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02 February 2007 @ 11:03 pm
new username  
not sure why, but i like a little change here and there. this thing has become my life via computer screen. yet a vague, very vague version.

so kelsi, laugh all you want, ITS TIME.
jess_jeanneret is le new one. so add me if you care?!
i added a couple of you that i still keep up with.
( ADD )
[Bad username: buuuuut jordan. i didn't add you. i haven't talked to you in awhile. just feel like you should know i started reading Jennifer Government. Yupppp.]
 
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01 February 2007 @ 09:54 pm
 

just for my own records. i can't believe what happened and this is so hard for me to deal with.
seeing really is believing and it's making me sick to think about it.
push me to the curb because i can't let go. tonight just ...wasn't my night.

 
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01 February 2007 @ 05:21 pm
naive  
i would like to know where i was when it was January 31st because I totally skipped that date?

i kind of got pulled over today? and the officer laughed at me. with all of that relief, i cried and told him i loved him.
my brother asked me if i knew who the band "Oasis" was and I laughed in his face.
KB and I got to eat and talk today, it was very pleasant.
I even got to talk to Sam via phone again, today. It is a rare occasion, which is why the internet/texts substitute it.

speaking of which: my sister deleted all episodes of scrubs i was planning on watching tonight. i'm now super upset with her and her fatself. just because i wrote a fatperson remark about her on myspace, i'm being punished. i'm soooorrrryyy you're an idiot and i want to be a super hxc be-yotch and show dad all of your alcohol bottles i stashed for you. not to mention the pictures. oh the pictures are everywhere.
i'd get you kicked out of the house in no time. me? you could get me grounded, if you even had proof to what i did. that's nowhere near the same as me out on the street with nothing. not even a car. you stubborn bitch, you can't get everything and somehow you think you're so superior and smart and deserve it all. You're not smart and your family hates you because you're fucking annoying and immature. The only reason we get along is because I HAVE TO GET ALONG WITH YOU. it's the rules and craig T ain't nice if i don't follow 'em.



also: when i went to go get my dad from work at approx. 5pm, my mom was outside my house?! I got in the car as she put HER car behind my dad's so I couldn't get out. She continued to get out of the car to come to mine and talk to me. I drove into the garage since i didnt park it in there to begin with, and reversed into the neighbors yard thing onto their driveway and i swear if she was behind me acting like I wouldn't run her ass over, I would. I wouldn't even try to hide what I did, because I'd be proud.
Think of me as what you want, she deserves it.


weekend: i'm shopping for shoes with De toms. (friday)
then on saturday i'm working& phil asked me to hang out!? with tom , keenan and a bunch of other people.
i work on the superbowl like a bitch. nine hour shift. we'll see how happy i turn out? i think it'll be fine. nobody will come in&there will be a tv?
what i don't understand is: ITS CHICAGO. OUR TEAM IS IN THE SUPERBOWL. AFTER like TWENTY YEARS. THIS IS A HOLIDAY!

goodday.
 
 
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31 January 2007 @ 09:07 pm
can you keep up  

i like being trusted. i like being warm. i like being loved. i like being me.
and that's more than i've ever been to say about myself in .......16 years.

apparently, starting monday the high will be about 5 degrees. low is about fifteen below.
&my half birthday is in 23 days.

 
 
Current Mood: tired
Current Music: album leaf
 
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29 January 2007 @ 06:15 pm
=)  
AS AN EDIT: Apparently Marty did not even leave that comment. Which is a real shocker to me. Now it just makes me curious as to who else has it out fo' me. How about I start a list! Marty, to be gracious, I can put you first. =).
And as for the rest of anonymous commenters! I like how you continually waste your day reading about mine &following it up with a rude remark. THEN WON'T EVEN ADMIT TO IT. Give yourself some credit! It takes reaaaaaaal balls to type something mean to me on my internet journal!!1!1! Makes me all warm and fuzzy inside.
--------------------
every once and a while i try to be fair to my dad. see if he'll give in to my plans. as you may very well know, i go to shows all the time. i go downtown whenever i want. i kind of just do shit he has no clue about. but i figure, like today where i'm feeling good, i'll let him in on my life. what i like. blahblahblah. so here's our conversation and why this is never happening again:

