Love me..that's all I ask of you <3

__lovelovelove @ 2007-12-25T23:07:00

2007-12-26T04:16:07Z

i forgot how gay livejournal is. and how much i love it.

today is christmas of my senior year of high school. this month was the last advent calendar of my life. that can't be real. every year christmas feels less like christmas.

i'm in love still. its sad.

i feel really young. my heart is still in middle school and 9th grade after reading this.

uncle mike died 3 night ago. my heart still hurts. new years is going to kill me. rest in peace.

2 weeks left. and i'm not sure i'm ready. i'm not okay. at all.

i'm shaking. again.

my mom and don are playing the new Wii.

Its 11:11. every night for the past month i've wished that uncle mike would be okay. but i guess it didnt happen.

i'm going shopping early tomorrow morning for jeans.

i should get some sleep.

maybe love will be the answer, maybe i should just let go, of this pain thats like a cancer of things i can't control.

goodnight.

__lovelovelove @ 2006-01-11T20:21:00

2006-01-12T01:56:48Z

i dont like school.
i wish i could pass.
i have gotten back 4 grades in the past 2 days, 3 failing, 1 D. what is happening to me?
i dont have ANY motivation for school.
i dont do homework. i dont study.
i have skipped lunch for the past week to do homework.

sunday u-19 field hockey qualifier. 4th place. yeayea
monday- dome playoffs..we won.
tuesday- indoor playoffs..we tied the last game but we didnt wanna go into overtime cause it was 10:00 and we all wanted to go home.

i have been awake and at home for a total of like 30 minutes the past 3 days combined.

thats probably why i have no time for school work. not that i would do anything even if i did have time. like tonight for example. im attempting chem homework. but i have no idea whats going on. last night my brother did it for me so now i dont know how to do it. maybe he'll do it again.

on the bright side of me failing school, i'll be back in study hall and then i'll get to see tj 8th bell. that will be cute. cause hes cute. and i love him. a lot.

today after school i called my best friend and we talked for a while. i dont know what i would ever do without him. die, thats what. i kind of want to call him now but i have too much to do.

i'm pretty sure i have a test and 2 quizzes tomorrow. and i'm pretty sure i'm not gonna study for any of the above.

my mom always yells at me about school. shes gonna kill me when she sees my grades. they're horrendous. absolutely horrendous. and the sad part is, i dont care. theres so much more to life than school and grades. and i dont feel the need to care about either one of them.

some people in this world kind of make me laugh really hard. just cause they're pathetic. im not mad. i actually just feel bad that you felt the need to kiss my boyfriend in front of me in order to get attention. i also feel bad for you because you're elbows are always awkwardly and inconviniently stuck to your sides. HAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA...please, amuse me, do it again. i dare you.

saturdaysaturdaysaturday is one month. half of that one month was spent apart. that was bad.

today is the 16th birthday of rachel gower. happy birthday bo :)

i am going to take a shower now. au revoir<3

__lovelovelove @ 2005-12-25T01:25:00

2005-12-25T06:38:22Z

In the beginning of 2005...
Did you have a boyfriend/girlfriend? no i dont think so
How old were you? 14
What was your outlook on the world? i didnt really like anything haha
How were you doing at school/your job? i wasnt doing so great in school and didnt have a job.
What did you most look forward to? summer
Did you make New Year's Resolutions? no
What was your biggest worry? i dont know
Who was your best friend? christina
What did you do with your spare time? nothing
What did you do for fun? went to the mall or movies or just hung out

In the middle of 2005-- the summer!
Did you have a boyfriend/girlfriend? no
Had your outlook on the world changed? yeah
What did you spend your summer doing? hanging out with people.
Did you get tan? yes.
Who'd you hang out with, mainly? malcolm or mona.
Did you go visit anywhere? yes but i dont remember where
What was your biggest worry? malcolm conway
What was the most fun event that happened? um.

And as the year draws to an end...
Still got a significant other? yessssss<3333333
How old are you? 15
What major changes have happened since the year began? i have a boyfriend who i LOVE.
Is your life any different from when it started this year? yessss
What thing that happened stands out in your mind? TJ<333333
How have you changed? im in love now<3
What was the most embarrassing moment? i dont know
When was your lowest point? umm end of summer. MALCOLM CONWAY thanks for that<33
Are you happy with how the year went? yes
What thing would you change if you could? the summer.

