que sera

__electricbride @ 2007-06-11T10:00:00

2007-06-11T17:01:17Z

everynight you break my heart even more

tryin to make a dollar out of fifteen cents

2007-02-27T05:22:13Z

im overwhelmed. with everything, i feel like a whimp but fuck man. i have no desire to solve anything, to just sit and wallow in my own confusion. i wish things were simple... i wish my life, problems, desires, and wishes were simple. i have big dreams but i dont have enough faith in myself to acheive them. i need some sort of miracle... not from someone else but from myself. i need courage, and self-assurance. i need so many things that i dont know how to get. i hate feeling sorry for myself, but i really need to vent. i need to write things down.. hopefully it can help me figure everything out? why do simple things become so complicated? i think im developing a nervous problem. everything is making me nervous. hearing my own voice makes me nervous. not so much a threatened nervous, but more of a confusion. im always thinking, "what now?" or "what next?" im not good at making decisions on my own, i cant ever make up my mind. i think thats where... no, i KNOW thats where the problem is, my mind. i need to CLEAR my mind. stop worrying about... everything. the anxiety is getting to me. im always waiting for something better to happen. i need to stop waiting and take action. two types of people, those who make things happen and those that watch things happen. i want to become someone who makes things happen, but i feel like im doing everything on my own and im so tired of feeling so alone. i just wish i could get help or support from my parents. i got into the college i want to go to. ill be pursuing my dream career. its everything ive ever dreamed of. the hard part is getting there. its all the way in pasadena... i dont have enough money to move/live out there, but i dont have a mode of transportation. ill take the bus, but im going to go to school and work full time plus having to pay rent.. bills.. thank god for my boyfriend i dont know what i would do without him. i think hes my miracle. i get nervous when i think about him too, it scares me.
i wish i had simple solution. this is all part of growing up. its kind of scary. within the next three months my life is going to change more then it ever has. this time next year ill be leaving the country hopefully with an internship, thats if i can maintain everything, my faith and my strength in myself. i hope im responsible enough. i hope so. im so nervous.

the thing i hate the most is the feeling of being overwhelemed. if i didnt have dan reassuring me i dont think i would even be where i am right now. im so thankful. thank you god.
but the thing i want the MOST is a tall can. ice cold.... of budweiser.....mmmm

Because U Deserve What Every Individual Should Enjoy Regularly

what's the story morning glory?

2006-10-24T19:45:48Z

"well... you cant"
and i said well noone tells me what i can and cant do
So I Fuckin Did It

i was goonna go to sleep

2006-09-27T02:30:13Z

cause im trying real hard not to puke
but i figure
life is too short to pass out while youre drunk

i want you to hurt me again

2006-07-25T00:51:53Z

I went to beg for your forgiveness. I found you there. Just where I thought you would be. I went so you could see what a wreck I am without you, and see how badly I need you. You pretended like you didn't see. Don't kid yourself, we both know we're all the other can see. I ran to you, back into your arms. I just stood there... I can smell you. I can smell safe. Time stops. This is all I want. I don't want anything else from you. I don't expect anything else from you. I can't think about anything else but how fucking good you smell. How good this smell is making me feel. I haven't felt this good in weeks, and for a split second i've found peace of mind. Nothing can hurt me right now. Not even you, baby. Nothing else matters except right here where I am. Standing here in your arms and all I can smell is you.
You push me away. You've pushed me away once again. WHY HAVE YOU DONE THIS? WHY? I DONT FUCKING UNDERSTAND YOUR INTENTIONS. WHY. WHY. WHY?!.

"I'll do anything. I do anything you fucking want. Absolutely fucking anything, please just tell me what I can do to make things okay. better. safer, please..."
"WHAT THE FUCK DO YOU WANT FROM ME? I'LL DO ANYTHING"

"nothing"

[/]

and i woke up. in a bad mood again. great.
I just want to find you. Just to scream at you. I just want to let it out. Slap the shit out of you and call you a hypocrite. Let you know what you've been putting me through and how it's not going to stop. Tell you how fed up I am of waking up in someone else's clohes. Closing my eyes and seeing you.

oh baby.

vent

2006-07-17T06:43:02Z

once in awhile
stretch out a smile
for those hopeless mother fuckers

pathetically
deserted.
disposably
perverted.

solitary.

pain pain go away
push it all, all away
rain
rain rain

/
sometimes
life relishes in throwing me curve balls.
one after another
over and over...

trashy, jealous, ugly, ignorant, piteous WHORES
insidious, immoral, deceptive, ignorant, wretched ASSHOLES

i'd like to thank all those who've enjoyed martyrizing me.
you only make it easier for me to hate you

but i still got to admit it's gettin' better, a little better all the time!

its getting easier to remember that with highs come lows
and with lows come highs

life sucks.
sometimes it sucks real bad
and sometimes it doesnt suck that much
but thats life and shit happens

i

2006-07-11T08:33:17Z

miss my necklace.
i feel like it was a vital part of my sanity

ever since i lost it bad shit keeps on happening
&its really retarded.

really retarded.

the source of it all

2006-07-05T07:47:15Z

i feel like a background third-wheel all the time
and the only person who can change that wont
ONLY.
.

ups and downs

2006-06-21T09:28:15Z

all life is.

im begining to adapt to this..
it still sucks though.

