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meghan

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[21 Jul 2008|01:17am]
[ mood | sleepy ]
[ music | Beach House - Devotion - 03 - Gila ]

today i got up early and went out to biscuits with bt and evan, for the first time in weeks. it felt great! god i love biscuits and gravy (pine state biscuits, 36th and belmont, portland, or: best in town, or anywhere). some things really renew my love for food. namely, sauvie island berries and summertime biscuits and gravy.

i also went to the goodwill and picked up what seems to be a really good quality, perfectly fitting, expensive north face raincoat for 15 dollars. which is nice. i'll never be wet again (for reals this time). i also got a rainbow flannel shirt, which i fully intend to cut the sleeves off of and wear, with cut off jean shorts, to the lumberjack competition in august.

i also went on a really fun date, because for once in my life, i seem to have an abundance of boys lined up. it was fun, we laughed a lot, and i hope we see each other again soon. he, at least, doesn't seem 'emotionally dried up'. quite the opposite. we will see.

Come on baby, light my fire.

[18 Jul 2008|02:05am]
[ mood | sore ]
[ music | cat power - you are free -01- i dont blame you ]

he feels 'emotionally dried up'.
the search continues.
i am so tired of this.

also, i dont know if i adequately expressed this, but i am really, really sore/bruised. its making my life harder. god damn it.

Come on baby, light my fire.

[17 Jul 2008|01:01am]
[ mood | exhausted ]
[ music | the darjeeling limited ]

today i
screen printed, made beautiful things.
was completely apathetic to jason's existance, for the first time in a long time.
hung out with aidan.
ate free ice cream.
went out to fabric world (NOT fabric depot, theyre different; amazing, $2 leotards).
made two skirts with fabric bought at said world, wore completely new outfit.
lounged.
crashed my bike (i'm okay, a little banged up, but okay (i wasnt going very fast)).
hung out with dina and borrowed some arnica salve/supplements (for all my bruises).

sometimes i feel like biking is sort of like drinking, every once in a while you have to push your limits and reset your boundaries. for me that means that i see how many stupid things i can do while riding, by which i mean put on chapstick and fiddle with the radio. and so, every once in a while, i crash. and then i remember that i'm made out of jelly and the road is not, and i shouldn't take being on a moving object lightly. so i fell down, scraped up my right knuckles and my right leg a little, and bruised up almost every other part of my body. including my ass (not fun). but i am truely okay (i'm okay, mom).

something i think is interesting, but never really think about normally is the shock/adrenaline induced will for fight or flight, when youre hurt. its such a base instinct. i crashed, immediately got up, looked at myself to make sure i was mostly okay, shook off the helpful people around me, and took off on my bike. all within seconds. my first thought was not 'am i okay', it was 'i gotta get home'. so i did, i biked fast, and i didnt even feel my scrapes and cuts until halfway home, at which time the adrenaline left my system and the shock came. which means everything hurt and i cried a little until i got off my bike and got some food into my system. its funny how our bodies react. at a certain point the brain steps back, and the instincts take control. everything becomes war: i'm hurt, i have to avoid getting hurt more, i have to get to a safe place, i have to get to my base/home.

now my body is exhausted from the inadvertant extra energy i used to get home so fast, and from tensing up when i fell over (i would assume). tomorrow i salve, and hopefully i wont look like i lost a fight.

Come on baby, light my fire.

[14 Jul 2008|02:26am]
[ mood | tired ]

Come on baby, light my fire.

and the county judge held a grudge. [08 Jul 2008|09:34pm]
[ mood | drained ]
[ music | Paul McCartney & Wings - Band on the Run ]

i'm in that place, in the very beginning of a relationship, where neither person is really committed so you never know if someone's gonna bail out. you dont hear from them for a couple of days, and you think, well, maybe that was it. but then you realize that you're both busy with your lives.
i gotta just call him tomorrow.

this feels wierd because he feels so naive. its really sweet, and i actually really like it, but its not like me to move this slowly. maybe its good. but, again, its that point where nothing is certain. zomg, giddigirliness.

Come on baby, light my fire.

