today i'm talking to admissions at university of nevada, reno about coming here once i finish my associates. they have one of the best graduate programs for journalism in the country and for my bachelors i'd do a double major, english and environmental studies. they have an organic farm on campus, incredible. if i spend a year working in the national parks before then it might qualify me as a resident so i could pay the in-state tuition and save a lot of money. the future is bright. i feel blessed.

the trip is almost over but coming to nevada has truly been one of the best experiences of my life. i feel new, i feel that i've had a spiritual awakening. when i came here i was still a staunch atheist but i'm beginning to believe that life really cannot be nothing more than a series of coincidences. things have happened that i cannot attribute to chance. the fact that i am still living after all that's happened and all i've done to myself is a miracle in and of itself.
there was a time when i did not plan on living past 25, but now i have my whole life ahead of me and every single day is a gift. i could not be more grateful for what i have.

today i had the most fun i have had since i've been sober. i went on a city wide, three hour long scavenger hunt organized by aa's west coast young people's chapter. the stuff was ridiculous, like a picture of someone in the river that runs through the town, and a picture of the whole team on a bell cart from a hotel. one of them was a tattoo of the chapter's logo, and someone on my team got it. i didn't get to stay for the judging but i have the phone number of one of the kids and i'll call him in the morning to find out who won. the tattoo was worth 5 times more than any of the other things on the list so i think we've got it in the bag.
the meetings out here are more like parties, with cheering and clapping and whooping and hollering. everything here is just wonderful.
i was offered a job with the conservation corps to spend a year in nevada clearing trails and rehabilitating wildlife in the national parks. once i finish my associates, i'm going to take it. they have my application on file and they said whenever i'm ready.
university of nevada, reno has one of the best journalism programs in the country so i think after the years up i might stay and get my bachelors there. they offer environmental studies as a double major so i'd do that too. there is an organic farm on campus. this place couldn't be any more amazing.

no fucking way. this is on CNN. CNN!!!!

written yesterday:
it's the day after my court date would have been and i'm on the other side of the country. the air here is thin and papery dry. there's a heat wave coming through, this week. the days keep getting hotter. this city is one of the most vibrant i've felt, like the thin air lets you see colors better. it's more alive even than new york city, the heat still shimmers off the pavement but strangers stop to say hello instead of rushing past you. it's cleaner than worcester, and its ecological ethics aren't particular to the underground. the default radio stations here play only country, not lite rock. i don't mind because i hate both types equally. if you get in someone's way, they apologize instead of bowling you oer. people sit at intersections urging the other to go. today i saw a biker with a beard and leather vest... on a bicycle. the fruit is fresher and cheaper, they don't even have to use refrigerated trucks to get it to here from california. thrifting yeilds better scores, i found an eighty dollar pair of ultra skinny jeans for 4.99. already found a venue that holds basement shows called "the eyeball" and met two friendly squatter punks who provided me with the information. there is no fear or loathing in nevada. i'd like to stay a while.

i saw the BIGGEST, brightest fucking shooting star of my life. it was wide and fat and its trail lasted at least one second before it fizzled. it was holy.

things are going a little slow for my tastes. i am so ready, ive been single for many times longer than he has. but i guess i can wait for him. i'm going to have to.

also some comments would be nice i havent gotten any on my last million or so entries and im starting to think no one reads this anymore

i watch you from the corner as my stomach quietly folds in on itself.
bile swells slowly through my ribcage, past my diaphragm, and quivers at the mouth of my esophagus.
your hair is in your mouth and i can remember the taste, pulling thin glistening strands off my tongue.
sometimes i don't, sometimes i swallow them.
it's the most i've eaten in days.