This date honestly always brings turmoil to my life. Three days ago I was on top of my own world, with a glorious housing opportunity in my hands, a large sum of money from my tax return, and a heart that was greedy with luck. Now I sit in the dark, wondering how things always fail me, and why I work so hard serving others only to receive nothing in return. If I cannot terminate my lease before the end of May, a perfect duplex will slip through my fingers. If fate has its way, I will settle for another year in an apartment or condo that I don't desire. All I ask is a place to rest my head, to feel stress free, a home to live in while I receive a higher education. I forget that things happen for a reason. Who was I to think that I finally deserved better karma?
Three years ago tonight I was a changed being. I summoned courage to face the feelings in the pit of my stomach, braved all to speak with a soul who wrecked my life. I was weak to think that seeing a face and feeling lightheaded was a good thing. I was wrong to think that love could come with rain and perfect glances. I know now what it means to care. I know that love is waiting night after night for your partner to return from work. Love is laughing at the same jokes, mornings that still bring smiles, and sleeping on the floor for five nights due to laziness. Love is made, not found. One can't stumble across love on a balcony, one cannot begin to care on a curb. My heart still aches for my youth, wishing to share wisdom with memories. How could I have been blinded with optimism? How could I neglect reality?
Never the less, here I am, waiting for the change that this date will bring. Cyclic. Eternal. The calendar is my enemy.