i think i might be bipolar. i don't understand my emotions. i might be manic-depressive.

no need to elaborate.





my birthday is coming up in about 3 weeks, give or take a few. i think i might celebrate it by getting stoned as hell. so if you know of anyone selling, please let me know. :/

i was in mcs yesterday checking out dvd's and happen to stumble on this pile of foreign artsy fartsy films. i didn't took notice at first. i was about to go home then but decided to just take a peek. to my surprise, second on the pile was a copy of science of sleep! i wanted to scream and jump up and down! that's probably how euphoria feels like. i can die now. i also bought a copy of solo con tu pareja, which is apparently alfonso cuaron's breakthrough film before y tu mama tambien, and a copy of pedro almodovar's volver. wait...... ok i can die now.

-

it's funny how descriptions on the back of pirated dvd's (what do you expect) sometimes don't make sense. this is what's written for science of sleep, as is:

White-collar drudge by day.Genius by night-and any other time likable. clever Stepjane (Gael Garcia Bernal) dreams. Because it's on his magic carpet of dreams where stephane headlines stephane TV,builds a mighty cut-and-paste wonderland.pens a bestseller and sweeps the lovely girl next door off her feet and into his arms if only he could make his dreams(at least the last one)come true!

Michel Gondry (Eternal Sunshine of the spotless Mind) writes and firects this quirky quixotic, constantly inventive romantic fantasy of imagination vs. Logic, dreams vs. Reality.Wake up and smell the possibilities. The science of sleep is a movie to amaze, dare and delight you...and to whisper to the dreamer within.


not to forget the subtitles. on some pirated dvd's they are sometimes funnier than the movie itself. take for example the polar express:

dialogue: merry christmas!
subtitle: christmas festival happiness


and also hannibal rising:

dialogue: he knows something
subtitle: soybean cake something

dialogue: good morning
subtitle: good afternoon

-

there's this sort of meme on the science of sleep website called what do you dream? it asks you multiple choice questions and somewhat interprets from there. mine says:

CREATIVE SAVANT
You are most unusual. You don't think like everyone else, and there's no reason you should. You have a rich fantasy life with lots of ideas and, yes, even visions cascading through your mind. Reality doesn't impede your progress, it simply keeps it on track. If you've found a way to channel your creativity, most people probably think you're brilliant. If, however, you're finding it difficult to distinguish between your fantasy life and real life for say - oh, 23 out of 24 hours - you might want to consider therapy or a career as a filmmaker.

-

i can't download shit on aurgasms cause they mostly use sendspace and sendspace always says Sorry, the free service in your location is too busy. i don't want to upgrade to sendspace max because you have to pay for it. how can life ever be fun if you don't get stuff for free? woe is me!!! huhuhu

and why do they always change http to hxxp? i don't get the point.

naiinis ako ke tyra banks. feeling nya sya si oprah. naiinis din ako ke oprah so mas lalo na sa mga oprah wannabes. pag napapanood ko yung tyra banks show mas lalo akong naiinis. kasi kapag ayaw nya yung guest o takot sya sa guest halatang nandidiri sya at feeling nya sya ang laging tama. minamaliit din nya yung mga guest nya na hindi "up to her standards". pinapakita nya na friendly sya at mabait pero halata sa mukha nya na jina-judge nya yung tao. minsan nga sinasabi na nya ng harapan. kung ako yung guest sasampalin ko sya kasi disrespectful yung ginagawa nya. what a fucking bitch. naiinis din ako sa karamihan ng mga kano. feeling nila superior race sila and they can get away with anything. hindi ko alam kung bakit considering that their president is an idiot. duhbyah!

nagfre-friendster ako kanina at nainis lang ako sa isang babae dun. chineck ko yung profile nya at naka private sya. naka messaging off pa. naisip ko lang na parang ang epal nya. hindi naman sya sikat. feeling ko ang me karapatan lang na mag private at messaging off ay yung mga sikat. at yung mga friends ko kasi friends ko sila ahehehe.

