Realistic Future

Hey? Can you hear me? Just wondering...

2004-03-22T06:09:52Z

Well damn everyone long time no talk...how is everyone these days,i hope there having lots of great times like me :).Well everyone...what a weekend...lets see i hung out with becky all of it really...because im crazy about her,but anyway...yea friday i took my ged...heh that was a waste of time...im so dumb becuase i left it becuase i gave up in which right now i wish i had the chance to study b4 that and really "TRY" but not that i have learned that hard way...its really taught me something...never take anything for granted...that night i went back to becky's i think this was around 7 30pm while i was there...i brought myself down so bad...then she made me realize "hey start over think to urself its ur first time u never did do this b4.." and well i am...( thank you becky i love you so much hunny ) To be honest im really happy i have her in my life she makes me so much more happier! well after all that we went out for a walk to just get away from things...we went to bath n beyond...which was ok ;)...after that we just was walking to k mart until my mom stoped us and asked if we would like to go eat...and well we did,ate at dynasty buffet which is a chinese place..(damn i love chiese food) well after that we went back to becky's to watch the missing in which was a stupid movie we thought

Saturday i surprised my baby by going to her house really early without telling her ;) and wow what a surprise she was really happy to see me just standing there in the door way..well it scared her first then she told me to lay next to her!:)After a while royal and michelle came over and we to royal's dad's which is about 3 hours drive from peoria i dont know the name of the city i forgot lol,but anyway it was an arlight night wished i could do it over again...alot of yelling..alot of things said which was stupid becuase all that fighting was stupid...which me and becky made up and realize never to fight or get angry becuase its pointless...well anyway we went back to becky's for a while then i had to go home :( sucked! lol i wanted to spin the night..

Today was nothing at all just chilled with becky,we went to "SUPER"wal-mart..lol ...after That fun we went to her house and ate...by that time royal and michelle came over and we watched scary movie and got to talk more..Lol...Hmm i like royal and michelle alot...Its great to hang out with them alot more now...Wonder if we could do something this weekend...or something during the week... "who knows"...well anyway im gonna go...gotta get to bed and wake up to my baby's voice!!!!!

Well later everyone...!

Not in a good mood...really down...(crying almost)

2004-03-18T00:13:53Z

as i sit here at beckys...i was really happy really into my ged homework....until it hit me...im i ready for it...My mind started to wonder...started to think other thoughts like maybe im not ready for this...maybe DJ your going to be nothing in life...then i realize...how much i wanted to cry...for me i guess i can cry easy these days becuase of depression but...i dunno what to think....maybe im lost with my ged...maybe i wont do so good..(thats what im afraid of..) becuase at this point i havent really studied yet and well...to be honest if i did study now it wont make a big difference...becuase i would have to go over it and over it just to learn something...It takes me a while to learn now these days...maybe thats becuase of "drugs"..heh...i wished i never was in this situation...i feel so helpless in life...feel like im not wanted in this world as all....Right now as i type this bullshit...my insides are yelling at me...go study...but i dont listen to them becuase my mind says..all these things like its over...just get ready to be that lazy ass bum u always thought you "wasnt" going to be.Maybe...well maybe..my mind is right?Maybe i havent realized it but...maybe i lost i lost to myself.Well everyone...is it ok to.."CRY"? I dunno im so scared of friday that i wished i did study all those days...that i never did stop...becuase the fact is..im lost...Anyway im going to go becuase well shit wont learn much on this comp will i..Heh..

whatever
DJ

...Interesting night....

2004-03-12T04:27:20Z

Well well people im back for more of my life...and well i can be frank with all of you....its great...for some parts...Well i went to the new rave theatre tonight for the new grand pre openining and its the shit....that theatre kicks ass....welll im drinking vodka now and i wonder to myself.... is it really ok to let some people drink with you???? becauase you dont get mad but then again u get scared.......you get scared becuase they might think of something like....well leave you or like.... well that person is that perfect....as i sit here buzzed i just pray that i can live my life normal....not saying it in a bad way at all im saying when i'm drunk people take it seriously.......im saying just dont take me serious im saying take me as i am....if you know me then well you know all...well im gonna go becauase im so buzzed :) well later everyone...