me----"Dad. If I get like...a few friends together, can I go to a concert at the end of april?"
craig T--"it better be at the rosemont horizon or else you're not going."
me----"I don't want to see a bunch of crappy ass bands for 60bucks plus fees for a ticket"
craig T--"ugh. who would you be going with?"
me----"so far i've only talked to kevin and kelsi"
craig T--"who's kevin?"
me----"i don't think you've met him."
craig T--"whatever, you need six boys and i have to know all of them"
me----"why?"
craig T--"PEOPLE DIE AT THOSE THINGS"


cheers.
 
 
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Current Music: husband on the road.
 
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28 January 2007 @ 09:58 pm
oh if only, if onlyyy  
IVE NEVER BEEN SO HAPPY IN MY LIFE

TED LEO IN APRILLL. APRIL 28th TO BE EXACT.
At the METRO! ON A SATURDAY!!
kevin said he's dooowwnnnn. i'm sure kelsi will be, but i still need to ask!

of montreal&brand new are coming up. then i'll be with SAM.
!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
i will stop heaving food in my mouth eventually. i have to!!!!!!! i'm happy!!!!!!!!!!!!


fuck i won't be able to sleep now.
and i'm such a fucking rebel. i'm not doing my alg II homework!


ahahahhaha and the american dad episode made me laugh just listening to it. reminded me of work, becasue apparently all of the mexi workers are illegal! i didn't know that and didn't even naturally assume. you go jess.
 
 
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26 January 2007 @ 11:14 pm
carpentersville  
 
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26 January 2007 @ 07:06 pm
bullshit  
Jesus fucking Christ. I was talking to my dad and I noticed ...how I squeeeeeel my way out of things. Most of the time it's just little ridiculous notions or he's just been bugging me and I think of the most amazingly fitting excuses. Talking to him I just don't feel right? I get uncomfortable. Don't get me wrong, I'm lucky to have him around and I'm lucky to be here and lucky that he fought so much for myself with my siblings. That I am grateful for, but some of the things he does. It's just unneccessary. There are obvious reasons why I have to hide so many things from him which is what I've been noticing is why I hide things from other people. When I tell people things he gives me some look like I'm crazy (in which isn't exactly arguable) and just critisized in his mind that I'm so irresponsible and naive. I'm trying here! You give me the strangest boundaries. "You can stay out until 2am, If you have a ride home. If you have the car, you must be home at 1130 cause I want to go to sleep." So he needs the car home to sleep comfortably? He doesn't give a shit where my brother or sister goes. I'm different because I have more friends? A variety at least. Or maybe because I have a sketchy history of not being where I say I'm at. I've been to way too many places he has no clue about...I suppose. He met Tom and De&co. the other week when they stopped by to say hi cause they were in town. He just sits there "hi" and caughs, sometimes. Doesn't care to get to know anyyyybody, but wants their life story when they leave. He asked me if I was dating Tom. I said no. He asked me if I was dating everybody else, too. I said no. He then brought up Elliott. He then brought up Nate! (Katey, It may be because he dropped off pastries and valentines yesterday!?)  He then brought up Michael. He then brought up Ken. I was like UHHHHH You haven't seen Ken in a year?!?! My dad will just randomly obsess over whats going on in my life every couple months. He's determined to find out relationship status and I can tell he asked my siblings too, with their curious accusations. It's getting annoying.
I hate hiding things. I don't know why I hide half of the things I do, or simply not admit my feelings towards a few things. Its just easier that way?
If you really matter to me, I'll tell you because I feel like you're alloud to know. Meh. Do I really have to have a reason anyway? No.

I just need to stop crawling my way out of situations. I've also noticed most of the time I have to because it has absolutely nothing to do with me. If I did something wrong, I need to admit what I've done, learn from it and not do it again. If I have to do it over&over&over again, I obviously feel no remorse so shouldn't apologize. I'm not sure why apologies don't mean much to me? Maybe because it's become quite the cliche'd phrase in my life. With people who raised me to people I trust. I guess it isn't easy to let your guard down. You just have to be willing to admit your own mistakes and take the blame for them.

