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[Friday
December 1st, 2006 at 4:23am]
[ mood | relaxed ]

My birthday and Thanksgiving passed in the last 2 weeks. Nothing special. I didn't want either to be a big deal, I was just happy to be here. I didn't really want anything for my birthday. I feel the same about Christmas. This year I'm getting the only I wanted last year for xmas; to be here, to be home. Thats all I really want. I haven't been quite as depressed lately, but I've been feeling a bit of anxiety. It's bearable, I just don't want it to get any worse. I've discovered the wonders of Ebay in the past couple weeks as well. I always thought it was just big rip off, but I'm not fully convinced otherwise yet. We had a bit of a fight last night, perhaps the nastiest yet since I've been back. I felt bad, but I just wanted to be alone to cool off. It really hurt me bad to see how it affected her, the whole being gone for a year thing. I said that I wanted to go sleep at my parent's house for the night, and she freaked out. She didn't take it too well. Sometimes she says things that make it sound like I left on purpose, and I just had a ball. I don't like that. Anyhow, everything is cool now.

I caught my 2 favorite girls sleeping...life is good.

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[Sunday
October 29th, 2006 at 7:28pm]
[ mood | relaxed ]

I've been home for just shy of a month, and well, I haven't done much of anything. That feels great. Halloween is coming up, and I'm just glad to be here for it. I'm excited to be able to be here to do Halloween stuff. I carved a pumpkin, it doesn't even touch on how I feel. I hate seeing about Iraq on the news, but yet I'm strangely drawn into it when I see it on the news. Well, here's my pumpkin.

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[Monday
October 9th, 2006 at 9:44pm]
[ mood | happy ]

To those that think I didn't deserve this, hahaha I got it and earned it and theres nothing you can do about it!

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[Sunday
October 1st, 2006 at 1:45pm]
I'm finally home. It feels great. I'll write more down later!
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[Tuesday
September 12th, 2006 at 2:22am]
[ mood | grumpy ]

I can't believe all of the different armed forces down here in Kuwait. I've seen troops from almost 10 different countries since I've been at Camp Virginia. Its funny that they're all down here where nothing is going on. All these countries pledge that they sent troops, but they've chilled in Kuwait the whole time. Sure, some go up north and do shit in Southern Iraq, like the Brits, but I see most of them chillin' down here. Whatever, it's still interesting to meet them all. The days are counting down, but it doesn't seem like it. The phones have been down for like 5 days here, because some stupid part broke, so no calling home for anyone. When I actually have the time to call, the damn phones break, just my luck. 10 more days in this toilet...maybe.

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On the homestead

[Saturday
September 9th, 2006 at 8:50pm]
[ mood | blah ]

I'm still in Kuwait, still depressed, it's still hot as balls, and the food still sucks...

On the homestead

[Thursday
September 7th, 2006 at 12:56am]
[ mood | nauseated ]

How does $42,000 turn into $2,000 over the span of 10 months? What does the future hold?

On the homestead

[Saturday
September 2nd, 2006 at 6:59pm]
[ mood | depressed ]

We went down to Arifjan again and some gay shit happened. Fucking assclown MPs had to fuck with us and got us in some trouble. Spent the entire morning at the MP station. I can't talk about it just yet, I'll elaborate when I get back to the States. I filled out my Post Deployment Health Assessment yesterday. I checked several blocks about health problems. I put down back pain, and a couple other things, including depression. I talked to the interviewing physician, and he pretty much just told me to tell someone if it got worse. What the fuck, that answer doesn't help me much. I fill out another survey 90 days after I get home, I'll hopefully elaborate more then. It's really hit me hard since I've been in Kuwait. I've been depressed as fuck, and I don't know why. Nothing I do is helping it. I mean, fuck. I fly home in 20 days, what do I have to be depressed about? It sucks but I guess I just have to deal for the next 20 days being all down and shit.