For 2006...
What do you plan to not do that you did this year? like stupid boys.
Do you think it'll be better than this year? yesss
Do you think it'll be WORSE than this year? no.
What do you plan to do next year? who knows.
What are your pre-New Year's resolutions? i dont have any
Who are you spending New Year's Eve with? i dont know yet
And to wrap it up..
What one thing would you like to say as the year is almost done? i love you tj<3

__lovelovelove @ 2005-11-10T19:00:00

2005-11-11T02:02:23Z

i decided to bring this back..for the millionth time.

school has been sooo boring recently. i have zero work to do. i have a quiz tomorrow in math but i dont really care. i dont plan on studying for it.

i didnt have math class today! that was such a pleasant suprise. so i went to lunch 4th bell with becca.

i have been home alone every single day this week for at least 2 hours and i like it very much.

^edit. my grandmother just called and told me some crazy murderer guy in on the loose so lock all my doors. im really scared.

tomorrow is an e-day and it is friday and i have no 8th bell so i get out of school at 1:25. and then im going home. theres only one problem..public schools dont have school tomorrow and im afraid tomorrow will be the day that he comes to visit after school.

i've been updating this for 3 hours. i get so distracted. it is 8:44 right now. thats how long its taken me to write this.

um..i am talking erik right now. i miss him. he needs to come back. pronto.

i am in a very weird mood. im acting like a goofball.

now its 8:55..weird

im cutting my own hair again. it needs it.

YIKES

__lovelovelove @ 2005-10-07T22:43:00

2005-10-08T03:16:37Z

its been a rough week. it seems like everythings going wrong.

stay strong, both of you. you're both incredibly strong and i have no doubts you'll make it through everything. if either one of you need me, never hesitate to ask. i'd do anything for both of you. i love you both.

its things like this that make me feel sosososo terrible for ever complaining about my life.

wes went home today. i never get to see him anymore. like twice a day for 3 and a half seconds.

our game got postponed today which im so thankful for.

tonight i went to the memorial service for mrs. selenski. it was beautiful but so painful. i never want to see someone i care about in that much pain ever again. i love you paige. hang in there<3

it still seems like its all a bad dream. this cant be happening. it was all dark and rainy tonight and it just felt like a bad dream. but i just pinched myself and it definately hurt.

__lovelovelove @ 2005-10-04T19:05:00

2005-10-05T00:17:07Z

today was a pretty bad day. i was sick all day and just wanted to go home. i got back my french test that i bombed so i decided i'm dropping that class and taking regular french 3. honors and i aren't really friends. yeah so im just gonna switch and have world civ 3rd and french 7th. algebra 2 was bad. i felt so alone today. especially in that class. english was a little better. because bobby is a goofball. and he keeps me amused.

field hockey practice was pretty good today. it wasnt hard. we're playing crestwood tomorrow. yikes.

tomorrow is already wednesday. i love having a long weekend <3 hmm weekend plans anyone?

friday i am gonna go to the valley west football game to see malcolm kick ass. after that i dont know. maybe i'll have christina sleep over if she can.saturday i dont know. possibly soccer game? sunday i have no idea.

why does it always feel like theres something in my eye? i dont like it

my music is skipping. i dont like that either.

__lovelovelove @ 2005-10-03T08:50:00

2005-10-03T14:26:32Z

yesterday i went to new york city with xstina molli and nina. and it was oh so much fun. we got separated for a little. but then we all met up again. then molli and nina went to a show and me and christina sat in urban outfitters for about 3 hours. it was a good time. we were pretty much crazy the entire day and i only would have done it with her. we shopped for about 8 hours and then we went to dinner with molli and nina. and then we went to the bus and went home. it was such a good trip. bus ride there was good we watched remember the titans..and then on the way back there was some dumb zebra movie on so we just talked to justin and charles. they are nice boys.

we got back at like 10:30-11 and then i talked to christina on the phone for a while. because i love her. and then i went to sleep because my cell phone died.

today i woke up a little while ago and it was wayyyy too early. i am angry. but i have an orthodontist appointment. ehh. i feel so ill. my nose is runny/stuffy, my throat hurts, i have a cough, and i need sleep. this is an unpleasant combination.

