EAT. SLEEP. REPEAT.

I don't blog, I tumblelog.

2008-05-23T20:36:24Z

I moved.

joannasoon.tumblr.com

What is a tumblelog?

"A tumblelog (or tlog) is a variation of a blog that favors short-form, mixed-media posts over the longer editorial posts frequently associated with blogging. Common post formats found on tumblelogs include links, photos, quotes, dialogues, and video. Unlike blogs, tumblelogs are frequently used to share the author's creations, discoveries, or experiences while providing little or no commentary." - Wikipedia

Blogging takes too much work anyway :D

I think I need a hug

2008-04-14T06:14:12Z

On days like this, I can't help but to ask God, "Why me?"

More than ever, I've been feeling extremely overwhelmed by all that life has thrown at me. It seems as if every time I come home from school, I am greeted by discouraging news at the porch. As some people may know, my family has been battling with the INS for the past 15 years we've been in the US. We've gone through a roller coaster of events, always expecting the worst but hoping for the best. More recently, it seems as if the battle is drawing to a close, with the INS as the victor.

A couple of weeks ago, we received a "notice to appear" letter from them, acknowledging the first step of the deportation process. But a family meeting with my mom gave us hope that we'll be able to dodge the bullet of having to actually depart to our home country of the Philippines, because her hospital's petition to sponsor her for permanent residence seemed likely to come through without any problems. In the case that her petition may not be approved, I had plans to work at a hospital after I graduated in June so that I may be able to obtain sponsorship myself. I'd heard that the process was fairly simple, as long as the employer is willing to petition you. So I've been living the past few weeks with a renewed sense of hope.

But bad news always seems to have a way to come knock-knock-knockin' on my door - the story of my life. Today, my mom showed me an email that summarized her meeting with a top US immigration lawyer earlier last week. To make a long story short, the lawyer said that the only way for her to obtain permanent residence (aka Green Card status) through the employer sponsorship is if she returns to the Philippines and applies for an immigrant visa over there. Since there is a current backlog in visas for RNs, the waiting times to come back to the US would be 3-4 years (or even longer since there's no guarantee.) And even if she could get a visa, only my two youngest siblings would qualify for her benefits and be able to return with her, since the rest of us are already over 21. This basically means that we each have to find a way to get a visa on our own. To make matters worse, my mom told me that even if I worked somewhere over the summer and tried to get petitioned myself, the same thing would apply to me - I'd have to go back to the Philippines to move forward with the process even if the first part was approved - and still have to wait 3-4 years.

You can imagine how difficult this must be for my siblings and especially for my mom. My siblings and I have made our lives here in America, and JJ especially knows almost nothing about the Philippines since he was only 2 when we immigrated here. My mom went back to school several years ago just so she could get her RN license to try to gain sponsorship. Her main motivation was that she would be able to visit her mom (my grandma) in the Philippines. She did this while having to raise 5 kids with virtually minimal financial support from my dad. Sadly, she was never able to visit her mom in 15 years before she passed away several months ago. My mom has experienced an incredible amount of obstacles in her life, unforgivable events that would certainly emotionally cripple another human being. For her to be able to continue to live life with optimism and with unwavering faith is a testament to her strength, courage, and trust in the Lord that everything happens for a reason. She is forever my hero, and though I don't say it often, I love her for everything she has accomplished and for all that she has provided for my family.

So that leaves me here, tonight, thinking about what the future holds for me and my family. I would be lying if I said I wasn't scared. I would be lying if I said that it is going to be easy to keep living my life, day to day, without worrying about the future. Granted, moving back to the Philippines for 3-4 years (or longer) would give me an opportunity to catch up with all of my relatives whom I have not seen since I was 7. But to just leave behind all of my plans, my friends, and the life I've made here because we became victims of circumstance? Trust me when I say that it is the most difficult thing to stay sane and stay focused while all of this is in the back of my mind. Every day, I want to break down and cry my heart out, because I honestly don't feel like my family and I deserve any of this. Why is it a constant struggle for us? When are we finally going to catch a break? When can we finally just sit back, relax, and enjoy life like everyone else we know? It's been a never-ending cycle of broken hopes and promises, with a future that looks equally as bleak.