Peace
DJ

Pain and agony..

2004-03-10T07:10:01Z

Well its almost 1am and i have the biggest headach in the world....i swear it cannot get any bigger then what it already is.Well i havent updated this for a while really ..Well anyway today was great until i got a fever...Ok this is so wierd its like at only night i get fevers...(mono really sucks ass).Hmm..Today i went to sign up for my ged test which is next friday and sat...woo so happy finally i can take that and get it off my chest..Which today at becky's i study...(amazing) lol..Well anyway i met becky at Super Wal-mart and we talked about stuff and we got the pictures developed from swing...and i can say they are really.. good even tho i forgot the ones i was goin to take at her house lol but o well..Anyway after walmart i went to beckys to relax and cuddle and talk to her...her mom went out to eat while we had to find something in the house...and wow i ate like a pig LOL

But anyway....about 6 we decided to study well i didnt want too but knowing becky she got me to study LOL cant say no to her...but yea..I studied some biology oh boy how exciting ...and we all know how much i hate science....but anyway after studing science she was done with her homework and we went into her room to listen to music and thats when i started to get the fever...hit me hard really...i was so cold and chillin...damn that sucked so bad....but she took good care of her baby and i wish i was still with her now.After leaving her house about 8 something i dunno forgot...i came home and freezed my ass off and felt like total shit for the night and went to bed after i got off the phone with her and i woke up at 12 something IN WHICH IM PISSED OFF becuase i always do that when i get a bad fever....i always wake up during the night and cant sleep really..

So really tonight im bored and got nothing to do,cant sleep,so im on here updating and posting comments....fun...Lol,well i better go i have the night ahead of me so ill talk to you people later....

Later

__fake_vida__ @ 2004-03-08T12:50:00

2004-03-08T18:53:49Z

well hey every1 another day eh...fun exciting isnt it...well anyway...lets talk about how the day has been really...its been well ok i guess...I have a headach the size of the world....and really im doing is just burning cd's all the time lol finally found a program for it...so i need too by more blank cd's u know..damn running out...yesterday i bought a 30 pack in which that wont really make a big damage in my music....becuase i have like 120 cd's i need to burn...so yea...but anyway...today im going to cub foods to steal things...and i guess apply there LOL good thing i gues...steal and work there 2 in 1 :) but yea anyway really bored now...i need my G.E.D books i have my test next week and i need to study really bad....but yea.. anywya...im going to go so ill tty people later

More to life then this?

2004-03-08T00:22:44Z

AS of right now im sitting at the computer ....(smartass) typing to all you people who read my little pathetic life :)....but yea anyway...today is sunday and not much is really going on just hanging out at my cousins house for a party but the real excitement was yesterday :)...(i must say so myself)...It was SWING the dance i was looking foward too..Well let me tell you what happen really...becuase if i dont you wont really know then what happen...but yea anyway...the day started out pretty good...remember that line...(good)..I woke up from staying the night at a friends house to go home...reason was becuase i didnt feel like sleeping on the ground no more,my back was really hurting me (mono)..After my grams came and got me from his house i went home and really did nothing ate breakfest then layed down because i felt like crap....i should say i was really tired not much sleep the night befor either.After laying down i took a long HOT shower thats the only kind of shower i really like..But after i took my shower i had to get money for the dance that night so i called my mother and asked her for some money...so i call her up and plea for money :) ( which means sucking up) but yea anyway...after i do my buisness with her i go down to the house and get it...in which i get this big talking to about "NOT TO SPILL ANYTHING ON THE SHIRT" becuase i was going to return it.Well after i got my 110 dallors i then leave to give allison's mom money....for the stuff...but yea anyway...ill just talk about stuff later...so im gonna go so ill talk to u guys later...

