a mind half empty

What I've been working on lately

2008-08-12T02:39:51Z

My latest beadwork:

OWW

2008-08-09T02:56:44Z

I have sliced open two of my fingers today, both times by simply trying to wash dishes, and by the same exact damn knife. The first time, the knife was lying in the sink and I forgot it was there. Wash, wash, reach, OW FUCK gushing blood gush gush nausea going to pass out... sit down, breathe, ok, I'm ok. That was several hours ago. Then I braved washing the dishes again and attempted to wash the knife--which promptly fucking cut me again! I swear, this fucking knife is cursed. Chris bought it for me the other day and today was the first time I've used it. Ironically, I almost texted him earlier to thank him for it, because it cuts really well. But then I learned just how well it cuts. Goddamnit. Now both of my hands are fugged up which is going to make cooking tomorrow somewhat difficult. *sigh*

Being an adult is lame.

2008-08-05T12:26:04Z

Wow, it's been nearly a month since my last post. Not surprising, since my life has been pretty uneventful lately. I go to work, I come home, I go to sleep, lather, wash, rinse, repeat. Sometimes I do some other things, like go spend money I don't have, but none of those things are terribly exciting, either. Oh well. I guess this is what being a responsible adult working a real job is like. Boring.

The biggest new thing in my life right now is that I've been getting into beadwork lately. So far I've made a few beaded animal figurines with wire and seed beads, but I'm actually kind of interested in learning how to make jewelry, as well. I may go to an intro to beading class at A.C. Moore on Friday. I think it might be pretty cool. I'll try to post some pictures of my figurines if I can remember to update this thing again soon.

I seriously need to see a doctor about my sinus problems. I had another spell last night, and this time, seaweed salad came out of my nose. Yeah. Not fun. Especially the part where it burned. I blew my nose afterwards and more came out. Grosssss. Man, I'm so tired of this shit.

Okay, time to go be lame and run out west to buy more beads.

Awkward...

2008-07-09T12:17:54Z

Yesterday morning, at work, I got the weirdest call. It was the first call where I had ever gotten extremely agitated with a merchant and had to raise my voice. Long story short (mostly because you probably won't really know what I'm talking about), he got pissed at me for something that was his fault and I had to get stern with him. He said that maybe he should talk to someone else, because apparently we were speaking two different languages, which basically implied that I was an idiot, but it was HE who wasn't listening to what I was saying. Turns out, he didn't even know what an authorization was. Anyway, the weirdest part of this was when he asked for my name. I thought he was going to ask to speak to my supervisor, but instead, he said, "Megan, I like your attitude. You've got a sexy voice, you know?" Uhhhhhhhhhhh. What?! My response: Silence. Silence. "Thanks... I think?" To which he laughed, and then everything was okay and I finally was able to get him to understand the authorization process.

... yeah. And guess where this guy was from.

The Bronx.

Big surprise.

I hope I don't get monitored on that particular call. But at the same time, I kind of do, because I'm sure it'd give whichever supervisor was monitoring a laugh.

i has a sleepy

2008-07-03T23:28:08Z

I puked a lot last night. (And pooped a lot, too, if you care to know). It was not fun. I slept three, maybe four hours. All because of my goddamned sinuses. I wake up, my head stuffy, and can't get back to sleep. I take a Sudafed, which apparently my stomach does not like, and it proceeds to empty itself, over and over again. The Sudafed has caffiene in it, so I stay awake a bit longer. I finally sleep a couple hours on the couch, get woken up by Josh's coffee maker, go back to bed, and wake up an hour or so later when Kudzu decides he wants to get all cooey on me. Sigh. Then I go to work, feeling tired as hell. But, I won Half Day Happiness (a drawing we do every so often on slower days) at 5:45 and got to go home early. Yay. I would've napped, but I suck at taking naps. And I've also been drinking lots of caffiene today to stay awake, so I probably wouldn't ever be able to get to sleep.

Anyway, there's my night, and most of the day. And to you, sinuses: Fuck. You.

In better news, I overheard Josh and Chris talking about Josh's internship, and how he might intern again next summer. So I asked how likely that was, and if he'd want to stay in my apartment and take care of my cats (and plants) while I'm in Japan. Well, it looks like a pretty sure thing. Which is awesome, because now I may actually, finally, get to go to Japan. My cats were my biggest problem, followed by paying for an empty apartment for two to three months (because I am sure as hell not moving again any time soon, unless it's out of this state). If this works out, it will be fucking sweet. So now I'm trying to do a lot of research on Japanese language schools. I like the $5,000-ish one in Tokyo, but I'm sure there are plenty of other great places out there besides that one. I've got quite a while before any of their deadlines come up.