Sigh. I guess the only thing I can do now is to stay focused on passing all of my classes so I can graduate and get my degree in June, so should we have to return back to the Philippines, then at least I have some sort of marketability on job prospects. Something that has also been encouraging in my life is my sincere attempt at building a relationship with God for the past month or so. You can say that I "lost faith" when everything seemed to go wrong in the past. But I've been reading the Bible, exploring Christianity, and am slowly but surely learning to put all of my trust in Him, and opening up my heart to live my life according to His will. This website really answered a lot of my questions and I was thoroughly moved by the video so much that I was crying almost all throughout the 15 minutes and beyond. (But then again, I am definitely a crybaby by nature. Hehe.) All in all, I know that no matter what happens, it's in God's hands and that He has a reason for everything.

This is getting to be quite an essay so I think I'll end here. If you have actually gotten all the way here, I ask that you please keep my family in your prayers. I would really appreciate that <3

P.S. This entry is also a warning to my friends (i.e., Adrian & Victor) to come play with me more before I may be sent off to a far away land. Hahaha jk =] But okay really, this makes me realize just how precious my friendships are and how sad I will be if I don't get to see all your lovely faces again. So yeah, let's play!

Everything is okay in the end; if it's not okay, then it's not the end.

Say (What You Need To Say)

2008-04-04T08:29:11Z

I'm not a HUGE fan of John Mayer, but this song is just lovely! I've also been contemplating a lot about some things I want to say to certain people. I guess only time will tell whether or not I have the courage to say what I need to say.

dot dot dot

2008-03-30T02:40:57Z

Where did I go wrong, I lost a friend
Somewhere along in the bitterness ..

(screams silently)

It's like she read my mind

2008-03-28T03:55:19Z

It's always hard for me to put into words how I feel. I think it's because of my private nature that I rarely find the chance and/or the courage to vocalize my thoughts to another human being. It's no secret that the past couple of months have been a roller coaster ride for me. After the breakup and what followed shortly after (i.e., a new girlfriend for him), I found myself in a state of shock, confusion, bitterness, and ironically, heartache. Yes, the breakup was "mutual" in a sense that both of us agreed it wasn't working out. But I still find myself wondering if it really was "mutual", or if that's the conclusion we came to because my fragile self wouldn't be able to handle the truth.

That was just 2 months ago and as much as I would love to tell myself that I've completely moved on, the truth of the matter is that I'm still (pathetically) in a state of shock, confusion, and bitterness, though to a much lesser extent. Sometimes I think I'm just overreacting to all of this. I meant what I said when I told him I just wanted him to be happy. Things seem to be going great for them, and it's great that he's found someone that complements him so well in such a short time. I'm supposed to be happy for him, right? Isn't that what a good "friend" is supposed to be? BUT IT'S SO HARD TO BE! As childish and ridiculous as it sounds, I don't think I'm ever going to be completely accepting of her and their relationship because of the circumstances. It's like, one day he tells you he loves and misses you, and the next week, he is saying the exact same things to a different girl. How am I supposed to feel about that? Am I so easily replaceable? Just like that? I mean it's not like I'm still in love with him or want to get back with him. That's just not gonna happen. It's just sad how things came to be. We rarely talk, and when we do it's a casual "good luck on finals" or "just wanted to say hi." It's tense and awkward when we actually meet up in person - not the usual comfortable silence that I'm used to. I know that things will never be the same again, and I admit that my stubbornness probably plays a huge part at that. I know I shouldn't expect anything from his side, so why I feel hurt when he seems insensitive to my feelings is beyond me. It's completely unrealistic and selfish of me to ask anything of him. I just hope that one day, I can finally let it all go, take it for what it is, and just learn from it. It's my challenge now.

