this girl with nothing but her own strength [entries|friends|calendar] kels I want you to try and remember what it was like to have been very young, and particularly the days when you were first in love; you were | just | a little bit | crazy | [ userinfo | livejournal userinfo ] [ calendar | livejournal calendar ]

i dont really know why i decided to write right now [Tuesday, November 28th @ 6:58am] its 6:42. i just wrote the longest paper ive ever written. it wasnt that bad. theres no point in sleeping, so i took a shower. the dining hall opens in 18 minutes. im pretty excited because im watching the sunrise from my window and its beautiful, but i know when i go upstairs and i can see the whole campus in the morning sun it will be worth being awake. everything looks different early in the morning. crisper. espically in the fall. when will winter it be winter? i cant wait to live in the mountains. out west, in the rockies. i wont settle for anything else, thats where i will live. i think some people dont like that about me, that i wont settle. but i know if i just try hard enough i will get what i strive for. i feel productive staying up all night. i wish i never had to sleep. i think i spend more time on school than anyone here. a lot of people dont get it, they want to have fun...i do too, thats what college is for...and i do have fun.... but i have to do well. i take the hardest courses i can, i choose a challenging major, and if i dont excel i dont feel like im worth anything. i stopped drinking so much. and when i do drink its not to get shit faced. i just enjoy myself with a nice buzz. except saturday. but its made me realize how much drinking makes people your friends. or maybe i have the wrong friends. i guess i really am lonely. ive met some pretty cool people here but no one who really cares about forming a true friendship. no one like jackie. i think shes my first best friend. someone i call every day even though shes hours away. my friends from home are still very close to me, i thought, but when i go home its not the same. so many people changed. i guess they found people they click with at school, and forgot about greensboro. the only people i still feel the same around (and i know i always will) are leigh, emily and tarik. the sun is rising too fast, i want it to wait for me to go upstairs. i dont want to miss it.   i need sleep. i feel weird. its almost 7. time to eat. in twelve hours i will be done with my classes and meetings and i can come sleep. thank god we put off nightwalk, im too busy for student government stuff right now, espically when the whole event is on my shoulders. i need a break. from everything. 8 | add }

[Monday, September 11th @ 2:07am] tarik, this is for you. i know it took me weeks, but im doing it now.  college is pretty much what i expected. thats not saying its a let down, not at all. its awesome. i love it. i havent been home yet and i miss my mom, but nothing else. okay maybe my dog too...  its the same thing every night, but its a different same thing from greensboro, so i dont mind.  school is hard but i might not be putting enough into it.  i went to tom petty tonight...everyone there was high, but us. we talked to a thirty some old mom and her girlfriend as they smoked joints. it was so chill.  i really like not having a car, its cheap and i never have to worry about having to drive anywhere.  i havent needed one yet. i like that ive made a group of friends that i see everyday. they are pretty bad ass. oh okay, good story... so i come home at 5:30 and im sitting at my computer right and im like damn, laura (my pretty chill roommate) is breathing loud and i look over at her. and im like oh shit, that breathing is comming from behind me....so i sketched out and thought someone was there to rape me. so im looking around on the floor, panicing. and then i look up and a topless girl was sleeping in my bed................i try to wake her up and she wont get out. she tells me that she will get out in the morning and chase said she could sleep there. i was like umm the fuck you will and whos chase? and she points at laura. so i say thats laura, and laura bolts up and says IM LAURA. and im like okay well im going to help you out and she wouldnt move so im trying to pick her up (drunk) and she stands up and throws me into my sink. so then, it was on. i start draging her out of my room and she refuses to go out the door. well right as im holding her up by her hair and kicking her in the stomach to get her out of my room, my RA comes out. granted, im really mad because someone in MY BED is fighting me kicking and screaming and hurting me. people are comming out in the halls and shes saying i made her ear bleed... there was no blood anywhere. well this guy who knew her came out and me, him, and the RA went down to the front desk to file a report. (my RA was like the fifth floor causes so much trouble, we just need to wake everyone up right now and have a brawl in the lobby. if im up, they can get up.) so this girl goes to UNCC and she hooked up with a guy as SAE and brought him back here. well she wouldnt have sex with him so he thought it would be funny to leave and put her in some random bed. yeah, FUCK HIM. so i come back up to my room and shes explaining to my roommate what happend and wants to talk to me. so i see her chapstick on my desk and i pick it up and i throw it at her face and tell her to get the fuck out and that laura can tell me what she said but that i honestly didnt give a shit for her sob story. after that it was 6am and i was so awake and there was noting to do. there was a drunk, naked guy laying in the third floor hallway the other night. we party so much at UT. every morning theres wallpaper torn off, lights punched in, and beer cans/boxes in the elevators and halls.  well im going to bed. youre welcom tarik. 5 | add }

