[11 Oct 2008|10:24pm] unsentletters [maybe_redundant]  dear alcohol, it's been 6 months and i miss you. but i've found other, much more real ways of being happy, that my friends probably don't understand. karyn post comment

dear chanel [11 Oct 2008|10:19pm] unsentletters [loveweights] it come to my attention that you may be insane i am so over this it has been far to much work and i am sick of always being the bad guy so have a great life it will suck for a min and i love all the bag but its to much --love always         punkass post comment

[11 Oct 2008|09:00pm] unsentletters [polylizzy] [ mood | lonely ] I turn 34 in a few weeks. When I was facing a divorce 3 years ago I looked at my friends and family that had gotten divorced and they were all remarried within 3 years. I don't really even have a boyfriend. I will be 34. I thought I would get divorced, meet a great guy, get married and have a baby or 2 before I hit 35. I really want to have another baby and I just don't see it happening in the next year. I have a perspective relationship on the horizon, but it will be years before anything happens with that. He is tied to his job in one place and I am tied to this place because of my kids and my ex not wanting them to leave the area. The 2 places are 2000 miles apart. There are too many emotional complications as well. On top of the fact that he hasn't wanted to even think about a family for the last 9 months that we have been talking, and I come with one ready made and wanting more. Some day I will find someone who is my equal, who will love me, love my kids. Someone who will join my life. Until then I will sleep alone, holding a pillow instead of a warm body. My kids will find support from strangers at school and in their extra curricular activities, instead of from a father who actually cares about them as people and not just as property. Someday my prince will come. post comment

[11 Oct 2008|10:02pm] unsentletters [unreachable823] Brandon, I can't believe I feel the way about you that I do. I was content, I was fine with how things with us just won't work. But everytime you become intoxicated, or I, the conversation always comes up. Please don't bring it up again. My heart would break if you told me one more time how it hurts you, and we can't have that happening. Please, for the sake of us, keep our conversations "friends only".   Your FRIEND, Em post comment

[11 Oct 2008|09:58pm] unsentletters [functi0n] Dear A/K, I don't even know what to refer to you as anymore, haha. I guess it's mixed. I totally have developed feelings for you. Shiiiiiiiiiiit. -R/X/A post comment

[11 Oct 2008|06:40pm] unsentletters [anchoredhope] Dear Rob, I’m in love with you Its very simple, its very straightforward. Its very much something I do not know how to deal with. And it is very true. I’m mad I can’t talk to you. I’m sad I can’t talk to you. And I’m hurting. But I can’t tlak to you. I can’t talk to you, because it makes me love you more, miss you more. It hurts me and angers me that you weren’t comfortable with my willingness to uproot my life for you. I realize that moving to New Orleans after spending only a few months with you, is not exactly practical. And that its scary to you that I was willing to. Scary to me too. But I was willing to do it, if I could get a job there. I was willing to try, at least, for what I feel for you. But you’re unsure, you’re questioning. And I can not, can not, can not stake my hopes on someone who is doubtful. So that’s why I can’t talk to you. That’s why I can’t communicate with you. Why I’m going to have to get rid of my ties to you on facebook, on aim, on every single online media, so that I can’t follow you. Because whenever you inevitably start dating someone new, I don’t think I can take seeing it. You’re smart, funny, attractive, and wonderful. I adore you. I want to spend my life with you, I want to have your children, I want to be yours, completely. But you don’t want me, do, you? So I have a new boyfriend who adores me, and who is good, and kind, and smart, and funny. And here. And he wants me. So yesterday I decided I’m done backing off from him—and I told him I’d be exclusive. So goodbye to you, even though its breaking me, and making me cry. Because I think I can be happy with him, and that’s far better than pining over you. post comment

[11 Oct 2008|04:47pm] cam_whores [anystyll] post comment

[11 Oct 2008|11:27am] unsentletters [hugxwh0re] You, I know it's only been about 24 hours, but I can't help thinking about how awkward we'd be together. Maybe it's just that you caught me at the wrong time since I'm sick and have been really exhausted lately. I don't know. I just have this fear (this fear that came much too soon, for that matter) that you'll leave me for a boy if anything, or maybe one of your closer girl friends. I shouldn't be worried. I'm your first girlfriend. You actually like me. This is the first time you've liked a girl that likes you that isn't a complete bitch (if I do say so myself). Ahhh. But then you IM me just now, and call me sweetie. The butterflies come back, and I remember why I've liked you for so long to begin with. All doubt escapes my mind. This relationship is going to be so difficult for me :/. post comment