natapos na ko sa driving lessons ko pero hangang ngayon di parin ako marunong. lagi akong namamatayan ng makina. at naisip ko lang din, kahit naman matuto ako magdrive, di ko din alam ang pupuntahan ko. kasi wala akong sense of direction. pag pinagdrive mo ako papuntang glorietta/greenbelt/landmark/ayala di ko alam kung pano pumunta dun kahit taga makati ako. kahit na halos linggo linggo akong pumupunta dun at kahit na lagi akong hinahatid dun, di ko parin alam. siguro kapag ilang beses nako nagdrive papunta dun, chaka ko lang malalaman. pag kabisado ko na.

nabo-bore na ko sa buhay ko. minsan masaya, minsan parang gusto ko nang sabunutan ang sarili ko sa boredom. pero masaya.

also, katherine mcphee's eyebrows are annoying. i don't know why. and hilary duff's chin seems to get longer as she gets older. i also don't know why.

i never thought that this would ever happen to us. my mom, dad, sister and nephew had a car accident earlier. an armored car fell down from the skyway landing on part of the car in front of us and part of our car. one person died and some were rushed to the hospital. my family's ok but we are all in shock. our windshield smashed and the radiator broke. i'm sure you'll get to hear this on the news.

i'm still thankful that nothing happened to them or else i wouldn't know what to do. they were just inches away from getting hurt but i'm so glad and so thankful they came out ok. my dad is still in the police station until now and this happened around 5:30 in the afternoon.

i called the office and told them i woudn't be able to come to work. a lot of my co-workers texted me asking if we're ok.


i know i need to get out of my comfort zone. and i know that i should tell people that i love them more cause you never know what will happen tomorrow.

i'm so thankful for my family and for my friends and the lowlas.


i love you all ♥

i told my supervisor yesterday that i will already pass my letter of resignation. i think i caught him off guard cause he didn't say anything. later on we talked about it. i told him that i needed to rest cause i'm getting really stressed out. i said i was tired. he said if it's just rest that i needed he can give that to me. he said he will talk to our manager to give me several months off. i told him that after the vacation i will take, i no longer wanted to come back. i said i wanted a different career. i said i wanted to have my normal life back. he said he will give me 'till january to think about it. and when i'm really sure about it, just give him the letter then.

i miss having time for myself. i miss sleeping at night. i miss family days and family outings. i miss night outs with the lowlas...

so i'm coming back. it's time to move on...



and i wish you all a very merry christmas :)

The Bottom Line

Your conservative side has been in power too long. Let your wild child out!

In Detail

Your conservative side has been in power for a long time -- so today it's time to let your wild child out! For inspiration, let your nuttiest friends lead the way toward a wackier life for a while. You need a vacation from organization, a break from the staid stuff of life, and an overall mood renovation. It's time to revisit your childhood and stop taking things so seriously. You can safely take a break from grownup responsibilities right now.

so this means that i need to go out and partey! i think this is telling me that i also need to experience sssssssss hahaha :))

i know i should be getting out there socializing. but i actually consider myself a non-social creature. except for some close friends and family members. plus i have very low self-esteem so i'm not the type to mingle. i even hate sales ladies/sales gents walking up to me and asking how the fuck they can help me. if i need your help bitches i'd ask.

( look mama, i'm socializing!Collapse )


be still my ♥.

( BATEEEEEE!!!!!!!!Collapse )


~


this is long overdue but i'm happy for my brother cause he passed the board exams. even if we fight a lot and i don't really like him, he made me proud. congratulations engineer! :)

magtrabaho ka na bwiset! haha :))


~


in other news, bakit ang init parin kahit magpapasko na? parang summer pag kasikatan ng araw. hindi tuloy ako makatulog. gusto ko maranasan ang malamig na simoy ng hangin.


~


sana january na, para makapagpasa na ko ng resignation. sawang sawa na ko, i swear! nararamdaman ko nanaman ung pinipilit ko ang sarili kong pumasok. and i dread each fucking moment. each fucking second. i even hate seeing the office building from afar. lagi kong naiisip, putangina, eto nanaman, ayoko na. merong pinapasukan yung gf ng pinsan ko sa makati. part time lang tapos weekends lang ang pasok. at ang basic pay nya ay 14k. gusto kong lumipat dun. para pwede kong gawin yung gusto ko. marami akong panahon para magaral, magworkshops, magpaka-pretentious, o kaya magbu-business nalang ako.

i received this spam on my email in the office. i think it's a new version of pride and prejudice...