[Tuesday, August 1st @ 2:14pm] there are people who are going to dislike you no matter what you do.  and even when you give it your all to be nice to them they still arent going to like you. thats just life, and i can accept that. but when the other person seems to always be around and goes out of his way to be mean, i cant deal with that.  im not insecure and i dont need everyone to like me. i would like for people to like me but if they do dislike me i hope that its not because ive wronged them or been mean to them, just because we are two different people who dont really mesh well. thats fine with me, i undertand i cant please everyone.  i have people i dont care too much for, so i avoid them, and there is no problem. if i have to be around them for some reason, i dont talk to them. i dont understand going out of your way to hurt someone and put them down. i was told "hes just trying to prove a point" what point? that he can be mean? we can all be mean, thats easy, the challenge is to be nice to people who you dont agree with and to see the good in everyone.  cant he see that people who used to be better friend with him are now leaving him out and hanging out with me? because he is the one creating the problem and theres not a thing i can do about it. someone made me promise not to let him win and not to ever leave somewhere he was or to not go there just because he was there, well last night he was just too mean. i had to leave, i had to let him win, but i didnt let him see me cry, ill never let him know how he really hurts my feelings. with someone like him, my pain wont be motive to stop, it will be incentive to keep going.  soon i be gone and it wont matter and thats why i wont let it get to me too much, ill be stronger than that. so in the end, i win. 1 | add }

[Sunday, July 16th @ 12:11pm] kelsey and i gave a homeless man on the side of high point road two beers. it was the happiest homeless man ive ever seen. we even went out of our way to do it, we cut across several lanes of traffic and made a u-turn. 1 | add }

[Friday, July 14th @ 11:32am] http://www.ppaction.org/campaign/roberts_roeCall with very little effort, you can help protect the rights of women across the country. sign this petition to save roe v. wade. maybe you would personally never get an abortion, but you realize that is not your decision if someone else wants to. you realize that there is a right to privacy and a freedom of choice in our country and want to help out the women who feel abortion is their only option.  if you dont agree, dont sign, its that simple. i dont want a freaking lj war over this. if you really want to talk about it than call or im me, id love to talk to you! just not on here. add }

[Friday, June 30th @ 11:10am] im writing this because these years are the best of my life and i dont want to forget them. so this is really for me, but you can read too. i had the best week at the beach. first i took leigh to see BRAND NEW in norfolk for her birthday. it was an awesome show. then we went to wilmington and got there at 4:30 am. thanks to zach for letting us all stay at his house for free. we only made it to the beach twice but it didnt matter. i met SO many new people. like FUCKIN BRIAN!(who sings AMAZING and sucks my cock...) and i became beter friends with krystal and meghan and i loveeee them. we bought some sort of penis every day.  hahaa got in trouble for trespassing but then i became bff with one of the cops and we took a picture together.  i dont even remember the rest anymore. :( yesterday might have been the best day ive had in a long time. we played on my slip and slide, then in my inflatable boat, then we went to fucking brians pool and also played on the play ground there, then we went to ridgewood, then we went to celebration station, then we went to zachs and i soberes up by 3am but zach was still GONE and micah was getting there and it was so entertaining being sober and watching them talk. it was like watching young children. i love this summer, i love these people. i wish i would never forget anything about this summer. 1 | add }

[Wednesday, June 14th @ 7:14pm] i need to stop making decisions with out thinking them through.  i need to realize how i effect other people... i need to stop making important decisions after consuming large amounts of alcohol. but regardless...i love my life. i love leigh tharrington i love lindsay womack i love megan vance even though we dont hang out tons because of her BOY i love boys   which is something i need to work on.... i love my job i love summer as billy joel said, "its not about being momentarily happy, its being able to look at your life and truly be content. i am content. 3 | add }