I've still got over half of my 13 days in a row of work left. Blah. But at least I'm getting overtime AND holiday pay tomorrow, and overtime for Saturday. Yay moneys.

Whoa ho, an update!

2008-06-28T17:55:24Z

Since I've been working 40 hours a week and don't have access to any social networking type sites on my work computer, I've sort of forgotten about this thing. My last entry was practically forever ago.

So, here are some updates on the super exciting fantabulous life of Megan.

First off, I just want to state that, for the first time in a while, I am pretty damn content with my life. Having a boring 40 hour-a-week job can suck in some respects, but I actually don't mind it too much as of yet. It's really nice having a secure, good paying job and not having to worry about having enough money to live comfortably. I also quite like living alone and my apartment is starting to actually feel like a home.

Right now, though, I'm actually not living alone. One of my friends got an internship in Knoxville and has moved in with me until school starts. Although I prefer living alone to having a roommate, I have to say, he's a better roommate than any of my three previous roommates were. He cooks almost every day, does the dishes every day, and, for the most part, cleans up after himself. It's pretty nice having a homecooked meal ready for me when I get home from work. It'll also be nice having someone to help out with rent a bit. (Though I wish he'd help out with the $120 KUB bill, since he's been using the oven almost every day...)

Last Friday Chris and I saw Eddie Izzard at the Ryman. He was, of course, hilarious, and I found his religion-bashing to be particularly amusing. Especially since almost his entire show consisted of it. I'm sure many of the Nashvillians found it not so amusing, which is even funnier to me. The only qualm I had with the show was the seating--the Ryman was formerly a church (which is even more ironic), and instead of theatre seating, it's still got pews. Uncushioned pews, which are not comfortable. I also started getting a lot of sinus pressure halfway through it, and though I loved the show, I was glad when it ended and I was able to get up from my rigid seating and into the fresh air.

I'm working my (hopefully) last day at the Media Center today. It's kind of sad, but oh well. I may or may not work in the Studio some this fall, depending on how much time I have. I'll probably still be working full-time (at least 30 hours) at Elavon, so it's hard to say whether or not I'll be able to fit anything else into my schedule. Anyway, today is my first day of thirteen days in a row of working. I picked up the 4th and the 5th to get some overtime hours. What's even sweeter is that I get holiday pay for the 4th. So, my next paycheck is gonna be pretty awesome. :D

What else is awesome is the Kahlua chocolate chip cheesecake that Chris and I made yesterday. It's really good, and I'll probably try to make some more of it this week, or maybe for my upcoming shindig. I'm trying to give away most of what we made, because I certainly don't need to be eating it. I've been pretty good about working out and eating well this week, and it'd suck to ruin all that by eating tons of cheesecake. It's just soooooo tasty. Thank you, Recipezaar, for the awesome recipe.

Aaaand... that's enough for now.

__halfempty @ 2008-06-06T16:39:00

2008-06-06T20:39:28Z

It's been a while since I've written. Since my last entry, I've pretty much gotten completely settled into my apartment, and I've started my new job. It's a phone job and none-too-exciting, but I actually enjoy it, for the most part. It's rather mindless and routine but there's hardly any stress whatsoever and that is very nice for me. I also have some cool coworkers, which is also very nice and I hope I make some new friends, because I direly need some.

I really want to have a thing at my apartment, but it seems like there's something already planned for every single Friday this month, and I don't want to have it on a Saturday because of work the next day. Guess I can do it the Friday after the 4th... but that's so far away! Sigh.

I think the insomnia and teeth-grinding that I was experiencing before was indeed caused by the Zoloft. I lowered the dose and since then, I haven't had any problems. Overall, the meds seem to be working. I haven't had really bad anxiety or any panic attacks since I've been on it and I just generally feel a lot more at ease. It's quite nice not being so tense all the time.

Well, there's a brief update on my ever-so-thrilling life.

Lovely morning...

2008-05-20T12:47:41Z

So. Tired. ugh. I've been having a lot of trouble with insomnia lately. Last night I barely slept at all. Around 4:30, I said finally fuck it and gave up. I think it may be a side effect of the Zoloft, which sucks, because otherwise it seems to be helping and I haven't had any other weird problems. Hopefully this can be resolved when I go back to the doctor for my checkup.

