Blue Gardenia

Me gram died 6/13 of brain cancer.  She had only been accurately diagnosed seven days before.  She had been completely healthy seven days before that.  It was very aggressive and sudden.  I still haven't cried...it just seems surreal to me.

She was my last grandparent.

I've officially submitted my resume for consideration to the public school systems of Shreveport, LA.  Ami is there and that's reason enough to consider it... plus I'm seriously burnt out from the restaurant.

I fired another employee today -- I think they're all crazy.  

I'm buying stock in Tylenol and Rolaids now.

http://www.fromthetop.org/Programs/performers.cfm?eid=338

At this stage in my life, maintaining a blog takes real concentration.  I must force myself to update.  While I hate to lose this many years of my thoughts and dreams, I wonder if it's still the outlet it once was if updating requires so much effort.

The stresses of the job are really starting to wear, and I left yesterday after barely an appearance.  I went home and to bed and slept for almost sixteen hours.  I could still sleep now.

I almost called Jeanna this afternoon.  I see her every day, but miss her terribly.  We never just get to talk or 'be' any more.  I don't think she's updating her journal anymore either.  This restaurant is bleeding us both dry.

Change is in the air...  well, it's really not, but I want to be in the air so desperately.  I'm looking for other career opportunities.  I've even thought about the FBI.

I had a computer problem last night and called the HP tech support line.  My computer is only three weeks old, so I was beyond miffed.  The person who answered my call was very personable and the hour I was stuck on the phone getting my computer fixed was actually kind of fun.
 
Then, after about twenty minutes, my phone rang.  It was the HP tech guy calling me BACK.  He said that he had fun talking to me and wanted to keep talking to me until his shift ended because then he'd look busy while he flirted.  He kept me on the phone for about 3.5 hours last night, and asked if he could friend me on FB.  I'm perfectly aware that this isn't normal behavior -- but how abnormal is it?

Should I be concerned that the HP tech support guy may be unbalanced?  Or, should I just be flattered that he wants to be my friend?

My eyeballs ache.  So does my bladder.

When did life become a race, I want to know.  

Last night in the restaurant, a customer's IV came out.  There was blood EVERYWHERE.  It was really disgusting.  My stomach is too weak for that kind of activity.  I just happened to be at the restaurant at the time (my primary job is in the corporate offices).

Fortunately, two off-duty paramedics walked in just as it happened.  They assisted the man then cleaned up the blood (arguing that we weren't trained to dispose of hazardous waste).  I bought them dinner.  They may have appreciated a strong drink more.  Hind sight is always 20/20 though.

How long has it been?  Sheesh.  Let me update before I'm 80 and with alzheimers and have no recording of my life...not that it's very interesting.

Lemme see... We finally got the restaurant opened and we're HOPPING.  Life is insanely busy with the hours and constant drama that comes with running a restaurant, but it's rewarding to see something you've put your blood, sweat and tears in for years come to fruition...and be received well.

In fact, we received our second write-up in the Lagniappe yesterday.  The food critic loves us. (Thank God.)

I found a house I wanted in December and got pre-approved to purchase it.  I offered the seller OVER asking price and they still took another offer.  I thought this was supposed to be a freaking buyer's market.  Shows what I know.

Ibby's in fifth grade now and will be eleven in July.  She's really maturing and I'm incredibly proud of her.  In fact, she was on a national radio program this past Sunday through NPR.  It was recorded live from here in Mobile and will be aired in March to approximately 750,000 listeners.  The choir she performs with is incredible, and I have visions of scholarships dancing in my head.


I've found myself addicted to FaceBook lately.  It has reunited me with a ton of people I went to high school with -- and that's been positive (for the most part).  We even had a mini-reunion at the restaurant shortly after Christmas.  It was tons of fun -- or it could have just been that I was drinking.  I'll have to keep you posted.

The only negative I've found to my FB addiction is that Ibby's father has reconnected with me through it and that makes me INSANELY nervous.  INSANELY.  He wants to have lunch next week.  The thought makes me want to vomit.

I've made two internet friends who are coming to visit me this summer.  Gary lives in Boston and Chris lives in Iowa.  They're both married, and our friendships are platonic... but I have grown very close to both (as well as Quinn - also in Iowa and also married, but too stubborn to bring the fam down for a visit) and can't wait to meet them.



Oh, yeah...and Ibby and I are taking a cruise in the Spring. 

Oh, yeah again... I'm an aunt as of September 23.  My niece is stunning... I had nothing to do with it.

Hello out there, LJ world.

I've been pondering hypocrisy recently. 


How much of your online persona is staged for the benefit and/or chuckles of people you've never met?

How much is the real you?