[Monday, June 5th @ 3:51pm] you may not think global warming is a big issue, but the truth is that its a major one. think about it, how much snow did we get this past winter? how often did you even really need a winter jacket? the earths getting warmer and that isnt the way our earth was built to survive. so guys, do it for me, because its important to me....read my post, look at the ways to make a difference and when An Inconvenient Truth comes to theaters in greensboro on June 30th, go see it because money from your ticket will go to help global warming. http://www.climatecrisis.net/ http://www.climatecrisis.net/pdf/10things.pdf Most emissions from homes are from the fossil fuels burned to generate electricity and heat. By using energy more efficiently at home, you can reduce your emissions and lower your energy bills by more than 30%.In addition, since agriculture is responsible for about a fifth of the world’s greenhouse gas emissions, you can reduce your emissions simply by watching what you eat. 1.  Replace a regular incandescent light bulb with a compact fluorescent light bulb (cfl) 2.  Move your thermostat down 2° in winter and up 2° in summer 3.  Clean or replace filters on your furnace and air conditioner 4.  Choose energy efficient appliances when making new purchases 5.  Wrap your water heater in an insulation blanket  6.  Use less hot water 7.  Use a clothesline instead of a dryer whenever possible 8.  Turn off electronic devices you’re not using 9.  Unplug electronics from the wall when you’re not using them 10.  Only run your dishwasher when there’s a full load and use the energy-saving setting 11.  Insulate and weatherize your home 12.  Be sure you’re recycling at home  13.  Buy recycled paper products 14.  Plant a tree 15.  Buy locally grown and produced foods  16.  Buy fresh foods instead of frozen 17.  Seek out and support local farmers markets 18.  Buy organic foods as much as possible 19.  Avoid heavily packaged products 20.  Eat less meat  Almost one third of the carbon dioxide produced in the United States comes from our cars, trucks and airplanes. Here are some simple, practical things you can do to reduce the amount of carbon dioxide you produce while on the move. 1.  Reduce the number of miles you drive by walking, biking, carpooling or taking mass transit wherever possible 2.  Start a carpool with your coworkers or classmates 3.  Keep your car tuned up 4.  Check your tires weekly to make sure they’re properly inflated 5.  When it is time for a new car, choose a more fuel efficient vehicle  6.  Fly less 22 | add }

[Sunday, June 4th @ 11:17pm] i am rereading the perks of being a wallflower. i had forgotten how much i like this book.  "We accept the love we think we deserve" "There's nothing like the deep breaths after laughing that hard. Nothing in the world like a sore stomach for the right reasons." "It was the kind of kiss that I could never tell my friends about out loud. It was the kind of kiss that made me know that I was never so happy in my whole life." "...and all you want is to always feel happy for them because you know that if you do, then it means that you're happy too." "But even if we don't have the power to choose where we come from, we can still choose where we go from there." "I would die for you, but I wont live for you." 5 | add }

[Sunday, June 4th @ 11:50am] i thought i was over him i never think about him anymore then why cant i take this news? ive been through it all with him... why cant i deal with this? it hurts to be lied to. 2 | add }

[Wednesday, May 31st @ 1:51am] "A lot of the pain you are experiencing right now is auctually fear. Fear of things being different then how you liked them, fear of never finding love again, fear of being alone, fear of having to fill your time differently. We're afraid of the unknown. One of the suckiest and most frustrating facts of life is that sometimes rela­tionships just end, often without reason. I truly believe that some­times both men and women simply run out of love, even when there was a lot of it in the beginning. You can love your friends.. ..you can love your family ... you can even love every stray dog or stray drummer that crosses your path. HOWEVER, you have to learn how to love yourself, like yourself, and put yourself first before you will ever find the healthy, loving, and lasting realtionship that you've been looking for." i like that. alot. 4 | add }

[Wednesday, May 24th @ 3:37pm] my step dads ex girlfriends daughter from like 15-20 years ago called our house at 6 this morning to bail her out of jail... and said "please dont tell my mom..." she called again at 7, 12:30 and then three times in a row at 3:30.  she was supposed to get married last month but she had a miscarriage so they cancelled the wedding. she had a miscarrage because she is a drug addict.  there is a 99% chance she is in jail for a drug charge. THIS IS SO COOL. STUFF LIKE THIS NEVER HAPPNENS TO US. heres what i think is going on... she is mottys (my step dads) illegitamite daughter and she wants his money. no, really shes just a broke worthless 35 year old jobless drug addict and all of her friends are worthless and broke too and her moms done helping her out and she knows mottys got money.... so she calls him. she called him a few years ago asking for a car loan. motty dated her mom 15 YEARS AGO. this girl is worthless.  this is exciting. add }