I'm getting my new bed today, but it looks like I won't really be able to enjoy it. Stupid insomnia. I need to get a frame for it, because I stupidly assumed my universal frame went from a full to a queen without checking it first, and of course it doesn't. Lame.

Something else that's lame is that half of the plants I've been given from my parents are apparently poisonous and could kill my cats. Great. My mom has them in her house and none of her cats have ever had problems, but it'd be just my luck that my cats would eat them and die. I guess I could put the plants up really high?

My goal for today is to pretty much get everything that I can moved into my new place, barring how much it decides to rain. I have until Thursday to get everything out of Shelbourne, but I just want to be done with moving already and have a place that feels like home.

__halfempty @ 2008-05-16T16:37:00

2008-05-16T20:38:21Z

Yard sale-ing was surprisingly a success! At the first place, THERE WAS A VESPA SCOOTER FOR SALE. But, alas, for $3,000... It was sooo pretty but that's way too much. I ended up buying two DDR pads for like $10 or $15, despite not having any of the games (but I figure it'll be fun at parties, so I can invest a bit more for some games), Taboo (the game), and a creamish moonchair or whatever it's called that I need to go pick up tomorrow. The next few places were not quite so good, but at the last place I finally found a dresser. A nice, antique dresser that she was only asking $25 for. Damn. She's holding it for me until tomorrow, so hopefully my dad can help me pick it up later today.

I miss going to yard sales. I think I'll start going to them a lot this summer, since they're a much cheaper way of decorating my apartment than buying things new. I was hoping my mom would pay for my things, but of course she never offered. Lame. I'm saving her a lot of money by getting a used bed, so the least she could do is help me out with other furniture. Oh well.

Big Events

2008-05-16T03:46:19Z

I guess I should write about the most recent Big Events in my life.

I got the job at Elavon and will start the 27th. I'm a little intimidated, but it should be good. It's a dollar less an hour than I'd thought, but I'll be full-time this summer (with possible overtime) so it doesn't really matter too much. I'll be making well over what I need for rent, which is very comforting. Also, my hours are rather good: Sunday 10:00-6:30 and Monday-Thursday 11:00-7:30. Don't have to get up early, don't have to work late, and I get Friday and Saturday off. Pretty sweet.

And then today, I signed my lease at Chapman Square. I'm still going between excitement and doubt right now. The upside is that it's a 2BR apartment all to myself, for a relatively low price. The downside is that I'll be living alone and probably bored a lot, I'll have to commute to campus (which just gives me more incentive to get a scooter, so maybe that's an upside), and I'm mildly worried about the other residents and noisiness. There seem to be quite a few rednecks, and while I was moving some boxes today, there were cops at the building next to mine... very reassuring. There's also not an A/C in the bedrooms, which sucks not only for the lack of cooling in the rooms but also for the lack of blockage of outside noise. I'm trying to keep my hopes up, but part of me wishes I could've just stayed in Shelbourne...

Although, I'm starting to wonder if the A/C in my room isn't what's causing my horrible sinus problems. I just realized what the black, dirt-looking stuff is that's all over my floor near the A/C--it's mold. Probably deadly, too. Way to go, Shelbourne maintenance, in regularly replacing A/C filters. Of course, what does it matter when there's mold in my kitchen wall, as well? They probably just cover up the mold with paint anytime it starts to show.

w00t!

2008-05-12T20:11:41Z

Interview went well. I should know tomorrow!! Oh man, I hope they pick me. And, of course, the other job DID call today and asked when I could starting training this week. Uhhh... well, I guess I'll figure that out after tomorrow.

So, this semester I took the worst class in the world. Somehow, I made an A in it (as well as in all my other classes, yay). My final paper was complete shit, or so I thought. But this is what my teacher wrote to me:

I would like to tell you that you did a great job on your paper. It turned out really well: it is a very clear writing, it is structured well, it demonstrates understanding of concepts, it combines material from two classes, you explore a topic of high complexity and present it very well, it shows that you are interested in what you have been doing. And I am extremely glad that it worked for you. Sometimes, it is hard to come to a good topic and it is always difficult to narrow it down. And you did both and the paper looks excellent.

EXCELLENT! Wow. That's a surprise.

