but baby cant you help me you no i hate dancing alone

__rockitrough @ 2005-09-15T16:38:00

2005-09-15T23:39:43Z

So perfect.
So perfectly imperfect.

The skin on the palm of your hand is like nothing I've ever touched before. It's not like that of my grandmother, whose hands felt like paper when I held them. It's not like any fabric, even the softest, smoothest silk, for no man could ever manufacture something as elegant. The only thing I can compare it to is the small of your back. Equally smooth. Equally soft.because nothing has ever given me more comfort. To hold you. Flawless. The small scars on your back . Storytellers. Your body is a book, and each cell is a page I can't wait to read, and love, and kiss. And I could cherish you. And I think that I do. Your skin. Your skin. Your skin. Resplendent. And every moment I am with you, my eyes are transfixed on some part of you. Admiring. Studying. Reading. And I get lost in those small strands of yellow that decorate your iris. Lost in the small crevices in your lips. And I want to hide myself inside them. Live within your lips. Envelop myself in the softest kiss. And I'd crawl into your mind, navigating through the caverns of your memory. And into then into your ears, where I will speak to you the only language I know: Love. And you will release me from your body in a shaking fit of pleasure and happiness. And you will love me back. And I will kiss every inch of you. And you will love me back. And as your eyes grow heavy with exhaustion, you will put your ear up to my heart and hear how much I love you. And I will shower you in honest compliments. And wrap you up in always. And I will press my chest against your back, and kiss your shoulders as you drift off to sleep. And you won't dream. Because our life together is a dream come true. Your mind needs no vacation. Because I love you. Your flaws are not flaws. They are the charm that ties your heart to mine.

So perfect.
So perfectly imperfect.

__rockitrough @ 2005-09-08T07:31:00

2005-09-08T14:32:58Z

he is the boy ive been longing for
he is the boy who amazes me with everything he does
he is the boy who teachs me to be a better person
he is the boy who pushes me to show whati feel
he is the boy who i need more than oxygen
he is my true love
i wish he could see that everything i say
is in sincerety.

__rockitrough @ 2005-07-17T22:01:00

2005-07-18T05:03:22Z

Complete and total adoration

My gift to you, my heart was yours,
In ten weeks you shaped it,

In one night you murdered it.

Torn from my chest and laid at your feet,

That first step that you took was the worst.

Since then you've walked a thousand miles in solace and short remark,

And I still have these memories,

But will never see what we could have been.

Remember when we talked about where we'd be a year from now?

Remember when you held my hand like you'd never let it go?

Remember, cause that's all you can do.

We'll never make another memory,

We'll never make another memory.

I wish I would have died in your arms the last time we were together,

So I wouldn't have to wake without you today.

This time I thought things were real,

You said they were,

What happened?

You were a priority,

Was I an option?

I let you see a side of me that I don't share with anyone
.
Promises are just words unless they are fulfilled.

Knew from the beginning all I had to offer you was my heart,

I'm just sorry that it wasn't enough.

So, we'll go our own ways,

And hopefully you'll remember these things I've told you,

Hopefully you'll understand that everything I said is in sincerity.

A broken heart is not what I wanted from this,

But I guess I've learned from it.

But aren't you supposed to learn from your mistakes?

I don't consider this a mistake,

I just wish the story didn't end this way,
Cause I'm still in love with the person who helped me write it.

Remember when you held my hand like you'd never let it go?

Remember when we talked about where we'd be a year from now?

__rockitrough @ 2005-07-11T14:03:00

2005-07-11T22:01:09Z

It's another one of those moments, where everything is quiet and I'm alone with my thoughts. It's another one of those nights where my thoughts are about the world, the world outside of my life. I can't even begin to explain how depressing it is. I find myself becoming increasingly disgusted with people.

Everybody is so selfish, self absorbed, and everybody takes things for granted. Myself included. I keep thinking about how horrible the world is, and I don't understand how I can go on smiling and living my life every day. It makes me evaluate my life and my priorities. It makes me feel like everything meaningless and I can't find a reason for why anything is important.

