_more than words could say

I finally went to the place of my accident yesterday (Tuesday) after class so I can take pictures of the intersection and show them to my lawyer, as he requested it yesterday during our meeting. The first few minutes was fine... just looked around and I have no recollection of what happened. I saw down near a tree and waited for southbound streetcars to pass by so I could take another picture of how streetcars stop behind one another... tears started to form and next thing I knew I was crying. Remembering that the accident was the beginning where my life started to go downhill and ended up where I won't say its in chaos but it's a path that I regret having to take and its not easy. Life has just become meaningless, and I have no motivation whatsoever to do anything. I would do things but there's no motivation int anything anymore. I hate the accident, who doesn't hate/dislike accidents. But I hate it because my life has changed drastically. It's something that I would never would anticipate happening nor think that I couldn't make it through. This intersection makes me think that life just stops for a little while enough for you to make a decision and then it moves on, like a streetcar. Like streetcars, our lives cross once but we had to separate. We were on the same streetcar once but we have to leave... in the end. No matter how I don't like the outcome, I know I have to move on. But saying is different from actions. I know I have to but could I?

I really dislike going downtown nowadays... I want to minimize going downtown as much as possible. But having all my classes in one day from 10-8... I don't know if I want to do that. I thought about if I just jump into the traffic right at intersection, then in a sense I could just die right there, where the accident happened, where everything went downhill. The accident allowed me to live but I have no desire to move on... This thought stayed in my mind for a while... although I know if I have the courage to commit suicide, I should put this courage into continuing to live.

They say running away doesn't solve anything. The problems remain unsolved. But what if its unbearable? Who can you turn to? I have no one to turn to. If death was the answer, the problems remain unsolved but no more do I have to suffer. Then won't the problem of suffering be solved. Just different methods are/were chosen.

everyone one is leaving me... those that i loved and were loved by, those that i turn for help, those that i trusted all these years.

am i thinking too much? am i just over thinking?

of all ppl, i never thought she'd do this to me. almost a decade of friendship. i brought her out to meet my friends this past saturday. next thing i know is she went out to watch Dark Knight with them on Monday. she even has the nerves to tell me I was with henry. WTF? first of all, did anyone of u call to check if i was free? Monday night hello! second of all, you saw me on sunday night, you drive me home after having dinner with them.

what a lame excuse. u of all ppl didn't call. then u have the guts to tell me not to be mad. what i introduce u to my frds so you can steal them? dam, have some respect for me please. if i met your frds and they call me out for dinner etc, i would ask them if you are coming, etc. you have the guts to tell me i was with henry when YOU didn't call, you drove me home the previous night. sure i spend nights with henry but what made you assume that you didn't have to call. no wonder you didn't pick up when i call u monday night, which you usu pick up when you are busy, in theatre. cause are u just afraid? yea enjoying great time with my frd. we promise each other we'd go see it together. and i even ask these frds if they wanted to come couple times. i think neither you guys would forget? are u just thirsting for men? that's why you didn't bother to ask me to come?

what makes me most upset and most frustrated is that you have the guts to say "you were with henry mah". wtf u didn't even call to check. neither u guys called. next thing that makes me really mad is that these are friends that i introduce you too just a few days before all this happen. sure i understand you guys have a lot in common. but hey i'm the one here that connected you all, and you guys just forgot about me. not even a call? do u guys want to find a gf that badly? do u want a bf that badly? that really upsetted me. how easily i can be forgotten nowadays... making good friends is hard. finding friends for life is even harder.

that's why i never bring friends to gatherings, i had this happen to often. ppl just forget about me. i thought i can rely on our friendship during this difficult time in my life. but no. from earth, trying to go towards heaven, you brought me down to hell. i tried to go out with friends to social more with them, to get to know them better, and to forget about pain. but all this just shows me that i dun need frds anymore. all i need is myself and money. i can rely on money not to betray me, not no give me pain, not upset me, not to make me frustrated.

i feel so dam used, after all you've said today. i feel being used is my own stupidity. a piece of advice to girls, as most of you might know: "do not show up at someone's door" (in chinese). it's the most stupid thing a girl can do to herself. a piece of advice to everyone: "when you think of sth, just do it. you'll regret more for not doing it".