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[Friday
September 1st, 2006 at 1:49am]
[ mood | pissed off ]

I'm irritated and I'm not too sure why. It's enough for me to get up out of bed and leave the tent because I couldn't sleep. I'm in a different world from the real war; I'm at Camp Arifjan, Kuwait. We have a meeting tomorrow and had to stay the night. These bastards draw the same pay and benefits that we do up north in the real combat zone, and these assholes get "combat patches" for serving in this paradise too. These fuckbags don't deserve one iota of what the Soldiers up north get, getting blown up, mortared, and shot at and all. The amenities here that I've experienced make me feel guilty as fuck for being here, because I know what I left and that the rest of my guys are still there. 19 more days and they'll be here with me though. On the way down here from Camp Virginia we took "the scenic route". We stopped at the shore of the Persian Gulf and took some pictures, which was nice. Mine always come out gay, I guess my body isn't photogenic. Maybe I'll post them later on. It's fucking hot here, and I just can't wait to leave this bitch. Virginia is crowded with people going north and home, its ridiculous. Theres troops there from Estonia, Slovakia, Rep. of Georgia, Korea, El Salvador, and some other fucking foreigners. They're like tourists and clog up the god damn PX and the internet and phones. Time is winding down here, and I just want to leave this horseshit behind. One of the douche bags here with me (theres only 3 of us sent here to Kuwait early to set up stuff for our main body) is hell bent on getting our flight changed 3 days prior to what it is. I wish he'd just leave it be, its just 3 god damn days. He's old and he's pissing me off. It's his personal motives hes going by to do this, not professional motives for the good of the unit. He's only doing it for him and for his reasons, so I don't support it. Sure, I'd like to get home as soon as possible, but I'm not going to piss off everyone from my battalion commander right up to the CFLCC commanding general just for 3 days. Oh well. He's just pissed off because he got a lesser award than everyone else. So fuck him, fuck the pogue ass bitches at Arifjan, fuck Kuwait and Iraq, and I'm out.

On the homestead

[Wednesday
August 30th, 2006 at 2:38am]
[ mood | happy ]

Haha bitches I'm in Kuwait!!! No more fuckin' Iraq!! Notice my big ass smile, because I know thats my last C-130 ride, and theres not a combat landing on the other end of this one!! :)
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[Thursday
August 24th, 2006 at 8:20pm]
[ mood | tired ]

I'm still in Iraq. I can leave to go to Kuwait and leave Iraq behind for good whenever I want, but I'm still here. What the fuck is wrong with me? Our shipping containers left to go south tonight, so I can't hang around much longer. I mailed out 2 footlockers, and I have some more things to mail out (see below). These "nargilehs" (what hadji calls a hookah) make great gifts and conversation pieces. I hope the postal service doesn't trash them like they did the mugs I mailed home awhile back. I'm sending home 3, that way I have great odds of at least retaining one good one in the end. Its funny because everytime we'd go through an Iraqi Police checkpoint, those bastards would have these nargilehs sitting out on the barriers, so we know they were stoned as fuck. thats probably they get waxed so much, they're too stoned to react to the attacks. Fuck 'em all. 29 days and I should be on that big bird home. I have no countdown to Kuwait anymore, I keep procrastinating that one. I'll leave soon though; on my own terms and when I'm ready.

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[Friday
August 18th, 2006 at 11:07pm]
[ mood | frustrated ]

1 day until I fly to Kuwait. I don't quite feel ready. No one can possibly understand. I want to get the hell out of here, but maybe I don't know how to fit 1 year of my life into 2 duffle bags. I haven't even put a dent in packing, I just don't know. I have 2 large ass footlockers to take to the post office. Tentatively I should be in Kuwait 30 days until everyone else catches up, then the States 5 days later. So they say. I saw another scorpion finally when we came back from midnight chow. It was just walking along minding its own business when I stomped it's guts out and lit it on fire. Is that wrong?

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[Sunday
August 13th, 2006 at 3:44am]
[ mood | exhausted ]

