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[Sep. 4th, 2008|11:46 am] |
| [ | mood |
| |  confused | ] |
Half way thru reports...YEY!
I had a dream last night that woke up both me and the baby. I dreamt that Jon and I had Quadruplettes. 2 boys, 1 girl and a very very premature girl. I dreamt that I had to bring them home and when I got there, my dad was waiting for me. To see the babies and to ask me why I have abandoned him and ignored him.
After puttig the babies to bed I went down stairs to confront my father that waited for me angrily. (keep in mind, my dad has never rasied a hand to me, he has a temper, but he has never hit any of his family).
All I know is I was screaming at him that he was a bad father, that he was a terrible husband and that he left us, lied to us and forced us into harder times because he couldn't keep his dick in his pants for a year or two. My dad yelled back at me and then he stormed out. I was scared as he left because he was so angry. I locked the door behind him and went to call Jon and tell him to come home quick.
Suddenly my dad burst into the house, breaking the door and started beating me like I was a 12 year old boy. He was screaming at me that I was spoiled and rotten and didn't deserve to live.
I was bleeding from all over, I couldn't walk, I couldn't scream either. I was trying to reach my phone and then...I woke up.
My heart was racing and I was crying. The baby was kicking me like crazy and I couldn't catch my breath.
I sat up for a while and then slowly fell back asleep. Then I started having dreams of trying to breastfeed and failing miserably and becoming frustrated.
That is the LAST time I read any baby books before bed. |
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| hello |
[Aug. 29th, 2008|03:32 pm] |
| [ | mood |
| |  contemplative | ] |
this place seems to have died just after I joined -.-
anyway...hello, I'm "Muse" and I <3 The Birthday Massacre
( sketch ) |
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| Walk walk Walk |
[Aug. 28th, 2008|03:37 pm] |
| [ | mood |
| |  anxious | ] |
Off to the gym for the 4th time this week...
Then HOA Board meeting stuff. Time to perform my Civic Duty.
Jon made the most amazing Chicken and Biscits last night that I could eat them forever. For SURE, a "Stranded on a desert island food" take along. It is by far one of my favorite dishes now.
Time for more walking and bike riding...then a well deserved dinner.
Have I mentioned that I love Project Runway and have been liking the "innovative" way they are making these designers really reach to accomlish things this season. The Drag show could of been better becuase no one really took it to the next level they could of. I really hate the "tanorexic" guy, he needs to GO! Watch, now he will win. |
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| Current thoughts and views |
[Aug. 27th, 2008|10:21 am] |
| [ | mood |
| |  full | ] |
Waking up: When you have an 89lb dopey pup acting as your support pillow for your belly and sleeping with his head on your lower abdomen, next to the baby you are carrying...waking up is pretty nice and lovey feeling.
Work: I work to live...although our society makes it so we have to work to live. We all need purpose, and if mine is to to type up some reports once in a while, answer a phone, send a few emails and learn a new language so i can have money to buy things for my family and the few hours of entertainment I get away from work...then so be it. I enjoy my job, I just wish I didn't have to have one.
Love: It is a many splendid thing. When I think of love I think of Loss. I think of the true sacrifice people make to fall in love with one another, to have NO IDEA what happens in death and to just know that right now, they live to love one another and hope and pray that they can spend eternity together. Maybe eternity doesn't exist, or maybe we will be reincarnated to just forget our lovers and children, but right now...right now we are brave to find love and to hold onto it in hopes that we can have it forever, making the most out of each day we do have it. I dont believe that "all you need is love" common sense, dedication, and kindness are what make things work as well. Having more than one "love of a lifetime" is not a bad thing, having anought love to make one person feel something special for a breif moment in their life is a gift. But finding that "one" person, is a feeling that nothing can match.
Children: I would love to have 3 or 4...but I dont think I will make enough money in this lifetime or have a big enough house to be able to support that many. Starting a family is a life changing feeling and is so nice, but being able to bring enough bread to the table and support them is very important. I understand that people would sacrifice anything for their kids, but when those sacrifices still are not enough to provide, why give up your life completely to not know anymore life after your children. I will give my child everything I can that still allows me to function properly. I am so excited for our new baby boy.
God: Too many ideas, too much jesus talk, too many stories, too many lies, too many possibilities and wayyyy too many pushy religious types that think there is only one answer and they have it. Look folks, believe in what you need to, to get you through life. It doesn't matter what it is. Having faith in something to get you through a day, talking to something that some people believe isn't there, or asking something to forgive you because you can't forgive yourself is not all so bad if it keeps you happy. We are all different, there is only one right answer and we wont know it until we die, until then, Life is a gift, so believe in what you need to as long as it doesn't hurt others. I know there is some CRAZY shit out there that folks think is real, but what it comes down to is NO ONE knows what comes after death!!! So talk to your invisible man in the sky, pray in your groups, sing to your pews, kneel to your watchtowers, give your money away, burn your insense and bow your heads at your meals...if that is what makes you happy, do it. Just dont shove it in fistfuls my way because you assume you are right, (and yes- it is an assumption). If I'm willing to accept you for who you are and your ways of life, accept mine and dont try to change me. It will only make me less happy with our relationship and prove how conditional your love is.
That is all I have for now...gotta do some work. |
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| Nuclearfest 2008 |
[Aug. 24th, 2008|11:46 am] |
| [ | Current Location |
| | Washington, DC | ] |
| [ | mood |
| |  working | ] |
| [ | music |
| | dharmata 101 - "Emoticon" | ] |
Nuclearfest 2008 - the second installment of Washington DC's new industrial festival, featuring some of the best in local talent along with regional independent acts! This year's festival will take place on Thursday, September 4th at Town Danceboutique in Washington, DC. Presale tickets will be available shortly!
( Confirmed bands & DJs for this year's festival. More to be announced over the following days. ) |
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