Everybody complains about everything. All these tormented souls - deep thinkers, if you will - sitting in their posh cafes, sipping coffee, writing poems. Poems about what? How terrible their lives are? It must be terrible, having a warm bed to sleep in every night. It must be terrible, not having to concern yourself with whether or not you have enough money to buy yourself a meal every day. All these busy people are too rushed or centered around their own lives to take a glance at the world outside of themselves. You could stand on a busy sidewalk and scream your pain to the world, every story every memory every thought. Sure, you'd capture their attention for a minute, maybe even two - but they won't think twice about it. They'll continue walking. They'll continue with their lives. And they will forget you.

People are so oblivious, so ignorant, it's disgusting. Revolting. I hate it all. I don't understand how I can feel so much, yet feel so empty inside. I don't understand how this despondency can spring from apathy. Life isn't even real to me half the time. I'm going through the motions but I don't see a point to any of it. It's a dangerous thing. I always feel like there's something better for me out there, something I'm supposed to be doing but I'm not doing it, or I'm missing out. You might say you've had similar thoughts, that you might even relate to what I'm saying. But you will never understand. You will never know. And you will never know because you don't care and you don't think. You, sitting in your cozy four-bedroom home, are too busy worrying about getting a better job so you can make more money so you can buy better things, to acknowledge all the pain in the world, the reality of things.

I feel like my heart is breaking, and I don't know why

is love even real these days

2005-07-11T21:59:14Z

But it isn’t a rarity anymore, just an altered reflection, an altered feeling. Love, perhaps. A sense of reality that is nowhere near what reality is, or is it? I’ve been convincing myself that I feel what I feel. But sometimes I have such a hard time believing I’m actually alive. I only feel human when my hand is taken into yours.

And then I curse myself for being so dependent on something so temporary. It doesn’t seem enough anymore. The days seem too numbered, too mathematically inclined to ruin this ‘together’. Oh, I’m so afraid sometimes.

__rockitrough @ 2005-07-11T14:00:00

2005-07-11T21:58:32Z

this is my imperfect contrubution to life or is it your perfect imperfection. it seems like something out of a bad movie... or just a movie that takes a turn for the wosre... they call it a change over, it's when the screen goes blank and nobody in the audience knows what happened. my life seems to be change over after change over... and around every corner some new supprise... i can't really tell you anything that you dont already know... but it's horrable because i do have something to tell. som... fuck.
We are always following the lines hoping to find the right direction, when in truth it's usually the wrong that sets us right.

I am what you speak.
(but only heard in the lowest decibels for the clamor of circumstance roars through ours ears and shatters the ability...)

listen.

HAIRHAIRHAIRHAir

2005-05-10T00:17:59Z

i hate it.so much is changeing latley.
& i dont want it to.
i thought i needed change
but once it comes.i wish it never did
i still love him
he knows who he is

__rockitrough @ 2005-04-03T15:11:00

2005-04-03T21:16:18Z

I used to care so much what people had to say about me, and it was pretty ridiculous on how shocked i would get over something so stupid. For awhile i would let peoples actions get to me and now i have realized that i cant let that happen, I have watched so many people be straight up awesome to my face and run off and say disrespectful things behind my back and once again i would let it shock me, but now i just laugh about it. I think that if someone has enough time to try and put someone else down they must have some very insecure problems.Its crazy the way people follow a crowd, They will do anything to fit in. Why cant people just accept that its okay to be different?

I have grown up so much lately, but definatly for the better, </b>i have come to realize that i dont need to regret some of the things i have done, just learn from them</b>. My past is apart of me, and always will be, nothing will ever change that. I need to accept it now or i never will. I laugh when i hear someone bring up some of the mistakes i have made, i honestly do, i dont get that feeling in my stomach anymore...like the feeling of something bad is going to happen. I feel bad for people who sit online and do nothing but lurk on other peoples lives, find your own life to deal with, stay out of mine.