[05 Jul 2008|06:56pm]
[ mood | busy ]
[ music | vetiver - 06-amerilie ]

lastnight was hilarious. it was practically constant, weird shit hilarious.
among other things i:
ate a bunch of food, helped cook star shaped hamburgers.
rode my bike all around town, even after my back brakes went out (the cable literally snapped).
watched the fireworks down on the eastside esplanade. oohed and ahhed.
got drunk, watched my friend get kicked out of a bar forever.

but i think the serious highlight was when i thought i lost my keys, and looked frantically in my bag for them (uselessly). and had to pee so bad i went around the back of my apartment building and dropped my pants. when, what falls out of my pants (from where, i still have no idea) but my keys. so i run back to alena who's sitting at the bottom of my stairs. we laughed about it for a long time.

i'm still house sitting on fremont. today i got my brakes fixed, my back wheel trued, and bought a new seat and grips. the seat is on and adjusted, but i need to use somebody's hairspray (thats what the guy said to use, as an adhesive) to get my new grips on. my bike is rollin like a player right now. and so will i as soon as my handsome boy gets here to watch movies with me. hollah.

Come on baby, light my fire.

i'm afraid of dying, and i'm also afraid of saying i love you [03 Jul 2008|01:29am]
[ mood | good ]
[ music | Emily Haines - What Is Free to a Good Home? - 06 - Mostly Waving [Todork Remix] ]

heres a short story i liked a lot, by jonathan safran foer. i recently read extremely loud and incredibly close, and loved it. it made me cry a little, like all good books do. i have to buy everything is illuminated. i saw the movie, i thought it was good, but i think the book will be better. especially since i love the way foer writes (i wrote rights at first, which i think is sort of funny. he's a righter, a correcter?).

Come on baby, light my fire.

[30 Jun 2008|01:07am]
[ mood | busy ]
[ music | The Radio Dept. - This Past Week - 01 - This Past Week ]

so, i've been very productive in my dating exploits in the last few days. not only did i go on two dates with two people, shit, i did it in one day. the first one was boring, a hippie (sort of), and just not attractive to me. the second i'd already gone on another date with. he's sorta shy, pretty cute, makes me laugh (and have expressed our mutual like for eachother). but now that i've found someone i actually want to spend time with and possibly see into the future, everyone else is trying to get with me, via the internet. i havent hidden my mercury (local alt newspaper) lovelab profile, because i dont wanna burn my bridges too soon. but now that i've been asked out by two other reasonably interesting and attractive men, do i say no? or do i go out with them even though i'm already interested in someone? so far i just havent responded.

but besides my problems being too popular (which indeed are grave). i've been up to hanging around with my brother, watching a lot of movies/tv (not on tv), and sweating (it's 95 degrees outside). i also hauled my ass 5mi over to a friend of mine's co-worker's house to meet her and her pets, so i can house sit for them all while she's on vacation. she's got two dogs, a cat, and chickens (and cable, shes a lawyer, shes loaded). i did however manage to forget to say, "how much are you paying me?" so i had to send an awkward email tonight, after getting back to my home at like 10:30. hopefully she wants to pay me, because i aint doin it for free. i'd bet on about $200 for 2.5 weeks.

aidan and i are also about halfway through taking down our show. we would be farther along, but we couldn't find anything worthwhile in the gallery manager's office (because its a complete disaster in there). so tomorrow is removing screws, spackling, repainting, and scanning. so i'll have digital images soon, hopefully. i'll probably print tomorrow too, if i'm not too burned out by all of that. i should buy and ground a bunch of copper before i have to hang out at sibylle's house all the time. then i can just work on etchings all day, for two weeks. lord knows i'm not into commuting to the pearl from 56th and fremont in 90 degree weather.

its been a good week.


i just realized my camera has an option to take pictures continuously. which makes it possible to do really sweet action shots. of my dance moves. )

3 Girl, we couldn't get much higher | Come on baby, light my fire.

this one goes out to paul and vanessa [27 Jun 2008|02:24pm]
[ mood | tired ]

this is what aidan and i sang for our first karaoke experience ever.


it went well. people clapped, i think, but i was drunk (so who knows).
bt rocked it hardcore, but i wouldnt expect anything less from him on his birthday.

Come on baby, light my fire.