by the way, we didnt have school today. but i have field hockey practice at 1. that should be a joy while i'm sick. =(

__lovelovelove @ 2005-10-02T00:03:00

2005-10-02T04:14:50Z

me and christina will be leaving for new york in 8 hours. there arent words to express how excited i am.

this keychain is making me miss you more. i havent seen you in 25 hours. but it feels like 25 days.

tuesdaytuesdaytuesday<3

__lovelovelove @ 2005-10-01T19:08:00

2005-10-01T23:28:47Z

so yesterday was grandparents day--it was okay. i made my grandparents leave early because they were annoying me. shh kerri dont tell. um so world civ was a joke because some people grandparents were there.

WE WON OUR FIELD HOCKEY GAME AGAINST LEHMAN 2-0. it was incredible.

then i went home showered, ate, all that fun stuff and then i went back to the school to hang out. it was wonderful. he is incredible<3 he went home today. and i stole his keychain. so that i dont miss him THAT much.

i went home and talked to xstina on the phone for a while. i love her. we are going to nyc tomorrow and i am so excited.

today i went to the football game. it was really boring. we lost--again.

tonight i am going on a date with gordo--to see just like heaven. i hope it is good.

<3 you've been the only thing right in all i've done <3

p.s. my throat is falling out--i am ill. it hurt friday but then from screaming at the game it is GOOOONE. :(

__lovelovelove @ 2005-09-29T17:55:00

2005-09-29T22:07:22Z

today was such a waste of a day.

we did our homework in chem-no study hall-watched a movie in french which i fell asleep watching-algebra 2 we actually did work-lunch-no english class-world civ, we talked-study hall i talked to nick.

i hate t-days
but it wasnt bad considering i had basically an entire free day.

after school i went to the trainer then field hockey practice.
it was pretty boring today.

LEHMAN GAME TOMORROW-HOME-4:15 YOU SHOULD GO IF YOU KNOW WHATS GOOD FOR YOU :)

tomorrow is grandparent's day at school and its a dress up day..i need to go pick out my outfit.

i'm in such a good mood
and its all because of you<3

__lovelovelove @ 2005-09-28T22:22:00

2005-09-29T02:36:59Z

i edited my other entry because everything is okay. just a misunderstanding. i just got worried and took everything tyler said wrong. but it doesnt matter because i talked to wes and everything is just peachy :)

nightly phone call turned into scotty telling me a 20 minute story about a moose and his father going fishing for father's day in a canoe with holes in it and they fell through the holes and the son moose couldnt swim? i dont know haha. the moral of the story was help other people or you will die..? im still not sure what planet he is from.

no english tomorrow. how excited am i?
SOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO excited.

wes won his cross country meet again today being sick. i dont know how he does it. but im so proud of him. congratulations <33333 and tony said i was bad luck..HAAAAAAAAA!

i love hearing at least twice a day.."aww you and wes are so cute" haha it makes my day, it really does.

on sunday i am going to new york city, my favorite city in the universe with my best friend in the universe christina marie insalaco. becca k, nina, and molli (and ivori?? christina told me probably not) will be joining us. its going to be so good. me and christina need some time to catch up on everything. i cant wait

no school monday..hooorayy.

this last part goes out to mike mousseau--
mike if you're reading this by any chance i just want to thank you. i already said thank you but i think everyone should know what a great friend you are. you're always there when i need you and i can ALWAYS count on you when i'm upset to be the first person to ask if i'm okay and then do something to make it better. whether its talking to someone for me or giving me advice (which is always really good and really right) i dont know what i would do without you so thank you so much.

__lovelovelove @ 2005-09-28T18:13:00

2005-09-28T22:49:07Z

today was so bad =(

double bell chem test..it was okay..it only took me one bell so i had a free one. french skit went all wrong. haha but that was funny..math was boring..english was boring..world civ was boring up until the end. HAHAHAHA. oh god. 8th bell study hall was funny.

field hockey pictures. it was too sunny.

bad news after that. i really hope its not true. i tried so hard not to cry. and i'm still fighting it..im just hoping its not true. amandas gonna talk to him and let me know what he says. all i can do is keep my fingers crossed. please dont do this :'(

^forget that part..everything is fine now..<3 i adore him

im freezing. and sad.
im going to listen to music.