i dont cry

2006-06-13T07:06:43Z

when my dog ran away
but i get angry at the bills i need to pay
im starting to get angry when my mom smokes pot
hits the bottle and goes straight to the fucking rock

why

2006-06-02T06:57:14Z

does everyone keeps asking me what my plans are on 6/6/6.
WHY?
what the fuck are YOU gonna do?
sacrifice a baby lamb or something???
FUCK THAT
im going to church that day
i only celebrate three days a year
4/20 5/5 & 5/14
WHY THE FUCK WOULD YOU CELEBRATE A DAY SUPPOSEDELY DEVOTED TO EVIL?
HASNT ANYONE SEEN LITTLE NIKKI?!

oh... happy birthday damien riv... i mean cassie rivera.

tampons

2006-05-09T04:19:01Z

i was gonna make a custom girls only friends group on lj just for this post
but im too lazy so i said eff that man

today i took bong loads and then i went to walmart with my dad to buy tampons and shit
and i stood in front of the tampons for like 20 minutes you guys hahaha
i just couldnt pick out what kind i wanted
then i bought the stupidest tampons ever made
theyre tampons that have the same idea as a fortune cookie
SOME PEOPLE ARE STUPID

and then some black girls were blazing a blunt outside walmart and they were like YEAH I KNOW SHE WANTS TO HIT THIS
haha black people and blunts man.
anyway, my dad was so pissed HAHAHA he yelled at them and they made fun of how white he was
it was tight
PEAce

do you have a dittie?!?!?!??!?????!!!

fifth of mayo

2006-05-06T19:08:58Z

was fun

sadie pissed me off. really. fucking. bad.
school was just way too emotional and stupid, but que sera sera.
just one of those days... im prolly gonna start my rag.

then i saw mick and that made stuff better... :D

then cinco de mayo started!!!
me and richard took the bus to olvera(sp?) street
&went into some restaurant and ordered some margaritas and got away with it (SCORE!!!!)
got a little plastered [(:hehe ] and danced and sang alot...
yelled viva!, and the lyrics to caress me down and annoyed a bunch a mexicans
yeah, white pride.
JKJKJKJKJKJK i loves you silly little beaners ;)

highlight:
i publically pissed on a bus stop on los angeles avenue. its funny how consumed people are in their own lives. i don't think anyone even noticed me with my pants pulled down peeing five feet from their cars.

but then some herion addict scammed me out of my last dollar at the union station &that killed my buzz.

i am looking forward to

2006-05-02T03:11:18Z

FIF O MAY!!!!!!!

amber lilly

2006-03-19T19:10:27Z

i love my sister
more than anything
so i will show her off
:D

@3months

@4months

BEST ONE CAUSE SHE LOOKS STUPIDY-CUTE! hahaha what a loser

&yesterday on her half-birthday

cause she makes me get this warm lovey dovey feeling in my tummy when i see her stupid face♥

1791 -

2006-03-14T17:22:16Z

The Right of the People to Be Secure in Their Persons, Houses, Papers and Effects Against Unreasonable Searches and Seizures, Shall Not be Violated; And No Warrant Shall Issue, but upon Probable Cause, Supported by Oath or Affirmation, and Particularly Describing the Place to Be Searched and the Person or Things to Be Seized.
- The Fourth Amendment of the United States Constitution

cool

2006-03-07T06:32:46Z

trait snapshot:

messy, outgoing, open, self revealing, ambivalent about chaos, unpredictable, not good at saving money, social, likes large parties, likes to stand out, risk taker, quick to make friends, does not like to be alone, rash, fame seeking, sarcastic, craves attention, social chameleon, low self control, food lover, not rule conscious, weird, assertive, not a perfectionist, anti-authority, thrill seeker, vain, likes to fit in, reckless, emotionally sensitive, leisurely, trusting

my life - in a nutshell

2006-02-15T05:51:19Z

i got a cheap digi cam from a 99 cent store, can you tell?

http://photobucket.com/albums/v19/alkalineash/friendss/

__electricbride @ 2006-02-13T20:31:00

2006-02-14T04:31:41Z

but its worth it just to hear you say
youre gonna give me everything

hahahahahahazh

2006-02-12T20:13:09Z

what if...

2006-02-12T04:04:19Z

when all are one (8:00:56 PM): haha my boyfriend is so mexican
when all are one (8:01:01 PM): he doesnt speak english
delicate flowerr (8:02:07 PM): hahaha wtf
delicate flowerr (8:02:08 PM): is he hot
delicate flowerr (8:02:11 PM): aw thats cute
when all are one (8:02:26 PM): HAHA IM JK

__electricbride @ 2006-02-08T18:59:00

2006-02-09T03:09:43Z

while i was washing windows for my community service at calvary chapel i heard the end of a conversation between some men...

"look at all of these movie stars that get paid for it, it's just terrible"
"i honestly dont see how actors can live with themselves"
"well they're liars, they've convinced themselves that what they're doing isn't bad"

.....WTF.

i wish i could have heard all of what they were saying, it was humoring me.
i wanted to say something... but it was community service.

i hate this place.

2006-02-08T03:27:58Z

i didnt go to school wednesday, thursday, or friday. got checked out monday and tuesday.
de ja vuu

__electricbride @ 2006-02-04T15:08:00

2006-02-04T23:08:30Z

"When love beckons to you follow him, though his ways are hard and steep. And when his wings enfold you, yield to him, though the sword hidden among his pinions may wound you. And when he speaks to you believe in him, though his voice may shatter your dreams ... For even as love crowns you, so shall he crucify you."

calvary chapel

2006-02-03T01:09:19Z

i started my community service at this BIG ASS CHAPEL MADE OF GLASS
it is so trippy
but i have to freakin wash windows... and theres like TEN THOUSAND.