I love my life right now, and honestly i cant think of one thing that will bring me down, few really close friends who keep a smile on my face, a nice life, a simple life. I couldnt ask for more, I wish i could tell everyone who has been there for me the past 3 years how much i love them for it. Because the past 3 years have definatly been tough, I never knew being exploited would have such a huge impact on my life, but im not blaming anyone, it was stupid on my part also. I have everyone i need right now, and for being 16 im having the time of my life. I wake up everyday with nothing but a smile on my face, yeah sounds kind of lame but thats how i have to do it.It would be nice to have a boyfriend.but you no you cant always get what you want.& havin a boyfrind changes so much.& im not ready for change

Fuck what everyone says...stand up for yourself, have an oppinion.

__rockitrough @ 2005-03-27T22:36:00

2005-03-28T05:38:48Z

ok so underoath thursday baby
with hopesfall
SHIT I JUST WANNA SEE HOPESFALL
but im going with my favorite person ever
MICHELLE LOVEEEEE

fuckkkkkkkk that so called word "best friends"

2005-02-09T23:10:36Z

I have really grown to hate you,
and everything you've come to stand for
I write these words in vain,
You won't read them
This pen would go to better use.
if I shoved it into your throat
and let you choke on
your blood-filled breaths
However we once called
each other friend,
So this pen continues to write words
that you ignore

__rockitrough @ 2005-01-27T19:11:00

2005-01-28T02:13:27Z

Im glad to see you enjoy making me hurt.
Every day that goes by you dont fail to hurt me more.
Dont tell me you love me or like me.
I dont want you to call me.
I dont want to talk to you.

...and

dont call me ~~pretty baby~~ anymore.

</3

no lies just love

2005-01-14T01:10:00Z

why cant i be what you need
a new improved version of me
but im nothing so good
im nothing

__rockitrough @ 2005-01-13T17:48:00

2005-01-14T00:50:50Z

Last Cigarette	saturday/ughhh
Last Alcoholic Drink	new years
Last Drug	never
Last Kiss	new years
Last Good Cry	2 weeks ago
Last Book Bought	oh shit.my helter skelter book
Last Book Read	helter skelter
Last Movie Seen In Theatres	hmm.i forgot.lame
Last Movie Rented	troy.still havent watched that shit
Last Cuss Words Utterest	shit fuck.
Last Words Spoken	shit fuck
Last Words Typed	shit fuck.ok holy fuck thats annoying
Last Beverage Drank	lunch
Last Food Consumed	lunch
Last TV Show Watched	yesterday
Last Phone Call	yesterday
Last Shower	hmm.monday.but i aint sure.showering can suck my big cock
Last Clothes Worn	pink and black shirt and my levis
Last Shoes Worn	my pink payless shoes b.
Last CD played	head automatica.YA BOYEEE
Last Item Bought	hmm.
Last Download	she cant hide beautiful.a country song
Last Annoyance	effing beth
Last Disappointment	beth
Last Website Visited	myspace.duh
Last Person You IMed	my JOE
Last Person to IM you	my wife
Last Vacation	shit.pennsylvannia over the summer
Last Lie	"i swear i dont smoke cigerattes mom i was holding them for alexis.."hahaha
Last Boyfriend/Girlfriend	marshall.
Last Fight	beth
Last Date	hmm.i havent been on a date in so long.someone take me on one.
Last Underwear Worn	my new hott grannie panties bitch
Last Concert	the worst show everrrrr
Last Good Laugh	with my wife.
Last Video Game Played	douche.spyro :]
Last Cartoon Watched	i dont even no
Last Thought	i want a boyfiend
CREATE YOUR OWN! - or - GET PAID TO TAKE SURVEYS!

the slightest bit of attention from you.makes my heart smile

2005-01-03T00:54:54Z

i like someone new

i spent new years with him
smoking fags and getting drunk
HES AMAZING.more then amazing
we cuddled all night and he kept finding ways to touch me.and he told me that like a bizilon times
and we switched pants because his were wayyyyyy better then mine.awwwww
and my new nickname is ROCKIE kenny and geremy kept calling me that all night.their effing awesome

♥♥he makes my heart skip beats with just the simple touch of his hand♥♥♥

__rockitrough @ 2004-12-18T15:58:00

2004-12-18T23:02:19Z

You play the sweet talk game.