SO SUCK IT UP JESS. GET ON WITH IT.
 
 
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23 January 2007 @ 02:48 pm
nervousity  
i got up...semi-late this morning. i got ready in like, five minutes. i'm sure you could tell. walked and made it on time at least by arriving in the gym as the bell rang. i'm amazing. what's up?
i've got rubi, tyler, shiv and some other oddities in that class. i'm not happy about meagan. fuck you, you stupid whore. yr the black plaagguueee.
then had to chill in the counselours office considering i didn't have a second period. we got it fixed around and then i now have english with Daily 2nd period. NO MORE MRS. SCHMIDT! He agrees that it was a better change for me. We got Drawing I in there. I'm excited. I have back-to-back classes with Adelle. She might drop drawing though to be a photo lab Aid. It's fine, I suppose. Seeing as though It will just be a relaxing breeeeze in the morning.
Mrs. Blaine reminds me of Aunt Ruth. ahahahaha
Then my schedule is normal. Mashal isn't in my chem anymore. Katey isn't in my USHistory, but Ken Villarin is. Oh god, that's going to be a disaster. I just can feeeeeel that we're going to get some stupid assignment together and have to talk. NOT HAPPENINNGGGG you self-absorbed inconsiderate ungrateful bastard. You may tell me I'm holding a grudge, but I see it otherwise. Take it as you will.
I have three things to do for homework tonight. 2 of which are already accomplished! I just have to finish english. This semester, I am in control baby.

What's been going on with you Jess? Whatchu been up to since yr last update?
Meh, don't really feel like talking about it. Hasn't been anything too ridiculously exciting other than new school shtuff. The rest is personal and don't feel like the world hearing.

When it comes down to my new schedule and people that I'm going to have to put up with, I think with Adelle, it was quite astrange. It doesn't matter how long it's been since I've talked to her or what our last words even were or what the fuck we've been up to. We talked like we talk everyday and we're perfectly fine. There never really was anything completely wrong with it, other than keeping in touch. Difference in friends and plans and schedules and groundings and work made it hard. We're in two seperate realities these days and that still doesnt get in the way.
Anyway, girl, if yr reading this...I hope you liked that picture of MC Pee Pants. Ahaaaaaaa.
love.
 
 
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20 January 2007 @ 04:38 pm
san francisco  
shit today deserves an entry.
i also am very proud to say that my baby Kelsi officially has her license and the SWANKMOBILE has the power to drive us into the sunset with our babehhhzz listening to scandelous, possibly.
today is definitely a momentous occasion for that reason!

i eventually got to see michael today and chilled with him for a few hours. we dropped my sister off at work, went to breadsmith (!!! got a cheese baguette thing and cookies i have yet to try), went to jimmy johns, borders and banana republic. our usual time together lately has consisted of eating, shopping and talking about music. i don't hate it, either.
we found out that the new shins is definitely on the shelves! WTF IS WITH THE INTERNET TELLING ME IT ISN'T OUT FOR THREE MORE DAYS?! assholes.
i'm going to venture over to target in the near future to pick that hawtie up.
thennnn we danced in the car. i felt somewhat alive like i used to rather than constantly paranoid and all uptight like AUGH JESS YR RESPONSIBLE. shut upp conscience! NO IM NOTT. i'm still a kid for right now. just give me this one more yearrrr. i'll work hard, i promise. for various reasons that need accomplishing. i just liked feeling like that.
we went to banana republic and i felt like...one of those movies with the young kid couples/siblings who have a bunch of money and have people constantly waiting on them and just $$ flash over the screen with those sound effects with somewhat flashy music. i felt somewhat pretty today for whatever reason and it was altogether nice. he picked out a bunch of things cause he had $250 in gift cards alone. We ended up agreeing on one hot shirt that matched with absolutely no jackets in the store that we even remotely liked. It was $60 for just a nice button up, but it made him look dashing. If you've seen his closet like I have, I don't know how to act anymore. Ahaaa.
We took the long way back to his dads house and got half the shins songs in and pretended to know how to play the drums. BUT I WAS STILL PAYING ATTN TO THE ROAD. give me a break =X.

