I Am One...

__undertherose_ @ 2010-01-15T01:48:00

2010-01-15T06:48:31Z

so i'm going to take a moment here and write a really self-centered, emo post. just bear with me and you'll soon be returned to your regular programming.

i've decided that i give up on trusting anybody or taking anyone at their word anymore. all it ever results in is me getting my feelings hurt or heart broken and feeling utterly let down. i just can't fucking go through it anymore. i'm definitely done trusting horse people. you all already know the story of reggie, but now there's a new one. last week, a lady who i met last year emailed me, wondering if i would be interested in trading bailey for a two-year-old egyptian arabian stallion that she has. i more or less jumped at the chance. bailey has been for sale for over a year because i'm really more into trail riding now and he's really not. this arab was going to be my endurance horse. so i've spent the last few days on the phone trying to get the paperwork arranged to get bailey down to owensboro. yesterday afternoon, the woman emailed me asking if i'd be interested in splitting the cost of getting the arab's sire nominated for the incentive fund because she has the horse's half-brother who she's going to keep. i emailed her back about it, saying i'd be up for it. then a few hours later she emailed me back saying that she'd changed her mind and is going to keep the arab.

so.. i fucking give up on people. i'm done trusting anyone, it's just not worth it.

year in review

2009-12-30T23:42:58Z

yeah, another meme. this is what i do with my life. *sigh*

behind the cut.

1. What did you do in 2009 that you'd never done before?
uhm? i don't think there's anything i did that i've not done before

2. Did you keep your new years' resolutions, and will you make more for next year?
i don't make new years' resolutions. why set myself up for failure?

3. Did anyone close to you give birth?
nope

4. Did anyone close to you die?
no

5. What countries did you visit?
none

6. What would you like to have in 2010 that you lacked in 2009?
financial stability

7. What date from 2009 will remain etched upon your memory, and why?
sadly i don't remember the exact date, but whatever day it was that i quit Kroger

8. What was your biggest achievement of the year?
quitting Kroger

9. What was your biggest failure?
to quote Vikki, "being drunk out of my mind..."

10. Did you suffer illness or injury?
i survived the aporkalypse!

11. What was the best thing you bought?
nothing

12. Whose behaviour merited celebration?
dustin's

13. Whose behaviour made you appalled and depressed?
my own. and a few others i won't mention

14. Where did most of your money go?
existing

15. What did you get really, really, really excited about?
absolutely nothing

16. What song will always remind you of 2009?
it's hard to say yet. probably won't know until next year when i hear a random song and go "awww, i remember that!"

17. Compared to this time last year, are you:
i. happier or sadder? sadder
ii. thinner or fatter? fatter
iii. richer or poorer? definitely poorer

18. What do you wish you'd done more of?
i honestly don't know

19. What do you wish you'd done less of?
drinking

20. How will you be spending Christmas?
spent it with my dad

22. Did you fall in love in 2009?
no

23. How many one-night stands?
none

24. Best thing you ate?
i don't know, i'm not sure i hate anything particularly spectacular

25. What was your favourite TV programme?
Ghost Hunters, Bones, In Plain Sight

25. Do you hate anyone now that you didn't hate this time last year?
*shrugs* i don't really thik so...

26. What was the best book you read?
Absolutely impossible to tell.

27. What was your greatest musical discovery?
not sure i really discovered any great music this year that i wasn't already aware of

28. What did you want and get?
a couple of really great friends

29. What did you want and not get?
money, sex...

30. What was your favourite film of this year?
the boat that rocked

31. What did you do on your birthday, and how old were you?
turned 28. went to Irvington with Jenni and Dustin to see Stallpoint play. came back, had pizza and watched Invader Zim. was a fantastic birthday!