OH MY GOD....hah

2004-03-04T06:01:41Z

Well well lets see whats going on in the life of dj...well not much to say exactly but if i must,well it here it goes..Yesterday night i didnt much i saw becky for a while this is starting from...what..5pm and up so bare with me.She was suppose to see my family or some of them at that time...but when she got here they had already left i was really down tho becuase i really wanted my family to meet her..i know they would of liked her alot...But after that we had dinner but becky wasnt hungry at the time so i ate not much but i ate...lol.Altho it wasnt the best dinner i did enjoy it,after that i had to do my hair becuase becky was gettnig on me about it lol so i did so..and well when i was done it was so cute she said it looked like i was going into the army she said...really sexy...i forgot to tell u got my hair shorter a trim so really i look like im going into the army..After that i changed clothes put on a black tight shirt and my jean pants and my necklace i got..and she freaked out...she said i looked so hot so i blushed like alittle girl and was like really ;) then i put on my glassses and she couldnt even be in the same room with me.. :) i was like damn.We went to the mall after all this crap it wasnt fun but it wasnt boring saw some old friends...looked at rings...in which when we went in the store the people attacked me asking if i was going to buy her anything i was like ugh no...i think they thought i was 19...but yea anyway we went to becky's house afterwards to talk about things about whats going on around us..like family and friends and mom's.But yea it was a good night last night..

Ok onto today...it was ok really...woke up by a phone call from becky in which she spoke of ( Hey ) in which my heart melts really terribly :). But we didnt get to talk that long tho... becuase she woke up so late in which i was sad but then again how could i be when she call's me all the time in the morning...( i would do the same ).But after she leaves i stay up i weigh my self...yes thats right i weigh myself...dunno what it is about me and my weight but i freak out if i gain a pound...yea i know...i did have eating disorder b4 but thats in the past but anyway...after that i eat ceral...and take a shower to get ready for the day...the whole day i get talked about how we dont haev money...and are u looking for a job anytime soon...so yes it was so exciting...dont you wish,you was in my shoes...but then again after that shit happen i went to kholes to get my belt and i did but then again i bought a new watch in which i must say i love lol...(so does becky) which will go really good with my outfit for swing "Saturday",in which im very excited for.Well by then it was time for becky to be home so i was like lets go home but b4 we did i had to stop at this place to look at this job hiring in which i did but it gave me a email address in which is crap becuase...they dont offer applications or anything online so i gotta go back to the store 2morrow i guess and get that crap...but yea anyway..that was most of my day there...But anyway i go home and i read an email sent by becky in which im like ahh and she calls im like wow wierd really wierd so i asked her if she had a camera in my house lol....being the smartass i was lol.. :) but then we tlaked and she wanted me to come over in which i took the offer like i would anytime of the day...so i did...so lets go to the night time section shall we...

Well when i got to beckys it was close to 4 i walk in and she is like did i tell you,you can come in im like lol do i need promission and she is like no lol...was pretty funny i scared her.Well we sat around cuddled she looked fucking BEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAAAAAAUUUUUUUUUUUUTTTTTTTTTTTIIIIIIIIIIFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFUUUUUUUUUUUULLLLLLLLLLLLLL!!!!!!!!! she really looked amazing i was just staring at her and was speechless most of the time.By the time i came to my senses we was hugging and cuddling :).We was watching seventh heaven her fav show...crazy..lol..but yea anyone as time went by she got really hungry and so did i so i was waiting for her mom to come home so she could deliever becky's food so i could eat..becuase it wouldnt be right eating infront of her even tho i would share...Well after her mom walks in...(all nice) remember that.. part...She leaves and we was alone again the best time being at her house (alone) no mother or nothing by that time we had spent together..her mom walks in...:( we was in her room and her mom freaks out that we was in there...lmao so we both go OMG lol crazy....but yea...we listened to music becuase her mom kept singing outside the door...but yea anyone later that night it was crazy...her mom got really mad at her for being on the phone with me...after she called allison...so yea...she is grounded...becuase she spends too much time talking to me...in which she was suppose to see me 2morrow beucase her mom was suppose to pick me up and go get becky from school but that is done now...her mom freaks out...can someone say what the fuck do you got "bipolar"?...well yea anyway...i better go so there whats going on for a while i will try to update it as soon as i can..."later"

Day by Day

2004-03-02T12:30:13Z

Good morning to all the lj people out there....yet another day is here and well...its another great day in the world of DJ...yes thats right another great day lol no im not trying to be sarcastic im just saying it is! :) well anyway...my side hurts had a 100.2 fever last night and sweated all night...felt like i was in a pool lol funny yea...but anyway family coming over later today i guess its going to be one of those fantastic days lol damn i sound like im on drugs lol....but yea anyway...ill keep you all updated on my life so...later

nice day isnt it?