Anyway, back to being antsy about getting that job. If I get it, it will make my life immensely easier and more enjoyable. I'll have more than enough to pay for rent, I'll be able to afford internet and perhaps cable, I can buy more crap for my apartment, I can start saving up for Japan, and I CAN GET A SCOOTER. So please, KEEP YOUR FINGERS CROSSED.

__halfempty @ 2008-05-06T16:20:00

2008-05-06T20:20:49Z

I am tired of feeling so incredibly lonely.

Living alone is probably going to be a huge mistake. But unless I decide to room with some complete stranger, I no longer have a choice.

How can people be together for only a few months and feels such a strong connection, when I've been with somebody for over a year and there's nothing there? Is it me? Or is the relationship just worthless? It's starting to take a drain on me.

But at the same time, I don't want to be alone.

STRESS

2008-05-03T22:34:14Z

Man, this weekend totally blows. Not only is it the weekend in which I must somehow pull 18 or so pages out of my ass for Monday, but I've also developed some sort of stomach problem. I don't know if it's an ulcer or just a virus, but IT SUCKS. Basically, my digestive system doesn't seem to be working properly, and so my stomach hurts like hell every so often. I spent last night at work feeling absolutely miserable, running to the bathroom several times and throwing up twice. I didn't really get anything done on my papers last night because I felt so bad. I also didn't really sleep, probably due both to my stomach pain and stressing out, and woke up sore as fuck.

Today has been better. I'm not in as much pain, and I've managed to get quite a bit of reading/note-taking/writing done for my two smaller papers. I had hoped to finish at least one of them last night, and have both of them done by tonight, but I think I may start focusing on the 10-12 page paper of doom. I feel like I can spit out something quickly for the smaller ones, if need be, but that big one's gonna be a pain in the ass.

In other news, I turned in my application and security deposit for Chapman Square apartments, so I may have a new apartment by the end of next week. I'm feeling a little doubtful, because although $450 for a 2BR is a great deal, I'm disappointed in how... sterile the apartment is. It's got tile floors (which I don't mind too much) and like, concrete block walls. Not all of the walls are like that, though, fortunately. I'm just sad that this apartment has no charm whatsoever; my old one had TONS of charm and I have to admit that even my Shelbourne apartment is very likeable, in ways. But oh well. I'm sure that my interior design skills are good enough to make the place look decent enough. And at least I'll have plenty of room?

I'm still waiting to hear back from some jobs. I had an interview with a housecleaning company on Wednesday and thought that I had a good chance at getting the job, but I figured that I would've heard back from them by now. I also had a phone interview for a kennel attendant position for a vet, but I haven't gotten called back for a real interview yet. And then the place where my friend works still hasn't contacted me, and I was under the impression that I was a shoe-in. I'm starting to get a little freaked out that I'm not going to find anything. I really can't afford to work only at the Studio, even if it's for 40 hours a week. Hopefully I'll get a call back soon...

__halfempty @ 2008-04-24T17:54:00

2008-04-24T21:54:38Z

It looks like my excitement over getting the next two years planned out was all for naught.

Unless I am miraculously told something different on Monday when I meet with a financial aid advisor, I can't take a class over the summer. Why? Because you can't get federal loans unless you're taking 6 hours. Okay, so, take 6 hours. But then that puts me at 120 hours at the end of the summer, resulting in no HOPE scholarship for the fall in addition to the spring. There's no way I can afford to lose it for both semesters. So, consequently, I can't do my Senior Project this summer, and I can't get all that loan money that I was planning to save up for Japan.

Things were looking so up and now my fucking world is crashing down on me. This is what happens when I get excited about something. Every. Fucking. Time.

It's completely ridiculous that I'm supposedly considered one of the best and the brightest at this university, yet I'm getting screwed. Forgive me for sounding snobby, but if UT really wanted me (which being accepted into the Chancellor's Honors Program seems to imply), you'd think they'd do something about my situation. So yeah, I guess it's my fault for having so many hours. I guess it's my fault that I didn't fucking know there was even some sort of limitation. I guess it's my fault for not knowing that W's are included in my total achieved hours. I guess it's </i>my</i> fault that I decided to take summer classes to get a headstart, using my own goddamn money and NOT the HOPE.

Why am I getting fucked when all I've done, besides having dropped a few classes, has been being a good student?

