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vive___le_____revolution!
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[26 Aug 2004|03:29pm] |
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THIS JOURNAL WILL BE DEAD VERYVERY SOON, I ENJOYED WRITING HERE BUT AM MUCH HAPPIER AT MY NEW JOURNAL  ____riotfactory SO YOU CAN TAKE THIS JOURNAL OFF YOUR FRIENDS LIST IF UNUSED JOURNALS BUG YOU.
KTHX. XOXOXO.
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[17 Aug 2004|01:20pm] |
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ATTENTION!ATTENTION!
i have a new live journal, so please add if you liked this one. the new one is not only day-to-day events but also poetry/prose and photography. so please all run to:
____riotfactory
KTHX <3<3
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| UPDATE, FINALLY (I'M NOT SUICIDAL, JUST BORED) |
[27 Jul 2004|04:12pm] |
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mood |
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 confused |
] |
PAST:My life scince june 7th has been: overdoses, comedowns, sobriety, making out, loud music, road trips, listening to your friends call you at 5am in the morning coming down when i know i'm not snae enough to deal with it, poverty (yet there's always enough money for drugs), marridge (not mine), alcoholism, anxiety, laughing way too hard, missing old love affairs and making mix tapes.
PRESENT:I am in a constant state of motion, yet I always feel like I am still, I walk and my legs feel like liquid, i don't feel like solid form, solid matter, i am slipping in between cracks and fading, i feel like static and I can't understand why people in the street can't walk right through me. I don't think I'm blood, flesh and bone anymore, I don't know, I feel messy, unhuman. My bedside table is like a drugstore, but there's nothing I want there, I need psychedellica not painkillers. I need to stop shaking, my hands, i can't see them shake anymore, i feel like it's internal, my lungs are collapsing, my organs are dancing to a fucking earthquake. I'm bored, mundane, need more of everything I shouldn't have. I'm at uni again, I want to stay, be some bohemian intellectual, but the cities across the road, the city and pills and laughter...
FUTURE:I'm quitting my job tonight, I can't stand it there any more, I think I have enough money, i'll figure it out... The rest of it can;t be defined, or at least I don't want to right now.
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| Au revoir. |
[07 Jun 2004|01:08pm] |
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mood |
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 pleased |
] |
Forgive my abscence, I have been an insomniac, sitting on friend's balconies watching the first plane of the morning fly overhead.
I have failed two subjects in university and have discovered that I have learnt so much about myself in the last two months than any governemnt enforced education can. I am not proud of myself, but feel stronger and in some strange way, I am breathing in a rhythem which does not force my hands to shake.
I have learned:
1.That punk rock and love is dead, the same boy killed them.
2.My girlfriend will always be there with soft kisses, marijuana muffins and a shoulder to lean on.
3.My best friend will always listen to me as I come home and complain of a broken heart.
4.I am forever in a love affair with music.
5.Pills, gin and tonics, going to the airport wearing nothing but underwear and fairywings is the best way to say goodbye to a lover.
6.I should not be afraid to write, because it can be the only thing that svaes me at times.
7.Hands tracing my hipbones and lyrics whispered in my ear make me insatiable.
8.Elizabeth Wurtzel, Francesca Lia Block and Bright Eyes make great company when everyone's gone home and my bed feels empty.
9.That dancing like lovemaking, passionate, uncoordinated, rough and sensual is the best way to welcome the sunrise.
10. I am leaving livejournal. I will continue to write at dland, and I will return here shortly, with a new journal, combining photography, poetry and prose, all the things that i was to afraid to say before.
So, if you like what i write, please keep me on yr friend's list as I will update here from time to time, until my new livejournal. To all the people on friends list, you are the most beautiful, talented people I have ever had the happiness of reading and relating to. Thankyou.
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| letters and lyrics. |
[15 May 2004|05:08pm] |
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mood |
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 bored |
] |
We crashed the prom. My roommate did circus tricks in the hall cos he's cool like that. I drew a heart with eyeliner and covered in glitter. We drank and talked about music and philosophy and what happens when the world ends. My friends are better than oxygen, better than anything. & they're all I can think about right now without thinking too much and over-analyzing all the lyrics I'm listening too...
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| Winter. |
[04 May 2004|08:30pm] |
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mood |
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listless |
] |
Winter in Adelaide brings mist in the morning, and heartache at night. People are dragons with smoke from joints and cigarettes curling through the atmosphere. Everything is rigid, except for the roads, wet and smeared with refelctions from the highway lights. I am in lust, and it seems like summer flings will trancend the seasons and survive Autumn, instead of crashing like the leaves.
I drink bitter coffee and curl up on friends couches, the heater crackling, waking from the summer. I make mix tapes and wander through the University Library, fingertips tracing along dusty books and I think how i would like to kiss someone in the basement and it could be our secret.
I get high with Chris, laughing and eating too much, although I don't have time to eat anymore. Holly is going to Canada and I might go too, it's been a while since I've been on an aeroplane and I miss Canada. & they are all I need to get through winter.
