the hero dies in this one.

i guess sometimes you need a place where you belong.

Sat, 14 Jan 2006 07:05:43 GMT

this is like a white flag.
or maybe this is like the end scene of a movie, where the heroin walks off into the sunset while triumphant music plays in the background,
because shes obviously just defeated something great, and changed everyones lives.

but i havent done any of that.
i havent defeated anything great, yet.
and i havent changed anyones life.
i want to change things, really.

but i think its just time for me to join the real world again,
the world thats outside of false msn emotions, and live journal entries.

so if from now on, any of you need me, i'll be in my room listening to my parents record collection,
because after all, thats my world, isnt it..?

feverish.

Fri, 30 Dec 2005 08:23:20 GMT

we took off our shoes, i drank iced tea and he drank coffee,
he told me i needed someone to make me feel special,
i told him i needed something constant.

i'm really beginning to think about how we dont take care of eachother equally.
and maybe there is a very thin line between consideration, and caring.
because at the end of the day, i am feeling thousands of miles away from everyone.
its just sometimes,
you need that one person to be the one taking care of you, and telling you that they hear you,
but they never really hear you,
not in the way you need them to,
do they?

i think today, for the first time in months, i am going to leave my cell phone out of sight,
finally, i am not going to expect things from people,
because i think i've been wasting too much time being disappointed.
i'm going to stop over analyzing things,

it took me over an hour and a half to get all of that completely out, and worded the way i wanted (even
though its not completely the way i want it now, i am just getting tired of fixing it) and i wanted to just erase
all of it, because i felt really selfish for writting all of it so that other people would have read about me, and my
insistant and annoying emotions, i guess i thought no one would care, and find it annoying, but i dont think thats it,
i think that half way through this, i realized how grateful i am to the people that i have, and that hear me, and what i
have to say. i guess its just that time at the end of the day, that time that seems to sum up everything,
when i end up millions of miles away, and they dont notice.

British humour (and other reasons that the sky is blue).

Sat, 17 Dec 2005 05:45:16 GMT

friday nights stopped being cool when i got a job.
if it wasnt for the movie 'shaun of the dead',
this entire night would of been a waste of my time.

Thu, 15 Dec 2005 04:53:12 GMT

in a place of no comfort or expectancy,
paces are paced,
plans are planned,
windows are starred at longingly,
and uncertainty covers the walls.
and when tears are shed,
people still stare,
as if it was a foreign practice in a place like that.

mark my words.

Sun, 04 Dec 2005 16:24:06 GMT

if i wake up in the morning, and its grey and dark,
its not that i dont like slow, hazy days,
but something about it makes me tired, and harder to get moving to places i generally dont want to go to.
i'm glad its bright today,
its making everything feel really real.

cancelled accounts (and other good ideas i've had).

Mon, 21 Nov 2005 02:23:31 GMT

the world doesnt seem real tonight.
like the notion of days and nights dont exsist.
and tommorow monday morning wont be real either.
the disarray of sunrises and teeth brushing, will never happen.
my mom wont come in to wake me up, and i wont fall back asleep, i wont turn on saved by the bell, and i wont begin to put on the makeup that i think looks good, i wont stumble down the stairs at 8:19, and my dad wont yell at me, i wont turn on bright eyes on the car ride to school.
and i wont hate doing everything i do, everyday that i do it.

but you need something to fill up the days.

Tue, 15 Nov 2005 18:43:56 GMT

i'm snowed in today.
and i honestly dont know what to do with myself.
i love all this snow.
today was what i needed.
a day away from everything.
a quiete day for eating burritos and cuddling with my kitten while i watch sad movies.
thank you mother nature, i take back every mean name i've ever called you.

she had also been left with all the damages.

Tue, 15 Nov 2005 05:32:48 GMT

i love the world right now.
with the fresh snow and all the car accidents.
the world just seems untouched. and slow.
and quiete.

Sun, 16 Oct 2005 07:23:47 GMT

when i was about 9 yeards old, i was having a sleepover with my old friend alexandra brewer.
and it was 2 18 in the morning and her kitten went missing so we tried to find it.
and her dad yelled at us for being up so late.
i hate the time 2 18 and i dont look at the clock so i cant tell when its come, and when its gone.

i make this so much harder than they have to be.

Tue, 13 Sep 2005 02:29:33 GMT

whenever my dad accidently hurts himself,
stubs his toe, hits his finger with a hammer, bangs his knee..
and whenever i ask him
'didnt that hurt dad?'
he always answers the same way.
"no hayley, i had open heart sugery".
not much of an answer.
but enough to teach me a lesson of whats pain, and whats not.

currently, he and i are walking around the house, him wearing a top hat, and me wearing purple fairy wings.
hes great.

cd's pretending to be records.