[11 Oct 2008|11:37am] unsentletters [_d76] R, I am in love with you. I really hope you didn't sleep with someone when you got drunk last night. I can't be sure because of all the stories you told me about getting drunk and sleeping with girls. Sleeping with girls and regretting it. Sleeping with girls and it turning out quite badly. A bold assertion on my part, and I would never really ask you. I can only hope. ( Cut for legnth and general unfocused nature of subject matter ) post comment

[11 Oct 2008|01:46pm] unsentletters [rapaciouslyred] God, You know, whatever I say, I say it because I mean it. I might be a lazy good fer nothing, but I do mean it. And I don't want to just mean it. I want to do it. So I need you're help with that part. I'm not so good on the doing as the meaning. Thanks C. post comment

[11 Oct 2008|05:19pm] unsentletters [save_my_rose] [ mood | discontent ] [ music | Solitude - FFVII ] My sweetest darling Wife - You have become the "issue". You invade me. I can stop thinking about you, and I can forget about you, but not for too long. Thoughts of you, these longings, invade my life each and every day, little nagging thoughts of a life I know is better that I can't reach. I miss you. I miss what we had. I KNOW you are not my wife anymore. I know you are not even my friend. I'm not anything to you anymore. I'm a memory. And this is what you should be to me, but you're not. I tell myself I know this is all over, that I should look back on those years with happiness at the time we spent together. I can't seem to bring myself to do this. The realisation is not hitting me, even after almost a year. I still want you in my life so badly, and a large part of me clings to you, to the memory of what we had, even though logic tells me it would never be the same. I don't know how to move forward from you. I feel so unfulfilled by the people around me because none can get as close as you did to me. You reached me and you cared. Of course I am detatched. Were I not I would be insane. I miss you so much. I wish you would come home. - Karina Dearest Friend - I worry. I love you more than I can express. For me, sex is between two people who can merge that deeply, on such a level. To do that is to give yourself completely to someone in that moment, to create that amazing bond, to show someone how much you care about them. I care about you enough to have sex with you... But I can't bring myself to do it. Not because I'm picky, not even out of some duty to her... but because you're a man. I love you with all my heart, but your body repulses me. How can I make love to you when I can't truly appreciate you? It goes against everything I feel is right. I don't want to have sex with you because I couldn't show you how much I love you, and because I believe you want to match her in my eyes, and you never could, for as little a reason as your gender. - Karina Karina - Please work through this. I know it's so hard but you can do so much with your life. You are still so so young, please don't revert back to things that will hurt you. I'm so glad you didn't self harm again this morning.. and I know how much what you found out hurt you. She is forgetting you. Just like you should be forgetting her. I'm not going to pressure you to forget her. Just try to retain that self respect. You deserve to be treated better. I know I sound like the others. You love her, I know, and that will never change. If it were, it would have already. Please look after yourself, get a job, work hard at your studies. Soon you'll be free to go where you want. Just do these two years - and then you can fly. - Karina post comment

[11 Oct 2008|09:57am] unsentletters [fallenback] Tom, I am going to come by to get some wake-up coffee. I have not done this since my first visit to the café, mostly because I'm a night-coffee kind of girl and because there are less things to distract you from me when I come two hours before close and stay until you have to take inventory. I got some more sunflowers yesterday. Partially for myself, partially for you. I am considering bringing two with me this time: one for you/the café (though more for you) and one for your grandfather. I know I've never met him, but still. It's a nice gesture? It's something I would do, I guess. It would be great if we could ignore that thing between us. Seriously. But I know it's kind of a big deal (only because of the size of it; less and we would be fine), but at the same time...it's kinda of part of why I like you. post comment