Summer is drugs and endless nights, the sunrise hits like anxiety. Autumn is confusion and moving to fast. Winter is still, poetry and welcoming, although only if I keep drinking...
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[01 May 2004|09:49pm] |
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mood |
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pleased |
] |
I saw the first girl i ever loved today, the only girl who ever had the power to make me want to bleed til i fade away. She had tacky blonde hair, stilettos and pink lipgloss. She used to wear lace petticoats with 'Kurt Lives' graffitied over them, blood red lip gloss and eyeliner smudged so thick my fingers could never smudge it off. She broke my heart and left me for dead.
THE CONVERSATION:
Her: So did you to 18 yet?
Me: Yeah, in January, it was great, i got stoned and drunk with all my friends.
Her: Congratulations!
Me: On What?
Her: Turning 18, I never thought you'd make it.
She could never be so wrong, I would never let a tragedy like her be my suicide.
& as I got on the bus I finally left all of her behind, she doesn't deserve memories.
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| The music was like being beaten up, only it didn't hurt... |
[26 Apr 2004|02:41pm] |
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mood |
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 sore |
] |
We arrive two hours early, there are guitar solos filtering out the door, enticing us like a lover with open arms. A roadie who looked stoned and smiled gently told us we could watch the sound check. The lights wind around the room, the strobe light making our movements fractured and robotic. The bands (The Butterfly Effect, Degrees K & Japunga) walk around casually and we are close to subconsious hysteria. A groupie with an annoying laugh and curly hair like Penny Lane begs for a ticket, and we hope she is lost in the crowd. We sit with the sound guys, as the amps are turned up and the bands start singing new songs for us. We smile, feet tapping and hands entwined, squeezing so tightly to make sure this is real. The song ends, and we go past the fence, and past the stage, backstage!
They sign autographs and drink cheap beer, smoking rolled cigarettes and talking about the tour. My shirt is covered in signatures and drawings, and as they go off for dinner, we wait for the show to start, time is seeping slowly, 2 hours seems like forever.
The lights go down, the audience screams. My hips are involved in a love affair with the metallic barrier. Thrashing against it, my hair wild, my hands flailing everywhere. I am skin and bone, the music is beating against me and I cannot take it all in quick enough. I scream lyrics and reach out to touch the singers, guitarists anyone... I am confusion, but the music makes me invincible, I am bruised and bloody, but my heartbeat has never been stronger...
EDIT: PLEASE GIVE ME A SONG (OR MANY SONGS) TO DOWNLOAD!!!!
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| Down the Rabbit Hole |
[24 Apr 2004|07:55pm] |
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mood |
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 mellow |
] |
Last night i took some pills and talked too much, danced so fast and made out with a girl who knew about backstage romances because she'd been there before. Fairylights blinked and Holly wore a tiara and a tutu, because it was her birthday and she could do what she wanted. My stockings were scratched by spiked bracelets, my lipgloss smeared and it was out of control. Boys tried to kiss us but we ran away, to a dark corner, anywhere...
I slept in a room with purple lights, velvet sheets and incence burning softly. It was calm and romatic, our toes touching, hand entwined and this time I am not shaking becuase we are laughing so hard about you, I feel I can finally forget, except when i find a message from you on my phone...
In the morning i went home, wearing an old army jacket and a mischievous smile, my barefeet stumbling through the gate. I'm holding a bottle of cheap wine and my eyes just won't close, my heartbeat is too loud, everything is so bright. I fall into bed next to one of my best friends, after taking painkillers and turning on the cd player, the Yeah Yeah Yeahs echoing through my dreams, my fingertips electric with the beat.
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| photography&prose |
[20 Apr 2004|02:41pm] |
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mood |
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confused |
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I shake, anxiety my friend! I needed to escape because I don't believe in love, i don't believe in love, especially when I am spinning too fast to fall. I will break, I will break. & every time I cry, my lips tremble, so softly, it's so small i wouldn't notice if I wasn't surrounded by these mirrors. I am breaking anxiety! You have won! In 24 hour time i dream in gas station bathrooms, i dream under blue lights, i dream...
& now I pretend this isn't hurting me. I smile in shades of pink, gloss everywhere, erotica and laughter. & oh no, I am drinking too much again, smoking too much again- when do i stop? I don't know the word! I know a constant tune, that never stops humming through nerves and finger tips. Maybe I am not breaking, I am electric, infinite- no this is not denial! this is love, this is me in shades of pink and I do not understand where i am in the morning, but yr hands are entwined with mine and you cannot feel them shaking so it is OK...
Now the song lulls, like a grey ocean. The static is the worst, because we all have a phobia the song will die. & you dare to take my oxygen! I will kill you, with a battle cry that shakes the galaxy, but I am too far away, already hypnotized by dreams. Spinning softly like a ballerina with porcelain features. I just fade, I do not burn, nor scream, nor struggle. This is not a repeat, i will not be saved, i will flow like elements and fade...