[25 Jun 2008|01:07pm]
[ mood | cheerful ]
[ music | Portishead - Third - 06 - We Carry On ]

yesterday my friend lahaina and i biked about 13mi or so (there were some mile markers, but i'm not completely sure), rocking it to ike & tina and the smiths on my little boombox. we went down the eastside (of the willamette) esplanade, which connects to the springwater corridor. we didnt do the entire loop, because i dont know where that is, really, and we didnt want to go 40mi. but, we did have an amazing time. we found oaks park, which was at the end of the paved path (its got riverfront, a dock, and a fucking carnival). we're taking a bunch of people on the ride and then to the carnival next week, it's gonna be super fun. i did some serious sunblocking before, and halfway through (while we were relaxing on a dock), so i got a little tan but not sunburned. i'm making it a serious goal this summer to not get sunburned.

i can see many more bike adventures in my future.
and a new saddle, cause the one i have makes my ass hurt.

i bought a little book, that's also a fundraiser for the bicycle transportation alliance and the community cycling center, that has a bunch of good rides around the city. so i'm gonna work on figuring out those, and planning sweet rides each week. that way, we have fun and get lots of sun and exercise. yay!

1 Girl, we couldn't get much higher | Come on baby, light my fire.

i dont settle anymore. [23 Jun 2008|09:34pm]
[ mood | hungry ]
[ music | Cat Power - the greatest - 09 - Islands ]

i think i might just be a magnet for older men who either never got to live their 20's or never left them. i got a message on the lovelab from a 37 year old man who's first line to me was, "i might be a wee bit old for you, but...". i think i actually laughed out loud. my reply was a polite no with, "there's an unwritten rule for those kinds of relationships, where the more experienced person leaves the younger one better than they found them. that didn't happen for me."

i've got two dates this week (with two different people, scandalous). one's like 4 months older than me and real cute, and the other one is about 5 years older than me and possibly boring (but i'm giving him a chance, in person, to redeem himself).

i'm really, actually proud of myself for getting my shit back together (emotionally and health wise). the past year has been a very, very long road. being so worn down by pain, loneliness, and depression made getting dumped about a trillion times worse. in retrospect, i can't believe how low i let myself get (but what other choices did i have?). i dont think many of the people around me had any idea. and it took me a while to be able to say to myself, 'you'll be all right.' and really mean it. all i needed was some doctors to look at me and say, "we've got so many options for you. we'll take care of you."
and i cried.

i have such a strange relationship with doctors. they scare me, they give me bad news, but at the end of the day, all i want them to say to me is, "we'll take care of you." and i want it to mean, "we won't abandon you." i've been passed on, handed off, transferred, left. i dont think i can hear one more time in my life, "there's nothing more we can do for you." it breaks my heart every time.

Come on baby, light my fire.

here are some things i like [21 Jun 2008|10:07pm]
[ mood | awake ]
[ music | Peter Sarstedt - Where Do You Go to (My Lovely) ]

"I took a deep breath and listened to the old bray of my heart: I am, I am, I am."
-The Bell Jar, sylvia plath.

"'Safe, safe, safe,' the pulse of the house beat gladly. 'The Treasure yours.'"
-A Haunted House, Virginia Woolf.
(you can read this short story here)

i like these similarities a lot, i think theyre interesting.
and they're two of my favorite stories. i think A Haunted House might well be my favorite short story of all, from anyone. so concise, so perfect.

Come on baby, light my fire.

[19 Jun 2008|02:42am]
[ mood | full ]
[ music | Portishead - Third - 08 - Machine Gun ]

Come on baby, light my fire.

batty old drivers and bike boxes [15 Jun 2008|08:26pm]
[ mood | hopeful ]
[ music | The Shins - Wincing the Night Away - 11 - A Comet Appears ]

lastnight i went to a friend's show (which was pretty good) and then rode down, clothed, to the naked bike ride. me and a couple other girls found them and then stopped and took our clothes off in the street and joined in. it was sort of magical. flying around downtown, nw, and briefly the eastside loud and scantily clad. i did chicken out a little, in that i wore my undies and a tank top, even though i said i was really gonna go topless this time. there's always next year. so the ride itself took like an hour and a half, and ended at a dance party in a warehouse way out in industrial northwest portland. where aidan, cherokee, dennis and i sort of stood around for a while, until i eventually lost them in the crowd and just decided to start the long ride home (clothed). i brought my little boombox though, which was nice, especially for the solo ride home. i've been into estimating the distances i bike lately, so if my calculations are correct, i rode a rough grand total of 15mi (5-to and back from around pnca + 10-the ride, plus the distance from the dance party to around pnca).

today, i woke up reasonably early for going to sleep at 4am, and went to the gym with lahaina (and then went out to a healthy lunch). i always feel a sort of accomplishment when i leave the gym, which is good, because this summer is Hardcore Getting My Back in Shape Summer. i'm already on that path, but i'm going to start a routine of going every other day, probably with lahaina, until school starts (and hopefully on). so after lunch, we rode back to her house where i took a power nap, but was woken up by my coffee date calling to say, "hey come down and have coffee with me."

