the animals are gone

I have begun a blog other than my livejournal. Don't worry, once I have stable internet both will be updated regularly. I just find it easier to keep a light and airy journal with just a bit of my writing and photography open to the public on blogspot.
So, if you have one, please follow and let me know your thoughts;

WWW.LECERFNOIR.BLOGSPOT.COM

Small shoot I did with my friend Kristen last week. The results are pretty good.








I'm moved into the new house; I'm working on feathering my nest. I'm applying still to St. Edwards. I will know if I am accepted shortly. I have new and wonderful friends, as well as the best old ones! I'm working nonstop and saving money, but not forgetting to enjoy the summer. Alot of grill and chills! More later, I must write this essay!

I have been meaning to let the cat out of the bag for a while, but after learning that "writing something makes it fiction," I did not want to curse such a grand adventure before it truly began to unfold. Last Monday I was allowed (very fortunately) to model for a Converse shoes Fall 2010 shoot. Kana, who is the most amazing friend for having her eye on me, set us up with such a great opportunity! We were flown from Austin to L.A. on a red-eye, and along with our friend Luke made it through a go-see to actual casting! The shoot was in Topanga Canyon, CA, one of the most amazing places I have ever been to! Other than the rainy dreary weather Monday afternoon, and the ungodly amount of sleep I missed, I had such a great time! I don't want to get sappy with recollections and details, so here are some pictures.

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All in all, things were wonderful! I just moved into a new house with Gogi, school is almost out, and if I can make it through finals and a few extra shifts at work, I will be well on my way to a great summer!

Guess who managed to snag 700 sqft of pure bliss? I'm now the tenant of the best little house in Crestview, and cannot wait to have people over! Things are going as planned, and I'm hoping that this next big surprise turns out in my favor...

Listening to Willie Nelson while eating oatmeal, I have to be at work in about 15 minutes. This Monday seems less daunting! I sign the lease for the duplex on Tuesday...only hours until I am a much happier human being! Class this evening and a bounty of French homework will give way to a restless night I'm sure. But on the other hand, I move in to the new place in just over two weeks, and that will exhaust me enough to sleep well in the coming month! Thrilled with everything right now!

I have been exploring my mind lately, with dreams, writing, and books. I find that literature, whether stolen or my own, gives a certain support to my dreaming habits, allowing them to be more striking. I suppose you could say the details are what really stand out, like the vivid coloring of a party scene, the feeling of slight motion sickness from swaying when drunk, the crushing pressure of my head meeting one's chest. I can remember the screams in a backyard, the joy of feeling whole again. I am missing my past all too much, praying for louder times. I will have my own parties soon, with drinks, friends, and a nice home to house them in. I will know in 2-3 days whether or not I am to be the resident of a new duplex just off of 22/22. Rest assured you will hear from me more, seeing as I plan on getting my own internet, and a nicer computer by the end of summer. Speaking of which, I am taking on every possible shift I can while people are on their vacations this summer. I might lose my mind, I might pass out a few times, I might be grumpy, or I might feel like every morning is set in 2007, with El Nino rains and a good boy to my side. I am wondering too much for my own good how things will eventually turn out in my life. Thus far, I have made severe headway into uncharted territory I never really planned on encroaching.


For good measure, it would seem that I am fighting myself...both figuratively and literally:


I suppose things would be a little calmer if my house weren't already in boxes. I am getting a little ahead of myself, but I want to be ready should we actually have a May 1st move-in-date. I will keep you posted, until then, please enjoy this glorious spring weather before the terrible Texan heat sets in!

This date honestly always brings turmoil to my life. Three days ago I was on top of my own world, with a glorious housing opportunity in my hands, a large sum of money from my tax return, and a heart that was greedy with luck. Now I sit in the dark, wondering how things always fail me, and why I work so hard serving others only to receive nothing in return. If I cannot terminate my lease before the end of May, a perfect duplex will slip through my fingers. If fate has its way, I will settle for another year in an apartment or condo that I don't desire. All I ask is a place to rest my head, to feel stress free, a home to live in while I receive a higher education. I forget that things happen for a reason. Who was I to think that I finally deserved better karma?