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[19 Apr 2004|11:46am] |
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mood |
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 groggy |
] |
Stolen from: emptyxswingsets&&cherrycigarette
if i were a month, i'd be: March.
if i were a day of the week i'd be: Saturday.
if i were a time of day, i'd be: 1.37am.
if i were a planet, i'd be: Neptune.
if i were a animal, i'd be: a carpet python.
if i were a direction, i'd be: north.
if i were a piece of furniture, i'd be: a four-poster bed.
if i were a historical figure, i'd be: Andy Warhol.
if i were a liquid, i'd be: cheap wine.
if i were a tree, i'd be: a weeping willow.
if i were a bird, i'd be: a scarlet macaw.
if i were a tool, i'd be: a nail.
if i were a flower/plant, i'd be: a bird of paradise.
if i were a kind of weather, i'd be: the eye of the storm.
if i were a mythical creature, i'd be: a pheonix.
if i were a musical instrument, i'd be: a guitar.
if i were an wild animal, i'd be: a leapord.
if i were a color, i'd be: the rainbow.
if i were an emotion, i'd be: indescribable.
if i were a vegetable, i'd be: a carrot.
if i were a sound, i'd be: a guitar solo.
if i were an element, i'd be: water.
if i were a car, i'd be: jaguar type-e
if i were a song, i'd be: ruby tuesday by melanie.
if i were a movie, i'd be: the breakfast club
if i were a book, i'd be: ariel by sylvia plath
if i were a food, i'd be: sour gummi bears.
if i were a place, i'd be: Paris.
if i were a material, i'd be: suede.
if i were a taste, i'd be: yummy.
if i were a scent, i'd be: hypnotic.
if i were a word, i'd be: eclectic.
if i were an object, i'd be: a polaroid camera.
if i were a body part, i'd be: a neck.
if i were a facial expression, i'd be: screaming.
if i were a subject in school, i'd be: English.
if i were a cartoon character, i'd be: Wonder Woman.
if i were a shape, i'd be a: a star.
if i were a number, i'd be: 27.
if i were an article of clothing, i'd be: fishnets.
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[11 Apr 2004|07:22pm] |
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mood |
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 loved |
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Vivian in 48 hours: absinthe and acid, bad singing, bubblegum snapping, eclectic poetry, kissing and flying, matchmaking with enemies, rough dancer, sex toys and suicide cults. INFINITE.
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[01 Apr 2004|11:19am] |
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mood |
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 awake |
] |
+I'm finally doing my english assignement
+I'm not failing French
+It's today, not yesterday
+I got elegantly wasted on tuesday night.
+My best friend has an lj kill_bob
-I don't have photoshop, i crave it like oxygen.
-I miss him.
-There's cheap wine all over my floor from tuesday night.
-I'm not ready to meet him by surprise on the bus, memories of summer and her are still to close...
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[20 Mar 2004|05:26pm] |
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mood |
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content |
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I have spent my week watching sid and nancy and sex pistols documentries, piercing friends ears, drinking cheap cocktails and living on painkillers, going to philosphy class drunk and having the time of my life talking about Paley's watchmaker theory. I wear t-shirts with le tigre lyrics studded on them and hot pink shoes. I meet a girl with RIOT GRRL graffitied on her shoes and I fall in love. I feel dangerous but I know where I am and what makes me smile. Living with my best friend in a haze of education, music and revolutions.
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[14 Mar 2004|05:28pm] |
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mood |
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 busy |
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I moved house today. My room has band posters and psychedelic throw rugs and photos of friends and memories. I bought a new bong for myself as a housewarming present, the one that the catepillar has in Alice in Wonderland So I won't update as much as I used to, but then again, I'm not sure who reads this anymore...
Ps. Me and my best friend wanted to get high, but we can't get weed.
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[12 Mar 2004|07:17pm] |
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mood |
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 lonely |
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It's friday night, i need a place to be, a face to kiss, a drug to love and a song to sing. It's friday night. Oh yeah, let's get electric...
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[06 Mar 2004|05:35pm] |
| [ |
mood |
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listless |
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Last night, I went to town with a girl I don't see much anymore. We walked around streets that were draped in neon; tacky and exhuberant. The festivals are in town, so there are performers swirling hoops and breathing fire, turning decadence and drunken streets into surreal carnivals. We went to strip clubs, skeletal bodies in children's dresses lazily sauntering around a glittering satge, thier hips and cleavedge filled with money from men who smile greedily. We leave and journey to parklands, the home of the carnival, cirucs tents fill the sky, a city of bohemians that exists for only a month, coming alive as the moon hits the sky. We watch performers in hot pink leotards, studded with tattoos, we meet boys who offer us marijuana, i take some and the fairylights become brighter, each joke is funnier...
We wander dazed through the mall, lonely buskers play instruments in the doors of shops, mannequins peer out, watching intently. I become entranced by a man playing guitar with sad eyes, the chords sending me back in time, to grassy fields, incence and daisy chains. My friend pulls my arm and I wake out of the dream and fall into a taxi, my eyes are half closed but my mind is full of stories and dreams.
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