[Sunday, May 21st @ 9:33pm] IF ANY ONE CAN GET TICKETS OR HAS EXTRAS TO BRAND NEW  AT TREMONT PLEAAAAAAAAAASE LET ME KNOW. PLEASEEEEEEEEE add }

[Sunday, May 21st @ 7:16pm] so prom was awesome.  thank you adam graetz for comming with me last minute! there were SO many cops. which made it fun being drunk.  i love how you are best friends with people when youre drunk... school is almost over :( i dont know if im happy or sad but last night was an awesome way to end the year! ( PROM 06! ) 3 | add }

[Tuesday, May 16th @ 10:47pm] The greatest enemy of any one of our truths may be the rest of our truths. -William James When I tell any truth, it is not for the sake of convincing those who do not know it, but for the sake of defending those that do. -William Blake "No matter how hard we try to ignore it or try to deny it eventually the lies fall away, whether we like it or not. But heres the truth about the truth-- it hurts. So, we lie." "It tells the truth, and as awful as it can be, the truth is what matters." -A Million Little Pieces by James Frey We swallow greedily any lie that flatters us, but we sip only little by little at a truth we find bitter. -Denis Diderot We do not err because truth is difficult to see. It is visible at a glance. We err because this is more comfortable. -Alexander Solzhenitsyn The truth will set you free, but first it will make you miserable. -Jim Davis PART OF THE TRUTH IS NOT THE TRUTH, IT IS STILL LYING. just putting that out there...no reason.... 2 | add }

[Tuesday, May 16th @ 6:25pm] qiswgagnltjtdoqgkextdshofmlehajsks. gihwkaunwtliftdfkrsoamxzqarcuh. there is a hidden message in there. i have an ap exam tomorrow and i could care less. i am over school. :( 2 | add }

[Sunday, May 14th @ 7:40pm] all the jello shots and PJ you want for $2 was the best part of my weekend. the best part of my week... except the cheese dip last night. AND LEIGH. i met the funniest fucking person ever last night. he also has the best tattoos ever. so how about i hung out with adam this weekend and it didnt make me sad or make me want him! im so happy. i will always love him and i guess ill always be sad we arent together because ill never forget how awesome he made me feel.. but you learn to deal with it. it becomes a different kind of love. a kind that doesnt hurt every second your awake because you cant have him, but instead a kind that makes you so happy you were able to experience something like that with one person. im so ready for this summer. im single, im 18, i have a freaking awesome job, and i can do what ever i want. ill have plenty of money and ill have the freedom to go where i want and do what i want. 7 | add }

[Sunday, May 7th @ 9:38pm] leigh just showed me this. it made me very happy. it is possible that i MAY have been intoxicated... http://rekcals.livejournal.com/94603.html what a good weekend.  i bought a purple jumpsuit, grandpa slippers, an old red suit case, and a red formal dress this weekend all from goodwill!! i also re-bought FIGHT CLUB since justin higgins has had mine for about two years and i dont imagine ill ever get it back. but im SO happy because it is my favorite movie ever and if you say its stupid because its all about fighting, then you are invited to come watch it with me because it is not at all and its so freaking awesome.  i love emily, i miss leigh. im happy now and i love my lifeeeeeeee. 7 | add }

[Wednesday, May 3rd @ 9:46pm] DC was so much fun. we saw usher and dick cheney. unit 2 won an award. we had a dance in the food court of a mall with a bunch of history kids. they shut down the entire mall for us. we had a dance party every time we got on a bus. i asked eli to prom. i got a lot of clothes in georgetown. we got kicked out of mount vernon for playing red rover. kelley and i went swimming in the FDR memorial. i lost never have i ever every single time i played :( DC was the most beautiful its ever been. i met like 20 girls from a private all girls catholic school and i thought i was going to hate them because of that but i loved them. we had the worlds best nappy chain in front of the capitol because Howard Cobles secretary forgot our appointment. so much more fun stuff that i cant think of.  it was really an awesome trip.    enjoy a few pictures for now. i will have tons more later... ( DC ) 12 | add }

[Thursday, April 27th @ 10:53pm] DC tomorrow for We The People. we wont win but its going to be so much freaking fun! we are going to party like its 1999. or like its your birthday. which ever you prefer. dont miss me too much, ill be home tuesday night. 3 | add }

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