Three years ago tonight I was a changed being. I summoned courage to face the feelings in the pit of my stomach, braved all to speak with a soul who wrecked my life. I was weak to think that seeing a face and feeling lightheaded was a good thing. I was wrong to think that love could come with rain and perfect glances. I know now what it means to care. I know that love is waiting night after night for your partner to return from work. Love is laughing at the same jokes, mornings that still bring smiles, and sleeping on the floor for five nights due to laziness. Love is made, not found. One can't stumble across love on a balcony, one cannot begin to care on a curb. My heart still aches for my youth, wishing to share wisdom with memories. How could I have been blinded with optimism? How could I neglect reality?

Never the less, here I am, waiting for the change that this date will bring. Cyclic. Eternal. The calendar is my enemy.

The French is beginning to blend with my native language, chaque jour est plus belle. I am finding life less of a struggle, and more a simple ebb and flow of motion, that if once discovered can lead me on a current to my next destination. I met a friend of five years for the first time in person this last week. She is an amazing inspiration to me, always encouraging the best without having to say one word. I feel renewed within others, stagnant in myself. I honestly desire to stand in another’s ragged//torn shoes.

There is less anxiety, less animosity, less ample sadness. I am again, becoming whole with each new day spent growing. The sun sends warmth to the most frost chilled areas of my mind, allowing for enlightenment. Friends come from out of town, out of state, out of country to speak, fumble, and smile. I will apply myself to a future, and with fingers crossed, toes turned inward, hope for an acquired education. To be accepted into an esteemed college would mean the world to my small soul.

I can only hope that with time, you too will see. I pray for eyes to be opened, books and scripts to be read, moments to be spent. Time is frail, as is one’s life, so be reckless. Spill the glasses meant for drinking, eat the bread meant for sharing, walk on unknown grass. Live knowing that each moment is child to the last, and that time will one day surpass your being.

I've only been to two shows thus far, but Priestess, High on Fire, and Lucia were all awesome. I'm heading out to Emo's today to catch Darkest Hour for the first time ever, so excited! I have managed to meet a long time friend who is in town from Brooklyn, and I love her more in person! Ella has already made my Southby worthwhile. I'm lacking a bit in money, trying not to be stingy, but I really just want to move! I'm not wuite set up with a MLS listing for apartments or houses, but hopefully my realty goddess will assist me in the coming days.

I managed to make it through the rain to St. Edward's campus to speak with a transfer guidance counselor on Tuesday. I am above minimum GPA, and have plenty of extra curriculars as well as a decent transcript to rely on. He said that I look like a good candidate for the school, and that the Theatre heavy curriculum would be something I should take advantage of. I am praying now that I am sent an unofficial transfer and that I can apply for Spring of next year. I am two classes away from my associates in Drama, and could enter possibly as a junior of I am able to get enough financial aid! Wish me luck, I might actually be making something of myself.


Alright, time to get off this computer and out to some shows! BBQ HERE I COME.

Spring Break is much needed, and I cannot wait to see friends, music, and the outdoors. I'm feeling a little cooped up this week, maybe it is the impending move, or the attempt to save money for said hassle. I've been to Newflower twice this week, excited by the idea of such a wonderful market at my convenience. Cheap ultra dark fair trade coffee, mandarin juice, and some nori and ginger for future sushi. I'm pleased with my money spent on food, but after selling off most of my closet, I'm feeling less than enthused with my appearance.

Gogi bought a nintendo 64, and I'm geeking out a bit, We had a pitcher and some cider at Thunderbird last night, came home to Duke Nukem, and made steak. Today we bought some great Cary Grant vhs tapes, and some pillowcases at Thrift Town. I'm thrilled with my free days thus far!

Lets hope that this SXSW is fairly stress free!

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