so i haven't written in here in....well a really flippin long time.  mostly this is for me, i honestly don't expect anyone to read this anymore.  so i've had a lot on my mind lately.  so much has changed here.  i hated this school this time last year.  i never thought in a million years i'd be back.  the food isn't that great, the financial office always screws you over, the weather changes daily, it rains too much....i could go on forever.  but when it comes down to it......i can't leave this place.  i've made a life here with some amazing people.  there have been some really bad times but when i look at my memories here and my life here now, the good definitely overcomes the negative.  i really wish i knew where my life was going and sometimes it frustrates me because there's so many days where i don't feel like i'm smart enough to get where i want to get in life.  i want to go to med school.  i want to be a doctor in the ER.  but you know what?  what if i'm not smart enough?  what if i fail?  what if i can't even major in biology?  i'm way too easily distracted and care way too much about other people.  if i have a huge test to study for....and a friend needs me.....i'll put the studying off and do whatever i can do to help the person.  even if i don't like them that much.  it's just who i am.  and this may earn me respect and a lot of people may like me for it......but where will it get me goal-wise?  people tell me not to worry about others and what they say or think but i do.  i don't want people to think i'm mean.  i don't want people to think they can't count on me no matter what the situation is.  i want people to KNOW i'm there through it all.  i just care about my family and friends so much and would take a bullet for any of them.......they mean the WORLD to me and i wouldn't be who i am today if it wasn't for each and every one of them.  even if they put me through a lot of pain....or made me smile....or let me cry on their shoulder.....they've made me who i am.   another thing that's been gettin to me is the fact that everyone back home expects me to be dating somebody.  i like a few guys but that's about it.  i've never been one to tell a guy how i feel so why should i start now?  everyone at home keeps asking who i'm dating....how long i've been with "him" and whatnot......does it matter that i'm 19 and i don't have a boyfriend?  honestly if having a boyfriend would bring the slightest bit of negativity into my life, i can't deal with it.  i'm far too laid back to have to worry about someone else and if they're being faithful or not.  judging from personal experience, not many boyfriends in college are faithful.  at least 65% of the guys who have hit on me have girlfriends who they are supposedly "serious" with.  this really bugs me a lot more than people think.  trust me, i'm flattered but at the same time.....if they're willing to cheat on their girlfriend with me, and who knows....maybe something would come of it and we would be together.....but who's to say they wouldn't turn around and do the exact same thing to me?  they did it to their current girlfriend.....they'll do it again.....i know people change but usually with these situations that's not the case.  at least from what i've seen.  overall, i'm really happy with my life.  i love my friends.  i've got a lot going for me.  most importantly, i have the most supportive family ever.  they're always there for me no matter what.  and knowing this makes me feel at ease.....i can't even begin to explain how comfortable i am with my life right now.  i'm a little worried about Travis graduating because i'm pretty sure he'll move to tennessee....for good.  that's really gonna kill me on the inside and outside.  we've been through a lot but we're a lot closer than most siblings.  we actually hang out and get along for the most part.  i'm really gonna miss him and i really don't know how much i'll see him once he does move.  i'm sure everything will work out like it's supposed to because my faith is in God but sometimes i'm so unsure and it's hard to believe things will be okay.  but like i said....overall......life is grand.  maybe i'll start writin more....who knows.

xoxo.

so today was the second day of classes.  i'm back at the hill.....i honestly never thought in a million years i'd be back here.  but i'm livin in an amazing dorm on campus.....it's basically an apartment and i have 2 of the coolest roomates ever.  we have a lot of fun and i think it's gonna be a really good semester.  i really miss charlotte a lot....i'm not gonna lie.  and there's not really that many people i know in one of my classes and i haven't had my english class yet.  i have it just on monday nights.  same w/ my bio lab....the rest of the week i just have 2 classes each day.....so it shouldn't be too bad.  bio will most likely be rough but i have to have it for my major.  funnnn.  

so i've been giving dating a lot of thought lately.  and i just don't think i need to date anyone right now.  i think it's best for me to be single cause relationships always complicate things no matter what people say.  at least for me.....i'm so sick and tired of getting hurt by guys that are just my friends......let alone guys i'm dating.  it just wouldn't be fair to the guy or to me.  and i'm so sick of creepy guys sending me random ass messages.  like i seriously want to erase my facebook and myspace.  i mean come on.....either say hi to me in person or just don't say anything at all.  school's been fun so far but i can already tell i'm startin to stress out over stupid stuff.  i really miss blake.....it's like during the school year we just stop talking because we're both crazy busy all the time.  like right now is honestly the first time i've had to just chill out.  don't get me wrong i love goin out and being social but when i wanna relax....i wanna chill.  i mean we all have times where we don't feel like being all that social and i feel like a bitch for not talking but i just wasn't feelin like my normal self last night.....i was in the weirdest mood.  anyways.....i randomly felt like writing to get all this out......maybe i'll start doin it more.....at least i don't get weird messages!  

<3

this is pretty much coming from absolutely nowhere....but it's something that i keep thinking about instead of doing my homework like i should be.  do you believe in fate?  do you believe that there is one person that you are meant to be with for the rest of your life?  or is it all a matter of timing and each of the person's lives.  there could be ten people you could spend the rest of your life with but it will only work out with one because the timing is right.  what if the chance passes you by?  would God ever allow that to happen?  because people do end up alone.  some people get divorced and think it's perfectly fine.  some people don't realize that when you get married...you say for better or for worse.  does that not mean anything anymore?  why do people wait around, only to get walked all over?  do they think things will just magically get better?  why do people allow themselves to go through so much pain?  only to end up hurt in the end?  and why do others sit and watch? 

ok hw time....i had so much on my mind and still do but i just had to put it somewhere. 
night kids. 

so i finally finished this dag gum thing.  took flippin forever.  today was blah.  so was yesterday.  there's not much more to say....i still don't know if i'm going home this weekend or not.  and it's...friday afternoon so i guess i better figure it out huh?  everyone is going home or somewhere else this weekend.  huzzies.  ok well i'm out...i'll eventually do a real update sometime soon but this is definitely enough to keep yall covered. 

( here we go again....Collapse )