The Children's Other Crusade

[ "And?" is a bad way to start a sentence ]

Tue, 05 Aug 2008 07:12:10 GMT

Most of the entries on my friends page are NC HeatHate posts....and I know I will be rejoining said heat in two weeks...
but this morning, it was so cold I couldn't get out of bed. One of those mornings where you carry the comforter with you to the pile where your socks/sweatshirt/pants lay...move over them like a squid and out pops a fully clothed, temperate human.
I sleep with the balcony door open, which is awesome because my tulle curtains flow in with the moonlight and it always halfway looks like a ghost. This morning was one of those cold mornings where you know you slept hard and deep. Eyes wont open...caked with eyebooogerz. I halfway stumbled down the stairs, my hair looking (awesomely) like medussa...discovered the coffee pot was empty and Marcel laughed at me and just told me to sit down. He boiled some water and made methe best damn cup I've had yet. I took it down in 4 gulps and sprung to life..

This morning I'm being defiant. I'm sick of my job, I'm sick of the Germans telling me what to do. I'm sick of the fat dyke who walks behind me every 10 minutes scuffing her heels into the ground with each step...Without even looking at her, if you were to hear the stupid way she walks, you'd know exactly how she looks. Huge dyke. Spare tire. Bow legged, buck teeth. I hate looking at her stupid face.

And I'm sick of listening to most Germans talk. Fuckk...I actually understand what they're saying now, I cant be ignorant like the first month I was here.
This will sound obvious but living in Germany is having all the effects that one would expect from taking a person from one continent and putting them on the other where they don't speak the language. I am forced to interpret and essentially create the world around me as I understand it....which isn't always realistic. Really fun! But sometimes daunting. I have a constant inner monologue. I'm constantly thinking about a conversation I could be having with someone based on what I am doing at any given moment. Because thats how people act in countries where they speak the language. They can just talk about what they do. But I never want to burden anyone with the obligation of talking to me. I try not to start conversations unless I have to or it would be rude not to. I just sit and stare off. The side effect being an overwhelming sense of consciousness. Up to date, I feel like I know exactly WHAT i think about a good 90% of the things I think about. Fuck.

Ok no more stalling. I still gotta get to work and stall for half an hour before I actually attempt to do anything.
Give the heat a hug for me.

[ into the moat (not the band) ]

Thu, 31 Jul 2008 18:57:19 GMT

Ok so where to start.......

I dont know why i trusted him. There I was visiting my friend at Cambridge. Naturally we were in a pub swilling swillables and syllables and generally layin on the alcohol pretty thick. We were accompanied by two other cambridge students. One tall adonis of a man named Dave and another more bugeyed elmer Fudd type. The latter was the untrustable one. He boasted that he met Dave through impersonating a 12 year old girl on the internet. Dave laughed while whatshisface recounted their encounters.......Dave claimed he was pretending to be a 13 year old boy...Had I my wits about me, i woulda looked straight through the british charm and pegged both of them as nut cases, but Dave was too dreamy to be sensible. The other guy talked about the most ludicrous stuff and had an awkard shifty delay on his laugh.

So, the time came when all little bartenders want to go to bed, and they must send the blokes a-stumblin. To Dave "Beat it blondie!" "Im Ginger you bastard!!" and im caught in a whirlwind of aesthetic. Cloaked in our liquid polarbear skin and "dutch courage" we wander into the night - into the ancient streets of cambridge. All of a sudden, whatshisface decides we should take a detour through Trinity college...im thinkin...what thefuck does THIS dude have that got him into trinity (ibelieve its where prince harry went). But he produces the key to the entrance and we follow him through the campus. In the cold night, 8 centuries of cathedrals and dorms.......classrooms all stare at me and i half expect to walk right by harry potter and hermiane granger (lol@granger) off on their shenanegans. We reach the exit when creepynoname decides hes going to jet off in the opposite direction but assures us that the gate at the end of this path is opened at 2 am. He shuts the old wooden door that we had to duck under to get out of and the lock clicks, sealing us out. Merrily we skipped down the path and i took a moment tobreathe in the great towering trees, the stagnant fog, all the dripping moss........everything that the legend of sleepy hollow is made of. meanwhile, my english muffin is stroking my hair saying " i love your hair.....youre like sarahmichelle gellar or an angel or something...." and repeated this several times as if it were anovel thought each time. And then in the distance, a huge, brilliantly extravagant wrought iron gate imerges from the fog. Its about time too.......starting to get cold and i was beginning to fear that some cloaked bandit would jump onto our path right out of the 18th century with his black stalllion.......red eyed. But the gates locked. Fuck that! My mind went back to all the college orientations ive ever attended.....I started to look for the token blue emergency kiosk stationed every 60 feet or so on any american campus. Nope..this is Cambridge, and were locked in the lawn of trinity college.......not even a buzz box at the gate to signal for help.