my time was all over the place after my trauma. hello???? trauma! do i need to spell that out. i had a concussion to my f**king brain. i need time to set my time right. i know i said things i shouldn't have said, but that happened right after i got out of the hospital. i was f**king forced, if u didn't knew. fine u didn't knew, dun you think im confuse after the accident, everything is so fucking mess up, i was in the hospital for god sake for 4 days! i should've called you, i shouldn't put all the blame on you. i should've called to clarify things,that i didn't mean it. but in just two weeks time after June, after my accident, sth just "clicked" for you, that made you realize that feelings for me has been dying, that you could get yourself a gf instantly??? i feel f**king used. i was just a sex toy for someone in June. yea in a guy perspective, a f**king pretty girl showed up at your door, might as well f**k. if i put myself back into that 2 weeks time frame (after June, after my accident), i was just starting to set my times right, get things done, starting to think back what i've decided before my accident. which was to be WITH you. if being in trauma with everything coming down onto me is not a good reason, then iono what is.

i thought you were understanding that i needed more time to set things right after my accident. i needed time get my pace back to where it used to be, then i could get things done. i know that you've waited for a loooong time already. but i also thought that June meant sth to us. but apparently in two weeks time after June, sth "clicked" for you. this makes me feel used. that in 2 weeks time, you "clicked" and asked another girl to be ur gf. it makes me wonder if you guys started in June. even if you didn't, i feel so used. i'm just another stupid girl.

i thought after all that has happened, there would be some understanding without saying. you think it is fun to cheat twice? i thought spending June with you almost daily, means sth. i know that you don't have any obligations to wait for me after all this time. but you think it is fun to cheat twice, to betray again, to betray someone who has given you full trust after they knew? you thought i didn't cry nightly thinkinng what the f**k am i doing to my bf???? i'm cheating again with the same person. does this mean sth????

i thought me calling you out for dinner, drinks, etc meant sth. i thought spending daily with you in ur arms showed you sth, that i saw you everyday in June. i know i've did this to you before, hence it's also understandable you'd lose trust with me. but i was hospitalized, can't you give me some more time? i was gonna break up with him after my exam. i thought exam first, exam important. but who would know i got myself into an accident, hospitalized, and turned everything upside down.

i know that some words, some actions, that are said and done cannot be taken back. i regret i said those words, that made this all change. but this still doesn't change the fact i feel used, that all the time we spent in June was just another f**ker's day for you. sorry's can't change this feeling you've gave me. maybe it's what goes around, comes around. i did this to you for the passed year and a half, and now it's my turn to suffer. but just so you know, i wasn't using you to satisfy my want. definitely not for all those times in June.

this may sound contradictory to all that i've said above but i now sincerely wish you the best. and that we both can learn our mistakes. i'll let time do its healing.

How high will I have to fly
Before I can no longer see you
Who are so far away
It may become easy if I turn my eyes away
But I want to always keep
Gazing at you from somewhere
Because there's no way I could forget about you

I can do nothing but look up at the sky
Just like a little caged bird
I wander about aimlessly, looking for a window
I want to see you right now because I love you

Although I want to run away
Because I'm afraid of being hurt
And even if my wings get caught
By invisible restraints
You are still the one I care for
Even to the point of tears


Was catching up on anime, and I heard this ending song. I usually just forward to the next episode but this song really caught my attention. It sounded lovely yet melancholy at the same time. It describes certain thoughts at the moment. I don't know if this is a direct translation but I copied it from the anime. There are other translations available.

It's been a while since I blogged on Xanga, and so I started to blog here and there. A lot of things have changed, I guess except Xanga's blog. Still looks the same since 2005. Still same song. More than words.... I used that song as my page's song. And I've used these same words for my LJ's username, except I accidently changed my paged by accident. Just press the wrong button and all changed. Same with life. Deciding which is more me at the moment... nthtodo or morethanwords... I do have nothing to do at the moment, and its to the point that I start to think unneccessary stuff. Which usually means my mind just wanders back to things that I've always denied thinking about, things that I just put away into the tiny black corner in my head. I do not like nothing to do. It makes me think about things that I don't want to think. I guess this is why I always like the company of others, this is why I'm clinging, this is why I can't make the right decision until it was too late. Just too late.