As sooooooon as he stepped out of the car, my Empty light went on. I was kind of annoyed. He said if it went on when we were out, he'd pay for gas. Mothafuckahhh. So I went and got gas, jammed on the way home and called kelsi. Reaaallly only talked to Brian, but it's okay. I'm glad he's not like SUP BITCH? he's nice. It's nice. I'm very happy for her.
It would be time for me to pick up my sister exactly! right now. buuut she's staying for an extra hour.

I hope katey calls me when she gets off and asks me to chill with her tonight. I want to know about everything that happened last night, excuse me for being nosey. It might somewhat have to do with me and I'll admit! When it comes to the shit going on between her/nate/elliott/liz/etc. is going on...i want to know everything because it will eventually come back to me anyways. At least I think so.
tonight i hope to buy glowsticks, better ones, and rave in the kitchen with CJ again tonight.
 
 
Current Mood: loved
Current Music: global deejays!
 
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19 January 2007 @ 09:57 pm
living with the living  

new ted leo couldn't sound any better:


"For their fifth full-length release, Ted Leo and the Pharmacists met up with Brendan Canty (Fugazi) to iron out a new set of anthems that arrive with a confident and outspoken immediacy. With Living with the Living, Ted and Co. wipe clean the slate that once held names like Weller, Strummer and Bragg and indulge some of their farthest-reaching musical ambitions.

Along with the punk sound and energy found in Ted Leo and the Pharmacists' previous works, Living with the Living finds soul, funk and R&B injected into the trajectory of Chris Wilson's dexterous percussion, Dave Lerner's bedrock bass and an onslaught of combustibles from Ted's possessed fingertips." -isound something or other?

 
 
Current Mood: bouncy
Current Music: ted leo. the supreme being.
 
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19 January 2007 @ 02:28 am
delayed responses  
A la la, a la la
Alguém me avisa
Quando Ă© bom parar
De fazer a Ă­ntima
_________
stop
me from making a mistake.
all of these thoughts keep me awake.
provacative,manipulative and threatening
creates constant imagery
in my head.
block.
=========
thats my horoscope with words taken out. i know thats what they mean. i also changed YOU to ME.
i wish i knew what was going on inside my own head.
today i was in the kitchen just washing dishes for twenty minutes and the whole time i could hear my younger neighbors crying/being slammed into things and screaming and yelling and absolutely no voice out of the parents. i'm not sure if it was abuse or them doing something/getting in trouble. i wasnt going to get in their business.
but after listening to it for about 70 minutes i feel like it was abuse. correct me if need be. so i spent most of the night with kelsi trying to hear over those repeated sounds of vulnerability. the only time i don't do something may be when i'm actually needed.
figures. worthless.

plans:
tonight: awesome with kelsi  &sweeeeet high fives.  [ft. phil,keenan,missy &tom.]
tomorrow: wii bowling with adam. then work with matt.
saturday: michael and shit
sunday: work in the morning. try to stop by kateys at night. i miss her.
 
 
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15 January 2007 @ 05:43 pm
mopppyyy  

i really do love spending time with adam
saturday...uh. well. we went to starbucks.
sat down to sip on our drinks and he asked about the logo
i have no clue where it came from. he said it looked like she was a sea monster and i said 'uhhh, no...that's a border?'
i really had no idea.
so. this just went down:
[17:41] jesscadotcom: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Starbucks#Name_and_logo
[17:41] Moptch: OMG
[17:41] Moptch: lol
[17:41] Moptch: IT IS
[17:41] Moptch: LOL
[17:41] Moptch: OMFG
[17:41] Moptch: I AM GOOD
[17:41] jesscadotcom: aha i knowwww
[17:42] Moptch: I AM TOO FUCKING GOOD
[17:42] Moptch: SUCK IT HO
[17:42] Moptch: SUCK MY COCK
[17:42] Moptch: sorrry

he is going to let me play his Wii Bowling. Fuuuuckk yes. my grounding can't end any faster to get to that. ahhhh i have been waiting for so long.