32. What one thing would have made your year immeasurably more satisfying?
basically... money

33. How would you describe your personal fashion concept in 2009?
"personal fashion concept"? my basic every day uniform is jeans, a band shirt and knock-off Doc Martens. when i go out for a concert, jeans, boots and my corset

34. What kept you sane?
am i sane? i don't know sometimes.

35. Which celebrity/public figure did you fancy the most?
teh Johnny (as always) and Mat

36. What political issue stirred you the most?
i would say Prop 8, but that was actually last year, so i'm going to say gay rights as a whole

37. Who did you miss?
Reggie, as always

38. Who was the best new person you met?
omg Jenni for sure

39. Tell us a valuable life lesson you learned in 2009:
never mix alcohol and White Castle. yes, that truly is a life lesson

40. Quote a song lyric that sums up your year:
"get through this night, there are no second chances"

41. What was your favourite moment of the year?
not sure there's exactly a single moment, but my birthday as a while was actually *really* good

42. What was your least favourite moment of the year?
alcohol and White Castle

43. Where were you when 2009 began?
at home on the sofa

44. Who were you with?
dad was home with me

45. Where will you be when 2009 ends?
same place i was last year. if i had my car, i'd likely be at a party somewhere

46. Who will you be with when 2009 ends?
myself and whoever happens to be online

47. What was your favourite month of 2009?
eh, not sure there's exactly a best month

48. Did you drink a lot of alcohol in 2009?
fuck yes

49. Did you do a lot of drugs in 2009?
just pot and not even a lot of that

50. How many people did you sleep with in 2009?
zero *sigh*

51. Did you do anything you were ashamed of this year?
yes

52. What was the worst lie someone told you in 2009?
i don't know, i can't think of anything awful

53. Did you treat someone badly in 2009?
i'm sure i did

54. Did someone treat you badly in 2009?
yes

55. How many concerts did you see in 2009?
uhm. four? Stallpoint twice, Kill Hannah (with She Wants Revenge) and Sonata Arctica

56. Did you have a favourite concert in 2009?
either Kill Hannah or Sonata, each for a different reason

57. How much money did you spend in 2009?
no earthly idea

58. If you could go back in time to any moment of 2009 and change something, what would it be?
i'm not sure, actually. as bad as things were, i'm not sure i'd change anything

30 days meme, day 14

2009-12-30T11:04:03Z

a non-fiction book. i'll be the first person to admit that i don't actually read much non-fiction these days, but here are two that i have to share.

first, i think everybody who loves animals needs to read this book. my dad read it to me when i was a kid and i loved every single page of it, even the ones that made me cry. it's the story of a young English country vet in the 1930s. each chapter tells a self-contained story, though James' personal story carries through the whole of the book.

another fantastic book that will make you laugh until you can't breathe is Bill Bryon's book "In A Sunburned Country", the story of his travels across Australia. it's not a typical dull, dry travelogue so you'll never feel bogged down.

30 days meme, day 13

2009-12-29T07:01:20Z

a... fictional book? like one that doesn't exist? i'm assuming they mean a fiction book. okay. i already did lost souls and catspaw. okay, if you're looking for a bit of easy reading, try Dragonsong, Dragonsinger and Dragondrums by Anne McCaffrey. it's an excellent little series all about the Harper Hall, mentioned in Anne McCaffrey's other dragon books. it gives a nice alternative perspective of those events.

30 days meme, day 12

2009-12-28T00:36:54Z

whatever tickles my fancy (shut up, jamie). obviously the person who came up with this meme was lacking inspiration. well, that makes two of us, cause i have no idea what to do for this.

so i guess today i'm going to share a poem by this guy (no, it's not The Raven):

Lo! Death has reared himself a throne

In a strange city lying alone
Far down within the dim West,
Where the good and the bad and the worst and the best
Have gone to their eternal rest.
There shrines and palaces and towers
(Time-eaten towers that tremble not!)
Resemble nothing that is ours.
Around, by lifting winds forgot,
Resignedly beneath the sky
The melancholy waters lie.

No rays from the holy heaven come down
On the long night-time of that town;
But light from out the lurid sea
Streams up the turrets silently —
Gleams up the pinnacles far and free —
Up domes — up spires — up kingly halls —
Up fanes — up Babylon-like walls —
Up shadowy long-forgotten bowers
Of sculptured ivy and stone flowers —
Up many and many a marvelous shrine
Whose wreathéd friezes intertwine
The viol, the violet, and the vine.
So blend the turrets and shadows there
That all seem pendulous in the air,
While from a proud tower in the town
Death looks gigantically down.

