WARNING: Things are about to get serious and heartfelt around here. If such things are not to your liking, please feel free to scroll down to the Queen Bandora/Rita Repulsa Memorial Post and look at the silly pictures.
Those of you who know me know also of sting_of_fate, a.k.a. That Woman.
A while back I was drunk/intoxicated/not in my right fucking mind and I posted a very immature and disrespectful entry that acted as the firing pin in a Nuclear Bomb of Drama that had been boiling quietly beneath the surface for almost a year. This entry brought events to a point I had in fact been planning on reaching, only sometime later on like in fall or winter. To put it simply, bad shit happened, everything went wrong, and the whole damn mess pretty much blew up right in my face.
That was almost a week ago.
I've been thinking about the whole thing ever since then. I can't seem to get it off my mind.
The other night I was chatting with a friend from Momo-Con about it and he suddenly asked me a question about the situation that threw everything I had been thinking and feeling into focus:
"Why?"
I couldn't answer. I thought I had the answer, but when I looked for it...there was no answer.
After that I spent some time thinking about sting_of_fateand the things she had been through up to this point....
An event occured that caused her to pack up everything and move to Saint Petersburg Florida.
She barely knew anyone and stayed with friends until she made enough to get by on her own.
After meeting ![[info]](http://p-stat.livejournal.com/img/userinfo.gif) bsaes, Hurricanes Katrina and Rita hit. She moved back to Georgia to be with him.
She's had stalkers and fanboys pester and harass her.
She's had to fight and struggle for every last bit of happiness, in a life that is from my view a very uphill battle.
She stands by her friends like a mother, and I've no doubts she'd fight to the death for them.
She's suffered through heartbreak, sorrow, illness, loneliness, adversity, and almost overwhelming odds.
If Death Itself were to stare her down she'd probably laugh, spit in it's face, and pimpsmack it onto it's ass.
Even now I can't remember why I wanted to stand against her. Even now I can't recall a single thing she did that would merit my wrath and enmity to any degree....even if I could, it couldn't compare with the shit she's been through. The stuff I've been through is almost like nothing compared to her trials and tribulations.
Then, yesterday, I was looking through one of my copy of "Zen Flesh, Zen Bones" and came across a story....
(Not verbatim, mind you)
Tanzan and Ekido were walking down a muddy road. A heavy rain was still falling.
As they turned a corner they came across a lovely young girl dressed in a beautiful kimono on the corner, who needed to cross to the other side but could not because of the mud.
Tanzan said "Come on, girl." and lifted her up and carried her over to the other side of the road. The other monk was greatly disturbed by this, but said nothing until they reached a lodging temple later that night.
"We monks aren't supposed to go near girls, especially young and lovely ones like her. It is dangerous." he said.
"I left the girl by the road," Tanzan replied. "Are you still carrying her?"
After reading that it felt like my mind flew wide open. Every negative thing I had ever once felt about vanished.
All I felt was regret. She deserves respect, and admiration, for all that she has accomplished.
She is now to be married this September during AWA. I can honestly say I am happy for her and wish her and bsaes nothing but the best.
She is now pregnant. I can honestly say that I am happy for her and bsaes, and I am praying (and burning incense!) for a safe delivery.
In the end, I think she is a good person who anybody should feel honored to call a friend; and I have done her a great disservice with immature and disrespectful words.
I feel this needs to be said, and so have I said it. |
content
sad
pleased
hopeful
tired
determined
silly
contemplative
Repentant
guilty
quixotic
amused