?!?!?!? Letter To No-One (On Problems With My Heart). [11 Oct 2008|01:38pm] unsentletters [padfootlovesme] [ mood | distressed ] [ music | "Serenity" on the telly. ] I can't cry. What the hell is the matter with me? I feel myself choking up, but as the tears start to well, I squash it down and feel a flutter in my chest instead. My heart is literally shaking instead of me crying. This has been happening for a while and I don't know why or how to stop it. I *want* to cry, but I just... can't. It makes me wonder if all the times I've had to be strong have forced me to become some sort of dead-on-the-inside robot or something. Cancer, death, the past in general... everyone has turned to me. I was my Mum's rock when she had her cancer treatment. I couldn't cry in front of her or she'd have gone to pieces. "If Melissa's crying, it must be bad." I couldn't allow that. Now... no tears. Nothing but a flutter in my chest. I'm watching every sad film I can, singing every sad song... still, I get The Flutter. It's not painful, just uncomfortable. Titanic is on later, so I'll watch that and see what happens. You don't realise how important things like being able to cry are until you can't do them. It's a release that everyone should be allowed. I prayed to be able to be strong for those around me. ("Please G-d, make me a stone.") It's the only prayer that's been definitively answered. It just goes to show... be careful what you wish for. post comment

[11 Oct 2008|03:55am] unsentletters [shadowlit_dream] [ mood | tired, but happy ] Dear World, Whenever I post a sad post about anything to do with him, it is imperative that you understand I'm merely feeling a moment too full of emotion to carry on my own. I express fears, doubts, worries, to you because it cannot hurt him here. You must understand, that I never mean a word of it---that despite the posts, I still love him, I still believe in him, and I still want him and want to be his. Okay? I understand that this can be confusing, and it's okay if you forget sometimes---because I never will. And hopefully, he won't either. love, me Dear you, My darling, I love you. Please remember that I am always here, especially as you go through these troubled times. Religion is never an easy thing whether you decide to leave, stay, or to keep your foot in the door as you hang out the window. Don't judge yourself too harshly dear, you have too many people doing that as it is. Remember that I love you, forever and always. Whenever dark turns to night, and all the dreams sing their song---in the daylight, forever, to you, I belong. [dna] - allie Dear self, I'm so glad you know your limits now. I'm so glad that you don't put yourself into situations, and that even if you do, you keep your head, you keep control. I'm so glad you've finally broken free from who you were, and embraced who you've become. I love you. You're beautiful. Keep being strong. Keep holding on. You can make it. You will make it. - yourself p.s. please pay more attention to your studies---I understand that he is the be-all and end-all of your little world, but it's going to cost you a lot more than money if you let things slip any farther away from you. You won't experience the full sense of love, until you learn to keep it in balance with the rest of your life. I'm not bitching, I'm just saying. love you. post comment

[10 Oct 2008|11:53pm] unsentletters [i_am_a_werewolf] [ mood | confused & cold (mostly cold) ] Dear Best Friend, Ich liebe sie. It's German. It means I love you. And I do. When we kiss for shows, it's sloppy and messy, and as Douchface put it, a porno kiss. I don't like that. I wish we could kiss slow, and sensual even. I think I want to try to be more than friends. I hate it when you fawn over Doucheface; I wish we never met him. People would ask me, "Have you ever had a crush on a girl?" and I would just nod my head. They would ask "Oh is it Kelsey?" and I would say NO. Because I figured you were my best friend, and I didn't really. And I don't think I did, I think I just loved you. In a friendly way, in a more than friendly way. I don't know. I told you I felt like everybody just threw all their laundry into the dry and somebody's socks got stuck in my pants, and yeah, I'm that confused. Everything is just spinning really fast, and my mind is jumbled. Maybe we could try to be more, and if it fails, then we can laugh about it and just be really good friends again. Or we could just stay friends. But first I think we should get a clear understanding of things. However, no matter how the cards are dealt, just remember Ich liebe sie. Naomi 1 comment|post comment