I finally decided to stick with fencing and try to be secretary again in the fall, but now I'm not so sure. I'm not sure if I can commit 4-5 hours a week to something that I don't even particularly enjoy when I should probably be working instead, because god knows I'm going to have to earn a lot of money if I want to be able to afford both living comfortably and going to Japan next summer. I don't want to give up Japan, and I'd rather give up something that doesn't really hold much meaning for me. I might lose my social outlet, but so be it. It's not like it's that great right now.

my near-future

2008-04-18T21:56:45Z

Two papers done, a million more things (423 presentation, two in-class finals, one normal take-home final, two take-home essay-type finals, 423 paper) left to do before this semester is over. I've decided not to do my Honors project for Second Language Acquisition, because it's basically impossible at this point. My topic was Japanese speakers of English and only two people have replied back to me about doing interviews. I need six people, and the project is due Monday, so... fuck it. It's not part of my grade, so it won't hurt me. Except for the fact that I'll need to find two more Honors-by-Contract classes next year, instead of just one. Which definitely sucks, but I'll worry about it then.

I think I've managed to finally get my near-future planned out, which is kind of exciting.
This summer, I'll get a new apartment, work A LOT (I've been promised a job at the Studio, but must find an additional one if I expect to make any money), do my Senior Project, and take out as much loan money as they'll give me and try to save it up. Next school year I will also take out as much loan money as I can get and try to save it up. Then, after I graduate in May, I'll go to a language school in Japan for three months, using saved-up loan money. (I found a program that's ~$5,000 in freakin' Tokyo, so I'll need at least $7,000 total for the school+airfare+misc. expenses). And after that? I'll probably just take it easy and get an associate's in web design at Pellissippi. I'm still considering grad school, but I need a break from 'real' school for a while. And hell, after I get the associate's, I may already have a good job lined up somewhere.

But before all this happens, I need to get through this semester. With my sanity still intact, if at all possible.

Speaking of sanity, I may go by the student health clinic and see if they can give me some meds. I've really got to do something about this anxiety problem, and I think being on something may be the only way to do so. I'd also like to try to treat my depression, but I think my anxiety is the biggest issue right now. It may go away during the summer, but I doubt it. Being on something by the time I roadtrip to California with Chris and his sister would probably be a really, really good idea. It will probably make the trip a hundred times more enjoyable.

In other news, I would really like a karaoke machine. But they's lotsa $$$$$. :(

__halfempty @ 2008-04-12T23:25:00

2008-04-13T03:26:02Z

It's my 21st birthday, and no, I am not rip-roaring drunk. I only had three drinks today, and four last night. I guess I'm sort of a lameass, but I feel no need to get really drunk. Tipsy+tiredness is about as good as being drunk, I think, and there's a lot less of the painful aftermath, if any at all. In any case, I have to spend all day tomorrow writing a paper, anyway, so I can't really afford no sleep and a hangover.

Some things I have concluded:
- I really like, and am really bad at, Rock Band. I am not very good at singing (made all 80-somethings except for on Rush's "Limelight," which was amazingly a 99%) and I am even worse at drums. But it is a lot of fun and I wish I had it.
- Karaoke is fun, but I am a horrible singer with no pitch control. Except for when I'm alone, of course, and then it's alright. Karaoke Studio is a neat place, because it's Japanese-style, meaning you get your own private rooms. They have a huge selection, but it's still somewhat lacking in good music. It was also really hot in that room. But I'm definitely gonna go back. Either that or somehow get myself a karaoke machine.
- I really, really need to lose some weight. I hate seeing myself in pictures.
- I need to control my bitchiness. It gets out of hand sometimes.

My 21st birthday was, overall, pretty good. I received quite a lot of booze last night, so I'm pretty stocked up for awhile. It'll come in handy when finals are over, I'm sure. As for other presents, Chris bought us tickets for Eddie Izzard in June (did I already mention that?), and my mom is supposed to buy me a new bed when I move. I doubt my dad will get me anything, since he's broke and has actually been borrowing money from me, but that's okay. I understand his situation.

I really do not want to write this paper. It's not even that hard, I just really really don't want to.

__halfempty @ 2008-04-10T17:49:00

2008-04-10T21:49:48Z

I think I have a Senior Project lined up! Hooray! Both Dr. Davis and the assistant director of the Honors Program think it's a great idea. So yay!

