Somedays i want to call my mom and say "Ma come get me, i want to come home"
I want to leave Binghamton
and my job
college
my apartment
friends
and go back to
home cooked dinners everynight
instead of having to drink water bc i dont have money for food.
free rent living in my moms beautiful big house
instead of living in this small expensive one all alone
using her car and not paying for gas
instead of taking the bus everywhere.
having someone to take care of me.
=[

Im not doing too well today and i have no one to talk to about it
I wish i had a best friend.

On 11:11 i used to wish for you
now i wish to get you out of my head,

Are all boys grimey???
fuck love,

haha i forgot the password to this thing and it took me 30 min to get in
now im late for math
but i just wanted to say
im back bitches!

My birthday went well
When april 26 turned in april 27(my bday) at 12:30 someone was buzzing me to let them in. So obviously i ignored them
I though it was Andrew being drunk or something...but they didnt stop buzzing
so i buzzed back and let whoever it was in
then there was a knocking at my door
and i said who is it?
and Erek said, "You know who it is."
lol he totally surprised the shit out of me
he stayed the night and left in the morning

Then Daiamy took me out to breakfast and i spent the rest of the day in school
then i went out to a sushi restaurant by myself. i was kinda sad but whatev, food was awesome.

Bamboozle was last Sunday Sooo awesome. 3Oh!3 was ace.

Classes end next week and  after thats its work and play =]

New Brand New album coming out in June!<3 cant wait to check it outt and see them on tour.

Apparently my 11:11 wishes have failed.
Erek is not coming this weekend
and i think we might not ever talk to each other again
For a long time at least.

Time to be single and date and be nineteen.
(If my heart would only be whole again.)
Even though i feel like I'm in my mid-twenties.
and sometimes 50's...


I have a new phone but it's being held hostage in Middletown.
Mother gave it to Erek because i told her he was coming up for my birthday.
Soooo now i have to wait for her to get it from him and mail it to me.
boo! It's the glide by Verizon. Def an upgrade from my ancient razor.
It's my moms bday present to me =]

Lots of college parties this weekend but i won't be attending any of them because i don't want to go solo.
You always have to bring someone along to watch after you and keep you company if you don't know anyone.
I need to make more friends my age so i can go.
I told my friend Jules from work that i wanted to go out dancing though so maybe i'll meet a cute OLDER boy and flirt.

I hope someone surprises me with a cake on my birthday
Is that too much to ask for?
and maybe balloons and a kiss too.

Getting a tattoo on Wednesday!!!
It's going to be on my right side of my torso
and say:
Fight off your demons, always
with a butterfly.


this is how i want it::



so stoked.

i lost my cell phone

i have the most WORST luck ever.

This is what happens when you drop mirrors..

I miss him so much.
Whenever i think about being around him
i have to close my eyes to fight off tears.

With you is where I'd rather be,
but we're stuck where we are.
It's so hard, you're so far..
This long distance is killing me.
I wish that you are here with me,
but we're stuck where we are
it's so hard, you're so far..
This long distance is killing me.


I miss my boyfriend =[

I live in Binghamton with my two friends Daiamy and Alex
I've been staying here for almost 3 weeks now.
I'm waiting to get my own 2 bedroom apartment which i hope someonee will share with me =]
It's cool living on my own but i was super depressed in the beginning.
Like i'm never ever going to live with my mom again. How weird it that?
I do my own groceries and i go to the laundry mat and pay to wash and dry my clothes.
I feel grown up.
I miss Erek though!
He is my lover and i want him near me at all times.
I want to cuddle with him when i'm watching tv
have him make fun of me when i do silly things
and rub my stomach when we go to sleep at night.
He's coming up this Friday and i can't wait.
We are going to Long Island Saturday for my sisters 2nd birthday and Erek gets to me my daddy and all the other family,
We are gonna look sooo fly though. I'm buying a disposable camera to document this event.
I'm going to start taking driving lessons in 2 weeks. So i can get a car.
holla. =]

What we invented, i am now ending.
i wish i could end it.




I'm horrible with love.
I can't seem to get it right.

I'm graduating high school tomorrow
actually today.
and im so scared.
of everything.
of leaving my best friends
living in Brooklyn
going to school in Harlem
working all the time.

I can't believe this is all happening now.

After prom-










sooo much fun.

Prom Dress!
I'm ordering it tomorrow
I'm scared that I'm going to hate it on me.
It comes in black but i kinda like the fuchsia.
It should look good on my skin since I've been tanning.


How do you feel about this?

My spring break is completely amazing so far!!
For me staying in Middletown, i don't see how it could possibly be any better.
My 18th birthday is this Sunday
Can we say party??
Me and Sam Adam's birthdays are a day apart so on Saturday we're going down to the city with people and going clubbing!
Then we're having a party the 10th. It's gonna be a masquerade and i'm so excited for it.
woop woop.

CCNY '12

I got into city college!
I really wanted to go to John Jay
but i'm not so sure anymore.

I wish more people verbally expressed how they feel
Like the Death Cab for Cutie song goes,
"If you've got an impulse let it out"
I want to be able to read minds!
Is that so much to ask for?
Blarghh.


I'm sick with a cold.
I had a fever this morning
and i think it's coming back again.
I have such a horribly weak immune system.
fuck my lifee.
I want someone to take care of me right now.

My insides
are filled with guilt
=[
but I'm still happier than i have been lately.
Is that bad?

"In the midst of winter, I finally learned that there was in me an invincible summer."


I'm grateful for everyone and everything that i have in my life right now.

I haven't smoked a cigarette in one week.
Blargh.
I can't believe i made it this far!
I've been hanging out with Cyrae and Erek like every second of my life.
I guess they have a lot to do with not smoking.

I have so much i want to write in this thing but i never write it
because i know its always safer inside of me.