I went and got a haircut this morning. I went to the Iraqi barbers instead of the Turkish one I would usually go to. The Iraqis don't fuck up my hair or my head as bad. I wish I would have gone here sooner in the deployment. As the guy was cutting my hair, I looked at him. "He's people too", I thought. I guess I've desensitized myself over the past 11 months. Its been wearing off, starting with the aftereffects of that suicide car bomber a couple weeks ago. I really didn't care what happened to Iraqis, as I viewed them all the same. Seeing all those fucked up Iraqis though made me realize kinda that these folks are people like me, with families and everything. Five years ago this country and its occupants wanted nothing more than to nuke America and its Army (me). Now, they're forced to work with us, willingly or unwillingly, we'll never know who exactly. So with this in mind, I didn't give a rats ass what happened to these people, man woman or child. I'm pondering this the entire time he's cutting my hair. I also thought, "Man, this guy could just cut my throat with this straight razor and take my rifle and have a party..." I didn't know if this guy was like, ex-Republican Guard or on Saddam's death squads or something. Old hatred doesn't die too easily. Anyhow, he finished cutting my hair, and I felt bad for him so I tipped him 6 bucks. I paid with a fucking 100 dollar bill because thats all finance gives us when we get casual pay. But he was a real sport about it, which helped me tip him. Whenever I start getting deep in thought like this lately though, I remind myself of how soon I'm going to be rid of it. 7 days, just 7 more till I get to deal with another class of hadji...the Kuwaiti. Well then thats only for 30 odd days :) It’s been a long time gone, but I’ll be home soon.

Oh yeah, I've now conformed to the masses and I am now a myspace whore like half of my unit. It only took the entire deployment to do so...

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[Tuesday
August 8th, 2006 at 5:41pm]
[ mood | blah ]

I went to dinner today and I started to feel like shit. So I did what everyone else here does and was a ghost for the night. A lot of the leadership here will just disappear for hours on end. So I said fuck it, I'll go lay down. I assed out in my uniform and boots, which sucked. I got an email yesterday from an old friend of mine asking me to be a groomsman in his wedding. That made me feel really good. Its in August of next year, while I'm home. I can't wait to take part in that; he's a really good friend and I'm happy to see him get married. I think I'm actually going to have to break down and rent a tux, I don't think I'll get away with wearing my dress blues this time. I have so little time left here, and I have so much to do. I keep procrastinating though, I just don't understand. This is the stuff I need to do to get out of here! Why can't I get it into gear to finish this shit? I have to write evaluations on 4 of my sergeants, do a bunch of paperwork on our containers going to Kuwait in 12 days, and I still need to pack. The prospect of it sucks, I need to pack up my life into 2 duffel bags and move once again, a years worth of shit. The end result is worth it. By no means do I want to stay here, haha. I know when I go to Kuwait I'm probably going to be bored out of my skull. I'm going to be there for close to 30 days, and theres maybe like a weeks worth of work to be done. We're just going to wait for the rest of the unit to fly down to meet up with them though. At least I'll be safe, but it'll be hot as fuck. It's been in the mid 120's lately. When you walk somewhere its like walking into a giant hair dryer. You can just feel the heat blasting you. Its like when you open the oven to pull something out, that gust of heat, but its all the time. Our generator has been going out incessantly the past few days. It sucks because when its 125 out, after awhile our CHUs become saunas. I feel guilty complaining about it, as AC was unheard of in OIF I (the first wave). But after 11 months with it, I guess its come to be taken for granted. They replaced the entire generator, but it still cuts out for hours at a time. When it goes down, everyone comes out of their CHUs half naked sitting outside because its so damn hot. When it breaks, the mechanics they send out are Turkish. The Yuksel guys (a company contracted out by the infamous KBR) don't speak a word of English, so its pointless to go threaten them to hurry the fuck up. Doesn't stop me though. Fucking foreigners.

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[Friday
August 4th, 2006 at 2:51pm]
[ mood | listless ]

After 11 months in this hell I figured I'd be immune to being homesick. Guess not. I saw some fucked shit last night. It was right out of a movie. I was sitting in my CHU winding down, and someone came in and told us that all Combat Lifesavers had to go to the TMC immediately (which would usually mean a mass casualty event). The person that said this is a douche bag and hard to take serious. So me and my roommate bit, and went to the TOC to get a vehicle. There were a lot of sirens and flashing lights out on the main road, which made my first theory of it being an exercise harder to believe. We got to the clinic to find mayhem unfolding. I mean, you see it on the news all the time, but to see this shit first hand is different. I didn't think a bunch of hadjis getting waxed would faze me, but damn...
We got there when the first or second wave of ambulances were arriving. I heard the people wailing and moaning, and I saw the blood. the hadji ambulances would come in and back up with the doors open, and you'd see the fucked up people in the back, limbs hanging out and shit. Some of the people had their faces fucked up and their eyes all messed up. Some people had their guts all fucked up. They flew the worse off to Mosul and treated the others here. Blackhawks were landing every few minutes. IA's were running around all crazy and shit, they ferried some of the wounded to Q-West in their pick ups. All said and done like 100 CLS's and medics responded, a lot standing around awaiting direction. We were there for about an hour till the excitement died down. It bothered me for a bit, I still don't understand why. I wanna come home.
(By the way, it was a suicide car bomb at a soccer game, and they took the victims to my base for treatment...)