They all say better late than never. I don't know. At the moment I just hope that the accident did not happen. Cause after the accident everything went downwards. The first line of this song "More Than Words" really brings back a lot of memories. How can I say... my life seem to be in chaos since the accident. Lots of things happening. Have to appeal for OSAP, have to set up special services with UT, have to find myself a lawyer, etc. All these things I've delayed doing until last week. Why did I delayed them.... Why... I should've known that delaying would slow things down, would affect a lot of things, would cause more trouble (whatever it is). Like finding a lawyer, I did not find myself until it was a week before I had to file my claims in, which I already had 3 weeks prior to do. Like filing for OSAP, I know I need to get OSAP before school starts, but yet I detailed till last week. Now I'm panicking about school fees. Like accessibility services, I know the month of August is especially busy, and I know that UT is usually booked, but I still waited until last week. *sigh* Delaying... Denial... funny how they both start with "de" and are connected.

I know my friends are trying to guide me at the moment. But I want that instead of over the phone, it's in person so I can have someone to be there with me. This is the problem I have. I always want someone with me. I don't like the "what if there's no". I am afraid. They've been trying to tell me that I need to be strong and stand up for myself. But it's just without anyone there I get so lonely. And loneliness causes me to think about stuff that I don't want to think about anymore. Stuff that I makes me cry until I can't cry no more. These memories and thoughts make me relive things that I have and/or should've done. Things that make me either cry or hope for the best. But these hopes also bring me down back into the black pit. I don't like this pit a single bit. No one does. Thus, I don't want to hope for the best. I don't want time. Cause times makes me hope for the best. I have used time as an excuse before to hope for the best to happen. But this time has brought me down to the deepest and darkest pit I have been. It has changed a lot of things. This time was me being in denial.

Thus, I prefer to just cry nowadays. Cry it all away and just hope that when it's a new day, I'll have something else to think/do. I tried to occupy myself with things to do. I tried watching tv. But those commerical breaks doens't help me one bit. I tried shopping, but 1. there's no one I want to shop with 2. I just walk around aimlessly, with no mood to even browse at anything. I tried to read, but nothing interests me. I tried going out with friends. Sometimes that helps, sometimes it doesn't. I need to be fully active to be able to not think about how long time is. Sometimes I think its just the friends that I am with. Those that don't know anything, I feel I can truly just be absorbed into what we are doing. Like my UT friends, and thankfully they are done exams now. But since the one that usually plans things left, I have no desire to see the rest. But if its my friends that I've known since high school times, I tend to avoid. They know me too well. Or do they think they know me?

It's the feeling that they have known me too long that I don't want them to know what I am thinking at the moment. I am an very ugly person deep inside. People may say I look beautiful, pretty, cute, sexy, lovely because of my looks, but deep down I'm very ugly. I'm not saying this because I want sympathy. It's because its how I feel. I would go to all my UT friends' gatherings, but tend to avoid high school friends' gatherings. It's because I feel wrong. I feel that I don't fit in anymore. I feel that what they thought of me was all a mistake. My UT friends don't know me, I can be a new person with them. I don't have to worry about what they will think of me once they know who I was before and who I am deep down.

Deep inside, I'm a very selfish, self-centered (as he said once) person. I never believe that I was self-centered until he said it. As the past month passed, I start to believe he was right. I am a self-centered person. I'm selfish, I do things that only makes me feel happy or makes me feel comfortable. I don't care what others think as long as I'm happy. No that's not it. I don't care if I hurt others in the process of making me happy. It's been all about me all along. Me being in denial was and IS a selfish and self-centered act. Because I want someone there, I'm hurting others along the way...

I miss you baby. I'm sorry for being unable to spend as much time as I usually would- whether on phone, on msn, and in person (rarely but special right?) - but at this moment my best friend Clara means a lot to me. I want to spend as much time as I can with her before she leaves for HK this Friday. Who knows? She may not be coming back to T.O to live.

But this does not mean I don't miss you. I miss you a lot hubbie! <3333 I know you'd understand. =) Sorry for the rush of on the phone and on msn. Phone call was a bit rushed and not as long as I hoped it could be, but I'm at Clara's and she needs her phone line free at the time I called you. Msn was rushed because we were about to leave for movie. *muah*

I love you hubbie. (chubbie hubbie XD)

<3 Love & missing you,
vaNi

After days of resting from TNM 2006, time to update la.

Wednesday, July 5^th, 2006.