2004-03-01T18:24:15Z

well hello there people havent updated this in a while have i lol...well sorry about that i been busy..well lets start off that my weekend with becky was great it was our 2 months!We went to see havana nights dirty dancing which wasnt a bad movie really kind of short tho...(120 mins) but it was good.. Just to say i got my clothes for swing which i think i look good in becuase when i was wearing them..becky freaked out and couldnt be in the same room with me...:) kind of wierd ;) but yea anyway with all that said i look older then what i appear to be like maybe 19..with my glasses..which isnt a bad thing at all..i wont take that for granted :).Well lets see today im going to the dentist to fix my god damn braces which keep coming off...that wire just wont stay in ....maybe i should obey there rules of what not to eat ;) but yea after that i think im going shoppong for my great grandma...to earn some money lol...Well im really excited today get to see becky :) i got's to take her to her thing tonight which i dont mind becuase i get to see her :)...Anything to see my baby really....well i think im going to go for now ill try to update this later...

happy as shit! lol

2004-02-25T15:08:07Z

Well what can i say I'm really happy even tho I'm sick with mono but that isnt stoping me anymore...I'm tired of staying in so today I'm going shopping with my girl...She is quit excited herself.Well she is at school right now and im waiting for her to get on the internet at school but yea anyway..last night was good I got to see becky for quit some time and I was excited,she really cheers me up...jeez she is perfect (sigh) :)...I was in bed most of the day yesterday because of mono but today I feel really great...just excited about going shopping,going to get my "swing" <--(dance) clothes for march 6 be my first dance,thats because I left high-school freshman year in which I regret but im going to get my ged so its really all good we all make mistakes in life.Its just those mistakes u say to your self i made and i wanna learn from it :)..And from meeting becky I learned alot :) she has changed my life and will always change it for the better :).Never quit met a girl like her...I remember when I first saw her at the mall that day on Nov.30,2003 it was something special :) she brought out the best of me when I first talked to her and I knew from there she was something special really I did..and till this day my feelings only grew deeper and stronger :)...hmm well I better go ill update later tonight after i get back from shopping and hanging with my girl..."later"

......

2004-02-22T12:55:03Z

sorry to all ...bout entry....dunno what i was thinking...people are right...

amazing she is

2004-02-21T06:23:18Z

Wow what a day what a damn great day....well i hung out with becky when she got home...got to show her how well i drive...and well forget that i will tell u about tonight...it was so great ....went to see eurotrip...that movie kicks ass so every1 go see it!!!!!!!!!well then after that we came to my house and cuddled and talked...and stuff...well....to be honest....STUFF ;) ....hmm i dont feel like typing much tonight i wanna spend all my time with becky and talking to her so ill talk to you people later :)

Well very happy

2004-02-19T02:35:12Z

Well im a very happy man today becuase i just got back from beckys and wow it was great :) took some pictures of me...lol i told her too so i cant get mad...damn i look good...anyway today wasnt the same ol day...didnt do much but think of becky.....thinking how much i am thankful of having her in my life....well right now im talkign to becky and listening to music so...not much going on well 2morrow i get to drive HAH!!!!!!!!!!im excited lol 25 fucking miles hell ya....well i think im gonna go i got nothing to say all i got to say i say to becky :) so...well...later people..keep it real