There open fanes and gaping graves
Yawn level with the luminous waves;
But not the riches there that lie
In each idol's diamond eye —
Not the gaily-jeweled dead
Tempt the waters from their bed;
For no ripples curl, alas!
Along that wilderness of glass —
No swellings tell that winds may be
Upon some far-off happier sea —
No heavings hint that winds have been
On seas less hideously serene.

But lo, a stir is in the air!
The wave — there is a movement there!
As if the towers had thrust aside,
In slightly sinking, the dull tide —
As if their tops had feebly given
A void within the filmy Heaven.
The waves have now a redder glow —
The hours are breathing faint and low —
And when, amid no earthly moans,
Down, down that town shall settle hence,
Hell, rising from a thousand thrones,
Shall do it reverence.

30 days meme, day 11

2009-12-26T11:21:04Z

a photo of me taken recently. yeah... i pretty much hate, loathe and despise having my pic taken. i always look stoopid and i hate the way i smile. however, bryan, who i used to work with (bad grammar), is apparently a genius with the camera and managed to get a decent pic of me one night. so... here we go.

*runs away and hides*

30 days meme, day 10

2009-12-23T09:30:22Z

this is supposed to be a pic of me taken over ten years ago. i don't actually have any, or at least none on my computer. however, i will tell you about a pic that's actually one of my favorites. it was the first time i'd gone to chicago and they were doing this Cows On Parade thing where there were life-sized painted cows scattered randomly all over the city. i found one that i liked that was posed like this one (of course i can't find a pic of the actual cow)

we'd been walking all day so i asked if we could stop for a bit and i sat down and leaned back against the cow's side. my cousin marin took the picture. it's really one of my fave pics of me and i swear i'll try to get it scanned in at some point (when i have access to a scanner). that was the day that i swear to god we met mat devine on the steps of the chicago art institute. or rather, passed him on the steps and he searched the entire gallery/museum to try to catch up with my cousin and me.

Writer's Block: You're a mean one, Mr. Grinch!

2009-12-23T01:48:36Z

Are there any classic holiday movies or TV shows that you look forward to watching year after year? What are your all-time favorites? Are there any you simply can't stand?

View 1209 Answers

i have to watch A Christmas Story and Love Actually. i also *must* watch How The Grinch Stole Christmas (the original animated one), Rudolph, Frosty, Peanuts and all the other usual kids' TV Christmas specials. i've never seen Miracle on 34th Street or It's A Wonderful Life.

__undertherose_ @ 2009-12-21T17:37:00

2009-12-21T22:37:10Z

random meme nicked off karen

1. Elaborate on your default icon. one i found off photobucket and liked *shrugs*

2. What's your current relationship status? painfully single

3. Ever have a near-death experience? nope

4. Name an obvious quality you have. big tits. just saying...

5. What's the name of the song that's stuck in your head right now? New Heart For Xmas (Kill Hannah) since i just watched the video of the song taken at the New Heart show this year. yay Jonny and Garret!

6. Name a celebrity you would marry. easy. Mat.

7. Who will cut and paste this first? imma go with Crystal

8. Has anyone ever said you look like a celebrity? definitely not

9. Do you wear a watch? What kind? i have a couple but i've just been using a cell phone for the last however-many years

10. Do you have anything pierced? not anymore, but as soon as i have money, i'm fixing that

11. Do you have any tattoos? not yet, but again... when i have money...

12. Do you like pain? nope

13. Do you like to shop? depends on what i'm shopping for. if it's stuff i need, then no. if it's stuff i *want*... yes.

14. What was the last thing you paid for with cash? cash? what is this cash of which you speak?

15. What was the last thing you paid for with your credit card? well, i used my ChaCha bank card to pay for groceries the other day

