I hate feeling like this. It comes on like a cold. At first, you just feel a little uneasy and needy; wanting cuddles and reassurance. Then it's an almost physical sickness. You might talk normally, but everything you say feels hollow, however important or unimportant. Then the feeling in the chest; heavy and painful. And far from being due to heartburn or eating too much. This stays present as a sensation attacks the wrists and arms, drawing attention to them and making you want to slice them straight through.


I never know whether writing things down helps or makes it work. Catharsis versus paying attention to that which ought to be ignored. Also, I never know whether I can relate it to happenings or whether it slithers in without any reason. Or whether it comes from doing nothing and allowing the brain to go fallow.