xxx.

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2003-12-03T21:40:21Z

ive moved.

thethe__empty

greener grass.

i know what she says with her eyes

2003-12-01T07:15:36Z

his voice is cola, i feel like pop rocks; together we explode. mine is the only number in his little black book; i sleep with the phone by my ear. does anyone have a code? im so over this.

boys are the only drug that break my heart

2003-11-28T07:07:51Z

'we need to quit everything except for smoking and eachother.'

when shes pressed she will undress

2003-11-24T04:13:15Z

they both slept with different people last night; they both say they love me. &i wonder if either of the girls [quote/unquote, darlings] know about me; his achilles heel who is 6 days away from being 2 months gone, the forbidden snowflake he always melts for. while im sure my name is not pillowtalk, if you dusted these boys for fingerprints mine would be all over, in the softest places.

hold yr breath& count to ten

2003-11-19T20:32:04Z

its snowing& im in the basement; one small window, no new messages. everything but my heart is on mute. lets pretend yr driving over for cuddling, coco and billie holiday albums. im in the basement, yr in the sky. yr morse code is covering up the dial tone; my makeup from yesterday is still perfectly applied. im in the basement baby. drop on by.

god god god.

2003-11-18T08:25:06Z

~~i have never had my heart this severely broken by voicemail.~~

highschool called and they want their drama back. i am awful. i am sorry. i am civilized. my feelings are not.
please understand.

pills

2003-11-15T21:30:04Z

his hands> cupped around my hands> cupped around a flame; you can hardly tell the difference between the smoke& our breath - its all the same soft white, the same peace of mind. he smokes like james dean& im waltzing a few steps ahead, the next cigarette already against my lips.

drink dance

2003-11-12T07:53:50Z

my hair isnt as long as it used to be. i tell him to come over after work; i'll tell him to touch me; i have told him to watch out. &he will come over; but he wont touch me; because he sees. stop signs, blinking lights; my body is a demolition. in fucking progress. no one will even come close; they all have eyes in the back of their heads, on their fingertips, their lips. its been years since ive felt like this. my skin isnt as soft as it used to be.

kdlsjfkljrewukjg

2003-11-09T19:23:17Z

OMGWTF ITS MY BIRTHDAY!? for my birthday my parents got me : cookies, ice cream, HUGE candy bars, THREE ashtrays, matches, and a pack of lighters. they are trying to make me fat and full of cancer! birthdaybirthdaybirthday WTF?!

>>pause

2003-11-07T08:26:40Z

he is over my nectarine kisses, he gets butterflies when we kiss, he doesnt kiss& tell, &he [!] touched my arm in the hall today, which felt like a kiss. he tickled my hips, he just wants to touch me, he bit the tendons in my neck, &he [!] played with his hair, which looked like a shock. &i cant stop rubbing small circles into my skin, figure eights and all of their names. but fingerprints dont last, and my lipstick doesnt either.

lets drop this beat!

2003-11-06T05:41:10Z

i just think that everyone should know this - stormy, jessica and i are starting a band called GYRATION NATION. we are going to have a rythmn sythesizer& a casio keyboard. in our songs we will : spell things out, count things down, say 'shake it!' ALOT, and add handclaps to EVERYTHING. our first album is going to be called HIGH FIVE AWESOME POWER - because we like to high five alot. we promise we will BOOTY DANCE ALL THE TIME. our first single is going to be called DIGITALLY MANIPULATE ME because we hate the term 'fingerbang' and would like to be digitally manipulated instead.

WE ARE GOING TO ROCK YOU LIKE WOAH!

at 2 am; at 3 am; &at 4, 5, 6, 7; &endlessly.

2003-11-04T22:29:15Z

the last thing i saw before i died and came back was the dial tone& in the two seconds i saw it one second was a minute. and im still seeing yr lips at the other end of the wires, because the last second lasted forever and forever's until now. but its hard to wake up when you just stand up and shut up and get the fuck out. and close the doors. you've got alot to show for having no eyes& ive got stop stop falling for you - i just end up tumbling down the stairs, head over heels, heart over ribcage, always.

always.

i never wanted anything from you,

2003-10-30T07:40:49Z

sometimes i dont want to love you anymore. ~~sometimes i want to be left the way i was before.~~ the ring you gave me is the only piece of jewelry i wear, &sometimes when i touch it everything, it all just, every[&any]thing, god, it just _____stops. oh, the end.

we've got the fashion; we always lie.