[10 Oct 2008|11:04pm] unsentletters [cherryoranges] To My Never Not Ever Boyfriend,     I'll get over you. Someday I will. And you'll see. How much stronger I can be. I don't need a boy. A woman would be so much better. But long as it's the one woman. Cause I can't think of any other girl to love. I can't dream of meeting any other girl and falling in love. I can dream of falling in love with other boys. Even though there's no boy in my life right now that I'd date besides you. there are so many girls i know you'd date. and i'm not that willing to wait. cause it hurts every second that i have to. every second you pass me up. every second you talk about other girls. it's one baby step closer to me forgetting about you. why do i love you again? i'm not so sure. i'm ready to run headspeed away from you. it's not like i'm running from my fears. i'm not afraid of you. i'm more like running to happiness, which happens to be nowhere near you. and i can't wait to get there. sorry if none of this made sense. i love you but i don't want to. you charm me and i can't help being drawn to you. you speak and i listen, you say jump and i ask how high. but this pathetic thing of mine won't go on forever. so here i go. -your Never Not Ever Until Your Ready To My Best Friend Whom I Love In Every Way Imaginable,      Things would be so much easier if I never met Vince. I don't want to be like Lindsey. Who says she wants to be with you and then goes running back to her shitty boyfriend. Cause Vince is a shitty guy to me. And he says he hates himself for it but I think he wouldn't care that much if  gave him up. I've told you some of what I'm going to say already, but I want to say it again. So everyone who reads these letters can know. And if you see this on here, so that you can be sure. I really don't know how you feel about me now. Cause I was really just the one pouring it out to you. But I thought you should know :) If there was no boy, there'd be only you in my heart. Cause unlike my cuddle buddies and my flirt buddies, I could actually see myself being with you. And doing all the things I said I wanted to do with you. You asked me how I loved you. And this is what I said:  i'm in love. sometimes i want to push back your hair and kiss away your tears. and i want to shudder when i kiss your lips and put my hands on your hips. i want to feel your rough sexy hands on my shoulders holding me to you. i love you.sometimes  i want to laugh with you. always be freinds with you. hold your hand and make jokes with you. i want to not love anyone else. that sounds so lovely right now. and i'm loving him less and less. but it's hard to let go. I love you like a sister, like a lover, like a freind and everything in between and beyond. And I meant every word of it. I know I'm a cheesey cliche little thing. But it's how I feel and how I wish things could be. Sometimes, when he have our random little tongue kisses, I wish they could be more than just to put on a show. I want you to be happy though. And you wouldn't be if I said I'd give you my all while I was still *involved* with the Doucheface. But I'm hoping I wont' be *involved* with Doucheface much longer. Maybe me and him can just be friends! I'd do everything you wanted and more for you. I love you. You are so much better than how everyone treats you. -Kelsey Dearest Myspace,      Just go away. I need a life thanks. They are so right about this hometown. Everyone in it wishes they could be more. I'm gonna do it one day. I won't be stuck here forever. -"Verbotene Liebe" post comment

i feel you in my heart, and i don't even know you [10 Oct 2008|11:10pm] unsentletters [thesuicide_note] [ mood | apathetic ] im not sure how you can love someone when you dont know them. i dont know you, and you dont know me. i look for you but im sure you dont see me. you might think im a creep. i like your voice. i like the way you wear your hair. i love the way you laugh, and how you talk to people. ive probably never been in the same room with you for over 10 minutes. its weird how i can remember the small details i take from only a couple seconds of seeing you. the clothes you were wearing, who you were walking with. i feel obsessive but this is different. how can you be in my head? how?? how can i even feel anything for anyone i havent met, and who hasnt met me? not this strong, its unnatural. its unhealthy. its self destructive cause i know that soon its going to kill me. i feel it starting to chip away at me. i feel it but i dont see any way out of it, its an equation with no solution. sometimes i can block you from my mind when i concentrate hard enough on something else, if im distracted. sometimes you block my mind from concentration and all i feel is agony. its agony. i want you. i want you bad enough that its started to hurt. i cant even talk to you. and i know this is going to end badly for me. post comment