Day to day

2004-02-17T04:13:27Z

Well things today was great....spent it with becky of course...cant see myself not :).Anyway i went to her house around what..10 30...it was a fun day...She was in the shower and i suprised her :) well anyway...after that she had to do her hair and i was blowing my noze...well i blew so hard that it was bleeding lol man ....Then after that we layed on the couch her mom comes in and was being a bitch to her like always....telling her to do this and that...becky got mad in which i dont blame her so i had to calm her down so i decided we should go to my house...so we did and she was hungry so we ordered a pizza it was good until she lost her eye make up...in which she got mad...well that wasnt good ...but i told her i would buy her a new one...well we then planned to go to the new mall again and relax....but first we stoped at walgreens so i could buy her some new eye make up or wahtever u call it lol....then we went to the mall...it was boring but it was somethnig to do...we looked at some clothes in which we planned on going shopping for.. lol....well then she was tired so we came back to my house to take a nap...well we did...went into my bedroom,cuddled,then went to bed...for about 45 mins....was a great nap i could lay by her all day...i love sleeping next to her.After that we ate dinner..while we was sleeping her mom called...well about 7 30 she went home and i came back here...wasnt happy becuase i wasnt with becky :) but i was talking to her on the comp so it all was great...but anyway...at 9 she called me and we talked to about 9 40 which was great because i love talking to her...but she had to go...had to get up early...i hope she calls me...i hope...but anyway im gonna go ill talk to you people later...:)

Seing is useful

2004-02-16T05:49:05Z

Well today was a really good day....went to church with becky around 9 and went to boring sunday school wow how boring is that...lol anyway we then went to church which i wrote her a note showing how much i cared about her...i think she liked it alot :).Well after that we then went to taco bell for lunch and it was alright i guess her mom made us social...wow how boring....yea...Anyway after that we went to the new mall which wasnt bad....But really then we went to the riverplex to swim and wow she looked amazing in her bikini man..im so glad i have her :) she makes me feel all gooey INSIDE :) haha anyway...after that swimming time we walked around the track they had it was ok...was really tired....then we left to rent some movies uptown girls and something mexico lol well mexico sucked and well i dunno about uptown girls becuase we was busy kissing most of the time lol ;)....well anyway...today was a really good day im so thankful to have becky in my life couldnt live a day without her :)...anyway im gonna go becky is gonna call me soon so later

An amazing night

2004-02-15T07:29:51Z

Yes well tonight was the best with becky i made her supper by candle light and candles around and the fireplace going...it was a really perfect moment :) yes well we ate right then open up gifts and she got me BOXERS!! woo :) and a ballon with a dog on the end and anther balloon... and a picture frame with us in it :) she is amazing girl :)..and i love her card wow...what a terrific girl i have...Well i got her a ring and a card and a box heart witha bear in it...well i must say she was stunned about the ring she was lost with words :) so must only mean one thing lol...Well 2morrow im going to church with her so i cant wait so i better go to bed...ill update this 2morrow "later"

Things are Great...What can i say..!

2004-02-13T05:52:07Z

Well today was a great day woke up around 6 something to talk to my baby and well damn what a mood i was in well let me put it this way the whole day i was HAPPY as fuck..We talked until she had to go to school and i really miss her when she is gone too :) lol....Well after that i went back to bed then woke up at 1030 ate frosted flakes then took a shower....then went to the place to get becky's gift in which i really think she will love alot..!After that little russle then i went to this other store to get things for saturday :) its really going to be a good day saturday...After that i came home and becky called me then i hung out with the girl i love....we went to mall to shop for allison for her bday...she is almost 15 woo...after the little deal at the mall we went to this other store im only keeping quite becuase i dont want allison to know where becky got her things :)...Well after that good time we came back to my house to talk...and cuddle and hug each other...it was a really good time becauase i didnt get to see her yesterday!...well after that we decided to go to the movies..to see butterfly effect again lol...good movie i must say...really good plot and everything well after that it was about 940 and we came back to my house to cuddle more....and talk about certain things...:)Well after that she had to go home :( becauase her momma called and said she had to be home at 1140 lol...well after i took her home and gave her a goodnight kiss and hug here i am...Now to the certain stuff i wanna talk about...Well that is love really...becuase have u ever said to urself...he is the one or she is the one...i did....when i saw becky...she isnt like most girls...i was amazed about her and how much we have in COMMON....yes we have lots in common and some people search there whole life for that special someone with so much in common...its just a great feeling....Well when me and her get together...we can never stay mad at each other...its so great...I just love being around her...I am going to be with her for a loooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooonnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnggggggggggggggggggggggggggggg time....We have what is called True Love...Nothing can split us up...its an amazing feeling....anyway i better go gotta talk to my baby :) i love you becky :) "later"

Ignominy...