2003-10-29T18:21:01Z

endless glasses of red wine& four.four.four cameras later; there wasnt much dancing to be had, but i laughed& touched my hips anyway. a pack of cigarettes& fifteen degrees cooler; the barometer is dropping& so is my heart. lets go to bed.

hi, my name is the deconstruction of love -

2003-10-27T18:49:56Z

i am living in a clinical blue; hospital socks& bruised arms. i am keeping things from everyone; you dont know about _____, you dont know that i _____, you dont know how i still _____. &YOU are breaking my heart on a daily basis. &i, personally,
i just dont give a fuck.

i'll kiss you two times

2003-10-25T21:28:23Z

/start pointless post.

today has taught me 3 very important things:

1. the band journey had their own VIDEO GAME
in the 80's. it is my new goal in life to own it.

2. madonnas song 'dress you up in my love' is perfect;
you can dance to it in yr bathroom, bedroom, or kitchen,
while wearing a boys t-shirt and high heels,
and you can feel beautiful. ideal.

3. KELLY OSBOURNE IS IN MY FRIENDSTER NETWORK. OMGWTF?!
really. i am TWO people away from her.
you can almost SEE HER BOOBS in her user picture!
EVERYONE IS JEALOUS, I KNOW IT! [errr .. ]

uhm ...

/end pointless post.

1 and 1 is 1

2003-10-25T06:05:19Z

&so i'll say it again - this time is over; we've been here too long - the cut of my tounge and the chainsaw. 'cause honey, you make it hard to live in this town. i'll kick him in the aaah .. h - you know what? i'll call you soon.

lets get over eachother

2003-10-21T16:46:03Z

windowpanes are swallowing up the curve of the road, the curb& the cusp of the sky; where it blends from here& there, where it becomes endless. i know all these streets by heart, with my eyes closed& by the back of my hand. &i am talking to sweet new faces, &you are living in the library, &we are forgetting. i left 23 days ago, baby, and already, already, i can see these roads s_t_r_e_t_c_h_i_n_g_ beyond us. yr voice is changing. because this is not a fairytale. because there is no reason for me to dream of memorizing a different city. because everything was perfect, untill the telephone started ringing;ringing;ringing.

im a modern girl

2003-10-15T18:35:53Z

my fingertips are freezing cold; when i touch myself it all just feels like so much white noise. &it makes me cry, this all day darkness, waking up to everything that isn't here. these are times that cant be weathered& we have never been back there since then.

THE FINALE! <3

2003-10-12T04:48:33Z

goodbye, goodbye, goodbye.

im thinking of a song or two

2003-10-11T04:05:38Z

i am becomming softer; layers upon layers of thin pastel blankets& flowered pillowcases, creme coloured pearls around my wrist, sweater sleeves lingering over my fingertips. my cheeks are such a pink& my lips taste like orchids, moist& parted. &he is the four leaf clover i keep in my back pocket; the silver lining under my pillow. i touch his edges over the wires& it makes me feel beautiful to have my heart broken remarkably in the most important place. he is my crossword puzzle - whats a 9 letter word for raspberries?

it just feels good

2003-10-09T19:38:18Z

it's become just like a chemical stress, tracing the lines in my face for something more beautiful than is there. i've barely been gone.

blank eyed

2003-10-05T11:08:45Z

i need to stop wondering about the difference between blue skies& suffering.

CUSP: 1. a point at which a curve crosses itself and at which the two tangents to the curve coincide

2003-10-04T05:55:37Z

im eating frozen oranges& tiny slivers of chocolate, creme de caramel tea with too much milk&sugar; baby, its spilling over the edges. you're such a cusp!

i dont want us to only be a fond memory. we never even got to play baseball.

2003-10-03T17:11:13Z

&i feel like i have _________nothing, inside of me, anymore. time is tripping along the edge of my memory; 5 days gone, tomorrow 6, and eventually it will chain<>link into weeks, months, years. &i am left with :: a houndstooth purse that can carry much more than meets the eye, a broach that blossoms where his hands used to be, sunglasses that i cant even wear under this insatiably grey sky, &unformed plans of buying a car& leaving these damp leaves behind. where am i going? you tell me, baby. you tell me.