blowing it off. [11 Oct 2008|03:43pm] chokemenow [ mood | lazy ] [ music | everybody loves me baby - - Don Mclean ] today i've decided to stray from the freight train of a work-ethic i've been developing. you know, the kind that resulted in me buying a faux-leatherbound planner. the type of planner that a person with mild OCD can organize her life to an annoyingly wonderful degree in. the type of planner with a brand that boasts a tagline stating "Smart. Sleek. City." i decided to stray from the planner and not do homework today. no, i do not feel like going to the bank to talk about accounts for business class. no, i don't feel like leaving the house. instead i have been rewatching season two of House MD, curled up in the fetal position on my bed eating Fudgeeos. "IT'S LUPUS! YOU HAVE TO INTUBATE! SHE'S SEIZING! DO A LUMBAR PUNCTURE!" to make up for this incredible waste of a free saturday i'm cleaning my room. this will also make packing later much easier. i'm going home sunday night after work for thanksgiving. my dad is making dinner and everything (my family has never done this before) and i'm so excited. i also plan on shooting some things for school while i'm there. and do readings for school on the drives there and back. see? there's the planner again. soon enough i will be smart, sleek and city. -Tara /comment (0)

[11 Oct 2008|03:13pm] kirmy [ mood | happy ] ( Oh ) I'm learning to fly, but I ain't got wings. Coming down is the hardest thing. /comment (0)

[10 Oct 2008|01:00pm] kirmy hahahahahaha /comment (0)

[10 Oct 2008|02:28am] kirmy HUP HUP i have the cutest boy ever <333 ILY /comment (0)

lame [08 Oct 2008|10:35pm] fairydust403 i just got home from church. yes, CHURCH! i freaking hate that place. i was forced to go. yeah i could have said no, but then raphaels family would start talking shit and i dont wanna hear/deal with it!!!!!!!!!!!   i feel weird when i go to church, cuz i dont believe it. ;-;  is it so wrong that i am able to think for myself and not be a brainwashed, cold hearted, judgemental, closed minded christian? is it wrong to not put total trust in the bible, and believe everything without fail???? why can't i just believe what i wanna believe?!?!? if i feel that its right for me, why should it matter to anyone else? why can't i just say, "sorry, i don't want to go to church, i am not a follower of the christian faith" and have people be ok with that and leave me alone?  why must they force me to go? why is it that if i dont go one day, then they start talking shit about me because i should go no matter what, even if i have work? fuck that. they have to poke and prod and force you to believe what they believe.  raphael keeps bothering me about religion, he knows i dont believe in christianity, but he keeps asking me what i believe, and i dont feel comfortable telling him, cuz he's a jerk :P in his mind, if you don't believe in christianity, you go to hell, end of story.... its like talking to a brick wall....  i want to be free to look at religion, decide what i want to blieve, what makes sense to me, and go from there. but i can't do anything, cuz i am always worried about what he or his family are going to say..... i feel so restricted. when raphaels aunt found out my car was broken, she asked what time i got out, and said she got out at the same time, so she would pick me up from work, take me home to change, and then take us both to church...... they think that if you pray everything will be ok, you will get whatever the hell you want. yeah, i believe that you must pray, but you have to get out there and actually work for what you want. praying alone wont solve anything. grrrrrrr........ sometimes i hate religion. it brings out the worst in people. i gotta go get rid of all this christianity aura i brought home from church, it makes my skin itchy. :P read//comment (5)

Karma's a bitch. [08 Oct 2008|06:46pm] fairydust403 [ mood | ecstatic ] [ music | awesome shit ] It's true what they say, what you put out comes back to you threefold. XD I'm so glad! That fucking bastard is finally getting what he deserves!   Lmao. soooo happy! *squee*  ^_^ but besides that, i'm being forced to go to church today. D:  not looking forward to that. gotta leave soon. ;-;  wish me luck!!!! read//comment (2)

[08 Oct 2008|02:20pm] kirmy [ mood | excited ] OH MY GOD /comment (0)

the trials of a day-long critique. [07 Oct 2008|10:20pm] chokemenow [ mood | exhausted ] [ music | hypnotize - - Notorious B.I.G. ] being in art school is really tough. you're constantly being asked to think more than any normal person would in the mornings and in a poorly-lit classroom. you're also regularly slicing your abdominals open as an offering to the circling vultures. or at least that's how i'd describe a critique. this is what happened today. nine hours of watching as students laid it all on the line, showing a series they've worked on for the past month. there was arguments this time. people are getting ballsy (and many times disrespectful) with professors. this is good in the instances they have something valid to say instead of being just plain assholes to challenge authority. also, after today, i'm so very tired of looking at tits. those ponies need more tricks. i went first and despite the fact that i had some concerns (that i didn't vocalize, saying bad things about your own work in a critique setting is a deathwish) and was an image less than the required amount, it went unbelievably well. both professors got my concept completely and seemed to really love what i was trying to say and how i said it. one of them even used the word "smashing". through spying on the profs' marking sheets i saw that i got close to perfect. i was taken aback, i'm still surprised. i'm exhausted now, though. i have to get some things done tonight (that i'd rather not do) and then i'm going straight to bed. i need some rest to get up tomorrow and be a funtional artist in a society that, most of the time, doesn't understand the shit that passes through this mind of mine. -Tara /comment (0)

[06 Oct 2008|01:20pm] kirmy i'm so ashamed, i've been so mean. i don't know how it got to this point. i always was the one with all the love. you came along, i'm hunting you down. like a sick, domestic abuser, i'm looking for a fight. all i wanted were the simple things, a simple kind of life. read//comment (4)