"Oh your soo beautiful."

"I like you."

"Your soo special."

And all that other lame shit you say.

Its kind of easy for alot of people to fall for it.

I admit I do sometimes also.

But I always catch myself before I fall.

Im smarter then you think.

Im better then you think.

I really am special, and thats why I wont fall for it.

No where on me do you see the word toy written.

Dont try to treat me like one.

Im smarter then a child. Toys are shared im not.

Nor do I share you when I have you.

So if you are looking to have me, get used to not having other girls on you.

Wont happen. Im selfish, and I like it.

Stop playing with me, get your shit straight.

__rockitrough @ 2004-12-02T16:08:00

2004-12-02T23:33:20Z

boorrrrred as a motha fucka

ok.the end.i love my friends.but now sam has a boyfriend.beths mom hates me and wont let her hang out with me.and jo.well jo will be jo so ya

__rockitrough @ 2004-11-30T01:29:00

2004-11-30T08:29:47Z

ok.im grounded.i hate it sooooo much.kcs the reason im grounded, last friday insteed of coming home after a show i went to with beau ricky chris rickys brother bailey and kc i didnt want to go home i didnt want to leave him(which is oh so sad i no) so i just didnt go home we all went back to kcs grandparents house and slept.me and kc shared his little twin bed.it was an amazing night.but friday my parents might let me go see a movie with my little sister.i miss her so.i only see her at school.im usualy with her every weekend.but nooooo.what i did was worth getting grounded for.or atleast i believe so.

for you.i would die.but thats just old news to you

2004-11-25T18:47:47Z

fuck what they think
fuck being reliable.
fuck being comforting.
fuck caring.
fuck emotions.
fuck jealousy.
fuck grades.
fuck being a "good kid".
fuck taking the shit i do.
fuck distance.
fuck age.
fuck moving.
fuck believing in something.
fuck the way you acting around them.
fuck my past.
fuck not sticking up to you.
fuck love.
fuck letters.
fuck crushes.
fuck sharing.
fuck talking about it.
fuck arizona.
fuck old friends.
fuck that feeling you gave me.
fuck those memories.
fuck crying.
fuck you.

~~i feel your arms around me, constantly.~~

why does this pain feel so unbearable

2004-11-24T01:29:34Z

ok so all the sudden he is saying he doesnt like me anymore
because friday night i was kicking him off the bed? jokingly....
why cant he just say what he means
he doesnt like me
he never did all he wanted was a little action
and it kills me to no that, thats all im worth to him
when i would die for this boy
he seriously means everything to me
when im with him
everythings different.i feel as tho i can do anything.like im the luckiest girl
why cant he just feel the same
why cant this feeling be mutual? why does god hate me so much
when i find someone i truely care about with all my heart
all the sudden he doesnt like me