On the homestead

[Wednesday
August 2nd, 2006 at 1:33pm]
[ mood | sad ]

Holy balls, I'm fucking homesick. Its really bad tonight. I got a Bronze Star, a lot of people may think I don't deserve it, but they know nothing. Their opinion doesn't matter to me at this point, hell, I don't think it ever did. They're supposed to give out all the awards when we get back to the States. I talked to a friend of mine I went to high school with. He's active duty, in a unit down south of Baghdad. While he was on R&R one of his good friends died here. He didn't say how, just "he burned up". That bummed me out, I just can't imagine what hes going through. Its somewhere around 18 days until I fly to Kuwait, then 47 till the big bird home. Even when I leave this place, I'll still worry. He'll be here until November. A good bit of my childhood friends have served here. As I get closer to leaving Iraq, I realize that we may leave this place, but its never going to leave us.

On the homestead

[Saturday
July 29th, 2006 at 4:59am]
[ mood | nervous ]

Sure I laugh, joke, and smile here. It's all to hide how I really feel inside. No one knows what really goes on inside of me. I hurt, just like everyone else. I miss home. I miss Sam. I wish all of the bad things that happened while I was here hadn't have happened.

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[Friday
July 28th, 2006 at 3:54am]
[ mood | hungry ]

I hate being pressed to meet deadlines. I work better at my own leisure. They finally pulled me off the road after that marathon stint as convoy commander. Now I'm behind on the task of getting the unit's equipment loaded and sent to Kuwait. They said that I'm done with missions, but I know otherwise. We'll get critically short on people again and they'll send me out. The last run I was on sure didn't feel like my last run. It was the first time any of my convoys was fired upon. That made me angry. I wish we'd have seen them so we could have fucked them up. On a positive note if thats the last trip I'll ever have to make to Suse, no complaints out of me. I got to meet the general yesterday. It was bittersweet, as I wasn't happy when I talked to her. She came up to award Purple Hearts, and one of my guys was supposed to receive it. But he didn't because his paperwork got lost. He came to the ceremony thinking he was going to get it and was told otherwise at the last minute. Thats fucked up. Hopefully I can get this shit done and I can be in Kuwait in less than 25 days.

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[Thursday
July 20th, 2006 at 10:09pm]
[ mood | okay ]

Melons. Damn they look so freakin' good. Now that its hot out, all the hadjis are selling their wares on the roadside. Fairly close to our base these clowns set up with these melons. They look soooooooo tantalizing. We're not allowed to stop to get any though, which sucks. They'd hit the spot on one of our runs out east. I swear it gets up to about the 120's inside those guntrucks when the AC blows half assed. It's becoming more and more solid that I'm out of here in 30 days, just to sit in Kuwait for one hot ass month. Fuck Kuwait, and all the pogue ass REMFs that are down there. So, heres a melon to 30 days to Kuwait and 60 till...home.

(for those that don't know...this is courtesy of urbandictionary.com: REMF - A rear-echelon-mother-fucker. One who has no frontline or combat experience, and therefore makes huge errors, at an expense of human life, that make sense only if you think of human beings as statistics. This is the main problem with REMFs- they think of people as numbers.)

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[Saturday
July 15th, 2006 at 1:17am]
[ mood | sad ]

I spilled motor oil all over and in my rifle. Dammit. It all started when we came in the front gate off the Irbil mission last night. I saw a helmet in the road, so we stopped and got it. Its most likely Iraqi Army or the local security people. So after the mission brief I ask the 1SG if I can take his gator to the BDOC to hand it in to the base lost and found. He said ok as long as I checked the oil. It was out so I had to go add some. I put my rifle on the floor of the gator and went and got the can/spout thingy. I went to put it in the oil hole and...splat. It went all over it. Fuck. I spent 30 minutes getting 15W40 out of my weapon. Stupid oil.

On the homestead

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