[05 Oct 2008|01:50am] kirmy [ mood | high ] People say I'm crazy doing what I'm doing. Well, they give me all kinds of warnings to save me from ruin. When I say that Im okay, well they look at me kind of strange. Surely you're not happy now you no longer play the game. People say I'm lazy, dreaming my life away. Well, they give me all kinds of advice designed to enlighten me. When I tell them that I'm doing fine watching shadows on the wall, don't you miss the big time boy you're no longer on the ball. /comment (0)

blah! random. :) [04 Oct 2008|12:18am] fairydust403 [ mood | cranky ] [ music | whatever fat people listen to. ] I'm so frickin bored out of my frickin mind!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! i hate not having a car!  today after work me and raphael took the bus home, and went to publix, and when we were there we bought  a cart thing on wheels so we wouldnt have to carry it all back, and for future use too. so that was really good, it would have sucked trying to carry all that back! we even bought kitty litter, i probably would have had to kill myself.......... D: i was lookin online for gifties for xmas, trying to get some ideas goin in my mind, lol. see if i come across anyting good. :) i wanna start early and get things slowly, so i'm not broke like always. ;n; so i gotta close tomorrow, but the busses stop running at six. ;n; so i'm hopin juan can bring over his bike for me to borrow. ^_^ that'd be sweet as heck.  then i guess i could just ride to and from work, but if i get a flat, that would suck so bad, hopefully i wont, and then i wont have to walk everywhere like i do now!  but the excercise is good, i need it, ive gotten so frickin fat! i've never been this big. ;n; i feel gross. i'm used to being like 120ish lbs and i'd always stay around that range, then after i graduated, i just started packing on the pounds!!!!!!! , and now i'm so frickin huge i don't even wanna say what size i am!  its horrible! so walking is good!!!!! and i have barely been drinking soda. maybe i'll download an excercise vid or something...lol. XD i h8 religion, it makes everyone disagree and fight. why can't people be more open minded and let people believe what they wanna believe?  am i right? :P    p.s. i feel fat, why don't they have an option of "fat" for your mood? read//comment (4)

random posting of one of my favourite songs/videos ever. [04 Oct 2008|12:20am] chokemenow [ mood | calm ] [ music | no doubt ] i want to be a rockin hot chick with a band of dudes backing me up. i'll put it on my christmas list. -Tara /comment (0)

rain, rain go away. [02 Oct 2008|11:53pm] chokemenow [ mood | artistic ] [ music | come on eileen - - Save Ferris ] it's quite funny how caught up in things i've gotten. it really is true that i live and sleep photography. i know i say this a lot in here, but it's a new feeling for me. sure, i've been a photographer for years, going to school for it for two. but for most of that time the obsession would stop when i lowered the camera or finished shooting an idea. now, every moment i fill with an almost childlike hope for my future. seeking out things to shoot, researching the men and women with cameras who have made this such an amazing world for a modern photographer to live in. this afternoon, while the rain poured and poured on the city, i sequestered myself up in the library to watch a program on Nan Goldin. my professor in class today mentioned it existed and, no more than five minutes after class ended, i made my way up there. Huddled in front of an old sony monitor and tape player, i held onto the oversized headphones listening to a Whitney curator and Nan speak about her '97 retrospective. as much as i struggle to distance myself from getting my documentary work compared to hers, she is my unseen mentor in this manner. i do a lot of different things with my photos and i've never found a 'famous' photographer that does photography similar to mine. not only that but, as i listened to her speak about her friends and her photos, she shares many of my ideas and opinions on the medium. and being able to cherish that from a photographer i admire so much is worth much more than trying to distance myself from her. i have my first critique next week. i'm hoping i've hardened a bit, let's see how i handle two photography professors telling me i suck. -Tara read//comment (1)

i fucking hate vehicles [02 Oct 2008|10:58pm] fairydust403 [ mood | sad ] tuesday my car was acting up, i thought it was just because i had driven it all day, and it usually acts up when i drive a lot, but when i went to pick up raphael from work it was acting so bad! the whole car would shudder and make sounds like there were rocks in the engine, then i had problems shifting gears, so i thought well, lets just get home, it probably just needs to rest. so wednesday i drove to work, and it was okay kind of, i could tell it was still acting funny, but on the way home, it acted like it was gunna crap out on me. so i called my dad, he said he would make his mechanic friend look @ it, and later that day, me and raphael walked to publix, to get food, and i carried it back in my bookbag, lol. and he showed me where the bus stop was,  so i took the bus to work today. i had to open, so i had to wake up uber early, leave the house at 6:20, i got to the mall at 6:40, so i had half an hour to kill, so i just read....  around 7 my dad looked at my car, and he thought it was the transmission, so we went to the store got the fluid stuff, and it didnt help, so his friend looked at it, and it was the transmission, its totally broken, so i gotta replace it, and i tried to drive home, but it wouldn't go!!!!! it wouldnt go in the drive gear, or low gear, so i had to drive home in 2nd gear, going 20mph cuz it wouldnt go any faster, with my hazard flashers on ! i was afraid it was going to blow up, it was smelling really bad too!!!!!!!!!!!   so my dad is gunna do something.... he's probably gunna try to sell the van as is, and get me somehting else, he said he was working on somehting, and to give him a week and he's see what he could do. i'm afraid, he's going to probably get me another used car that he found.  the expo (ahem, sorry, i meant to say evo...) is the third car in 2 years!!! before that i had the t-bird(which i wrecked, but it really was not my fault), and before that i had the tercel (which crapped out on the starter, and it was a stickshift with no power steering! can u believe that?)), and they were ALL red, haha. maybe he'll get me another stickshift. that'd be cool. and if its red, its guaranteed to be crap XD  but my dad is so cool. and he always tries to help me. he is awesome. ^_^ read//comment (1)

[01 Oct 2008|02:54pm] kirmy ( hehehe ) read//comment (1)

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