After work, Nixon came to pick me up all dressed up that I didn't even recognize him. Here's bits of our convo, some translated into English from Canto.

me: "Where are you?"
Nixon: "I see you, are you standing by the fire hydrant?"
me: "Yea... but I still don't see you."
Nixon: "I'm right in front of you."
me: *searches for Nixon* "Eh... I don't see you wor."
Nixon: "I'm walking towards you"
me: *looks for Nixon* "Um... really?"
Nixon: "I'm right in front of you walking towards you."
me: *looks hard* "Um... OHHHH! NOW I SEE YOU!"

*turns off cell*

That's how dressed up he was, in a suit, cause you normally don't see Nixon in anything dressier than a pair of khaki's and a golf shirt maybe. LOL.

So went to Metro to help set up tents.

Story of the day? 6 of our bags got stolen! In Urban's CAR!!! Nooo... one of them included mine! 2 hours later, a volunteer's dad call to say someone found 2 bags, so Eric and I went to the destination to pick them up. Turns out, my bag and 2 others were found! Vic's and another volunteer whose dad called because she had a phone book in there. WHEW! BUT sooo stupid they didn't steal Vic's real Channel purse and real Channel's wallet, just took her G license and cash. I lost my cash and my $400 pair of jeans!!! Not so worried about cash cause I only had $20 in there, but the jeans! I only wore them once!!! I SHOULD'VE gotten them tailored before I got Nixon to pick me up!!! OMG. And Cindy lost her apple labtop. *grrrrrr* *shakes fist at the stupid ppl who stole our stuff* They didn't even stole my TommyGirl's blazer. HAHAHA... my jeans but not the TommyGirl blazer. Sooo stupid to not stole Vic's stuff but my pair of jeans? What use? I mean if you're a girl, why don't you steal the purse too. Stupid. I'm not getting upset, frustated, whatever over why Vic's purse wasn't taken too, but just an observation as an outsider at how some ppl can be sooo stupid. But I guess I should feel fortunate that my bag was found, and no cards need to get replaced thus no hassle. *sigh*

AND THE FUCKInG COP! "PORT Q KUI LA!" Seriously~

Thursday, July 6^th, 2006.
Didn't go to help set up tents because they were done by 8pm when I got off from work! WOW! We expected to be setting till late! But things were going smoothly. Tents were set up by 8pm on both days. Hehe, good job to me for getting them that tent rental company. XD Because that company's tent were easy to set up apparently and very very economical for us. keke.

Friday, July 7^th, 2006.
TORONTO NIGHT MARKET 2006!!! WHEEEE

OMG! ONE WORD - OMG! LOL. FUN, lots of ppl from 6pm already! by 7pm it was starting to be jammed pack! Saw some friends, Tian and Jovy, including baby's friends - Harris and Ivan. Ivan wants to get beat up soo badly if I remember correctly. Hahaha and it IS a small world because baby's friend Carlton knows Eric, May and Dan! =D And the stinky tofu smells! The line up was soooo long! OMG!

By 1am, we were closed for the night and Eric approached me asking if I want to stay over with him to watch over our $20 000 worth of sound equipement. Fun night it would be for all of us.

Saturday, July 8^th, 2006.
So since Eric asked me to stay with him, ended up Ling and Urban stayed too. So we ended up chatting the whole night while waiting for Ling to come back from Nelson's with the beer and wine. LOL. So ended up drinking and laughing our night away. Supposedly Jenny and Janet were suppose to come and take Eric and my shift at 6am, but both of us were sooo hyper we told Jenny and Janet it's okie to not come. HAHAHA! AT 8am we decided to pick them up at Jenny's. Ended up we were blasting the music at 8am in the car and just being hyper! HAHAHA you know who's been up all night and who just woke up. ROFL! When we got into the neighbourhood we were like "shhhh." But then we started the whole blasting again once we picked up Janet. LOL once we reached the streets, "fing-ing" our heads...

me: "Eric you look like you just pack some e."
Eric: *continues to "fing" his head* "Really?!" *"fings" harder, drives wackier*
me: "HAHAHAHA, we look like we just took drugs whahahaha. If police comes, it'll be sooo funny"
Eric" "Hahaha it won't be a problem la *drives wacky*
me: "HAHAHHA" *pauses* "Um ERic? Janet doesn't have a seat belt on because you took the seats down wor"
Eric: "OH RIGHT! hahaha. *drives back normally*

hahaha.