The entire perimeter of lawn is this stagnant, ancient moat. And it dawns upon us that we could leap across at a short distance to reach a bridge to freedom! Being somewhat of a competetive spirit, i HAD to be first. I chose my spot and began to walk towards the edge of the embankment. In a second, what i thought was solid ground turned out to be 5 feet of swamp-mud-slime-ooze held in place by tall grass and algea. i made the sound that a stone makes if you drop it straight down in water. "HOLY FUCK" i probably exclaimed and as quick as it happened i was pulling myself out. Dripping with the slime of stale water which hadnt been so disturbed in some half a millinium -- only rustled in the top few inches by the pounding british rains. i dont even wanna think about what my feet touched down at the bottom. regardless, i was aleviated to be out of the moat and back on solid ground, but where ever was my purse? Chivalrous as one ought to be in such a land, Thomas immedaitely started to take off his jacket knowing he would have to pluge into this goo to retrieve the fair ladys bag. But it floated! the water was so dense that it couldnt sink....wallet, phone, camera.......covered in muck.

And we were still locked in the fucking yard! I started laughing.....mostly to keep myself warm as 40 degree air wrapped around me.......i couldnt even whipe the slime off of my hands because everything else on me was slimy. Somehow, DAve was oblivious to all of this happening...and within some minutes we were rescued by some trinity fellow out for a late night booty call. About 5 minutes out of the gate on our way back home, Dave catches me in the street light and said "You look fuckin horrible! what happened!" Seriously?

A shower never felt so good. I smelled like a witch´s crotch after shes danced with the devil. Ferociously attacking my skin witha loofa. I dont even know whose loofa it was but it got me clean and buffed a layer of skin which probably wouldnt have appeared for a week left to its own devices. And i tried to rinse out my clothing...gagging slightly as the ooze and smell filled the bath stall. the shoes were a lost cause. i threw them in the trash but i should have submitted them to some laboratory so they could discover ......i dont know.....ancient hallucigenias cousin or something wandering around my insoles. GAh...but the whole time i was laughing. Thomas said i took it better than anyone ever. Why not though?

Im afraid my lost phone notice was a little bit premature. My phone and camera have both been ressurected! I placed them in a dessicator at work which sucked out all the water and restored their function.
Science - 1, Medival Security Systems - 0

[ well no but yea but no but yeah ]

Wed, 18 Jun 2008 19:03:04 GMT

BRITAIN, BRITAIN, BRITAIN.
Who they? What do? And Why?
In this next hour we shall attempt to answer these questions.

[ Is that German for faux pas? ]

Wed, 04 Jun 2008 22:01:51 GMT

So, I have stumbled my way into a job in Germany with all of my dumb luck.

Whoever is convinced that Germans are these strict, prude, conservative automatons is terribly mistaken. During few periods of my life have I experienced such hospitality and warmth from people who owe me nothing. In fact, the very first thing I received once I stepped off the plane was a big hug from my landlady. And the giving didn't stop there! In my first days, I became the proud owner of an unlimited tram pass, a bicycle, a phone, and invitations to all the important barbecues and discos. Many of my colleagues were impressed that I have already attended a party at Pier 2 which last until 8 am (READ: same time that you're getting kicked out of the bar, but 6 hours to the east).

