||[09 Mar 2008|11:11pm]
So, when Ian came to pick me up last night, he and Elyse told me what they didn't want to via telephone...Taniste died. I cried and cried and got eucalyptus (sp?) and baby's breath and tied them with twine and put them on the little grave they made in the drive at the spot where he'd lay in the morning before the sun rose all the way. Now I'm glad I got those scars because I can have a connection to a wonderful dog I really, really loved whenever I look at my battleworn fasage!
I guess things officially changed in my head when I was so close to the person I needed and didn't feel like I could go and be held while I cried. I cried more.
I'm my support system now. Then again, I'm not sure that ever really changed.
I'm going to miss Tan so god damned much. I'm glad he didnt suffer and didn't have to be exterminated, but it's not fair. I can never walk him down Deerwood again, never race him up the driveway- I'll never have to wash my hands after I snuggle him because he smells of pond water. It breaks my heart so much. I sort of got to say goodbye. He died the last night I was there after I left, and I said "Bye, Taniste, I love you, I'll see you soon."
There I go again with the water works.
It’s all over, he’s never coming back. There’ll be no more roaming. He was only here for fourteen years, and now the branches scratch my face and I can’t hold back my tears. He was in this world, by my side he was curled, but he came uncurled and this world holds him that much tighter.
I love you, Tan.