Fri, 09 Sep 2005 03:43:08 GMT

isn't it so depressing, when people say 'welcome to the real world'.
like.. the world you were living in before for years and years was fake.

today was unfriendly.

Wed, 07 Sep 2005 21:47:56 GMT

what a strange concept, dating, breaking up, dating, getting dumped, dating..
it seems like a vicious cycle of broken hearts and lies.
i envy everyone whos in a relationship, but at the same time i pitty them, and feel sorry for them because of the fact that in a short time one of them is going to rip up every shred of hope and love the other one has, and throw it on the ground, then move on to the next person.
forget all that.
i'd rather die alone.

no title.

Tue, 06 Sep 2005 05:58:31 GMT

i've just realized how many people.. just dont like me. at all.
maybe i make bad first impressions.. or maybe i'm just a really unlikeable girl?
well i'm sorry to you if i've said something that made you not like me.
from now on i think i'm going to try this thing where i dont talk about people behind their backs.
i think i'm going to do the.. not going on internet for awhile thing, it seems to make me feel better.

rip her to shreds.

Mon, 05 Sep 2005 05:59:51 GMT

Today I saw all these business men crossing the street at lunch.
They all had the same suits on and the same faces.. on.
I just kept thinking about what they were like when they were younger..
were there faces always this serious

oh, yeah, and if theres a certain friend of mine reading this, and wondering about the promise i made, i have his songs for him.

by all accounts today was a disaster.

Sun, 04 Sep 2005 01:40:35 GMT

i hate it when your talking to someone, especially an adult (teacher, boss, etc) and your choking back tears. the thought of you not being able to control a liquid stress release, is so depressing.
i wanted to burst into tears at work and tell everyone i hated them, and that i hate wendys, and theyre all power-crazy assholes, and throw my uniform into the fat bucket, and walk out of the store.
i really hate alot of things right now, and alot of things hate me.
i am getting my hair done tommorow.. maybe i'll feel better about myself.. (i doubt it).
i have made my bed, and now i have to ly in it.

mark fetchak and hayley johnson are to be wed, on september 16th, 2005.

Fri, 02 Sep 2005 06:11:40 GMT

sometimes i think all of my hair will fall out, and i'll be bald.

unsure.

Tue, 30 Aug 2005 01:27:51 GMT

isnt season changing so strange..
no more grass, or screaming while running through a freezing sprinkler.
its just over.. the summers just over.
i think i've wasted my summer.
but i have amazing friends and a beautiful baby kitten to show for it, right now, while the sun is setting, and i'm listening to the wall flowers, everythings okay. everythings going to be okay. and everything before this was just growing up. everything after this will be just growing up. and i'm welcoming change with open arms. i'm going to be sure of things, and i'm going to trust. and we'll all get by, the same way we always do.

"its just that.. this year.. its unsure. of things, and of people." -hayley burrows.

Elsewhere.

Fri, 22 Jul 2005 04:05:33 GMT

Passion-
it lys in all of us, sleeping, waiting,
and though unwanted, unbidden,
it will open its jaws and howl.
It speaks to us, guides us,
passion rules us all,
and what other choice do we have but to obey?
Passion is the source of our finest moments-
the joy of love,
the clarity of hatred,
and the ecstacy of grief.
It hurts sometimes more than we can bear,
if we could live without passion,
maybe we'd know some kind of peace,
But we would be hollow.
Empty rooms, shuttered and dank.
without passion, we'd be truely dead.

I was looking forward to rain tonight. really i was. i want to feel safe, really badly. i want someone to make me feel safe.
I am reading so much lately. and my room is like the movie set of 'antz' its disgusting. but tonight i have decided i am going to make my room a place i want to be, i want it to feel secure, like a fort made of blankets, like we made when we were little, remember?

my go go romeo.

Mon, 11 Jul 2005 04:46:01 GMT

i'm willing to marry you, if you have an air conditioner, and yes, that DOES mean unlimited making out with me. its DISGUSTINGLY hot in my house, and i am getting desperate.
Right now, i am in love with.. the book i am reading- girl, interrupted. the movie romeo and juliet. cream soda slurpees. aannnddddd, you.
i've dyed my hair, dark brown, with more purple bang, i think it looks pretty nice, i geuss.
dont you love testing people without them knowing, manipulating them to see how much they really care about you, although i am doing that now, truthfully, tell me, how do you feel about me???
.anyways, i am going to wash my face, and go to bed, or attempt it, sleeping doesnt come easy to a girl who cant even breath its so hot in here.