There are several important things to know about Germany.
1. There is a lot to be said about a place by the food depicted in the "no eating" signs. If I remember correctly, in America its usually the silhouette of a cheeseburger-looking food dwarfed by a huge cola + straw. Here in Deutschland, it's a cone of fries and what appears to be a shot sized cup of whatever on earth can wash down all of that mayonnaise (ewwwww).
2. You can always find a free cup of coffee, but don't you dare go looking for a water fountain. (N'est pas la) My poor kidneys.
3. In northern Germany, instead of figuring out which time of day it is to say "Guten Morgen/Tag," they just lump it into one simple "Moin." Should anyone say "moin" to you, you must reply with "Moin Moin." If you get into a large enough crowd of people who all feel the need to greet eachother, the chorus of moin is overwhelming and hilarious! (And sort of sounds like the seagulls in Finding Nemo who were fighting over food!)
4. The public transit in my city is absolutely impeccable. The only way it could be more accommodating is if the tram lifted me upstairs and tucked me into my bed after a long evening laughing in the beir garten.
5. It's subtle, but the latitude has been playing little psychological tricks on me. The sun rises at 5 am and sets completely sometime around 10:45. One of the few things I really miss are warm, dark nights and the presence of the stars.
6. The refrigerators are tiny and hidden...usually disguised as a cupboard. When in doubt, I just open doors until the contents inside are lit and I feel a nice breath of cool air against my face.

I'm beginning to realize why every person I have known to study or work abroad has returned with quite a bit more ....weight to carry. What with all the bread water and bread stores and bread foods which abound over on this side. But why are europeans so skinny? And why do european men have such interesting and varying views on how long their shorts should be? And why do the women make me feel underdressed? AND HOW DOES MILK NOT GO BAD IF YOU LEAVE IT ON THE COUNTERTOP FOR 2 DAYS?

It's perplexing. But I am so happy and inspired and well-taken-care-of...and BUSY!

Mon, 19 May 2008 08:46:15 GMT

just waiting for my legs to work again. that's why this is taking so long.

Tue, 08 Apr 2008 03:07:55 GMT

so distracting so distracted
see ya later gpa.
i'm fighting this battle where the time won't pass quick enough, but i know once it catches up, it will run away.
heat heat heat

Sun, 06 Apr 2008 17:23:15 GMT

"Hey Anna, so I'm trying to figure out where I know you from."
"Umm.....well I live here, maybe you've seen me out somewhere."
"I dunno, I don't really get out much..."
"Well I'm not a porn star or anything..."

What?? Who says stuff like that? I'm so graceful...and poised.

[ home ]

Sat, 05 Apr 2008 02:36:35 GMT

I have found my german home! (you probably don't care)

My bedroom, my enormous tv that I will not be able to understand, and my plants that will hopefully survive my stay and "care."

bathroom....

kitchennnn

I'm pretty pumped. The street is "quiet" and a 5 minute walk to everywhere. There is a garden in the backyard, and the other inhabitants are looking forward to "experiencing my culture." Huh? Oh you mean watch me eat a thousand strawberries and listen to the same songs over and over, oh and read chemistry journals and then try to draw walruses. "culture."

i'm excited though :)

[ don't you dare panic ]

Sun, 16 Mar 2008 19:11:55 GMT

Not that many of you are college-active, but I figured I'd help answer the age-old question of what to do if you have three exams in one week.

First and foremost, at your earliest convenience you should print off all summary and practice exam materials (if they exist). This will prolong your sense of impending doom and give the illusion of preparedness. Carry these items with you on a clipboard for a few days before actually reading them over. Their presence will reaffirm your initiative and help you feel pro-active. Once you have had a chance to skim over the material, ignore anything that incurs a sense of defeat or panic. NEVER PANIC. Instead, practice the problems and materials which reinforce your self esteem. Continue doing this until your pride is so hefty that it will refuse to be had by any especially cumbersome problem.

Do not be tempted by any social function or holiday. At this point in your educational career (read:life) the only new things you could contribute to conversation would be your understanding of radial distribution functions & Laplace transforms. People who don't have three exams in one week find this annoying and abrasive. It might force them to question the validity of their diploma and general understanding of the universe. It is best to keep a low profile during this triple exam-preparation period to avoid disrupting the happy lives of those who will not be charged to endure this in the coming week.

Should you ever have three exams in one week, there will be no better time to use the "good" coffee beans. Grind 'em down and brew 'em up. Their exceptionally smooth flavor is a subtle reward as you parasitically survive off of their caffeine contribution. The time is also ideal for any cleaning duties which might have accrued during the period leading up to this unfortunate circumstance. Laundry, mopping, and scrubbing are often good stress relievers as you buff away your free time with the glossy shine of productive procrastination.

The last great bit of advice is to employ an adequate incentive program for your efforts. Do not go without. Promise yourself that lusty new knicknack at the price of a fixed interval of unbroken concentration. Top off an evening of intense study with your favorite snack and an indulgent tv episode of your choosing.

These are the methods for success should you ever find yourself with three exams in one week.