"we shall often meet, i hope, in hertfordshire."
"yes, she did."
another day i will do the same; i will sit in my library, in my nightcap and powdering gown, and give
"pray, my dear aunt, what is the difference in matrimonial affairs, between the mercenary and
"and if i had not a letter to write myself, i might sit by you and admire the evenness of your
conference with elizabeth related the event of the day before.
been deprived, by the folly and indecorum of her own family!
and beautiful jane and scatterbrained lydia.
elizabeth felt herself completely taken in. she had fully proposed being engaged by mr.
"my dear mr. bennet," replied his wife, "how can you be so tiresome! you must know that i am
and now i hope you are satisfied."
down to whist.
consequence to a father. and if you will stay another month complete, it will be in my power to take
are really angelic; i do not know what to say to you. i feel as if i had never done you justice, or loved
ceremony. if it be not so, let mr. darcy contradict it. besides, there was truth in his looks."
bennet to her daughter's room, in her dressing gown, and with her hair half finished, crying out:
"'tis too much!" she added, "by far too much. i do not deserve it. oh! why is not everybody as
"a thorough, determined dislike of me-a dislike which i cannot but attribute in some measure to
"he did not talk to me of his own arts," said fitzwilliam, smiling. "he only told me what i have
elizabeth would lead the way which the other as politely and more earnestly negatived, she seated
"if your master would marry, you might see more of him."


~

and i think i need to sign up on myspace because i want to see the pictures on this.

just for that.

but i'm thinking about it still because i said i would never sign up and be a myspace whore. i have friendster for that haha.

~

and how i'd die to be that dog.

*salivating*

~

( at patok parin sakin 'to hanggang ngayonCollapse )

i was riding the mrt on my way to work and i stood near the doors but close to the seats so as someone is sitting in front of me but sideways. there was this one woman, who was the one sitting in front of me, and she was like your ordinary office type woman in blouse and slacks. later during the ride, i noticed an insect crawling in her hair. i didn't bother with that but then i saw more. then i noticed white lice on other parts of her hair. then i freaked out. and i was thinking, what the hell woman?! you're too old to have kuto and lice! and my god, you're already even working! can't you at least afford a lice shampoo? or even a suyod at that?! and isn't that part of your life over yet? i thought that only happened to kids or young teens?! i guess not. i swear, i wanted to take that kuto and get a white paper and make tiris that kuto in the white paper.

+++++

i was walking in shangri-la mall, still on my way to work, then there was this woman dragging her feet across the floor. then the soles on her right sandal broke off. she did notice it because she looked back but then she just kept on walking. the people around her, especially the men, had puzzled looks on their faces. one even stopped and wanted to call out to the woman but then she was too far already. and me, i was just laughing my ass off.

+++++

i know i'm mean. i know karma will beat the shit out of me.
or has it already?
yea, maybe it already is.

+++++

and what happened to my beloved audiocafe? is this my karma? :(

hangang ngayon wala paring kuryente sa bahay. putangina. naiingit ako sa mga ka-opisina kong me kuryente na chaka naiingit ako dun sa isang kanto malapit samin. sila pa lang ang me kuryente sa barangay namin. anong silbi ng mga barangay tanod na yan lalo na ng gobyerno? pwede bang linis-linisin na ng mabilisan yang mga puno at billboard na nagkalat nang makakilos na rin ang napakakupad na meralco para ayusin yang mga lintik na live wires na yan para naman magkakuryente na noh! potah! anong silbi ng binabayad kong tax ha? para ibulsa nyo lang?! lintik magsikilos nga kayo!

dati ayaw na ayaw ko mamalagi dito sa opisina. ngayon, mas gusto ko na dito kesa sa bahay. ang aga ko pang pumasok ngayon, 2 hours before ng shift ko. ang saya diba. at wala akong ginawa buong weekend kundi tumambay sa mall at paguwi humiga sa kama. bagot na bagot na ko!

sabi ng meralco nung una saturday ng 6am me kuryente na. heller! anong petsa na? kanina naman sabi nila tuesday daw sigurado lahat me kuryente na. hay naku, asa ka pa! hoy, magi-isang lingo na kaming walang kuryente noh! tapos pag tumawag ka sa hotline ng meralco laging busy. anak ng tipaklong naman o. patayin nyo nalang kaya ako?!

chaka shempre, wala ding tubig at wala ding telepono. nagkakatubig lang pag madaling araw na. kumusta naman ang mag-igib ng madaling araw diba? putangina.



isang bagay lang ang kinatuwa ko ngayong araw na ito...
nanalo uste! go uste! :D



***

update as of tuesday, 5am: wala pa ring kuryente!

