the floor,
for that shall be where your happyness lies,
forever more....

<3look into her eyes, as she begins to cry

-20- hehehe alot of them are EW!!!! im sorry if i offend

2005-08-26T11:03:16Z

Botflies are "under your skin" love

Goths: They really are as pathetic as they look.

Jesus did your mom.

♥Paris Hilton is a useless lazy eyed cunt ♥

Picking cotton can't be half as bad as this "music".

Slipknot is fucking retarded. Take off the stupid masks you dumb fucks.

Mary Bell is 10 Year Old Serial Killer Love.

_absinthedreams @ 2005-08-19T11:24:00

2005-08-19T01:32:13Z

1. When you look at yourself in the mirror, what's the first thing you look at? I dont even think I look "at" the mirror

2. How much cash do you have on you right now? none I dont think... gave it to my mum for petrol...

3. What's a word that rhymes with "TEST"? FEST

4. Favorite plant? CACTUS!!

5. Who is the 4th person on your missed call list on your cell phone? Jeff

6. What is your main ring tone on your phone? Some classical thingie...

7. What shirt are you wearing? School Shirt...

8. Do you "label" yourself? Pathetic Whore!!!..........YAY

9. Name brand of your shoes currently wearing? Dr.Martains?

10. Do you prefer a bright or dark room? dark

11. What did you have for breakfast? I don't eat breakfast

12. Since question 12 is weirdly missing, make some shit up. Penguin penis is mewwing around the corner...?

13. What were you doing at midnight last night? talking to jeff?

14. What did your last text message you received on your cell phone say? something about my friend cassasay she loves meh mucherly lol

15. Do you ever click on "Pop Ups" or Banners? nope

17. Who told you they loved you last? my friend in a friendly matter of course....

18. Last furry thing you touched? hummm dog

19. How many hours a week do you work? none

20. How many rolls of film do you need to get developed? None

21. Favorite age you have been so far? not sure, ask me when im 35...

22. Your worst enemy? CAMILLA.. *shudders* that and staci...

23. What is your current desk top picture? Dresden Dolls

24. What was the last thing you said to someone? yes

25. If you had to choose between a million bucks or to be able to go back in time and fix all your mistakes which would you choose? Million bucks, the past is the past, i dont regret nothing... and if the past hadnt happened I wouldnt have met the love of my life...

-19- stolen from Kali

2005-08-15T13:15:02Z

What she said

So this was inspired by a myspace post. It was called dirty little secrets. I want everyone to anonymously post a secret or two that they've never told anyone. Please, post. I will post some in there as well.

~~What I say~~

what she said... lol Just write your deepest little dirty secret... mind you... dont forget to do this anonymously.... or if you wish U can do it normally.... =) Just all in the name of fun I guess

_absinthedreams @ 2005-08-11T19:30:00

2005-08-11T09:31:38Z

I am the girl kicked out of her home because I confided in my mother that I am a lesbian.

I am the prostitute working the streets because nobody will hire a transsexual woman.

I am the sister who holds her gay brother tight through the painful, tear-filled nights.

We are the parents who buried our daughter long before her time.

I am the man who died alone in the hospital because they would not let my partner of twenty-seven years into the room.

I am the foster child who wakes up with nightmares of being taken away from the two fathers who are the only loving family I have ever had. I
wish they could adopt me.

I am one of the lucky ones, I guess. I survived the attack that left me in a coma for three weeks, and in another year I will probably be able to walk again.

I am not one of the lucky ones. I killed myself just weeks before graduating high school. It was simply too much to bear.

We are the couple who had the realtor hang up on us when she found out we wanted to rent a one-bedroom for two men.

I am the person who never knows which bathroom I should use if I want to avoid getting the management called on me.

I am the mother who is not allowed to even visit the children I bore, nursed, and raised. The court says I am an unfit mother because I now live with another woman.

I am the domestic-violence survivor who found the support system grow suddenly cold and distant when they found out my abusive partner is also a woman.

I am the domestic-violence survivor who has no support system to turn to because I am male.

I am the father who has never hugged his son because I grew up afraid to show affection to other men.

I am the home-economics teacher who always wanted to teach gym until someone told me that only lesbians do that.

I am the man who died when the paramedics stopped treating me as soon as they realized I was transsexual.

I am the person who feels guilty because I think I could be a much better person if I didn’t have to always deal with society hating me.

I am the man who stopped attending church, not because I don't believe, but because they closed their doors to my kind.