Wed, 16 Jan 2008 02:43:00 GMT

Now that I own more skirts and dresses than ever-- Now that I have to teach 45 people for 2 hours -- Now that I am meeting people and networking ....

Now would be a reeealllyyy good time to fall off a curb and smack my face on the ground.
Nothing says, "I command authority!" or "Respect me and help me promote my future!" like a nice juicy shiner.
Furthermore, there's nothing like stiff, scabby, bruised knees to make the boys wanna ask me to dance while I don my newest, dressiest attire.

So my hands were cold? So I stuffed them in my pockets? So I mistepped on a curb?
Goddamn pockets were like those chinese handcuffs. I couldn't get my hands out of them quick enough to break my fall. My face did instead. And my knees. Got knocked out. Woke up and some dude was helping me out of the street. Had to find a way to distribute 4 bags of frozen edamame about all of my aching impact zones.

The day was otherwise enjoyable. I find myself abreast with my pchem material. I have leveled with my math homework. And I have been introduced to extremely valuable references in the library which will make my research coast quite smoothly. I have confirmed two recomendation letter writers and gained a positive attitude toward my summer time goals. I also have dispelled some anxieties and set up some fun plans.

[ yew eff OH ]

Sat, 01 Dec 2007 01:02:59 GMT

Lucccyyyy Kittyyyy. This is what Lucy looks like.

i wanna rub her bellyyyy.

at long last its the weekend.
i had a fun one planned until the pchem professor assigned a take home test due on monday.
gonna hang out with schrödinger and arrhenius preexponential factors.
wave functions. bah. but not before i go to fancy dinner time! big girl shoes.

win at life.

Tue, 20 Nov 2007 22:14:42 GMT

I've changed.
I'm going to the football game on Saturday.
I have an NC State sweatshirt.
People don't recognize me.
Cya later 2-kewl-4-skewl

[ sofa king fuh knee ]

Mon, 22 Oct 2007 21:47:06 GMT

i wish i could have a pet cartoon cat. especially one that would point to his mouth when he said "maaow."
Lucy is the whiniest baby. never about food though, unless she thinks i'm opening a can of catfood. CHILL OUT it's just soup. i figured her out though, all she wants is for me to spoon her and rub her belly. that's not so bad, huh?

[ Most Productive thing I've done, ever. ]

Tue, 25 Sep 2007 22:51:25 GMT

I am the official PRESIDENT of the American Chemical Society Student Affliates chapter at NCSU.
My duties include optional executive decisions and attending all of the meetings.
ACS is one of the single most important connections that I can have on my resume as far as jobs and grad school goes.

Fri, 21 Sep 2007 01:23:46 GMT

the cat is doing things for attention.
i got new blue shoes.
i have a test tomorrow morning and this has been the most i've studied for a single non-final exam before.
what i need to do is relax. cuz i know some stuff. and probably not some other stuff. but i have 4 more tests to prove that i know enough stuff for an A.
(Lucy i'm not listening to you)
i want an icecream sandwich. and a back rub.
and for the cat to calm down.

[ perpe[tra]/[tua]tion ]

Tue, 11 Sep 2007 19:31:55 GMT

I'm continuing some kind of cyclic loop, although i cannot identify it but--- the "emotional fan defends britney spears" video made me feel the most weird, ever.
i felt like i should be watching it with a curtain up over my laptop.
dang, i'll go try that right now.
nah.

Tue, 11 Sep 2007 03:16:30 GMT

it's what it feels like when someone takes down your picture.

Thu, 16 Aug 2007 03:36:47 GMT

I was attaching the diffuser to my hair dryer. It slipped as i was trying to pop it into place. The hairdryer came up and clubbed me in the face. I thought I lost a tooth, but instead I just sorta busted my lip wide open. l
15 seconds later my Aunt called and laughed at me. I look tough!

But that wasn't the news I was hoping to post--I just returned from LA.
I saw good bands and ate good food. Walked around in good weather. Laughed at good comedy.
I can't think about that right now though.

Heyyyy tell school to start already. (don't hate me!)