i could live in this moment for all time

2004-11-01T22:59:36Z

ok so halloween was the best ever. i went trick or treating with megan.joanna.channel.and jackie. megan was an angel. jackie was the devil.channel was left over meat loaf!!!!.and jo was ummmmm wearing all black? im not sure what she was but she looked cute i went as an alien!i had tinfoil wraped around my butt and i had this large ear things. i was hott.lol and so were walking around getting candy and out of no where my phone rings and its a number ive never seen so i answer it and im like hello?and it was KC gosh i seriously like this boy tons!ok but ya and hes all so what you doing right now and im like im walking around my friends neighborhood trick or treating DUH.and he was like well i wanted to no if you wanted to hang out with us.i was like HELL YA BOOYAH IM DITCHING THIS FAG FACES.i didnt really say that but ya NEWAYS i was like well im going home around 9 but ya id be down, chillin with my fly boys. lol im a queer like that but ya.so i ended up going home ealier so i could see him ealier.and i get home and call my bestest friend in the HOLE world beth to see if shes home from her aunt moes and she is.so im like YAY your coming out with me.kc.beau.john.and ricky and shes like TOTALLY MAN. so she roller blades over and we wait at the park for them to come pick our silly asses up because if they came to my house my dogs would bark and wake my dad up and i wouldnt of been able to go because my dad would of been like OH HELL NO.but ya so we go to applebees and kc and beau start making fun of me for being straight edge so i gave them a few elbows to the face!because im a gangsta like that homie.so were all just sitting around making funnies and talking because its been ages since ive seen all of them because i moved outta aj back in 7th grade so ya.so kc steals my lip gloss so were like wreslting and he kept tickling me and i kept like kicking the table over almost. and john being a white trash whore tries to punch me with his braseknuckles and im like UM NO.and he kept trying to get the lip gloss outta kcs hand so i could fight him for it and kcs like no im having fun!ohhhhhhh i felt so cute when he kept putting his arm around me and biting me.so its like 11:15 and i have to be home by 11 30 so he head out and me beth kc and beau sit in the back of the truck and were still wrestling and we kept rolling around because john takes sharp turns so one minute id be on beau the next id be on kc then kc would be on me it was much funny. kc was my first ever like real crush and boyfriend he was like my first everything ill never be able to forget him.ever and i never will i sooooooo hope kc still/could like me again because we used to date like mad in junior high and + ricky kept saying that kc talks about me all the time and kc has told me that im gorgeous and i have a nice body and that theres something about me thats not like other girls..... AWWWWWWWWH its effing insane how much i liked/like this boy i feel like i could live on his every word I want something meaningful. Something I can lean on without worrying whether or not I'll fall over. Not a boyfriend but a bestfriend who's always there for me... &who'll kiss me &hold me.

teenage drama whore.

2004-10-24T22:34:58Z

joanna is such a effing hypocrite!!!!!!!!!
i didnt think she was like all them fake, slut girls
but she fucking is
and i wish she hadnt changed
ever since she started hanging out with katie and emily
bammmmmmmm shes a little bitch that needs her ass put in the right place

HYPOCRITE
HYPOCRITE

screw ryan he tells me one thng and does another
i dont like him anymore
i like marshal !!!! more then you like yourself
and i wont listen to any of you who try and tell me how horrible of a boyfriend he is
because its not true
all lies

does anyone wanna go on a misson with me
to rid the world
of fake backstabbing bitches??
i cant do it all alone

frienships last a life time.if they are true to your heart

2004-10-23T20:31:41Z

beth carrie joanna stephaine ryan marshal ty trace david megan ya but i feel horrible and sad because i really am starting to fall for ryan hes an all abercombie boy hes gorgeouf buttttttttt my friend joanna used to date him and she still really likes him and they are going to homecoming together GOsh ya and im a loser that doesnt have a date to homcoming...
ohhhhhhhhhhhh ya and at the homecoming game we lost of coourse but tylor and joshy went streaking across the feild at half time and the security guards were chasing them down it looooked so funny but joshy was running really slow and as he was hoping over the fence butt naked vin (the queer security guard) grabed him by the leg and pulled him down and in the process he busted a NUT ........... POOR JOSHY I FELT SOO BAD WHEN I HEARD .. and now hes going to get expelled and i wont be able to seem him anymore :(
but he should of expected that tho but whatever .... oh and i hate people that tell me they love me and they DONT i just want to effing slaughter them
ya tonights the dance i cant wait
we are going to look gorgeous or atleast i will
haha
but hopefully ill get to dance with ryan ,..... probley not but hey a girl cant dream cant she
ya beth spent the night last night
man shes so much fun
i hate not being able to hang out with her
her mom says we make bad decisons around each other so she wont let her hang out with me outta school
but we find our ways
TRICKY TRICKY
beth has fallen hard for one of our friends barrett , he used to really like her to but he also liked me eww but ya
and now im not sure if he still likes her because hes always talking about this girl joanna (not my friend) shes some senior
oh and ya hes a freshman and hes going after a senior which hell probley get but yaaaaaa
and i offically hate my friends sam and justin because they are perfect for each other and you can see it when they look at each other that they love each other and they will get married and have little evil children
Ahhhhhhhhhhh

i wish on a wishing star someone was wishing for me tonight