"when i'm with you i feel like i'm nothing".

Wed, 06 Jul 2005 15:33:17 GMT

i hate this having a job thing. i cant just go some where in a minutes notice. i cant sleep in. i cant go out after work because i am cranky. i am tired ALL THE TIME. i want to throw myself on the hot grill, REALLY i do. i am serious, NO JOKE. anyways, i am addicted to dawsons creek, no question about it. and right now.. orange juice and sprite are the ONLY thing keeping me alive. i work today 4-8, and i WILL be expecting some visitors, please? -hayley.

Wed, 06 Jul 2005 01:09:41 GMT

i hate my job.
i hate this summer.
and i hate this province.
i hate staying here all summer.
i hate feeling sick all the time.
i hate misquitos.
i hate ants.
actually, i just hate bugs of almost any kind.
i want to burn my fingers off.
and i hate my hair colour.
i hate annoying people.
i hate stupid questions.
i hate taking pictures of myself.
and i hate being a girl.
i hate that everyone is having a good time except me.
sun tans are lame.
i hate my face.
i hate shaftesbury.
i want to stab people in the face there.
i hate the colour beige.
parties are so lame.
i hate the feel of cotton balls.
i hate washing my face all the time.
i hate cell phones.
and i hate house phones.
i hate being told to "fuck off".
and i hate the taste of water.
i hate fake hair.
and i hate you megan vanstone, you are an effing want-to-be loser. STOP EFFING COPYING EVERYTHING I DO.
i hate my hands.
i hate drinking.
i hate that i always bite my nails.
i hate not having an air conditioner.
i hate my webcam.
i hate being lectured.
i hate being in this god forsaken house.
i hate being so effing alone.
I HATE PRETTY GIRLS.
and i hate the fact that i sat here for almost 10 minutes listing the things i hate.

italian seven ups. (and swingsets to pass whats left of our time).

Wed, 29 Jun 2005 04:56:31 GMT

today was one of those days, where you wake up okay, and end in the day in the kind of state where all you want to do is just close your eyes and never open them again.
working for almost 8 hours, and then coming home, and loosing a person that i care about more than anything about. and that person is so far away, and i am absolutly defenceless against what is happening. i hate feeling defenceless, it reminds me of being a ten year and nothing and everything making sense.

tonight.. i am lighting candles, and shutting my cell phone over.
tommorow.. i am not going to get out of bed.
thats all i have to say.

orange juice and sprite.

Tue, 28 Jun 2005 01:03:16 GMT

so i am hoping, one day i will just loose myself in the dissary of my sheets and pillows.
Lately things have been slow. like its not even summer vacation.. its just a long weekend and then i have to go back to school. this summer is going to be spent alone in my bed. i have been chasing after cars alot lately. because sometimes i've forgotten something in them, or they were supposed to take me with them. one day i wish i car would chase after me (or maybe just a person would).
jesse last-kolb- just so you know, your little gameboy or whatever with that neato screen thing.. yeah i broke it. i played it like 4832908432904832 hours in the past couple of weeks. and it keeps shutting off. i'm sorry if i broke it, and if not, and the batteries are just low, i beg of you to give me another battery, i am addicted. OKAY?
but really.. if there is anyone out there, who wants to get in bed with me, and cuddle me. please, call me.

A person i really care about is really hurting right now, i want to let her know that i love her more than anything, and she is absolutly amazing, inside and out. hugs and kisses for her.

UMMM? home improvement, dont mind if i do.

Thu, 23 Jun 2005 18:40:38 GMT

i have a crush on a boy. his name is aj. and he is beautiful. <3.

faaannnss. seexxx? FANS.

Thu, 23 Jun 2005 18:23:54 GMT

today its really really hot out. it says its going to thunderstorm. i have come to realize that.. corn pops arent all they are cracked up to be. i need a bathing suit, and DESPERATLY NEED A HAIR CUTT!!!!!!!! and.. my fish died. and now i wish i have a bunny. i think i am going to buy one, but if it died too.. i'd probably have a throw down with death. OH, and i had an allergic reaction to a face wash and now the right side of my face is a little red, and hurts a little bit. working saturday 4-8. i am expecting alot of visitors. PLEASE? Anyways, i am drinking a grape crush, and i need to get ready to go out, shopping i think.. i hate shopping. i made out with your boyfriend. hayley.