I can't sleep. My buzz wore off about an hour ago and now I can't make my mind stop running a mile a fucking minute. I can't get this sick knot out of my stomach. I can't stop feeling mad as hell. I can't stop crying. I just can't...understand.

I haven't changed. Or maybe I have. In the past I wouldn't have stood for any of this. I wouldn't have just sat back and watch my friend slowly drift away. I wouldn't have kept my mouth shut for so long. I wouldn't have been afraid of being honest because I didn't want to lose a friend. Because in the end, it happened all the same.

We can talk if you feel you have more to say. But in all honesty, I'm afraid to. I'm pretty sure I know how it's gonna go. I don't fit into this new life of yours. I get that. Well, I don't really. Personally I think it's pretty lame. I believe that friends are just as important as lovers. I believe that you are taking me forgranted. And I believe that one day you are going to need me. There's more I'd like to say...but I'm not sure if it really matters anymore.

Verm sent me my sister's myspace. We have so much in common it's almost scary. It was kinda nice, but then kinda sad. The only thing that makes me really sad about not speaking to my dad is the fact that I may never get to know my sisters. In my mind they are still kids...when in reality Meagan just started college and Sarah is finishing high school soon. I would like nothing more than to have a relationship with them. Especially now...