By 9am, Eric drove me back home to shower and so he could shower too. At 9:30pm, he treated us (me, Janet, himself, Ling, Urban) to McD's for breakfast. And sooo the day begins afterwards doing the re-wiring again for stage before 1am when the open market is opened. Tried the stinky tofu, it wasn't as bad as it seems.

OMG! Adrian highlighted his hair! He got me food too! LOVE HIM SOOO MUCH! And of course I love my baby too. *muah* Saw Pauline and her bf Leo. Hehehe sniggers from me and Adrian about her being sexy and why she dressing so sexy. Kekeke. Finally saw Angelina since the beginning of TNM on Friday. Also saw Lilian and her bf, Irene, Winnie, Jenn and other ppl, including baby's friends. Walked around TNM at night with Jenn, Adrian, and Angelina and enjoying being crowded i.e, pushed. OMG being pushed by the elderly. LOL. And oh, I miss Adrian mom's. Didn't get to really talk to her cause she needed to leave, but I miss her soo much since my hs days and being in the car with her and Adrian. Oh the times of laughing to death.

Sooo much fun, sooo much food. BIG FISH BALLS OMG! ERIC STOLE HALF OF MY FISH BALL! I didn't get to eat the fried ice-cream. Boo. =*(


Reflection

All in all, it was sooo much fun. I miss the TNM! I myself didn't sleep for 45 hours. So on Sunday at 4am... from that time, I slept for 30 hours. Wahahah. Of course not 30 hours straight, but I'd wake up for meals then back to sleep right afterwards. LOL!

I need to learn how to take my stress and not let it affect those who I love. I'm sorry baby. I need to calm down about stuff and not let it affect those who I love.

Miss the no-sleep-times of drinking and laughing. Miss TNM and the crowd, miss the ending of all our hard work. Miss the big fish balls! Miss losing my voice. I even miss being frustrated. Miss being on stage team. Miss throwing stuff into the crowd. Miss taking photos from New Century's roof. MIss everything and the memories!

I miss you baby already and we just separated not too long ago. I miss everything that happened during the weekend... boo.

After I got off at work @ 4pm, I bussed my way dt to meet up with Eureka at College Station for our "long talked of but never set a date" sushi! Missed her sooo much even though my last day at SC was the passed Saturday and I used to only work with her on Saturday's because our schedules don't match. BUT still, I miss her. Two things from SC I miss: 1) I miss a few of my co-workers, and 2) I miss the free drinks. =*( for missing and XD LOL for free stuff.

Yummy yummy sushi at Sushi Sky as always. Yummy shrimp tempura with rice and spider maki. =9 =9 Love how she made the yummy sounds when she tried the spider maki. Soooo cute. ^^ We talked non-stop since College Station all the way to dinner and all the way to our byes. Although we can't shop together after dinner because she had to go finish her SC modules, we promised another sushi day with Farrah this time! Wheee! Can't wait.

After parting at College Station, I went to deliver the sushi for baby. But when I checked the time I was like "O GOD! It's 7pm already? Baby get's off now." Eureka and I chatted soo much that I lost track of time. So the whole time I walked towards Ryerson, I kept my look out for baby. Too much that apparently I looked so lost that a kind biker asked if I was new to Toronto cause I looked lost. LOL.

But good thing baby called so we met up on the corner of Gerrard and Yonge. Bought some stuff from LUSH, and bussed home together. ^^ I miss our busing home days when we both had classes. =*(

All in all, a very nice productive day, and the weather was awesome. Nice wind and not hot. YEA!

OMG, I just spent almost $400 on a PAIR OF JEANS. OMG I don't anything in my closet that's THAT expensive, not even my prom dress. AND THIS IS A FCUKING PAIR OF JEANS I'M TALKING ABOUT. OMG. In total I spent $520 on clothing today. OMG 3 tops and a pair of jeans ONLY!

recap...

Dan msg'ed me at work saying let's go for lunch since I get off in 15mins and he needs to go to Pmall to get sth. WHICH means I'm gonna have to wait for him 30mins on top, cause he needs to "shower". *sigh*

We went for dim sum for lunch and randomly talked about everything. LOL. And while we were waiting for our table we went to PMall to pick up his NetCard. By the time we got back to the restaurant, we got our table. Perfect timing. ^^ And guess what? He paid for the bill? I thought to myself "OMG Dan just paid for the whole bill which means he treated me to lunch?!". The world is changing. LOL!!! And during lunch, he noticed that he and I have the same habits, that we do these habits at the same time. LOL?

