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Wednesday
September 10, 2008
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comment + add
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Tuesday
October 2, 2007
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so if you love me
still. or ever. or even if it's brand new
you'll go add my new journal
![[info]](http://p-stat.livejournal.com/img/userinfo.gif) ramonaplease
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Saturday
September 1, 2007
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sushi time?
sake time?
parrty time tonight bitches.
yeahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh.
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Thursday
August 23, 2007
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tomorrow is my birfday
last night I was way too drunk
I have a tendency to get way too drunk when I go to nara for sushi
I mean I usually don't drink that much sake but by the end of the night
I feel like I'm the drunkest girl in the world. cops busted some stupid party I went to after sushi
but it was like, one cop came in the front door so we all just poured out the back into the alley and stood around waiting for her to leave.
yeah great bust.
I don't know if I'm going out tonight
but I might.
tomorrow we're having a poetry slam in the ewok village. sweeeeeeeeeet.
I'm sexcited. as in I BETTER GET LAID ON MY BIRFDAY YO.
lol.
i think i love you
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Saturday
August 4, 2007
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mood |
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 crappy |
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bored bored bored
more like GIRLS, GIRLS, GIRLS!!
lol
I'm seriously so bored. my day consisted of extreme boredom
that is all
I woke up, went to work, sat there and felt like a poo
I wish I could learn things faster. I guess it was only my first day working upstairs but the lady I was working with told my boss I was a little slow while I was standing rigt there helping a customer. granted she thought I couldn't hear her, but I can't stand gossipy old bitches. she was nice to me but I guess I had her all wrong.
bonus: hot hot college boys.
anyway, I have a serious crush on a boy named nate who works there
I don't know why
maybe it's because I have a serious problem with seriously crushing on people I don't know. and then I get to know them and I'm...bored. boring people everywhere.
Pat and I are being lazy. actually, he came to town to visit me but he just left
for a bit. and that is shitty, because I feel like going out and partying or somethin but that's bad for business. relationship business. I always end up never coming home :/
what can I say? he will come back though. for some boring reason I might go to bed soon. seeing as it's 9:30 and all. I'm just so fucking BORED and it makes me TIRED of being BORED>>>>god damn.
So I guessss that's all..corina comes home soonsies. I am pumped.
I want to get high right now. I want to have a little fucking fun. I haven't in a wh'l
(pronounced whawl) but I know tonight is not the night. Perhaps tomorrow? I have sunday and monday off and I don't have to be to work until 12 on tuesday but then I have to work at 8 wed-sat
buuut I won't have to work upstairs.
buuuut I will have to deal with students buying textbooks as they go on sale on monday
FUCK.
ME.
HARRRRDER.
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Tuesday
July 31, 2007
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I started working at the UC bookstore today
it's not as bad as I thought it would be
but
a. it was only my first day
b. school hasn't even started yet
I work with a hot guy who looks lik ehe's 23 but he's actually 30 and maybe I only thought he was hot because every other guy looked like ass. come on cute college boys
come get your textbooks...
and a little o' meee.
aha. I'm exhausted though. I need to eat some pizzzzaaa. And maybe take a little nipper nap. Also, corina comes home soon and I just ordered a cute pair of chacos off of the internet. NICE.
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| you know I love you baby |
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Friday
June 15, 2007
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mood |
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my love for you I could never hide.
Fuck life is a juxtapoz of shit. yes i'm well fucking aware that I used juxtapoz in the wrong context but FUCK YOU! If I want to say juxtapoz I'm going to fucking say it.
Right in ya face.
Kneehoo. Pat and I (on off on off on off on fuck off fuck on fuck off)
got into quite the argument last night. Not really an argument, basically he said
he didn't want to "Play games" anymore. I guess I shouldn't bring up
other guys around him ever.
I simply found out there was a guy who works at lucky diamond who saw me once
and decided we should "date" or something so I asked Pat if he knew who this
person was because he gambles there sometimes, and he's like yeah...so I told him
the story because I found it funny and also very non-threatening. Apparently,
this person who works at the LD was trying to find a sack last night to smoke "some new girl he met up" so he asked pat and I was completely unaware of this part of the story but I guess I was that girl. which is gay, because I've never met this person.
But, since Timmy told pat about the "girl" and left out the fact that it was me I look like I'm lying and pat's tired of me being too pretty to go anywhere with him.
WTF. Makes less sense each time I think about it.
Basically, I had to spend another 2 hours convincing him that yes I can go 5 days without sex and yes, I did go 5 days without sex while he was out of town. Not that it even matters anymore. I don't know if I can keep going on like this. He won't say he loves me anymore because he doesn't want it to get too deep...and I'm thinking it's too late for it to get any deeper. But I'm not going to stick around if I don't get any love because that's why I'm in this fucking relationship. I just want to be loved for a while, if he can't give it to me then I guess bye bye.