 
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13 January 2007 @ 09:16 pm
KSKALN  
right now: my grades are shitty, i am broke, i am disappointed in myself, i am constantly hungry, i (don't care what you think, don't even budge. it's annoying) am overweight, i am not exactly stable and i wish i had something to be proud of in myself.
there is...nothing.

really. i've spent every night the past week crying for different reasons mainly involving myself. there is just so much that i'm discontent with and quite frankly just sick of. i have a couple things/people that make me happy and i don't really want to give any of that up. one person in particular is just a little faaaaaar. i'm trying to decide how i'm going to make it anywhere if i continue acting the way i do.

everybody whom i care about. there's a group of six and you six should know damn well who you are.
i want you to yell at me. i want you to make me feel like shit. because i deserve it.
if i don't get my shit together ( and i probably won't unless i'm beaten ) i'm going to regret all of this.
all in all, bad things will most likely happen that i cannot have happen.
i don't think i've ever been more serious in my life.

jess. fucking wake up. if you want to graduate in a year from now, that doesn't give you much time to actually excell and become the person you want to be, now does it?
STOP TRYING TO BE SOMETHING YOU'RE NOT. you can't please everybody. you can't save anyone. you can't continue living the way that you do.

...i just smelled my hand when i went to go itch my nose, and it smells like you, adam. cause i put my hand on your sweater/arm when we were in the car. augh. you should have been more of an asshole to me. you're just too nice. i'm not even going to write about what happened. i'm too embarassed.


 
 
Current Mood: angry
Current Music: djshadow
 
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12 January 2007 @ 05:36 pm
pigs - hares - hens - stalls and wardens.  
The way that worked out was just so unbelievably...unexpected. I cannot be...well, happier. It's easier on the both of us and it just fits.
Foooooooor real.

Other than that mess, I'm okay for the most part. I can't believe what you were trying to antagonize me into thinking the other night, though. It's slightly ridiculous that you were thinking for me. I have my own voice and will fucking use it. I will not be rude about it. I will wait to be spoken to about the subject matter and point out what mistakes have been made. Everybody! Stop assuming my feelings and viewpoints on certain situations. You really have no clue where I stand with half of anything because you just don't ask. YOU ASSUME &think I agree with you when I don't. Most of you know nothing about me. Seriously, sit back and think about it. I probably know you from front-to-back all the while you just know my physical features and my opinion about you. Fun. I like it that way. I have no attatchment to you.
I will get through this. I can do this. Technically, I have to and am obviously obligated. I'm not sure why I was really picked. So many other people would love this position, but none of you could even relate. These things are ...semi-awkward. The past two days have shown me that I can change a few things and it makes me feel somewhat superior.

i finally figured out the name of the TV show i used to watch. The Wonder Years. Do you remember that showww? I was just a little child, but I remember the re-runs and whatnot. I'm going to go check out seasons or something at borders after returning some stuff and getting my store credit. I have mass coupons and rewards stuff. Yesss. I just finished eating and am going to head on out of here. Who knows how long i'll be there. We'll see if I do the right thing tonight, won't we?

ps. my brother just asked my dad what ED was because of a commercial and my dad responds ERECTION......DISFUNCTION. (background commercial: blahblahblahhh your sex life will bump up more than just one notch ;D blahblahblahhhh)
my brother just responds "....ehhhheww."
not sure why that make me laugh, just of all of its awkwardness swimming in the air. that always makes me giggle.
 
 
Current Mood: melancholy
Current Music: decemberists
 
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07 January 2007 @ 07:39 pm
zombie A T T A C K!  
don't think i could have asked for a better weekend.
friday with kelsi.
saturday with sham
sunday sham/kb/lindsay

all of the things that i have done could not be written in a ten minute time frame that i have set for myself.
i have a bunch of shit to do.
just as an update: the weather this weekend was perfect. mid-sunday it started to rain and now it's wet outside and it's starting to snow.
the weather is just fucking with me and i don't care anymoreee.
gonna clean. gonna finish homework. gonna sleep very tightly, kinda.

i wish i had a walgreens ninja in st. charles. for serious.
 