Is there a hypocrisy in being more candid/mean/whatever on the internet than you would be in person?  Or, is the internet just an opportunity to expose another facet of your real personality?

I have an amazingly beautiful niece.

http://picasaweb.google.com/shelly.davis/MargauxElyse#

To: everyone I know, everyone in my address book, everyone I may meet on the street, etc. etc. etc.


RE: political e-mails, letters, articles, cartoons, opinions, persuasions, etc.


Subject: Thanks, but no thanks.


Dear You,

I have never been more proud of you. I love the fact that you have taken an interest in our political system, its workings, and your representative voice. I am thrilled that you have educated yourself on a candidate and have made a decision on who you would like to see elected president, senator, representative, governor, mayor, councilman, garbageman, whatever.


I am NOT thrilled, however, that you have chosen to express your enthusiasm about your favorite candidate via propaganda, political jargon, cartoons, articles, e-mail forwards, and etc. to me. Allow me to explain why.


I am an adult. I am perfectly capable of making a voting decision without your assistance. In fact, having a working knowledge of the internet (snopes in particular), the news channels, and how to read my newspaper, for you to assume that I cannot choose a candidate without your assistance is a bit insulting.


Additionally, smears against the candidate who you do NOT like only shows immaturity, insensitivity, un-sportsmanlike, and certainly un-Christ-like behavior. I'm sick to death of hearing about how Obama could be the anti-Christ and how McCain is a clone of the current administration.


My vote belongs to ME. Not to YOU. My vote is a personal and confidential thing. My vote will not be determined by the slanderous, petty, and sometimes utterly ridiculous jargon that seems to fill my inbox every thirty seconds.


I have not once asked anyone to vote the way I choose. This is my one-time request that you stop asking me to see your choice for a candidate in a different light. For all you know, I already like your candidate...and you're turning me off of them with your constant harrassment.


Thank you.

You know, it used to be so easy to blurt out several paragraphs of my life...they were even entertaining once upon a time.

Now, I click to update and stare at my nails.

When did the cat get my finger-tongue-whatever?

It appears I've had writer's block for nearly four years now.

Sucketh the asseth.

life is spiraling out of control

Ibby is more of a socialite than I ever was in my day....play rehearsal, choir practice, birthday parties, church events...I'm pooped and can't imagine what she must be going through as a ten year old with a schedule like that.

On top of all of that, the co-manager for the restaurant quit with no notice...and the boss has decided not to replace him.  SO, I get to do his job AND mine, I'm the only manager left, and am trying to budget all of that into my personal life.  Sheesh.

PLUS, my little sister has a baby due in four weeks, and thanks to Marcus, I don't know if I'll be able to take off and go to Atlanta for the birth...which means I'm disappointed and pissed on top of the fatigue.

I need a vacation.

"You're lucky, because I was about to elbow you in the stomach, and then I remembered that you've got guts."

The house was a dud with rotten wood and cracked plaster indicating serious foundation problems.  The roof leaked, the floors were warped and/or rotten and blue shag carpet from the 1960s.

Back to the search...maybe.

My main interest in this house had been its close proximity to my best friend.  I may not even look for a while longer.

got pre-approved to buy a house.

I know my blogging has lessened lately.  Life has been SO busy.  But, to sum up:

Graduation didn't slow things down at all.  Ibby got a small part in the musical 'Gypsy' with JJP, then made concert choir with the MSC, so the summer has been filled with concerts and play rehearsals.

To top it off, the restaurant opens in about three weeks and things are beginning to get hairy at work.  It's not overwhelming, but can be emotionally draining at times.

Shelly came home this weekend for her Mobile baby shower.  It was hard to say goodbye.  She came to church on Sunday as she was leaving town to see my mother, Ibby and me, and I just wanted to hold her tight and not let her leave.  I didn't, but mostly because the cops told me to let her go and they'd send the S.W.A.T. team home.

But, I digress.  Shelly's baby shower was a resounding success, and she looks totally beautiful pregnant.  I loved seeing her and Clay together.  They're true soul mates.

It seems each weekend is somewhat busier than the last.  But, thankfully, this weekend has nothing on the agenda...YET...except play rehearsal for Ibby on Sunday afternoon.  I'm hoping that if I don't answer my phone, nothing else can come up.

The weekend after is Shelly's baby shower in Atlanta, so I'll be in Georgia then.  Insha's pre-wedding ceremony is that same weekend, and I'm trying to figure out how to get home in time to attend. 

I had a nice long conversation with Ami today.  I think our friendship deepened as a result of it, but only time will tell.