Darn you, stubborn heart.

OHEMGEE. I feel so emo. I told myself I would never publicly write about this, but tonight, I don't really care what other people think. In fact, I think it's about time I stop caring so much about what others think. I just need to get this out because it's been on my mind for a while. Whatever. Anyway, I was browsing around and coincidentally found this entry by Keiko Lynn (designer of Postlapsaria) that explains SO much of how I feel. Seriously, it's like she read my mind.

--
There are people out there who are so sickeningly sweet and perfect that you don't know whether you should bake them a cake or smack them in the face. Worse, some of those saccharine candied people out there are dating our exes.

Luckily, my ex is not dating one of them. I say "luckily," because I don't think my ego would be able to handle it.

My sister, however, is not as fortunate. She and Roxy's father, Jon, recently split up. Amanda moved to a new house, they share custody of the wee one and for the most part, it is amicable. He already has a new girlfriend (gosh but don't they move fast) and I heard through the grapevine that she is moving in. I guess she called Amanda and asked her to lunch, or something of the sort. All of the women in my family had the same hesitant reaction - was her invitation a sincere gesture to get to know her boyfriend's ex, or was this a catty move to size her up and sink her claws into a newly sutured wound? I am forever the peptimist, hoping for the best but expecting the worst. I advised Amanda to go, but not without her battle gear in close proximity. Of course, I also maintained that she should make sure she looks her best, upon meeting the new lady of the household.

What can I say? I'm being realistic. Sure, maybe she wants to get to know Amanda because she is the mother of her boyfriend's daughter. Or, maybe she wants to paint herself as the bigger person. Maybe - and quite possibly - she just wants to drag the skeletons out of Jon's hidden-away-for-the-honeymoon-period closet. I smelled a rat.

I don't even know if Amanda ended up going on that lunch date, although she said she intended to. But today, she received a call from her and when she was done checking her messages, she looked like she wanted to throw up. I asked her if she thought she was sincerely a nice person, or if she was digging. Amanda said she was really just a nice girl. I couldn't tell if that bothered her more or less than if she was, in fact, just playing games. The fact is, Jon is the father of her child and they are still friends. They both made a lot of mistakes in their relationship but love doesn't just disappear in an instant - it dissipates, over time. Their breakup was a mere three months ago. As resilient as Amanda is, I know she is hurting.

Regardless of her true feelings on the situation, Amanda is apparently much more well adjusted than me. She is able to suck it up and be an adult about it. I, on the other hand...well, here's what I'd do: I'd shank the girl. I'm of the mindset that after me, there should be no one else. Their worlds should crumble with my exit and my portrait should forever be placed on a pedestal, with pandas and unicorns surrounding the frame. Heck yeah. It's an epic beginning to an eternal struggle of heartache and woeful yearning, for the girl who got away (me, in case you failed the reading comprehension section of your SAT).

_{I should take this time to mention that it's currently 3:20 AM, I've been up since 9 AM and I only got three hours of sleep before that. It may have something to do with my desire to ramble.}

I already made guidelines for the boys I dated (hi, guys! I know you both still read this), after things ended. They are not allowed to date anyone:

1) smarter than me
2) cuter than me
3) more Asian than me
4) more panda or unicorn or magic than me
5) more fashionable than me
6) with a better name than me (I just added this; I think it is entirely valid)
7) with more aminal friends than me. This is also a new one, because I couldn't stop on number 6. I hate that number.

I think this is a very reasonable list of requirements. Why it is so hard to follow, I have no idea.