 
Current Location: bedroom
Current Mood: calm
Current Music: tv on the radio
 
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06 January 2007 @ 12:53 am
aw fuck it, i'm gonna have a party  

goddamnit pete. you're the fucking man. you have no idea how great it is to honestly see you happy, not frustrated/disgruntled/annoyed/angry/depressed all in one every single time while you& then cover it up with your humor. everything you did was just happy. you may have smelled like some kind of oriental sauce/bbq'd beef buuuuuut boy was i glad to see you play. you've improved so much. your drums sound heavenly and you're with guys that know how to play, play it right, play it how you like it. Davis Bridge is going somewhere, and if not altogether, you'll break up into all very lovely musical groups/solo artists. Don't care how. Gosh i'm so proud of you. You really have no clue how proud and happy I was to see you. You have permission to ask Kelsi if i'm lieing and she will probably tell you about my five minute (or just really fast-talking pace that should have been spread out to five minutes) of information summed up above she got as soon as we were in the car.
shit i'm in a good mood.
this weeeeeekends going to be amazing.
thank you for starting it off, pedahh. love you.

 
 
Current Location: H O U S E
Current Mood: ecstatic
Current Music: date movie!?
 
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01 January 2007 @ 04:31 pm
waaaambulance  

***Comment and I'll give you a letter; then you have to list ten things you love that begin with that letter. Afterward, post this in your journal and give out some letters of your own.***
---->I don't blame you if you don't play along!

I got S from Jordan

1. Super Target
2. SMOOVE B
3. Summer
4. Shows
5. Sand
6. Stars
7. Sharp pointed marker pens
8. Shorts
9. Shamm
10. Scrubs

///////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////
as for a real entry:

seriously. not even 24 hours and you proved me wrong.
not just one person, ohhhh there's two.
the next semester of school is going to be tough because i'm ignoring most of everybody. i can do all of my shit on my own. i intend on it, too.
it has nothing to do with me holding a grudge, being an incoherant bitch or any of that. you guys are just getting more pathetic by the minute. i sit and pick most of you apart and it gets old after i, for the most part, figure you out. it's just boring and i have no problem making/keeping friends. if you were a friend, i'd keep you. you do what you want with me.
right now, judge me. hate me. yell at me. i don't care and i'm probably not listening.  call me rude, selfish, self-absorbed or anything you please...because I very well can fall into any of those categories. sit in your own little glory pool as if you don't fit in any.


i hope all of your new years resolutions continue as follows: GET DRUNK, DO DRUGS, FUCK BITCHES AND NEVER CHANGEEE!!
see you at schoooooool.

ps. to those of you who read this and did call, i appreciate it. i'm not really sorry that i didn't pick up any calls, i just wasn't in the mood. hope your night was as great as the voicemails most of you left me. ahaha i saved most of themmmm.

 
 
Current Mood: bitchy
Current Music: minus the bear
 
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31 December 2006 @ 03:41 pm
i'm a bad...  
okay let me re-do everything that has been planned out in my head.

jessica no like snow in new mexico. jess thinks thats bullshit. tonight was supposed to be awesome.
instead. i'm going to just sit at home for the most part doing nothing hoping sams safe.
my dads happy and i guess i'm not going to complain.
i'll check out my schedule for da weeeeekend and see if i can just work friday night.
gonna get my paycheck and going to most likely hate it. i can be upset that theres not much of a money flow anymore, can't i?
yeah. whatever. i need to talk to my boss though because I simply can't take it no mo. He's an idiot!
i'm going to get food and cheesecake with my dad tonight. probably going to work on my shtuff for school that i most likely haven't finished but won't admit to.

okay. i'm fairly calm.
mildly upset and discontent
but this is going to work out.
 
 
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29 December 2006 @ 12:04 pm
2010  

I want it to be three years from now.
still in touch with those of whom I care about
talking about all the shit we went through now
with people i've just met
and me revealing what is completely on my mind now.




it will be perfect. surprising. relaxing. relieving. scary.
did i mention perfect?

good luck ***.

 
 
Current Mood: frustrated
Current Music: television