mmm
so wow. what the hell. i have not posted a damn thing in this journal since june.
and all i have to say was...
this summer was pretty much a waste. lets just sat i had higher expectations.. it has its highlights for sure (bonding with more people, meeting new people, lots of time with Peter, drunkenness, $$$, way too much food), and i'll always remember the good times i had. but honestly, i didn't get to see lots of people who i really wanted to set aside alot of time to see. (and i miss them terribly) work was total crap. (they can all eat shit, the lot of them) it was hot. (well it was summer... but still) i didn't get to look at as many colleges as i wished i could have. (so i already feel behind in that respect) also, i never got to go to any of the open calls i wanted to try and get around to going to at some point. i just wish i had the time and more people with enough motivation to back me in this. if i don't just go for it i'll regret it the rest of my life.

whatever.

i just feel overwhelmed because i just don't know what the hell i'm going to do with my life. i mean, i have an IDEA, but that dosen't really count for much. and idea just kind of jumpstarts you. i know what i want, but its not totally plausable. at all. nor would my parents actually want to respect it even if it WOULD happen. i don't want to be one of those 40-somethings trapped in a cubicle and realize, "HEY, i fucking hate this. i hate this. why did i decide to do this? i missed out on alot in my life because i JUST DIDN'T HAVE TO BALLS TO DO IT."
shit.
why am i thinking about this?

everyone is leaving for school and thats making me upset also. :/
i miss people that are gone now, and someone who'll be leaving in a few days...

maybe school will work out for me this year. i hope.
senior year better kick ass.
besides, i've already taken the good old senior initiative and NOT finished my summer reading!
best start to a year with Cielusniak, doncha think?