16. Who was the last person you spoke to on the phone? dad

17. What is on your desktop background? uhmm.. *minimized ff to look* ohright!

18. What is the background on your cell phone? Bailey :D

19. Do you like redheads? sure i like them! but i'm not really attracted to them if that's what you mean

20. Do you know any twins? totally stealing Karen's answer on this one. not in the real world...

21. Do you have any weird relatives? i think i *am* the weird relative...

22. What was the last movie you watched? Harry Potter and the Order of the Phoenix

23. If you had $100 to spare, who would you give it to? there's never $100 to spare, i have three dogs and two horses

24. What was your favorite book as a child? The Hobbit and Lord of the Rings

30 days meme, day 9

2009-12-20T02:54:02Z

a photo i took.

this is Bailey, my 6-year-old thoroughbred gelding. one of my favorite pics ever and it's just one of those rare ones where everything happened just exactly right and i just happened to have a camera with me. i'd brought him out of the field to feed him (his mouth is full of food, which is why he has chipmunk cheeks) and i was just standing around with the camera. the neighbors across the street were bringing their trash cans down their gravel driveway to the curb and the sound caught Bailey's attention. his head whipped up and he just had that lovely "eagle's gaze" that thoroughbreds are famous for. and for once i managed to get my camera up in time to get the pic. i have a copy of this framed and sitting in my kitchen.

30 days meme, day 8

2009-12-19T09:51:45Z

a photo that makes me sad. i've been putting this one off for a while simply because it's still really painful.

this is Reggie. for those of you who don't know the story...

i used to board my horses with a woman who was a notorious horse trader. she'd pick up gaited horses at the auction, then turn around and resell them privately. Reggie was one of those horses, except he was very difficult to ride. i'm not into walking horses, which is what the lady insisted he was, so i never really paid much attention to him until one day when i pulled up to the barn and everybody was already tacked up and ready to go on a ride. they asked if i wanted to go with and i said sure, but my horse was way out in the field somewhere. they said no problem, take Reggie, he's already tacked up. so i went to get on and was informed that someone had to hold him. ended up taking four three people to hold him still long enough for me to get on. i quickly discovered that he had two gears: off and SPEED RACK. i had an absolute blast on the ride and asked if i could ride him again the next day. i did so and found out Reggie had some other "quirks". he wouldn't stand still if you had to stop on the trail, he neck-reined backwards and, most alarmingly, he would randomly spin 360 degrees, then keep heading down the trail the way we'd been going.

his habits freaked a lot of people out but he was so much fun that i didn't mind. by the third day i was going to ride him, Reggie heard our car coming down the driveway and met me at the gate to the turnout and waited patiently for me to bring him in. it was obvious to everyone after that day that there was a strong bond between us. one by one, everyone else quit riding him even as i began to fix his issues. i began to contemplate selling my arabian mare, who i had outgrown, to buy Reggie. over the course of three months, i continued to ride Reggie several days a week and put my arab up for sale. eventually i got Reggie's issues resolved and i could now mount him from the ground with no assistance, he would walk, slow gait and pick up a speed rack when asked, he neck-reined properly and he would stand quietly if i asked him to stop on the trail. he would still spin occasionally but it was only once or twice a ride and i'd become accustomed to it. by this time i was his only rider and everyone referred to Reggie as my horse. everyone knew we belonged together.

toward the middle of may, someone had taken my arabian on a trial and i knew it was a done deal. the buyer had told me that the horse would have had to practically kill someone in order for her to not buy the horse. i called Reggie's owner on a friday night to tell her that i'd have the money for him on monday. she said that was fine, but i *had* to have the money monday because someone else wanted him and had the money in hand. i said that was understood and i'd definitely have the money. i thought we had an agreement. when we went to the barn the next afternoon, there was a sold sign on his stall door and a note for me on the bulletin board. apparently his owner had sold him saturday morning after telling me the night before that i had until monday. i was so upset i was literally sick, throwing up and everything. i still cry over him and i know that i'll never meet his equal.

30 days meme, day 7

2009-12-15T05:14:47Z

a photo that makes me happy.

this makes me happy because it was taken on my last birthday. the pink elephant cigarettes and my moose keychain showed up in the morning, just as i was heading out the door to catch a ride with jenni. we were heading down to bumfuck kentucky to see dustin's (jenni's boyfriend) band play. we had so much fun, it was amazing. and later that night i was introduced to the awesomeness that is invader zim. it was just a really nice birthday, one of the best i've had in a very long time.