***

update as of tuesday, 7pm: potah! wala pa ring kuryente!

***

update as of wednesday, 7pm: punyeta! wala pa ring kuryente! sabi sa dyaryo 99% na ang me kuryente. so kami pala yung minalas na 1%. tumawag ako sa meralco, sabi nila ifo-follow up daw nila. sa isip isip ko lang, ULUL! ASA KA PA!

***

update as of thursday, 5am: isang lingo na kaming walang kuryente. hindi na talaga ito nakakatuwa :|

***

update as of thursday, 7pm: wala paring kuryente kasi me billboard na nalaglag sa isang bahay sa me kanto namin. ayaw daw pagalaw ng may-ari ng bahay yung billboard, kelangan daw bayaran muna sya. sira-ulo ba sya!? pagnakita ko yung gagung yun makakatikim ng bugbog skin yun e. kung gusto nya, sya nalang ang walang kuryente! wag na nya kami idamay! leche!

***

update as of friday, 8am: me kuryente na sa wakas! after 8 days me kuryente na din kame salamat naman! nagkaroon sya ng umaga saglit mga 5 seconds tapos nawala uli. tumatalon pa ko chaka sumisigaw nung nagkakuryente na tapos biglang nawala. nalungkot akong bigla. pinasabik lang pala ako. patikim lang. maya-maya after mga 1 hour nagkaroon na uli ng kuryente. hindi pa naman sya nawawala after nun. sana tuloy-tuloy na to.

♥ philippine holiday or u.s. holiday, we still need to go to work.

♥ mandatory overtime. working 13 hours with 1 hour lunch break and 30 mins coffee break.

♥ inability to file vl/sl without a lot of questions asked.

♥ lbm, headache, fever, etc. are not valid reasons to not go to work. we have medicines and clinic in the building.

♥ the elevator is so slow it can make you late for work.

♥ we can't have at least a bit of fun during work. we can't bring in mp3 players, cds/vcds/dvds, cameras, etc.

♥ we can't even surf the net cause most sites are blocked.

♥ no ym, msn, or any other messaging service.

♥ we can't save personal files/office pictures on your computer. office IT will get you.

♥ we can't do anything else after or before work because we're always sleepy.

♥ every move we make is monitored.

♥ i'm chained to my fucking phone.

♥ they want us to die first before we could not go to work.

i want my privacy dammit!

it's bad enough that i sleep during the day. it's even worse if people make stupid noises/shout when they can talk quietly during my sleep time. and what's even more worse is that they talk to me while i'm trying to sleep.

hoy! kung ayaw nyo magpatulog, matulog kayo! // biruin mo na ang gising, wag lang ang bagong lasing! hahaha ice braker lang :))

i wish i had my own room so i could lock myself in and no one could bother me. i can't do that since i'm sharing my room with my sister. and now, it seems that i'm also sharing it with my cousin and my aunt. too many people for one tiny room and it annoys the fuck out of me. i know it sounds selfish, but, what the hell, i am selfish! haha :P i can't sleep much if there's people around. especially if someone is lying down next to me. i can't move right. i want big spaces when i sleep cause i want the freedom to roll around from side to side and with my legs and my arms spread. i sleep better like that.

so all of this ranting means that i haven't had much sleep. and i am sleepy now.

trivia: most of my entries in this blog are about sleep.

does this mean that i love sleep more than anything else? :P

+++

gusto ko uli maging bum.

bum na me susmusustento.

+++

pwede ding bakasyon.

bakasyon na me sweldo.