I'll let you in on [not so much of] a secret. And by "you," I mean Matt and Dave: Until I am over you, I don't want to like the girls you date. I'm sure she's fantastic; I'm sure if the circumstances were different, I'd have a better opinion of her and blah blah blah puke puke puke. However, I don't want to hear about her. I don't want to see her. I don't want your mutual ardor for one another plastered all over the internet, because we all know it will probably ruin my night. And yes, as ridiculous and catty as it seems, I do not want to feel like her inferior. That being said, I implore you to abide by the aforementioned parameters until I give you written permission to do otherwise. Thank you and good night.

panda panda panda

Keiko Lynn

_{[originally from here]}

The sweetest thing

2008-03-26T06:59:57Z

Age is flexible; the only constant is enduring love.

I love Old Love.

Glen Hansard - Falling Slowly

2008-03-01T07:12:19Z

I don't know you
But I want you
All the more for that
Words fall through me
And always fool me
And I can't react
And games that never amount
To more than they're meant
Will play themselves out

Take this sinking boat and point it home
We've still got time
Raise your hopeful voice you have a choice
You've made it now

Falling slowly, eyes that know me
And I can't go back
Moods that take me and erase me
And I'm painted black
You have suffered enough
And warred with yourself
It's time that you won

Take this sinking boat and point it home
We've still got time
Raise your hopeful voice you had a choice
You've made it now

Take this sinking boat and point it home
We've still got time
Raise your hopeful voice you had a choice
You've made it now
Falling slowly sing your melody
I'll sing along

You know you're in college when ..

2007-02-25T07:16:52Z

Ok, I usually don't post these kinds of things but this one is just too good not to share! I think about half of these has applied to me just in the past week! Oh, how things have changed!

You know you're in college when ..

High school started before 8am, but now anything before noon is considered "early."
You have more beer than food in your fridge.
Weekends start on Thursday.
6am is when you go to sleep, not when you wake up.
You know many different ways to cook ramen noodles or macaroni and cheese.
The health center gives out free condoms, and people take them .. just in case.
Instead of falling asleep in class, you stay in bed.
You know how late McDonald's, Taco Bell, Qdoba, etc. are open.
You think it's the weekend on a Wednesday and you don't know what month it is.
You can't remember the last time you washed your car.
Your underwear/sock supply dictates your laundry schedule.
You check Facebook/Myspace more than once a day.
You get drunk dialed on any night of the week.
You wash dishes in the bathroom sink.
You've fallen off a loft bed.
You talk about beer pong like it's a sport.
Finding random people in your house is perfectly normal, and you even sympathize with them ... sometimes when you wake up you have no idea where you are.
Your primary news sources are the Daily Show and the Colbert Report.
You open a beer at 10 am and your roommate asks you if there's more.
The standard of meals per day falls to two, sometimes just one.
Your trash is overflowing and your bank account isn't.
You go to Target or WalMart more than 3 times a week.
You wear the same jeans for 13 days without washing them.
Your breakfast consists of a coke or cereal bar on the way to class... anything with caffeine will do.
Quarters are like gold.
Your idea of feeding the poor is buying yourself some ramen noodles.
You live in a house with three couches, none of which match.
You try to study but seem to procrastinate by eating, going to study breaks, talking to people, etc...
You talk to your roommate on instant messenger when you're both home.
You ask people what YOU did last night.
Certain things are now deemed "facebook worthy." When friends take pictures of you, you wonder how long it will take them to post them.
You've seen a hit and run involving a bicyclist/pedestrian.
You see people you know you've met but can never remember their names or how you know them.
You sleep more in class than in your room
Your idea of a square meal is a box of Pop-Tarts.
You've traveled with bags of dirty clothes.
You go home to do your laundry because you're too poor to pay the $2... or too lazy to go to a change machine.
You pay $100 for a book you don't read once, return it four months later, and get $7.
More than 20% of your household furnishings are made from milk crates.
You recognize the meat in the dorm soup as yesterday's meatloaf, and thus decide to eat a nice bowl of cereal - a safe bet for any meal.
You use words like "thus" (see #40).
You throw out bowls and plates because you don't feel like washing them.
Your beer pong table is nicer than all your other tables.
It takes preparation... and 3 people... to take out your garbage.
Going to the library is a social event.
You wear flip flops in the shower your freshman year... you know why.
You start joining clubs because of the free food.
Visits home depend on how much money you have for gas.
You skip one class to write a paper for another.
You have no idea where your tuition money is going... technology fees? I think not.
Bicycles don't seem as lame as they did in high school.
You stay up late to finish homework then sleep through the class in which it was due.
Girls: You've balanced your foot on a shampoo bottle to shave.
Your backpack is giving you scoliosis.
You've written a check for 45 cents or stopped to get $2.00 of gas.
Your bill in the bookstore will be comparable to tuition.
Going to the mailbox becomes an ego booster/breaker.
Most of your T.A.s are foreign...what's the deal?
You never realized so many people are smarter than you.
You never realized so many people are dumber than you.
Western Europe could be wiped out by a terrible plague and you'd never know, but you can recite the last episode of your favorite show verbatim.
Care packages rank right up there with birthdays.
You craft ways to make any game into a drinking/stripping game.
You meet the type of people you thought only existed in movies.
Printers break down only when you desperately need them.
Anything can be cooked in a microwave.
Two words: bike cops.
You have Safe Ride programmed into your phone.
Old school Nintendo... and guitar hero... are pretty much the best things ever.
Going to the grocery at midnight is completely normal.
You call restaurants that deliver more than you call your own family.
You've paid bills over $5... in coins.
You can't imagine life without your computer/cell phone/ ipod.
Hoodies and sweatpants become the norm - jeans are considered "dressy" at certain occasions... like school.
A canceled class is almost as exciting as Christmas.
Taking a nap in the library is perfectly acceptable.
Your professors speak English... as a second language.
Your teachers swear in class and no one cares.
Candles in your dorm room are considered contraband, but cigarettes are ok.
You take condiment packets and napkins from fast food restaurants - hey, they're free.
Betta fish are like your family.
You bring back socks from the laundry room that may or may not be yours.
You know what people carrying suspiciously heavy backpacks after dark are doing...
The elevators take forever but you'll wait 10 minutes just so you don't have to climb stairs.
Your roommate asks you to check the weather on your computer when they're standing 5 feet away from the door.
You finish reading this and wonder how you can procrastinate next.