I've been spending a lot of time on Facebook lately...primarily because it's less intrusive than MySpace in re: graphics and such and it has games I can play while I'm at work.  Because of my activity on Facebook, I've reconnected with a LOT of old friends.  I'm stunned by it, but relatively excited. 

Ibby and I had mother-daughter movie night tonight.  We watched 'Dirty Rotten Scoundrels' AGAIN.  I don't mind, though.  I'd totally have a torrid love affair with Steve Martin.  Sick, I know.  But, the funny guy has always captured my attention.  It's probably why I'm still single...big joke and all.

How is it possible for life to be so insanely busy, yet monotonous at the same time?

I'm winded....and bored.

I'm at work.  My boss is having a medical procedure done this morning, so I have full access to play on the internet.  If I didn't, I doubt I'd be updating.

Marcus is here with me.  He is brianwj's soul mate.  I have decided.  That means Brian should call me and stuff.

The carpals tunnels in my hand is worse, and my right hand is currently numb.  I'm going to have to quit secretarial work soon, which is kind of sad...not sad in the sense that I love doing it, but sad in the sense that I'm really good at it, and it pays the bills.

Ibby got a part in a local production of 'Gypsy', and auditioned for and made the advanced concert choir of Mobile's Singing Children, a division of the Mobile Opera Guild...yay her.  That means she'll begin touring next year.  I hope I can afford it.  Her choir director said she had "an amazing gift" though, so I guess I'll do what I have to do.  I think that comment must be like putting candy bars in the checkout aisle at Wal Mart...it just makes me more inclined to purchase it.

I'm still toying with options for my future.  I'm also toying with winning the lottery.

I think I may have finally decided what I want to be when I grow up. As soon as I empty my bladder, I may share the news.

Ok. I feel better.

I've decided to try for my ph.d.  This means the GRE, and I've ordered almost $100 worth of materials to help me study for it.  I'm petrified of it.  It's the main thing standing between me and my dream.

Well...maybe not a dream, but at least a practical(ish) solution to singlemomism.  Here's what I'm thinking...college professors decide what times to teach, whether or not to teach summers, have long fall breaks, spring breaks, holidays, summer breaks, and discounts on tuition for their children.  If I taught at a Jesuit school, my daughter could attend any Jesuit institution in the nation for free.  That freaking rocks.  Notre Dame?  Boston?  The possibilities are endless, and to a large degree could provide a huge opportunity for my daughter.

So, it's an opportunity to reach toward becoming a part of the country's intelligentsia...of seeking stability for my child and myself...and being as close to a stay-at-home mother as is humanly possible in my position.

So, I guess it is a dream.  MLK doesn't have that market cornered anymore.

This journal has seen me through a lot. It's seen me through heartaches and silliness, it has recorded the loss of friends and been a network through which I've made new ones.

It was an outlet for me when I decided to go back to school, and is here now that I've graduated and am beginning the search for employment.

I guess my point, really, is that now that I have completed my education and have found time again to turn to my livejournal, I do so with a sense of awareness of the tool which it has become.

It is my outlet in a very private way. MySpace, with its links to everyone I've ever known (or so it seems) offers very little in the way of the intimacy which is livejournal. Even my public posts are rarely commented or read.

The conflict over which path to choose has become one of great enormity and stress. I'm currently contemplating law school, library science, and furthering my studies in history. My dream job (museum curation) appears to be unattainable as the job market is flooded with qualified candidates, and qualified candidates typically have two masters degrees and a ph.d.

I'm working as a clerical nothing in the interim, but am seeking other avenues while I try to let my life settle back down in the wake of graduation. (Speaking of which, I made a total ass of myself at the ceremony. A post for later, I'm sure.)

So where am I? What do I do? Where do I go? How do I achieve it? I'm perplexed and my self-analysis has left me coming up short no matter which road I take.

Blah.

But, at least I have my livejournal to help me sort it all out. Right?

I mean....right?

Best site in the universe

I graduate in May.

I'm shopping graduate schools.

I'm looking for a job.

I'm being semi-stalked by a crazy man.

My ex-boyfriend wants me back bad.  I'm not sure how I feel about it.

I have gas.

I have made two new seriously hot e-friends.  One is nerdy Drew Carey hot, and the other is All-American boy next door hot -- if the All-American boy next door had a six pack and tattoos.  The sad part of this scenario is that they're both married and so I must resist all observations of hotness.  However, I'm meeting them BOTH in Chicago next month.  I think.  If I can save. 

My friend Natalie invited me to go, so it will be cheaper than if I were to travel somewhere by myself.

Anyone want to meet me there?  4/18-4/20.

It's that time of year again -- Ibby's selling Girl Scout cookies.

If any of you would like to order some, just let me know. She's looking to earn some patches.