2004-02-12T02:10:19Z

Well just updating right now to show every1 im still alive today ;) Well only 3 more days until Valentines day and im really excited 2morrow i gotta go out and get becky her big gift and i have to start to prepare for sat gonna take me a long time...Well anyway i dont wanna give it away becuase i know she will check my journal...but i will tell you people what happens sunday :)...remember to ask becky what she got ;)...hmm right now im relaxing just listening to the hims not a bad group at all...waiting for becky to get done studying and taking a shower...well im gonna go ill update it mroe later on tonight..."later"

Ok update Time

2004-02-11T15:08:03Z

Well i updated my page alot lol got tired of the other...so was bored and i cant sleep for some reason....Well after i talked to becky this morniing about around 6:20 or so then we talked to close to an half of an hour...I really like talking to her alot,right now im kind of tired as hell...so drained...Maybe later on after i email becky i will take a nap...i need it because i feel like shit....If you cant read my txt then say something to me and i will change it if not then no problem....Cant wait until valentines day i got something so romantic planned for becky i think she is gonna love it well i know she will....But sometime today or 2morrow i gotta go get her,her gift...Its a really good gift nothing i think she got b4 something she would love i know this...It came from my heart ....ouch...stomach pains...feels like im gonna puke lol i know that came out of no where but at that moment i had it and i write anything that happens lol ..ok im wierd i know.Damn today will be long probably as of right now im half a sleep and half up my body feels all lite..wierd...probably because i have no energy..Well i guess im gonna go since i need some sleep but b4 i go to bed ill msg the girl of my dreams :)...Well every1 "later"

Life....So simple or is it?

2004-02-10T18:48:34Z

Well hey every1 just got up and its about 12 37 gotta go to the dentist to fix my braces...yay...so exciting....but anyway...i forgot to update this yesterday...Well yesterday was a really good day ...i mean i got to spend it with becky and everyday with her is like a dream so when im with her im really happy.....went to go pick her up around 3 at allisons....got back at her house around 330 then relaxed and cuddled with her...then tried to cook some rice in which ...it sucked i think lol crapy ass rice...nasty :( that was the whole day for me but then again....when im with her i forget my problems....but then again sometimes it occures to me...I do think a little about my depression and sometimes when im around her i get little depressed i sit there and think about my fagget ass father who never showed up in my life once...Have you notice i go to this pyschologist to deal with this shit and she says i should talk about it....And well i will :) on here....I mean that fucker never came into my life only called me last summer in which i think im depressed of that and of my past in which i try to get over....and its hard...taking lexapro helps some then myself does the other 50 percent...but i still think about it...about why he left and that bullshit maybe im just mad at my past and blame it on my father? I dunno....I hope today i dont think about that shit...really i hope i dont...becuase anything little can trigger my anger :) sometimes i think if a person came up to me and called me a bitch or said fuck you...(a boy that is) i would seriously beat the shit out of him...i wouldnt care really i would keep punching until i guess he cant move no more...even tho deep down i dont want to do that but i have lots of anger i can really lose :(...heh....And no i wouldnt realese that on becky I love her to much she is the only person that cheers me up :) ... well....today im waiting for becky i gotta really look for a job....you know...boring at my house...oh yea my ged test is like well i think in 2 weeks from friday :) almost in college ;) Well anyway back to what i was saying...waiting for becky to get home so i can see her i really miss her during the day...she is all i think about and i love that feeling :) When i cant see her i get really down and depress a little but then again im trying to overcome it so i talk to people...tell them how i feel and try to do something...but its hard to do becuase all my freinds are drugys and drink all the time and i really dont wanna be around them....becuase they will try to get me to also do those things again...In which im trying to overcome....Well i gotta take becky to her group thing today and sometimes i wish i could go with her and tell them how i feel :) becuase i could really use it myself haha....Well right now i feel great :)! Nothing can bring me down except me :) and i dont think today i will be down!!! too happy...well anyway...Ill ttyl people...