30 days meme, day 6

2009-12-13T04:11:06Z

great, when i'm not at all motivated i get the "whatever tickles your fancy" thing. right now, nothing much at all is tickling my fancy, but i don't want to put this off any longer. so i guess i'm just going to post random videos that amuse me.

30 days meme, day 5

2009-12-09T04:28:24Z

favorite quote. this one is tricky because i'm not one of those people who collects meaningful quotes. i suppose one of my favorites is "We are all in the gutter, but some of us are looking at the stars" from the fabulous Oscar Wilde.

30 days meme, day 4

2009-12-02T02:01:39Z

my favorite book. again, that's a tough one. Lord Of The Rings have been my favorite books since i was in elementary school, but also at the top of my list are Catspaw by Joan D Vinge and Lost Souls by Poppy Z Brite.

Catspaw is a cyberpunk book and brilliantly written. very difficult to describe but one thing i love about it is that you don't have to know about computers and all of that to enjoy the book.

Lost Souls is probably my favorite vampire book and i could read it over and over. forget everything Anne Rice has taught you about vampires and fuck Twilight, if you want vampires, read this one.

30 days meme, day 3

2009-11-29T05:25:15Z

so today i have to tell what my favorite TV show is. this one, at least, is easy. Bones. i haven't been this into a show in ten years, since David Duchovny left The X-Files. if you're not familiar, Bones is about a forensic anthropologist named Temperance Brennan (nicknamed Bones) who is partnered with an FBI agent named Seeley Booth to help solve murders. the show strikes a fabulous balance between seriousness and humor, which i love. generally the episodes can stand pretty well on their own, though there are a few running storylines with the characters. oh, and of course the UST runs rampant, much to my little 'shipper heart's content! as an added bonus, the show has a fantastic soundtrack which includes Placebo (squee!) and Depeche Mode.

30 days meme, day 2

2009-11-27T22:35:35Z

i missed a day, but you'll have to excuse me for yesterday since it was Turkey Day and just a weird day all around.

the topic today is my favorite movie. this is a bit easier than choosing my favorite song. ultimately i'd have to say my favorite movie is Lord of the Rings: Fellowship of the Ring. of the three LotR movies, this is the one that stayed closest to the corresponding book. i saw this movie at least ten times in the theater, and the first time was an employee screening at the theater my boyfriend at the time was working at. it was a brand new theater and we were in the largest room with a curved screen. it was the second screening of the night so there were only a few of us there and it was like having my own, private showing. i'm not ashamed to admit that it had me in tears a few times and i *still* tear up a bit when Gandalf's pony-drawn wagon pulls up outside of Bag End.

30 days meme

2009-11-26T09:39:50Z

there's no way i'm going to remember to keep up with this, but i'm going to try anyway.

day 01 → your favourite song
day 02 → your favourite movie
day 03 → your favourite television program
day 04 → your favourite book
day 05 → your favourite quote
day 06 → whatever tickles your fancy
day 07 → a photo that makes you happy
day 08 → a photo that makes you angry/sad
day 09 → a photo you took
day 10 → a photo of you taken over ten years ago
day 11 → a photo of you taken recently
day 12 → whatever tickles your fancy
day 13 → a fictional book
day 14 → a non-fictional book
day 15 → a fanfic
day 16 → a song that makes you cry (or nearly)
day 17 → an art piece (painting, drawing, sculpture, etc.)
day 18 → whatever tickles your fancy
day 19 → a talent of yours
day 20 → a hobby of yours
day 21 → a recipe
day 22 → a website
day 23 → a YouTube video
day 24 → whatever tickles your fancy
day 25 → your day, in great detail
day 26 → your week, in great detail
day 27 → this month, in great detail
day 28 → this year, in great detail
day 29 → hopes, dreams and plans for the next 365 days
day 30 → whatever tickles your fancy

so... today's topic is my favorite song. i have many favorite songs including The Bitter End (Placebo), Why I Have My Grandma's Sad Eyes (Kill Hannah), Mouth To Mouth (Kill Hannah), Full Moon (Sonata Arctica). Right now I'm also listening to Platitude by Bloodpit a lot, too. For those of you who aren't familiar with the band, here's the video.