comments would be appreciated

__lovelovelove @ 2005-09-27T18:25:00

2005-09-28T01:47:38Z

i decided to start this up again because i felt like it. because i cant remember one day from another anymore so maybe if i have this i'll remember whats going on.

i hate school..i love the people but the classes and the work is terrible. i never ever do homework or study so i shouldnt be complaining..but tonight i actually studied for my chem test tomorrow. that'll be fun..not.

okay so today..was boring? i dont remember what happened in school today

walked to the student center after school for an unpleasant suprise. but i just kept walking because i didnt feel a thing. i could have said hi but i didnt really feel like it. and i could have asked how he was and how school was but i just didnt care. its not like he was actually going to answer me and say actually julie i dont like school and im not doing too great. because why should he give me a real answer? we're not friends. so instead of pretending that i care about how he is, i decided not to be fake and just keep on walking.

basically my girlfriend (marie..haha), my boyfriend and mike made it okay the minute i walked into the student center. but then again, they make EVERYTHING okay. i dont know what i would do without them.

then i went to the trainer waited in line for about 3 hours, got wrapped etc..and then went to field hockey practice. it was a weird temperature out. i was like freezing but dying.

its perfect temperature for sleeping in my house right now.

i miss sarah ritt so bad. at least once a day i hear something that reminds me of her and i go "HAHA I HAVE TO TELL SARAH" and then i realize shes not there.

8th bell study hall has been turned into a 90's music party. by me and scottawa. thank god for that kid.

real world tonight?! oh yes, oh yes.

__lovelovelove @ 2005-09-14T19:38:00

2005-09-15T00:30:59Z

10 FAVORITES
Favorite Color: today, yellow.
Favorite Food: pastaaaa
Favorite Band: at this moment, the juliana theory.
Favorite Song: the juliana theory-the closest thing
Favorite Movie: a walk to remember<3
Favorite Sport: field hockey
Favorite Season: fall
Favorite Day Of the Week: friday
Favorite Ice Cream Flavor: anything with peanut butter in it
Favorite Time of Day: 10:00-11:00 PM

9 CURRENTS
Current Mood: bored
Current Taste: water
Current Clothes: orange shorts and my lacrosse t-shirt
Current Desktop Picture: my brother at a football game looking like a goof
Current Toenail Color: red
Current Time: 8:22 PM
Current Surroundings: guest room
Current Thoughts: i hate homework.

8 FIRSTS
First Best Friend: kerri. hands down. the friends that eat with burger king crowns on at age 5, stick together<3
First Kiss: i dont like to talk about that hahahaha
First Screen Name: umm i dont remember
First Pet: a black lab
First Piercing: ears when i was like 6 months
First Crush: no idea
First Music: um spice girls<333333333 hahahah i dont know?
First Car: barbie jeep bitchessss

7 LASTS
Last Cigarette: never
Last Drink: during the summer
Last Car Ride: 5:35 PM today
Last Kiss: its been too long
Last Movie Seen: umm..haha
Last Phone Call: wes<3
Last CD Played: taking back sunday in study hall today

6 HAVE YOU EVERS
Have You Ever Dated One Of Your Best Guy/Girl Friends: yes
Have You Ever Broken the Law: yes
Have You Ever Been Arrested: no
Have You Ever Skinny Dipped: no
Have You Ever Been on TV: yes
Have You Ever Kissed Someone You Didn't Know: no

5 THINGS
1 Thing You're Wearing: lacrosse t-shirt
1 Thing You've Done Today: went to school
1 Thing You Can Hear Right Now: music =)
1 Thing You Can't Live Without: friends
1 Thing You Do When You're Bored: listen to music

4 PLACES YOU'VE BEEN TODAY
1. school
2. home
3. in the car
4. field hockey? haha but that was at school. whatever

3 PEOPLE YOU CAN TELL ANYTHING TO
1. christina
2. ess ritt
3. kerri

2 CHOICES
1. Black or White: both
2. Hot or Cold: cold

1 THING YOU WANT TO DO
1. get this dumb english essay done

__lovelovelove @ 2005-09-04T22:00:00

2005-09-05T02:01:26Z

1)Name the Last Four Things You Have Bought:
a. a shirt
b. a bag for school
c. i dont remember
d. " "

2)Name Four Drinks You Regularly Drink :
a. water
b. juice
c. milk
d. -----

3)Last Time You Cried? today

4)What's In Your CD Player? From First to Last and 2 mixes.