After lunch, he wanted me to take pictures of him today of his "see mun" look with glasses. LOl. 30 pics in total. Which ... yea... I'm like me take pictures great. He asked me, before lunch, do I want to model for his PhotoList cause on Friendster he sees ppl have one, so he wants one too. And sooo I'm in it... Although I wonder, does he want me in the pictures or taking the pictures??? *thinks*

After taking what seems forever pictures, we bought some origami paper for his "the end" to his "story", we decided to shop at Pmall. He saw this belt he liked, which I myself wouldn't have picked off the rack. It was one of those moments where you look thru the rack and go "I won't pick that", but when you do, it's looks awesome. And we were arguing over the color of the belt. Black or Grey? He's colorblind. ROFL! No wonder why he says, he has every color in his closet. ROFL. So yea, he didn't buy it cause it was $130 with the 50% off already. *nods* It is JCY House where we were at.

Then randomly window-shopped, saw a necklace that ties to your arm, really like it but mmm didn't want to spend money. (Ironic eh?) Dan asked did I want to spend money today, and I told him if there's something I see I like then yea. After walking in a bunch of boutiques, we went into CrossOver for girls, and I didn't see anything I like again. SOoooo he picked out 3 tops for me, in which we both decided the last two looks great. Except I don't think the last top is me... the one with the green mini crop cover with lacing... I don't think so. But I bought it still cause he said, Every girl needs a feminine side, Tomboy." Like whatever! But in the end I bought it cause it was sth totally different for my closet. Omg the first shirt he picked out for me was green, but we were like thinking and saying at the same time that green makes me pale, so he picked the same shirt in coral. Which was okie... technically horizontal stripes make you look wider but this shirt didn't lor he told me. BUT back to the point why I brought up this shirt. An OLD OLD LADY like in her 50-60's tried on that green shirt!!! *PUKES* <--me and Dan

After buying bbt for my co-worker, we decided to go to FMP. Which was pretty boring cause there was nth to do. So we stopped at JCY House which he thinks has the best stuff of all JCY Houses. BIG BIG MISTAKE ! After him persuading me to try on a white skirt for FOREVER because he never seen me in a skirt, because it's feminie, and because it'll match the new top I bought at CrossOver with the lacing, I still did not try any on. =p

But I ended up trying other stuff on after raking thru the racks twice or three times. Fannie (the sales), whom I find pretty and really really outgoing (but of course you're a sales you're suppose to be like that DUH!) helped me choose all of them but with the advice of Dan cause anything Dan says, it happens that I'll try them. Fannie said this once, "How about... nvm I'm not gonna ask you, I'll ask him." LOL cause I was like almost no to every one of them, that she figure she'll ask Dan instead. Then she got me jeans cause the ones I was wearing had problems with it. OF COURSE it was only $20! LOL. After trying on a lot of clothings that I like but thought never would have picked it, I choose 2 top and a pair jeans. Didn't want to get the jeans, but they forced me to do it. I know I know, I didn't want to no one can force me. But omg... you know what they did?! Cause I had limited in my account, they tried to do $500 and then $400. grr... and Of course $400 was allowed, and since the transaction went thru, I couldn't get refund of my $400 back, THEREFORE forcing me to buy either one of tops and jeans with $50 on top in cash. *sigh* I could've put down the jeans and bought more tops, cause c'mon right? But... bought the jeans instead. And apparently I got what they call "Dan's special discount" which regularies get around 15-20% but Dan gets more. Like for what I was gonna get before without discount it was $768 but with discount it was $600, but after putting down two tops, it was $450. But still. OMG. I still can't believe it that I spent almost $400 on a pair of jeans. I could've bought more tops at JCY House. *sigh* And so? I spent $450 at JCY House. =*( Top I liked, but still O_O about my jeans.

Afterwards we went for a brief bbt before he drove me home! So generous today, drivin me home and not dropping me off at a busstop. LOL. The other times, he is sooo stingee. LOL and he finally believes that I live close to PMall.

So right now =*( OMG. Should be happy about the other clothings... but still...