Shelbourne finally noticed that we have three cats (it only took them almost an entire year, haha). Boo! We got a letter demanding payment for TWO cats, however, which is totally incorrect. I found my receipt from a year ago and ran down to the stupid bitch's office and shoved it in her stupid bitchy face. Take that, you incompetent fiend! Learn how to add, ktxhbye.

I got my contacts out rather painlessly, although I started getting pretty irritated with my left eye. It just doesn't seem to want to let go of the thing. I'm glad that I got them out with little trouble, but I must say, I hate the way that my eyes feel after I take them out. iiiick. But I'm gonna wait until tomorrow morning to put them back in, to give my poor eyesies a rest.

And tomorrow is the day of the party! That's exciting. But before that, I must endure a Japanese midterm. oh noes!

And so begins the stress...

2008-04-10T03:21:43Z

Today has been pretty sucktacular. I ended up spending way too much time on my manga paper, working on it for hours last night, getting up early to finish it, and missing my first class (again) trying to get the images to fit properly in the text. Ugh. I'm pretty disappointed with the paper overall. It could've turned out a lot better and been a really good paper, if on a fairly lame topic. Perhaps if I can find nothing else to do, I might expand it into a thesis sort of thing for my senior project. Now how dorky would that be??

I'm hoping I can turn my work on the Hand Talk website into my senior project. I talked with Dr. Davis about it and he seemed to think it was a great idea. Well, yeah, of course he would--I'd still be working on his website and he won't have to pay me for it. But that's perfectly fine with me. I'm just not sure when I would actually enroll for the senior project class, since I've already got a load of classes in the fall. Guess I could always drop one...

I don't know if anyone remembers the couch guy, but he called again today and I stupidly picked up the call. He said he wants to come get the couch in May. Okay, but, there are quite likely bedbugs still in it. "Bedbugs? What's that? We'll take care of it. We're gonna get it reupholstered." Uhhhhhh. You have no idea what you could potentially be getting yourself into, you stupid shit. I was tired and being a pussy, so I had trouble trying to talk him out of it. I was hoping to keep it and de-bug-ify it myself, and now it looks like I won't be able to, which means I'll have to go find and buy another couch that could also potentially be infested with bedbugs. Aah! Goddamnit.

I was hoping to get chosen for the Japanese speech contest on Monday, but alas, I was not. I thought my speech was pretty good, and I thought I did a decent job, too, especially considering that I had gotten another sinus headache that morning and puked several times before class, leaving me weak and nauseous. I didn't think the three people chosen for the contest did that good of jobs or had really interesting speeches, but whatever. No one cares how I feel about it.

I have another paper due on Monday and I'm a little freaked out about it. It's not a particularly difficult topic, but I just have no time to really work on it. Tomorrow I'm spending the entire day studying for Friday's Japanese midterm, Friday night is my birthday party, Saturday is my actual birthday, and that night is my birthday karaoke shindig. So, I basically have a little time on Saturday (my birthday!) to work on it, unless I'm hungover, and then all day Sunday to work on it, except that I also have to work for a few hours, and I'll probably be hungover. Looks like I might be pulling an all-nighter... wah. :(

Why does almost every segment of my entries begin with "I"? No wonder hardly anybody reads this crap....

Anyway, I'm starting to really worry about finding a new job and a new apartment. I'm mostly worried about finding a new job, because I have some apartments in mind, but I'll need a decent-paying job in order to afford any of them. I've been looking for jobs for the past few months and nothing has really popped up. Hopefully as the semester ends, things will become available...

Oh, and also... BigDog

2008-04-01T23:28:52Z

Dane posted this video on Facebook, watch it. DO IT. It's both amazing and SCARY AS SHIT.

Afterwards, watch the spoof. It almost made me cry.

__halfempty @ 2008-04-01T19:15:00

2008-04-01T23:16:02Z

I don't have a polyp, yay! Not really sure what else could be causing it (birth control, maybe), but the doctor prescribed me some antibiotics, despite the fact that I'm pretty sure she said I didn't have an infection. But oh well, whatever.

While I was there, I mentioned my sinus problems, so I got an xray done, and sure enough, I have a sinus infection. Boo! So I got some antibiotics for that, too, as well as some Mucinex spray. I spent $30 on medicine today, ick. In addition to that, part of the exam was $14. And then I spent almost $60 at Kroger. Ouch.