But apparently, he told Rick (ex boss) last night that he can't quit me.
like a bad habit?
like an addiction?
he can't quit me.
I don't know. I...I can't quit you baby...but I'm gonna have to put you down for a whiiiiilllle. I said...I can't quit you baby! But you know I'monna have to put you down for a whhiiiile.
oh leddy
now all I really want is a latte
maybe we're going to ovando tonight?
maybe not. we shall seesies.
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Tuesday
May 29, 2007
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I had a bunch of tequila at work last night
so of course, on the ride home pat got pulled over
and of course, because I'm the luckiest son'bitch alive
I had 2 warrants. And, of course, the cop was a douche
and handcuffed me and took me away away away to jail.
Where I cried in a holding cell for a good 2 hours
until pat came and bailed me out.
So today, I go to court.
They're going to fine me up the ass with shit. I blew a .096
so there's an MIP, plus the original tickets I got the warrants for, plus
the warrants themselves, plus the court fees, on top of community service
and alcoholism classes that cost $100. Lovely.
Boy do I love our penal system
Luckily I did enjoy a little penal systemization when I got out.
A lot a little a loving.
ha.
Anyway.
pat and I keep half breaking up.
He doesn't want a girlfriend but he still wants...I don't know what.
What he tells me he wants sounds alot like a girlfriend
or rather, it sounds like nothing in our relationship will change other than
the "titles" boy/girlfriend. I say, bullshit. That's the least harmful part of a relationship is the title. Makes no difference whether we say it out loud or not, and he still introduces me as "my girl meghan"
instead of my NOT girl.
need a shower and to leave.
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Thursday
May 24, 2007
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bored
myspacing
going to take a shower and go to work
hopefully I can fix my itunes tonight
I need to get over pat.
MOVE ON. MOVE ON MOVE ON MOVE ON
it would probably help to sleep with someone new but i'm fucking terrified
I can't remember how to get laid. DAMN..oh but I will. I will.
FUCK. I have no time for this.
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Sunday
May 6, 2007
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mood |
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 crazy |
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am I supposed to change
are you suppose to change?
who should be hurt
who should be blamed...
we need a resolution. we need a resolution. we have so much confusion. we need a resolution.
If only you knew I was listening to Aaliyah. you would hate on me like nazi on joo.
I have to make this quick. I need to go to work but first me and marty are going on a drive
 me and my niggy
yum yum yum. that face makes me horny. if you could just cut out that nasty biznatch, it'd be like porn.
I GOTSTA GO! DAMN
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Thursday
April 19, 2007
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fuckkk
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| the wasteland |
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Monday
April 16, 2007
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mood |
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 blank |
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music |
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sublime |
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"My nerves are bad to-night. Yes, bad. Stay with me.
"Speak to me. Why do you never speak. Speak.
"What are you thinking of? What thinking? What?
"I never know what you are thinking. Think."
I think we are in rats' alley
Where the dead men lost their bones.
ohhhhhhh yeah. uh huh.
I'm crazy tired of sleeping and still being tired.
Things are slowly evening out. for now. I just needed a break
I don't expect this to last much longer however...
Expect everything and the unexpected never happens.
4:20 yes yes yes I wish I had a bowl to smoke right meow
I need a good teef brushing.
but I also really want a soda, and I don't want to chug it and then brush
or brush and then ruin half my soda with mintmouf...
oh what to do.
I like days when things like that are all I have to worry about.
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| sorry I am |
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Sunday
April 1, 2007
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mood |
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crazy |
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music |
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something |
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Yes. Something new! I ordered a new necklace off of ebay
it is a sparrow.
it will be exciting to get a 10 dollar necklace and wear it. belieeeeeeve me.
it's kind of sunny out, but I have to do some dishes
and shower
and then maybe go eat some spaghetti? I don't know. Pat has no pans in his kitchen now
so we would have to use the crockity pot and that would be 4 hours of cookin' for some measley noodlins.
kneeway. I ain't got much to say.
last night I got to see corina, marty, and beth all in one place. it was really
really really nice. I miss those girls. I don't really miss drinking
that's the problem, I don't even like drinking but I still do it from time to time
like when I think about old memories where drinking was how we had fun
and then I'm all wasted and realizing I hate being wasted but shit, too drunk to fix it.
seriously though, I haven't had an appetite whatsoever for like 5 weeks
and since I got wasted last night I've had the munchies like madcore
I made pat take me to taco bell last night and then this morning I made him come out to breakfast with me. speaking of
I feel sick.
Like I ate something that wants to tear me apart from the inside.
rotten pussy. too much of it all up inz my mouf teef.
makes me happy: pat saying all up ons.
(= (= (=
so happy I'm going to go watch a strong bad episode. yes yes yessss.