I am the person who has to hide what this world needs most, love.

repost this if you belive ~~homophobia~~ is wrong

-17-

2005-08-11T00:36:24Z

I

..........................................

AM

..........................................

GOING

..........................................

TO

..........................................

KILL

..........................................

~~MYSELF~~

<3

-16- "the aftermath of a sane woman" pisses herself laughing

2005-08-09T09:03:29Z

So... its tuesday... family gathering at nans house... new court orders proposed on aug 29th... dad wants 2 see me... no way in HELL he'll ever get that... I'm thinking of divorcing the family n living with grandma... get mums old room... large... roomy... nice...

*sigh* never fall for a seedy accountants customer... (my mum did)

FUCK FUCK FUCK....

I'm getting more ulsers... I even started planning the days I wish to harm myself in the future... so far its every 2nd day... hum... I miss talking to my lj friends... but when they're online... I'm offline.... or we're just both simply ljing...

I miss cameron... I miss ali... I miss feeling loved...

but lately... I just haven't felt it... or is it the fact I'm not accepting it... maybe... I'm just one of those.. who werent mean't to fall in love... get married... have kids...

bleh...

lately... I've been taking myself away from those I love... even just people in general.... I just want to bang my head on walls, tiles fuck anything... WJASN BDCVJXMKOFCVMXJK

I just hate.... me...

hate hate hatefrdhsdfjignsdvlnfjnml'cs

FUCK... YOU... CASSIE!!!!!!

<3cassie

-15- Missing people...

2005-08-07T23:26:54Z

weeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeellllllllllllllllllll

I'm uber hyper... uber bored...uberness...

hum... I had a big fight with cameron on saterday night.. I think.... I hope he isnt as pissed off as he should be... but I guess even if he is thats expected... meow....

UBER PENGUIN... PENIS... argh!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!1111

I miss my friends... miss miss miss.....

<333Cassie

-14- Bad Day

2005-08-05T12:51:00Z

eh... I guess all I can say is that its been a bad day... or even week....

It was my birthday on wednesday... mum came in at 6am waking me up and throwing shit at me... she forgot.. took my little sister to remind her... so she rushed to the shops to grab me a bunch of roses... grandma and grandpa weren't there... they were in cairns... on their way back from their mini holiday... so... mum took me to school... friends pouncing and jumping on me... "HAPPY BIRTHDAY CASSIE!!!" heh... that brightened my day.... presents galore... large toy penguin, a toy pingu, flowers ect ect.. oh and last minute cards...

funny how everyone can randomly go from the meanest cunts on the world to your "friend"...

I guess I should admit that I had done myself in at 12 am... waiting for someone to call me for my bday... noone called... except nick.... the phonecall was forfilling... just... left me empty... I guess it goes to show who your friends are?

so I cut...

then later on in music... whole of the class started singing "happy birthday" in 2 part harmonies haha they fucked it up!!!

in english... my *COUGH* friend / poser cassie bought me a birthday cake... 4 layers... chocolate... with "HAPPY BIRTHDAY CASSIE" on it with strawberries... rich chocolate... oh man it was huge... I felt so sick after that... but I was grateful that she achived that... considering noones EVER done that for me... made me cry somewhat...

heh my school is so hypocritical... 90% of them are homosexual... but they all jump when they hear someone say that someones a Lesbian... twas somewhat hillarious however its uber annoying....

CASSIES A LESBIANISIM lol alicat... *shakes head*

hum... lately I've been feeling... sick/stressed/full/fat/ugly/incompleate... I have no idea why....

the images... they are coming to me more clearer then usual... they went to flashes of could-be's to... 20 second mini films...

blood, murder, red water, death, homocide, suicide, cutting oneself, crashing cars, jumping off buildings, jumping off bridges, hangings, burning alive... burning... self mutilation...

its making me really sick and scared... It makes me cry just to think of it....

I feel like shit....

<333Cass

-13- fuck birthdays

2005-07-30T11:58:56Z

its my birthday on wednesday... I was looking through my phones calender... i said this was the year I were to die/kill myself... its upsetting me... because... I cant find a reason to kill myself... im too in place with life at this moment of time...

I HATE MYSELF I HATE HATE HATE!!!!!!!!!
*throws the glass at the wall*

I just cant explain about how i feel.. so angry... on the verge of tears....

my grandma and grandpa are in cairns so they wont be here for my birthday... its just... not a birthday without them....

im not happy enough...

not perfect enough...

just... everything about me is so wrong...

FUCK YOU...

fuck me...

fuck birthdays....