To keep in mind for this new year

2007-01-02T02:48:05Z

"What you feel only matters to you. It's what you do to the people you love. That's what matters. That's the only thing that counts." - The Last Kiss

Rundown on my life

2006-10-21T06:20:18Z

Hello hello! Miss me? I know Jess did! Haha jk! ;] Well I'm finally back from MIA status and here to update you on the happenings of my life. I guess it'll be easier if I broke it down into sections.

HmMm not much to say here since I took the quarter off! I'm just anxious for school to start again but at the same time, I feel like I've forgotten what it felt like! The boring lectures, the falling asleep in class, the walk up & down BruinWalk, the annoying flyer people, the late nights, the homework, the energy drinks, the exams .. okay so how the heck am I gonna survive next quarter!? I mean yeah, it feels pretty good to take a break from all of it. But I do miss it. Really. I think I will start reading my old books so I can be prepared for next quarter. Oh, and I think I've decided to take up a minor -- either biological anthro or sociocultural anthro. Need to talk to my counselor to see if it's a good idea.

So I have a new job! I work in the marketing department of a software company called COMSOL in Westwood. Working 8am-5pm everyday for the past two weeks have really taken a toll on me. I'm exhausted when I get home, I'm cranky, restless, and sleepy all the time. My feet and butt are sore from walking to work and then back home even though it's only a mile away. It's just "the grind", as Victor calls it. Suddenly I've been tossed in the "real world". We've been planning our Vegas conference that takes place next Thursday & Friday so everything has been really crazy and extra busy. I had to learn how to do so many things the first couple days that I thought I was gonna break down, but thank goodness I'm a fast learner (especially with computer stuff)! We went out to eat sushi the other day to celebrate last month's sales and the signing of our new office lease. I got lucky and came in time for free a lunch (& dessert at PinkBerry)! Yay!