5)What's Under Your Bed? i dont know.

6)What Time Did You Wake Up Today? 10:09

7)Current Hair? down, straightened.

8)Current Clothes? orange shorts and my lacrosse tshirt.

9)Current Desktop Picture? pink argyle

10)Current Worry? what am i going to wear to school tomorrow. haha

11)Current Hate? waking up early

12)Favorite Places To Be? the beach, a mall preferably not ours.

13)Least Favorite Place? in class at school. i dont mind being there as long as im not in class doing work.

14)If You Could Play An Instrument? guitar

15)Favorite Color(s)? i dont have a favorite

16)How Tall Are You? 5'5"

17)Favorite expression? bummer

18)One Person From Your Past You Wish You Could See? i dont know

19)Favorite Day(s)? Friday and Saturday

20)Where Would You Like To Go? new york city

21)Where Do you want to live when you get married? new york city

22)Favorite food? i dont have one.

23)Color of most clothes you own: pink..it needs to stop i have wayy too much.

24)Number of pillows you sleep with? 4

25)What do you wear when you go to sleep: a tshirt and shorts

26)What were you doing 12AM last night: falling asleep watching tv

27)How old will you be in 10 yrs: 24 and 362 days old.

28)What do you think you'll be doing in 10 years: hopefully not living at home haha.

29)Do you have braces? no

30)Are you paranoid? ehhh..sometimes.

31)Do you burn or tan? both

32)what is the brand of your wallet? thats not important

33)Your alarm clock? i dont know?

34)Your hair? dark brown, redish highlights, longish, straight.

35)Computer? packard bell

36)Notebook? um

37)First real memory of something you will always remember? i have no idea

38)First screen name? hahahhaha kerris was good. umm..?i dont remember..juleslv6? maybe. i dontknow.

39)First enemy? im gonna have to say rachel gower haha i hated that girl in 2nd grade

41)last good cry? i dont remember

42)Last library book checked out? yikes..its been a while

43)Last person you yelled at? probably my mom

44)Last beverage drank?: water

45)Last crush? bobby but thats current..before that..mike.

46)Last CD/song played? Bloc Party-So here we are

47)Last thing you ate? ice cream

48)Last annoyance? my mother

49)Last disappointment? i dont know.

50)Last thing you wrote? .

51)Last words spoken? "I'm going to"

__lovelovelove @ 2005-08-31T20:39:00

2005-09-01T02:06:04Z

i feel like starting this up again. but here are the rules..if you dont like it, dont read it. kthanks.

joeys gone to college. i guess i'm handling it better then i thought i would be. but thats just because he hasnt even been gone a week and it hasnt hit me that i dont know when i'll get to see him again. i dont know. i wish i got to move him into his dorm. but apparently field hockey comes before our family.

i cant believe you're leaving. im trying so hard to be happy for you but i cant help being selfish and wanting you to stay here. especially because all of this is all my fault. if only we were closer last year, if only i had stuck up for you earlier, if only i had realized you needed me, then none of this would be happening. its all my fault. i'm so sorry. it hurts to sit here and know you're leaving and theres NOTHING i can do, because its too late. i dont know what to do or say. im so sorry. i'm gonna miss you more than words can ever explain to you. good luck. have fun. dont forget about me. please. cause i know i'll NEVER forget about you. you'll always be my best friend. you've been there for me alllllll the time. and i wasn't there the one time you needed me. i'm a terrible friend. you deserve better. i'm sorry. so so so so so sorry. i let you down. and i'll never forgive myself for this.

this is why i love neil opet..
So Here We Are 1: forget about the past and fuck it, just worry about wats ahead of yuou, trust me, if you think like that, nothing will ever worry you unless you want it too. its a much easier less stresstic life

<33he made up the word stresstic and tried to be all serious and cheer me up. hahahahaha.

i think i like a boy at school. hes new. and shy. and its cute its too early to tell but theres definately potential. hes cute and makes me smile. dont ask me who it is because i probably wont tell you.

he seems different than most guys. and thats exactly what i need. because if i hear from one more guy "im sorry i hurt you, you're such a nice girl" i'll probably kill someone. im so sick of being the nice one that ALWAYSALWAYSALWAYS gets screwed over.