+++

i still hate small talk.

alam mo yung feeling na pagkatapos ng rest day mo, tapos papasok ka kinabukasan? pagkagising mo to get ready for work, parang tamad na tamad ka. kelangan mong i-drag ang katawan mo at paa mo para lang makakilos. shet, ganun lagi ang nararamdaman ko. kahit hindi galing rest day, lagi na lang akong tinatamad pumasok. pero mas lalong nakakatamad pag galing rest day o bakasyon. parang feeling ko hindi ko na alam ang ginagawa ko sa buhay ko. parang araw-araw ganun nalang lagi. wala nang nagbago. parang nagtratrabaho ka nalang para sa pera. wala nang drive. hindi ka na masaya.

feeling ko kelangan ko mag-take ng risk. siguradong magiging exciting ang buhay nun kaya lang kung hindi nag-work, wala kang fall back. balik ka sa zero. yun lang ang nakakatakot. pero kung mag-work naman, baka maging masaya ka sa wakas.

ang problema, hindi ko na alam kung saan ako magiging masaya. parang nawala na yung passion. nawala na yung fire.

nung bagong graduate ako, feeling ko kaya ko lahat. feeling ko ang galing galing ko at swerte ang kumpanyang magha-hire sakin. (naks! ang yabang hehe :P) pero nagyon, hindi na ganun ang nararamdaman ko. parang lahat ng aspect ng buhay ko, me kulang.

gusto ko lang malaman kung anong sikreto para maging masaya at kontento. siguro alam ko na yung sagot. matigas lang talaga ulo ko.

minsan nga naisip ko mag-leave ng matagal. sabi kasi ng horoscope ko dati kelangan ko mag-soul search. yun yung sasabihin ko sa opisina. indefinite leave for soul searching. sana ganun lang kadali.





***

and my horoscope says...

You have been suffering from the distance between your partner and yourself, dear Taurus. If you are distressed that he or she is often away, today's planetary configuration will enable you to think about the situation. This aspect of your life is stressful and may be causing accumulated tension. You really should talk to your partner about this.

***

oh and before i forget, happy 1st birthday to my blog hehe :P i guess this is a tribute to you :))

i was riding the jeepney yesterday and in front of me were two men who looked like men but when they started to talk they sounded gay. i was thinking maybe that's just how they talk. they kept talking and their gestures and how they talked made me say to myself that yes, they are indeed gay. but after some time into their conversation, which i couldn't help but overhear, they started talking about girls. and what bothered me is how they talked about it. it's not even like the usual guy-pare talk. it's like the guy-pare-sleazy-locker-room type of talk. so hinatid mo ba babae mo pagkatapos? iniwan mo lang dun sa motel? and what's even more bothering is that they still sounded gay when they did that. i don't know if babae is their code for something else but it sounded weird. really weird.

+++

i still want a nokia 8210 and i think i wanna get rid of my current phone. but i still want a colored/camera/mp3/multimedia phone. but i still want a nokia 8210. maybe i just need to feel what it's like to own one then this phase will fade. yeah, maybe that's it.

+++

i also want to buy a video camera/digicam/pc cam/flash storage/voice recorder/webcam/mp3 player. but the essence of it must be a video camera with midi dv recording capabilities. and my budget is 10k. haha i'm such a cheap ass :P

+++

( a semi-pretentious text conversation between me and my former high school classmateCollapse )

you silly bitch you :P up until now, we are still into the same stuffs :)

***medyo edited na yan kasi tinatamad na kong magtype at me chismis sa isa naming kaklase noon. e bad ang magchismis, bad.

+++

oprah winfrey, teri hatcher, katie holmes and tom cruise, linsay lohan, mary kate and ashley, hilary duff and brad pitt still irritates the fuck out of me.

+++

learning digital arts is expensive. we need a cheaper alternative.

+++

high school musical is so teeny-bopperish it's funny.

i was just surfing the net and came across a picture of gaspard ulliel. after googling him up, i found out that he starred in a very long engagement. now i definitely have to watch that. i haven't had the chance to watch it yet since our pirated dvd copy of it seems to have gotten lost. now i have to buy every pirated dvd with him in it. shit, i have a girlish schoolgirl crush again *sigh*

( i'm salivating...Collapse )

overheard in a moviehouse...

kid 1: crying cause superman seems so helpless
kid 2: bubuhayin yan ng diyos, ano ka ba!

kids are so silly i love it just like miggy loves it.

i love it!




and i love downloading albums off the internet, i love it!