but, about halfway down to the half & half a car hit me. ironically, not only at an intersection with a neon green bike lane/box, but IN the neon green bike lane/box (where i had the right of way, as they were turning right). fortunately i sort of saw it coming, so i wasnt going very fast, and i made enough noise that the old woman noticed. i knocked her side mirror out of place with my huge basket. she apologized and repeatedly told me she had her blinker on; i just shouted, "make sure you look for bikes." because my basket is so large, her car didn't actually hit me (except a tiny scrape on my ringfinger knuckle). if the basket wasn't there, my left leg and arm would have been hit, and i'm sure i would have been knocked to the ground (which i wasn't). so i'm considering that very lucky.

i would say i'll be more careful, but i was being careful, she simply wasn't paying enough attention. regardless of who's fault it was, if that basket werent there to take the brunt of that force (its perfectly fine, by the way), it would have been my body. the cyclist always loses in that situation, that's one of the only downside to biking.

so i waited on the corner for the light to change again, got back on my bike, and rode the last like 10 blocks to the coffee shop. where i had a nice cup of coffee with a cute boy. he seems really nerdy and sort of shy, but also really adorable. we had a nice conversation, although i was dying of sleep deprivation and the adrenaline rush that comes with crashing. it ended with him saying he'd love to buy me a drink sometime soon, and me riding off into the sunset.

3 Girl, we couldn't get much higher | Come on baby, light my fire.

[14 Jun 2008|03:57pm]
[ mood | recovering ]
[ music | Radiohead - In Rainbows - 06 - Faust Arp ]

so i'm back in portland. i hung out up north with my family for a few days, which was nice, but i got naked bike rides to go on (which is tonight, if youre interested). my mom and my brother and i went to the woodland park zoo, because nick loves the zoo (and photo opps).



so here are some good ones. )

3 Girl, we couldn't get much higher | Come on baby, light my fire.

it didnt hurt me, but you wanna feel how it feels. [08 Jun 2008|11:35pm]
[ mood | awake ]
[ music | chromatix - running up that hill cover ]



this is my color scheme lately.

1 Girl, we couldn't get much higher | Come on baby, light my fire.

OMGOMGOMG [07 Jun 2008|04:17pm]


spectacular.
4 Girl, we couldn't get much higher | Come on baby, light my fire.

[05 Jun 2008|03:04pm]
[ mood | calm ]
[ music | elbow - asleep in the back - 01 - any day now ]

i was the brain tumor at the kennedy party.

this one's really amazing too )

4 Girl, we couldn't get much higher | Come on baby, light my fire.

[03 Jun 2008|03:25am]
[ mood | busy ]
[ music | Marie Antoinette - 10 - Windsor For The Derby - The Melody Of A Fallen Tree ]

so aidan and i hung our show today, for the most part. all the pieces are on the wall, so to speak (theyre floating on screwheads, held on by extremely strong magnets), but we still have to do the title tags and the rest of our bio/collection assemblage. and i need to finish my zines (photocopy, screenprint cover, sew; 50 copies).
here i am in the process, while aidan updates myspace on our progress.

here is our little shrine thing to ourselves, which has almost become a whole other piece.


at this point, having seen the work my peers are doing at pnca, i am feeling pretty good about this show. aidan and i talked about it, and she really agrees. i would honestly say that our show is in some ways stronger than a lot of the thesis work i see (which is conveniently hanging just outside our little gallery). this has all come together rather nicely in the last month, smoothly even.
i'm excited to see what other opportunities this brings me, if any.

i'm also in a group show, with my roomate, a few blocks down the street (tender loving empire). hopefully they invite me back as well. this should be an eventful first thursday and first friday. i know so many people with shows, including (but not limited to), one of my favorite print teachers, the mfa people, my roomate (bt), and a couple other friends.

2 Girl, we couldn't get much higher | Come on baby, light my fire.

[01 Jun 2008|05:22pm]
[ mood | torn. it's a good pie. ]
[ music | Ike And Tina Turner - 06 - Proud Mary ]

life lessons, the meghan mitchell way.

this is why you dont make art in the kitchen.


this is how you get revenge.


i was just starting to like that drawing too.
i guess now its time to start it again.

4 Girl, we couldn't get much higher | Come on baby, light my fire.

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