[10 Oct 2008|11:15pm] unsentletters [shadowlit_dream] [ mood | distressed ] You, you know...he made me regret the distance. It's times like these when you make me regret the bother. -me post comment

those days are gone forever, i should just let them go...but... [10 Oct 2008|04:29pm] unsentletters [moodyimage] [ mood | discontent ] [ music | The Love We Had Before - Fireflight ] Dearest you, Seriously? She asked you out via text message? My whole attitude about that has changed in a matter of a couple of hours about that. I don't think that it's straight forward and something to admire. I think she's afraid of rejection and knows if you wanted to date her, you'd ask her. It's lacking in self-confidence. And I of all people should know about that. If I had the self-confidence and the knowledge that you would say yes, I would have already looked you in the eyes and tell you that you needed to date me and that I think I love you. However, I am a colossal wuss and am probably once again going to watch you slip out of my grasp. What is it about me that makes you strong willed, outgoing, thrilling men keeping me in the flirty friend zone? I want to be the cheese to your macaroni. Yeah, I haven't eaten today..sue me. *sigh* I want the ability to say exactly what I want to you. I want things to fall into place and be ok. I want to stop wanting you. Yep. Slipping away because I have a life and I don't do theater with you. Damnit all. I wish I could find something I don't like about you other than you don't want to date me right now. I hope she treats you right. I hope she knows just how amazing you are. Or I will kick her ass from here to forever. Tonight is going to suck. You and her are going to be there discussing it and I'll be working the concession stand trying to pretend I'm not thinking about you and your body and smile. Suck. "Bones break, organs burst, flesh tears...we can sew the flesh, repair the damage, ease the pain. But when life breaks down, when we break down. there's no science. No hard and fast rules. We just have to feel our way through. And to a surgeon, there's nothing worse and nothing better." -Grey's Anatomy Season 5 - Episode 502 -Tes Dear Spock, Holy shit I missed you!!!!!!!!!!! I wanted to pounce on you more, but that'd be inappropriate ;) for now. I hope tomorrow night goes off without a flaw. You and I have always been bestest friends, but now we're going to actually hang out more than every now and then. I command it. I MISSED YOU. Oh, and she doesn't deserve you. There's no reason for her attitude. Vermont deserves her. Let her go. No, I don't want that anymore, but the hugs were good. It's good to know I still fit into your arms the way I used to. -Me Self, STFU. Go work the concession stand and let them both go. You thought it'd be ok to love again now that you love yourself, but you're only going back to the past. It's never good there. The past is a dangerous place. Don't just find them attractive again because they know you're awesome, but not dateable. They love you too much and are afraid of how well you know them. If they're unable to cope with how great you are and how much of the perfect woman you are, then let them GO. Stay friends. That's possible, isn't it? Yes? Maybe? Stop being such a dork. Go back to your book life. It's safer there. -Me post comment

My ex-best friend [10 Oct 2008|04:33pm] unsentletters [dahoney] To my ex-best friend, We have been friends on and off for years but I think that this time it's the final straw. You use me, use me, use me and then when I am no longer of use to you, you cast me aside. I am tired of supporting you emotionally and financially. I stood by and kept my mouth shut when you wanted to marry someone when you were so young. I stood by you when you told me you were cheating on your husband with several other men. I stood by you when you were pregnant and I freaking paid for your abortion and drove you in my car over an hour to get you to the clinic. I didn't agree with these decisions but you were my best friend and I was there to support you. You abuse my niceness. You aborted the baby your husband was so excited to have. You borrowed 450 dollars from me, probably with no intention of paying me back. I work hard to make my money and it's so upsetting to know I just cashed my paycheck and handed it to you that week because that is what best friends do. I trusted you. Now you are trying to duck out of paying me back. I know you don't work so you probably don't understand but the job I do is not easy and I earn MY money. You said you would pay me back. I've lied for you, I've stood back and watched you have affairs with old boyfriends, guys you met at bars, an ex-con you met on myspace...Do you realize how much I know that you are keeping from your husband? If you don't make an effort to pay me back, what the hell would stop me from telling your husband everything? I don't want to resort to that but let's be honest...you are a pathetic person that uses people and only cares about yourself. You were my best friend and you just saw me as a bank and a taxi cab to drive your ass around town all this summer. When/if you pay me back...that's it. I want you out of my life. -Me 1 comment|post comment

navigation [ viewing | most recent entries ] [ go | earlier ]