[ babies ]

Fri, 25 May 2007 21:25:38 GMT

hey sippy cup.

the caffiene was winning until i found myself in the lawn chair section of target, kickin' back & pondering when my life would contain things like lawn chairs (and (real) lawns). this adorable shrimpstack babydoll walked by with her mother and demanded to sit in the chairs just as i was. (she must have some good lawn chairs in her life to prefer lounging over begging for toys.) perhaps it was my propped up feet or the way i flipped through a magazine that solicited this inquiry from the mother: "Are you gonna be here for a while?" i looked up from the magazine. Uhh. Yeah. "Can she sit with you until I'm done shopping?" umm. of course. "Great! Do you need anything?" Hmm...i'll take a coke.

so i sat there with shrimpy on the lawn chairs, drinking a coke...simulating life in a yard. it's beyond me why a mother would leave her 4 year old with a stranger loitering on a chase lounge (in such a short skirt!). but i sure did fall in love with that little baby and the songs she sang to me for 25 mintues. are you supposed to let 4 year olds drink cola?.....oh

[ miniest. tinyest. yellowflwr. ]

Mon, 30 Apr 2007 03:41:55 GMT

tiana...

sometimes i think there are a thousand invisible strings connecting us. attached to our brains and our hearts and the things that we touch and hear and like. when i move in one direction you follow. when you go somewhere, i somehow end up there. i never have to explain. you just say "yukno?" &i always do. "iknoYukno"

life was so much easier when we were connected by the ear.....&even better when we were connected by the hand.

i see this friend of mine..this real true real true friend. so soon.
it always means change.
it always means beauty and music and the colors of white.
it always means omelettes. wooden spoons. candy sushi.

[ bugs win ]

Wed, 11 Apr 2007 19:39:10 GMT

sitting in the bathtub...rainy days make me do that.
tryin to shake off the cold april we've had so far.
and i'm shaving my legs. doin' a damn good job, too.
all of a sudden, to my left i see this beetle as it's falling onto my shoulder.
my right hand's holding a razor.
my left hand.....it punches me in the face. trying to swat that fucking bug.
and my knee? i knee myself in the eye from trying to get away from the beetle.
in an instant i'm standing outside of my tub...half of the water on the bathroom floor.
i gave myself a shiner. my cheekbone is bruised. so is the bone under my eyebrow.
stood there panting. on my tippytoes. holding a razor, still. looking around frantically for any other "life."
on the positive, not a drop of blood to be found.
despite knocking my head against myself, twice, i managed to evade taking out any chunks of skin with the razor.

similarly, i was sitting at a stoplight. & a "SUPBOY" was sitting next to me.
he wasn't really a "suuuupboy." but he was a 7.5.
and i'm playin' it cool. arm out the window. sunglasses- check!
a wasp comes flying into my car.
it's impossible to look cool when you're avoiding a wasp.
clasp your arms agaisnt your chest and duck in irratic directions.
bugs. they do this to me. they make me look, afool.

[ you are so good looking ]

Fri, 06 Apr 2007 16:28:20 GMT

I have watched this video so many times.
gimme that panda.

Sat, 24 Mar 2007 20:27:11 GMT

how lucky is a tree to have purple flowers?

[ new york ]

Tue, 13 Mar 2007 03:28:14 GMT

my recent trip.
the way my life feels turned around.
learning to reach out or walk away.
bagels. breakfast. beers. best friend.

[ europe, etc ]

Tue, 02 Jan 2007 17:46:35 GMT

damn girl sup i'm in holland. this town is my favorite town in the world.
they have the best selection of food and booze.
i'm pretty sure this drunk guy is talking dutch to the back of my head.
the dutch are the most ridiculous race to exist, ever, forever.
they are speaking a huge stream of dutch and they insert "like i give a shit" or "whatever" or "fuckin seriously" into the middle of the sentence. so i walk down the street and that's all i hear.

i got a banging new camera before i left for germany. the photos are so good.
so far:
1. i've sledded in the alps
2. gone to german theatre
3. met some serious BABES
4. not paid for anything
5. visited 4 countries
6. had new years in 3 countries at the same time.
7. wake up to the best view i've ever seen and drink the best coffee i've ever had.

it's beautiful. everything is perfect. except for this dutch keyboard. i have the best spaceboots on the continent unless, of course, some one is wearing the exact same spaceboots as i am wearing. (they rule)
tomorrow we go to amsterdam and see the van gogh museum and the anne franke house. then my parents are outta here the next day and i'm hanging out with my bro and his girlfriend.

in a few days i'm going to PARIS to meet up with steve. holy shit. then its time for tour!

see you people in a few weeks! i had the best new years ever. i hope you all did too!!