I need to do these things now. before pat gets off workity work.
he's getting fat.
he used to have the sexy abs and whatnot, now he's got a big roll
haaaaaaaaaaaaaa. makes me giggle everywhere
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| no more |
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Friday
March 23, 2007
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I am so sick of shit being thrown at me from all directions
Can no one act like an adult in this world?
can no one get over their egos, their pride, their so-called dignity for long enough
to see that other people are affected by their actions? Other people who are innoccent are
affected negatively by their fucking stupidity. Why am I the only one who wants to sit down
and say let's not get petty, let's not make this into some high school drama bullshit because the thing about high school drama is, it doesn't end. It makes everything worse
If you grow up to be a big boy/girl and you don't realize that, why hasn't the lord struck you down and killed your useless moronic ass?
I just want to have NO drama.
I don't want to put up with any of this.
I want to sleep forever and when I wake up I want to wake up dead.
walking waking dead.
fuck me if I had a gun right meow
gun gun gun me down.
if tomorrow is any worse I don't think I'll be able to survive
to the beat
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| still the dream has come, still the dream's about to die |
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Thursday
March 15, 2007
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mood |
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music |
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tiger army |
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I feel pretty shitty.
Sick and all around shitty. Life is a big fan of my misery
Things have been going up and down all week.
I guess it's to be expected what with my body still thinking I'm pregnant
my hormones are on a fucking rampage
but I have been staying at pat's since tuesday or so last week
so a few of my things are there...such as my journal
I'm pretty sure he read it
I've said some pretty mean things in there about him
not necessarily mean but
definitely hurtful. like talking about how badly I wanted to find
someone new to sleep with in October
But...it was pretty clear that the only reason I was trying so hard to move on
and to find someone new was because Pat spent the first 4 or 5 months of our
relationship making me feel like we were together but telling me he didn't want to
be with me.
Mostly it's just a bunch of emo ramblings that came out when I was bored and alone
I'm insanely good at being emo.
pat's getting booked today. I hate the thought of him sitting in jail
I hope he comes back.
I hope I don't spend tonight alone
I don't know if I can ever be alone again
I usually feel so guilty I start bawling everytime I sit by myself
gun gun gun me down
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Tuesday
March 13, 2007
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Pat and I had a really serious talk last night.
I mean really serious.
we stayed up until 6 talking about some things
it was crazy
he said he wishes his baby boy was still with me.
I am sooooooooooooo confused.
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| dying like a fox |
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Sunday
March 11, 2007
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this show is cracking me up
sara silverman is funny...
somehow i kind of moved in with pat in the last 5 days
i don't know how. all my shit's there and i've just been sleeping and staying there every night
and i have a key to his house.
weird. how fucking weird to live with your new girlfriend and your exgirlfriend
I hate our relationship
I love him so much but I want it to end.
I want him to hurt and realize everything he's doing killed me.
It's never going to happen...
I'm just going to end this shit.
end end end.
I'll have the latter.
ohhhhhhhhh latter...
I'll see you latter.
my baby had fingerprints
a heartbeat
tiny little toes
a tiny little penis.
it was human. it was ours.
it's dead.
i'm dead.
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| frugal |
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Thursday
February 22, 2007
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mood |
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i'm getting so tired of these moodswings
my last entry is all tears for fears about pat
but right now i'm super happy to be with him.
little things like him having no gas but driving across town
to make sure I have a bowl and a cigarette yesterday
when he had 20 minutes to be to work.
&& him bringing me chinese food and lemonade today when he had to go to business class at 2
I like to know he cares and that he thinks about my well-being.
one thing bothering me:
I was looking through his new phone the other day,
not really snooping, just seeing who had his new number.
there was someone in there named Star...at first I thought it sounded
like a stripper and I was like "wtf" and then I started thinking about his
ex from high school (which was like 5 or 6 years ago for him) hannah and I
remembered once he told me he used to call her star and that she had asked him
a few months ago to keep calling her that and he was like no, we're not together anymore.
he told me that before we were really a couple, but why would he put her in his phone as star?
a few months ago he wasn't willing to call her that and I wasn't even officially with him.
am I overreacting? should I even confront him about it?
I'm not really worried about him cheating or anything, it's just that I know he wouldn't
feel comfortable with me calling one of my ex's a pet name we had when we were fucking.
or maybe he would feel fine with it, but I wouldn't do something like that.
it's just inconsiderate, even if he had no way of knowing. I guess I'll have to ask him
about it when the time is right.
so I'm hungry. the chinese food he brought me was not great, but that's alright.
tomorrow's the big day supposedly. I'm nervous.
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Saturday
February 3, 2007
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mood |
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 content |
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do you ever forget why people like you?
I can't remember why I have the friends I do, or how I got such a special person to love me. Nothing really makes sense...I don't know who I am.
BUT I just made butterscotch pudding and I'm so fucking excited to eat it all up in my mouf.
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