» i think i'm becoming a renthead

» i had a puppy for 10 minutes

» i lighted a cigarette just to kill a millipede (or that's what i think it is)

» i hate cockroaches in the bathroom

» i wasted 60 pesos for a lighter that doesn't work :(

» i bought a new book which i think i will not be able to read for a few months and will just gather dust in the shelf

» my P300 load only lasts for about a week

» i haven't seen/went out the lowlas lately

» i miss the lowlas

» i can no longer take the management's shit

» i want to learn web design

» i need a new job

» or maybe i'll just set up a business and be my own boss

» i feel that i am wasting my life

» i feel that i should be doing more but i am stuck in the corporate hellhole

» i have too many sneakers

» my dvd's have run out, i don't have anything to watch anymore

» i miss the artsy fartsy pirated dvd's in mcs

» it's already close to the end of the month of june yet it is still hot like summer.

» i have hatred for some people in the office

» i'll start to become a biotch in the office. so nobody mess with me mmmhmm *z snaps*

» it's starting again

» i'm such a lazy ass

» the pc is not getting any rest anymore

» i still haven't found any mj's

» my hair is slowly dying

» i'm having a lot of migraines lately

» i'm trying to learn how to photoshop but i feel i don't have the patience

» the philippines audibles in ym is hilarious :))

» i miss you

» i still hate small talk

» i miss being a kid

» some people are such white trashes

» make it harder for me, i'd still don't care

» i have lived the dream... then went back to reality

» everything bores me

» let's go to hong kong disneyland this december? :P

» audiocafe here i come :D

» i ♥ you :)

it's been a habit for a couple of days now that when i go home, i pop in some dvd i haven't watched before and, well, watch it.

my mom keeps telling me to watch date movie. she said it's hilarious but, i swear, it's the cheesiest, corniest, flop of a movie i've ever seen. start WARNING! wag nyo panoorin yan! kung napanood nyo man yan, i feel your pain. at kung sino man ang natuwa, ok. peace tayo :). end WARNING! i do admit that some parts are funny, but it's not funny hilarious or funny haha, it's more like funny hehe or funny shrug. the rest are all crap. thanks a lot.

i also watched orgazmo. it's also corny but not as much as shit film of the decade date movie was. it was so-so.

and then i watched me and you and everyone we know. shit. ang ganda nitong pelikula na to. pramis. mahal ko sya. idol ko na din si miranda july. gusto ko makagawa ng pelikula na ganito. haylurvehtverymuch. simple lang sya pero waw. parang simple pero rock! at chaka, it's like an art!


( a gad dom art! weeeee! :DCollapse )

( QUOTESCollapse )

i have a cold coupled with cough and now i have lbm. i don't know what the hell i ate but all i could remember was the sinigang i had before going to work and the siomai i bought for break. maybe it's the siomai since i saw a small hair in the pack. gross i know but i still ate it i just brushed the hair away. it's still siomai!!! haha :))

anyway before i got the cold, i had laryngitis, i think. i was losing my voice and it was hard to talk plus my throat hurt. i don't take vitamins and this got me to thinking that maybe i should. shet tumatanda na ko! literally too since i just turned 24 a few days ago.

the point of this entry is that even if all this shit is happening to me i'm still happy. naks emo hahaha. nde masaya lang talaga ako ngayon kasi i was transferred to last priority, so a big fucking YAY for that! :D

wow time flies by so fast. next thing you know it's may already. like in 2 hours! nonsense haha...

i thank youtube for all the entertainment i get during spare time in the office. like right now. i brought my own speaker (speaker lang talaga kasi isa lang sya, yung di na kailangang isaksak sa outlet) so i can watch in full glory. but sometimes i watch asianovelas so i don't have to use the speaker cause it has subtitles already. it's better with speakers though but what the hell.

i've been watching love contract for a couple of days now. IT HAS SUBTITLES! :D it's ok but it's so predictable cause it has the same premise as like all the other asianovelas. guy hates girl. girl hates guy. girl is mean. guy is mean but he takes all the girl's shit cause he is in some kind of a bet or something of that sort. guy falls for girl. girl falls for guy. but it won't have a happy ending yet cause girl finds out about the "bet". girl rans away. guy chases girl but girl won't talk to guy. they don't see each other for a long time. guy does something extraordinary. girl falls for guy again. the end.

i know it'll always have the same premise, hey maybe one of them will have amnesia too, but it's fun to watch it nonetheless. so YAY FOR SUBTITLES! :P