lunch w/ the coworkers

YES, I do have a love life again if you haven't yet heard the news. The breakup was a huge turning point in our relationship, but now I can confidently say that we are better than ever. Jason and I have worked things out and we just realize how much we miss each other when we're apart. It's going to take a lot of effort and commitment on both sides but I know that it is definitely worth the fight. I ♥ Jason and that's all I have to say about that. Happy days are here again =]

me & my boyfriend ♥

The living situation was a little rough in the beginning since Eunice and I are both pretty clean people and our roommates .. well not so much. I think we expected a bit too much and were disappointed to find that things weren't the way we wanted them to be. We might try to find a place of our own later on if we decide that moving out isn't too much of a hassle, but for now we're just trying to manage. I've been cooking occasionally so at least I'm learning a new skill =] Maybe one day I'll be confident enough with my cooking to host a dinner party or some sort .. and maybe you'll be lucky enough to be invited! Hah! Jk!!

These are from our game night when we played "SceneIt! Friends".

Jessica's doggy is too cute!

aren't my friends HOT?

LOL look at Cat!!

blast from the past! I miss you guys =[

As always, if you know anyone who might wanna buy jewelry, please refer my store to them! I list new items weekly so check back often! I would really appreciate it! =]

Have a great weekend everyone! :]

Help a friend out?

2006-09-11T22:09:48Z

click to enter the ebay store!

Okay so I'm really desperate for some moolah because I have exactly $8.14 in my checking account after making my car payment. I need to come up with $230 for rent and $402 for deposit (which are both way overdue btw). Then another $2345 for Fall Quarter's tuition. But in all likelihood, I won't have that kind of money by the due date SO I have decided that I will probably declare non-attendance for this quarter, find a full-time job, expand the eBay business, do some volunteer work, get involved with school, and finally sculpt myself into shape.

Sounds like a plan? I guess it'll have to do .. even if it will put me behind with schoolwork, as if I weren't already so behind. I don't really have much of a choice. I freakin envy all you American-borns who don't even know how easy you have it. Arghh. It just pisses me off because it's not my fault that all this had to happen. I mean, my family's been here for 13 freakin years, we pay taxes, we do well in school, and still .. the INS shows no mercy.

Sigh sigh sighhh.

I wonder if any of this will even be worth it in the end. It's just easier to drop out now and not have any of this to worry about. I wonder if it will just keep going downhill from here. I wonder ..

[EDIT] .. cause I just had to!!

(taken December 26, 2004)

Photos & Videos Uploaded!

2006-09-04T22:11:32Z

Okay so the whole day yesterday I began uploading all my pictures and videos since the beginning of Senior Year .. and I'm finally done! It comes down to 4671 photos & 126 videos. Man, what a trip going through all those pictures .. and especially watching all the videos! What fun times we had! Adrian looked through them and said something that sounded pretty gay like, "I've been smiling this whole time my cheeks are cramped. The pictures and videos .. they seem so genuine .. like our smiles and laughs .. it's contagious!" LOL!! But I guess he does make a good point. I found myself getting pretty nostalgic going through them, especially watching the videos from Boston & my 18th birthday at Joe's Crab Shack! Those were some goood times. Good times for sure. Okay so if you want to see the pictures, CLICK HERE. I set a password for it so that no icky strangers try to stalk my beautiful friends. IM me for the password! =] Love you all! Enjoy!

San Diego trip

2006-08-21T22:29:54Z

So what have I been up to lately?

_{collage by JasonD}

I love my friends!