Oh, and I threw up again. I'm getting really tired of that, although on the other hand, I'm getting used to the whole throwing up thing itself (I used to HATE throwing up more than anything). I just don't like throwing up every week because of too much snot in my system. Hopefully my new drugs will solve the problem. It's kind of lame having to skip classes because my head feels like it's going to explode and I keep throwing up.

I have to finish my 423 take-home tonight. Guhhhhh. I've got over half of it done, but the last question requires "an intelligent reaction" to a linguistic work and honestly, I don't have any sort of intelligent reaction to any of that shit. My only response to it is "Zzzzzzzzzz." Man, I hate that class so much.

__halfempty @ 2008-03-29T23:22:00

2008-03-30T03:22:52Z

I'm feeling a bit better today. I'm trying to focus on things that don't suck, although right now there are many things in my life that suck. Especially my 423 take-home, although I wrote a page and a half earlier, so I'm making progress. Thank god the due date was pushed to Wednesday.

Although apartment-hunting is stressful, I'm getting excited about getting the fuck out of this hellhole. I used to really like my apartment, aside from the living room being too small and it getting really hot sometimes. But now I can't stand it. I feel like a stranger in my own home. I've got garbage bags full of crap all over my room, and I have to keep my door shut so the cats can't come in, which I hate. I never get to see them. I rarely spend any time out in the living room, mostly because half the time when I'm home, there's somebody in there, and now she's almost always accompanied by someone else. Someone else that I don't even really fucking now, and for HOURS. She has been here for almost NINE hours straight. What. the. fuck. And not being able to talk to my roommate about things like this is the worst part of all. It's not much fun living with someone you're afraid to approach.

Is it really really bad to disinvite someone from something? Because I really want to. I need to stop pretending to like people just to make things easier. I guess I could use the "you're the only one underage" card. It might be a hassle, y'know?

Bah, I'm so stupid. Why don't I think things through beforehand?

I have this plan to work out (almost) every day up until my birthday, which is in two weeks. Let's see how well that's going to work...

__halfempty @ 2008-03-25T22:13:00

2008-03-26T02:13:57Z

So, I just today heard about the girl who was murdered last Wednesday. I don't watch TV or read newspapers or anything, so I had no idea until I happened to go to the Daily Beacon's website a few minutes ago.

What freaks me out is that the guy who murdered her not only went to middle school and high school with me, but was in my grade. Actually, I think he may have gone to my elementary school, too. I remember him being fairly smart, but once he got into high school he started doing a lot of really stupid shit. And apparently he bashed some guy's head in at UT last year? Jesus. Fucked up.

The fact that the girl had just written in her diary about how she feared for her life because of him... man, I don't even know. It's messed up. Scary as hell.

Another strange thing: Two people, also in my grade at both South-Doyle Middle and High, getting engaged. Weeeeeird. (I am aware that a lot of SD graduates get married early and to each other, but most of those are kind of redneck and don't go to college.)

Waaah, I'm getting so old. People are getting married and becoming murderers... Jeeeeeez. wtf.

__halfempty @ 2008-03-25T09:42:00

2008-03-25T13:42:32Z

I made an appointment at the student health clinic for next Tuesday. Hopefully my womanly parts won't kill me before then.

In good bodily-related news, my contacts aren't really bothering me at all, except at night when they get blurry and I can't focus on anything. I guess I'll attempt removing them again sometime later this week. wah. :( I need to work on that problem, because I'm sure there'll be some all-nighters coming up in which I'll need my glasses in order to see anything.

Also, after my sinus thing went away yesterday, I felt GREAT. On any normal day, I typically feel somewhat shitty--always sort of groggy or something of the sort. But man, after that headache and nausea went away, I felt the best I've felt in a while. And I got a really good night's sleep last night, for once. I actually slept all the way up until my alarm went off, which was about an hour too soon.

I'm going to go look at a studio near my dad's after work. It's $375/mo, which is fairly cheap. Hopefully it isn't a piece of crap. Although, honestly, I've sort of been leaning toward getting a 2BR at Chapman Square. For a 2BR, it's really cheap--$450/mo--but that's a bit over what I want to pay. I think I could afford it, but it'd be tight. I'm not making $172 car payments anymore, and my insurance will probably go down, so I have a bit more to spare. I'd end up paying about $550/mo, though, which is a lot. But I like the apartment quite a bit. It'd be nice to have a place big enough for people to come over occasionally, the kitchen is pretty big with a good amount of counter-space, and one of the rooms could work as a study/storage room. It's not too far from campus (I could probably bike, and there's always the bus) and it's right down the street from my dad's (free food). But the thing that I like the most is the fact that the floors are tiled. They aren't pretty--I much prefer hardwood floors--but if I happened to bring any bedbugs with me, or if they somehow get there by another means, they'd be less like to get everywhere. Plus, tile is easier to clean, and my cats can't rip it up like they have my carpet in Shelbourne. Buuuuut, I dunno. It's kind of expensive for my price range. Unless I get a job that pays at least $9/hr, which is my plan. I'm hoping a friend of mine can hook me up, but we'll see.