__lovelovelove @ 2005-08-26T13:29:00

2005-08-26T17:54:51Z

matt perrone left for college today. and im really upset. he was the only one of my brothers friends that didnt just look at me as joeys little sister. i actually had a name. and even though every 5 minutes at school he'd say "heyyy big party at joeys this weekend we'll sneak you in" it really didnt ever get old. hes the only one that ever talked to me. or recognized that i was alive. today is joeys last day. im trying hard not to think about it but i cant help it. im going to the school soon. to hang out. and then im going to mall? and then i'm going to a show tonight. good luck matt and joey<3 you boys are incredible.

__lovelovelove @ 2005-08-22T20:55:00

2005-08-23T02:19:27Z

i really love this song. i really love this song a lot. i dont know.

preseason was amusing today. haha i really love my team <3 me and kelsey laughed hysterically for a good half hour about anchorman. i just love everyone on that team..there definately never a dull moment on that team <3 oh boy its gonna be a good season. this year we're gonna win state champs. let me rephrase that. next year we're going to GET THE CREDIT for winning 0=)

mike got me really excited for school..and now i cant wait to go back. minus the whole getting up early and doing work thing. thats not gonna work for me.

lehman play day tomorrow.

obsessed? yeah you wish.
fuck you, asshole.

__lovelovelove @ 2005-08-22T11:47:00

2005-08-22T16:20:17Z

i thought this was fitting considering summers almost over

1. What did you do this summer that you'd never done before? umm.. 0=)

2. Did anyone close to you give birth? no

3. Did anyone close to you die? no

4. What countries did you visit? none

5. What would you like to have next summer that you lacked this summer? a boyfriend

6. What date(s) from this summer will remain etched upon your memory, and why? warped tour, enough said, field hockey camp because me and milena know how to have a good time haha, the summer school dance, haha because that was just crazy, getting my braces off, because, i got my braces off, playing phone tag with jordan and kat and being retarted for hours, the bazaar with kerri<3 just because, i dont feel like thinking right now.

7. What was your biggest achievement of this summer? i stood up for myself and got over people that dont care.

8. What was your biggest failure? letting people take advantage of me, and lie to me.

9. Did you suffer any illness or injury? yes, i got sick a couple times.

10. What was the best thing you bought? oh man, so many.

11. Whose behavior merited celebration? im gonna have to go with ivori on this one. because when i'm with her, its a god damn party. and kerri because her behavior always merits celebration hahaha any hour any day papi. oh god.

12. Whose behavior made you appalled and depressed? you dont want me to answer this

13. Where did most of your money go? clothes, shoes, & CDs

14. What did you get really, really, really excited about? it being summer? and i was excited about field hockey starting and im also semi-excited for school to start. but thats only when i'm in an optimistic mood.

15. What songs will always remind you of this summer? oh boy..r.kelly-ignition remix haha, um, spitalfield-i loved the way she said L.A., unwritten law-elva, anything by motion city soundtrack & hawthorne heights, and right now, i cant remember the name of it or who sings it but the one that goes...fuck what i said it dont mean shit now. 0=)

16. Compared to this time last summer, are you:
i. happier or sadder? im not sure.
ii. thinner or fatter? ahh i cant remember
iii. richer or poorer? once again, i cant remember

17. What do you wish you'd done more of? hanging out with mona & ivori & blair

18. What do you wish you'd done less of? liking people.

19. Did you fall in love this summer? i thought i did. but now i dont know.

20. How many one-night stands? zero

21. What was your favorite TV program? what not to wear but thats all the time not just this summer.

22. Do you hate anyone now that you didn't hate this time last summer? YESYESYESSOMUCH

23. What was your greatest musical discovery? oh man, so many..probably from first to last but i dont know.

24. What did you want and get? the ability to get over assholes

25. What did you want and not get? my dream guy

26. What was your favorite film of this summer? i dont know

27. What one thing would have made your summer much more satisfying? a boy.

28. How would you describe your personal fashion concept this summer? whatever

29. What kept you sane? certain people <3

30. Which celebrity/public figure did you fancy the most? none

31. Who did you miss? a lot of people, the most probably mike.

32. Who was the best new person you met? malcolm? but that was before summer. or BETH ROPER probably my sanity for the past month

33. What is a valuable life lesson you learned this summer: dont let people walk all over you, stand up for yourself and if someone treats you wrong, get them out of your life.