__undertherose_ @ 2009-11-22T20:11:00

2009-11-23T01:12:03Z

cross out things you've done

Graduated High School.
Kissed someone.
Smoked cigarettes.
Got so drunk you passed out.
Rode every ride at an amusement park.
Collected something really stupid.
Gone to a rock concert.
Helped someone.
Gone fishing.
Watched four movies in one night.
Gone long periods of time with out sleep.
Lied to someone.
Been dumped.
Snorted cocaine.
Failed a class.
Smoked weed.
Dealt drugs.
Taken a college level course.
Been in a car accident.
Been in a tornado.
Done hard drugs (i.e. ecstasy, heroin, crack, meth, acid).
Watched someone die.
Been to a funeral.
Burned yourself.
Ran a marathon.
Your parents got divorced.
Cried yourself to sleep.
Spent over $200 in one day. ( I don't pay in $ :-p )
Flown on a plane.
Cheated on someone.
Been cheated on.
Written a 10 page letter.
Gone skiing.
Been sailing.
Cut yourself.
Had a best friend.
Lost someone you loved.
Shoplifted something.
Had detention.
Skipped school.
Got in trouble for something you didn’t do.
Stolen books from the library.
Gone to a different country.
~~Dropped out of school.~~
Been in a mental hospital.
~~Watched the “Harry Potter” movies.~~
Had an online diary.
~~Fired a gun.~~
Gambled in a casino.
Had a yard sale.
And a lemonade stand.
Actually made money at the lemonade stand.
~~Been in a school play.~~
Been fired from a job.
Taken a lie detector test.
Swam with dolphins.
Gone to sea world.
Attempted suicide.
Voted for American/Australian Idol.
Written poetry.
~~Read more than 20 books a year.~~
Gone to Europe.
Loved someone you couldn’t have.
Wondered about your sexuality.
Used a coloring book over age 12.
Had surgery.
Had stitches.
~~Taken a taxi.~~
Seen the Washington Monument.
~~Had more than 5 IM’s/online conversations going at once.~~
Had a drug or alcohol problem.
Been in a fist fight.
Had a hamster.
Petted a wild animal.
Used a credit card.
Gone surfing in California.
Did “spirit day” at school.
Dyed your hair.
Got a tattoo.
Had something pierced.
Got straight A’s.
Been on the Honor Roll.
Known someone with HIV or AIDS.
Taken pictures with a webcam.
~~Started a fire.~~
Had a party while your parents weren’t home.
Gotten caught having a party while they were gone.

__undertherose_ @ 2009-11-14T00:56:00

2009-11-14T05:56:06Z

too lazy to fix my layout, will tackle it laters

__undertherose_ @ 2009-09-21T04:16:00

2009-09-21T08:16:46Z

so i changed my layout to this pink thing but forgot to save the code for my old layout first. so now i has a sad

__undertherose_ @ 2009-07-26T20:40:00

2009-07-27T00:45:04Z

i can has?

Boots

__undertherose_ @ 2009-07-26T17:56:00

2009-07-26T21:58:37Z

I want to tell everybody to chill the fuck out and most importantly... MIND YOUR OWN FUCKING BUSINESS. That is all.

__undertherose_ @ 2009-07-25T01:56:00

2009-07-25T06:03:59Z

so... i finally found the most amazing, perfect, wonderful horse. he's an arabian gelding named Cincere DV or "Sir" as a stable name. he's also within my price range. or at least he would be if i could get Bailey sold. it's so goddamn frustrating. i mean... i love Bailey to death, but he's just not suited to me right now. and Sir is. and i'd HATE for Sir to slip through my fingers because he really really is just amazing and we're *so* well suited. i'm absolutely in love, and it sucks >.

__undertherose_ @ 2009-06-16T06:58:00

2009-06-16T11:03:45Z

epic fail at work. this cookie cake came through my checklane and i had to take a pic (with the customer's consent). i just... *facepalm*. thankfully the customer said he was buying it for himself just because he wanted a cookie cake, so not a big deal, but *still*.