I keep finding really good deals on 3BRs, but I'm a little wary about living with Jessica and a friend of hers. I haven't enjoyed having roommates in the past, and I've never had two at one time, so moving in with them could be a mistake. But it'd also be really, really cheap. I'm kind of torn. I like the idea of cheapness, but not-so-much the idea of living with two people who might potentially drive me crazy. I really wish there was someone else I knew and could stand who needed a roommate. Meh.

wah.

2008-03-24T13:07:09Z

Can a day go by without something going wrong with my body? I woke up around 4:30 again, with pressure behind my left eye (where it always is--it's never on the other side). Felt sick, ended up throwing up a couple times. The last time, I started hacking up nothing, and it hurt pretty bad. Then out came some snotty-looking stuff. That was really gross. I feel a bit better, but my head still hurts and I'm a little on the weak side. I'm also having trouble getting this bagel down. Ugh.

Because of this, I'm skipping my 9 'clock. The first day back after the break, and I'm skipping. Figures. I just don't have the energy to walk that far and I don't want to chance throwing up during class. Besides, I didn't do the reading, because I had no idea what it was, so it's rather pointless to go.

Here is what the rest of the semester looks like:

3/26 - japanese speech draft #2 due
3/31 - 423 take-home test due; 476 exam; speech draft #3 due
4/4 - manga quiz / mine & chris's 1-year anniversary (wtf?)
4/9 - manga paper due
4/11 - some birthday thing
4/12 - birthday
4/14 - 476 biography paper due
4/21 - 476 honors project due
4/21,23,25 - 423 research presentations
5/1 - japanese final
5/5 - 423 paper AND take-home test due / 476 take-home final due

There are a couple other tests in there, but I don't know when they are yet. On top of all this, I'm also searching for an apartment (which is getting frustrating) and a new job.

yay stressssss.

__halfempty @ 2008-03-16T14:25:00

2008-03-16T18:25:33Z

I woke up around 4:30 this morning feeling like shit and unable to sleep. So I got up, took a Sudafed (which may have been the wrong thing to take), tried not to throw up, and ate some bread. I laid down on the couch and thankfully got some more sleep. Got up around 9:30 feeling a bit better, ate a bagel, and shortly thereafter, threw up. What the fuck?

Either my contacts are the wrong prescription, my eyes are still adjusting to them, or they're just incompatible with my eyes. Whatever the case, they're getting on my nerves. Everything is just slightly out of focus when I'm on the computer or reading--which I do a lot of, so it's kind of a pain in the ass. It's making all this research I have to do even worse.

I got my hair cut the other day, and I'm pretty disappointed. Short hair looks really good on a lot of girls, but I am not one of them. I don't think the cut is bad--except for the fact that she chopped off the sides along my face and I specifically told her not to!--but it just doesn't go well with my face shape. Oh well. Hopefully it'll grow out quickly and look pretty decent in a month when I get my new driver's license.

I'm trying to figure out what I want to do for my birthday. I'd love to have a bigass party, because I've never had one and my 21st seems like a good time to do so. I've made some new friends that I'd like to invite, but I also want to invite old ones, so that's why I want a big one. However, there's nowhere to have it. Poo. My birthday's on a Saturday, so I might try to do something Friday and Saturday--maybe a small-ish party on Friday night, and some karaoke-ing or something on Saturday. For some reason, I'm dying to go do some karaoke. I never have before (well, except "Summer Lovin'" that one time at King Tut's), but I think it'd be a lot of fun. Especially if I drink a lot first. I'd like to find out which Japanese place has karaoke booths, but none of them have websites.

The desktop I'm using in the Commons just shut down (I'm typing this on my laptop). Motherfucker. I love how it doesn't even warn you, y'know, give you like a 5-minute heads up. I'm gonna have to go find and download all of those stupid pdfs from JSTOR again. Grrr.