2006-08-12T19:53:38Z

Hello hello! What a great week I've had! I think I've kept myself in my little bubble for such a long time that I've forgotten how much I enjoy spending time with my beautiful friends! In all honesty, I know there were times when I took my friends for granted. I didn't answer phone calls, didn't return them, didn't make an effort to keep in touch, and was basically just a crappy friend overall. I guess I just always expected that I could come back to them anytime and things would be back to normal. But now I realize more than ever that it really does take two to tango. A friendship, just like a relationship, takes effort from both sides. I know that I haven't done much with my share of the bargain, and for that, I am sorry. But fret not! I'll make it up to you. Promise <3

Just in the past week, I've discovered a handful of people who I can truly call my friends for life. It really doesn't take a lot to make me happy. I'm a really simple person and time spent with people I love -- whether it be playing video games, acting like dorks at theme parks, catching a meal at 5am in the morning, or just sitting around -- are moments that make life worthwhile. So thank you, you, you, you, and most especially you, for helping me to realize how truly special you are. I just love how it's all the little quirks, the smallest habits, the strangest facial expressions, and the idiosyncrasies that make each individual unique. Some people may call these imperfections, but it's why I love you and you and you! =]

And just because I never I tell you enough, thank you for being my friend. I ♥ YOU!

_{[I'm such a great picture taker!]}

A ride home

2006-08-06T23:58:40Z

I ♥ catching up with old friends! Last night was fun. It's really great to see everyone! ;]

So coming home from Derrick's birthday party, I was following Rex on the freeway. I felt like speeding up so I did, switched lanes, and saw Rex following me, he'd speed up, then I would follow his car. I even asked Jason, "is that Jess' car?" at least twice, but I should have known better than to trust a half-asleep drunk. Hahaha! =] It was like this for a while, until his car took an exit on Firestone instead of going on the 91W. At first I thought it was a little weird but I thought maybe he knew of a shortcut way of getting home. So then the car pulled up into a gas station and I followed close behind, thinking he'd need to get gas. So I pulled up next to him, and he got out of his car ..

And and and .. REX TURNED INTO A CREEPY MEXICAN MAN WITH A NASTY SMIRK ON HIS FACE! He looked inside my car and started smiling at me! Ewwwwwwwwwww. I bet he thought I was car flirting with him!! OMG so so embarrassing. As soon as I realized I was following the wrong car, I started the engine and drove off, as fast as I possibly could. I sure as heck didn't want that nasty man following me home. Hahahaha! But yea, that was embarrassing.

At least the 5am breakfast with Rex & Jessica at Denny's made up for it. Mmmmmm .. nothing tastes better than fried chicken strips, mozzarella cheese sticks, & crispy onion rings at 5 in the morning. =P

Let's do it again! =]

- - -

Jason: I thought I was Superman alright? I didn't think I could ever get like that.

LOL! Silly guy. You're just a man in a silly red sheet. Even heroes have the right to bleed.

Good times!

2006-08-01T02:30:23Z

I had a good weekend. Thank goodness! It's been a while. Looking forward to lots and lots more. Care to join me?

Thank you everyone. I love you all =]

I can relate completely ..

2006-07-28T07:05:20Z

(courtesy of PostSecret)

I'm working on it. I'll be okay. We'll be okay. This I know.

Words from a friend

2006-07-23T07:36:15Z

"Because when things don't go as planned it HURTS, dangit! And it hurts in such a way that can't even be described in words. In such a way that can only be understood through experience.

And I never thought you would be the one doing this to me.

And it hurts.

On so many different levels. It hurts."

- - -

"And it hurts so much I can't even formulate the words to type.
And all I want is to talk to him. Every time I flip open my phone, I half expect a missed call from him. Every time it vibrates, I half expect it to be from him."

- - -

"And in all honesty, underneath all the bitterness and hurt, there's still a part of me that knows that he's still the one I want. And I have a nagging suspicion that I'm going to spend the rest of my life searching for someone just like him.
They say you get over people because feelings eventually fade. But what am I supposed to do if even after the feelings fade, I still can't get over him?
Time. Give it time.
That seems to be the solution to everything.
Yeah. Maybe I just need to give it more time..."