34. Quote a song lyric that sums up your year:

I caught you
So take cover
Never saw it coming
So you put me on again
I had you and no other
The game, the lies are getting old.

or

And I'd give up forever to touch you
Cause I know that you'd feel me somehow
You're the closest to heaven that I'll ever be
And I don't want to go home right now
And all I can taste is this moment
And all I can breathe is your life
Sooner or later its over..
I just dont want to miss you tonight

or

Take the good with the bad, smile with the sad
Love what you got, remember what you had
Always forgive, never forget
Learn from mistakes, never regret
People change, things go wrong
Just remember, life goes on

__lovelovelove @ 2005-08-21T17:17:00

2005-08-21T21:23:39Z

the song cool by gwen stefani has a very weird affect on me. i cant explain it.

joe's picture was in the paper today and it made me smile. definately forgot how cute he is.

mike is coming in on tuesday. whoaaa time flies. im excited to see him especially considering i never got to say goodbye to him.

but the fact that he comes in means school is starting soon. gross.

joey leaves on saturday. im not gonna make myself cry and go into details.

im excited to see everyone. and see new kids?
i hope they're exciting.

i'm gonna miss my ess ritt tons<3

im going to finish cleaning my room.

i wish you would stop ignoring me and tell me whats going on.

__lovelovelove @ 2005-08-21T12:03:00

2005-08-21T16:17:52Z

there's nothing i can do anymore. i told you how i felt a million times, i apologized for everything even if it wasn't my fault, i feel so helpess, you just won't talk to me. you said you wanted to make things work but not talking to me isn't exactly making me believe you. it's really discouraging to know that you feel you can't talk to me. i know it's hard for you that sometimes i don't believe you but it's just as hard for me. i would love to believe you, i really would, but because of everything that happened and whatever's going on now, it makes it hard. i can't do anything else. i'm not going to keep talking to you and asking what's wrong, if you really want to make things work, then you can talk to me.

__lovelovelove @ 2005-08-20T23:45:00

2005-08-21T03:57:19Z

tonight was awful. one of the worst nights of my life. i went to my grandparents to see my cousins who i just learned were coming in this morning, so i told my mom i wanted to do something tonight so tell joey to take his car so he can take me home early..she said okay. we get there about 3 hours earlier than everyone else so i have absolutely naddda to do. then everyone comes. then its about 8 so i ask joey if we can go and he says yes. out of no where my mom flips out and says if i get in his car shes taking my computer away from me. so we scream at each other for a little while and then i end up giving up because shes a bitch. so i sat in her car from about 8:15-10:00. me and kerri bitched for a while because its pretty gay that we had plans and then our mothers decide to tell us this morning too bad your cousins are coming in. gayyygayyygayyyy. but i guess its okay because i realized nothing has changed.

i think im gonna go to sleep. i dont feel the need to be up anymore.

__lovelovelove @ 2005-08-17T11:56:00

2005-08-17T16:07:57Z

i cant do this anymore. i've been through too much shit lately and i cant deal with this right now. i guess i need to be on my own because whenever i get involved with someone im always screwing up someones life. im sorry for anyone i ever caused problems too. im gonna stay out of everyones lives so if you want to talk to me then you can IM me or call me cause im done.

__lovelovelove @ 2005-08-15T14:05:00

2005-08-15T18:17:04Z

im excited. everythis is perfect right now. and i hope it never changes. i got a ringback song so everyone should call my cellphone and listen to it. and dance. its a good time. haha. i called it about 9 times already. i had field hockey this morning. we had a meeting for the first like half hour. im so excited for the season. im so excited for everything right now. i cant stop smiling. i probably should though. im gonna go lay in bed and watch tv im exhausteddd. 2nd session from 4-6:30ish today. i like this whole longer break thing in between. i like you. I LIKE EVERYTHING. life is good =)

__lovelovelove @ 2005-08-15T08:31:00

2005-08-15T12:33:00Z

<3 hes incredible =)
i cried last night.
the good kind.
the oh my god what a sweetheart kind.