Couldn't have said it better myself. Sometimes all we need is a reminder that we're not alone. And that in the end, everything will be okay. Thanks, friend <3. You know who you are :]

Painful reminders

2006-07-19T19:16:52Z

He still talks to the one girl who reminds me of how I wasn't good enough. How I couldn't compare. She knows about what happened that summer, but she doesn't know it's because of her. And she still talks to him. And tries to hang out with him.

I know it's really selfish of me .. and I have no right to ask for anything (especially now that we're not together) .. but I just feel so mad/sad/hurt at the same time. I guess painful reminders of the past are just that -- painful reminders. And yeah, it still hurts.

*Sigh* I have to learn to let this go ..

I don't care I don't care I don't care I don't care I don't care I don't care.
Just keep telling myself that ..

PostSecret

2006-07-18T22:53:10Z

How I feel right at this moment ..

2006-07-17T23:31:43Z

I. am. pathetic.

.. it's hard to be strong ..

Wise words

2006-07-17T07:42:47Z

As we grow up, we learn that even the one person that wasn't supposed to ever let you down probably will. You will have your heart broken, probably more than once, and it's harder every time. You'll break hearts too, so remember how it felt when yours was broken. You'll fight with your best friend, and you might even fall in love with them. You'll blame a new love for things an old one did. You'll cry because time is passing so fast, and you'll eventually lose someone you love. So take too many pictures, laugh too hard, and love like you've never been hurt, because every minute you spend mad or upset is a minute of happiness that you'll never get.

The Fray - Look After You

2006-07-14T07:29:27Z

*Sigh*

~~I want to be your baby. Look after me.~~

No no. I don't want him back. I can't have him back. I can't go through with it again. I don't think my heart can handle it anymore. It might just shut down and stop.

Maybe in time .. when we've had time to grow and learn .. maybe we'll find each other again.

Better days

2006-07-14T06:45:42Z

Better days. I can see better days ahead.

:]

- - -

"What doesn't kill you only makes you stronger."

Goodbye My Lover

2006-07-06T02:20:01Z

James Blunt - "Goodbye My Lover"

Did I disappoint you or let you down?
Should I be feeling guilty or let the judges frown?
'Cause I saw the end before we'd begun,
Yes I saw you were blinded and I knew I had won.
So I took what's mine by eternal right.
Took your soul out into the night.
It may be over but it won't stop there,
I am here for you if you'd only care.
You touched my heart you touched my soul.
You changed my life and all my goals.
And love is blind and that I knew when,
My heart was blinded by you.
I've kissed your lips and held your hand.
Shared your dreams and shared your bed.
I know you well, I know your smell.
I've been addicted to you.

Goodbye my lover.
Goodbye my friend.
You have been the one.
You have been the one for me.

Goodbye my lover.
Goodbye my friend.
You have been the one.
You have been the one for me.

I am a dreamer and when I wake,
You can't break my spirit - it's my dreams you take.
And as you move on, remember me,
Remember us and all we used to be
I've seen you cry, I've seen you smile.
I've watched you sleeping for a while.
I'd be the father of your child.
I'd spend a lifetime with you.
I know your fears and you know mine.
We've had our doubts but now we're fine,
And I love you, I swear that's true.
I cannot live without you.

Goodbye my lover.
Goodbye my friend.
You have been the one.
You have been the one for me.

Goodbye my lover.
Goodbye my friend.
You have been the one.
You have been the one for me.

And I still hold your hand in mine.
In mine when I'm asleep.
And I will bare my soul in time,
When I'm kneeling at your feet.
Goodbye my lover.
Goodbye my friend.
You have been the one.
You have been the one for me.

I'm so hollow, baby, I'm so hollow.
I'm so, I'm so, I'm so hollow.
I'm so hollow, baby, I'm so hollow.
I'm so, I'm so, I'm so hollow.