SO Josh and I are kindasorta back together.

He really cares about me. He wishes I could completely quit smoking. He didn't want me to come back to Idaho because he wanted to protect me from Mikey. He comes over just to give me a hug. He sends me messages while I'm asleep if he doesn't have time to come over that day. He always holds me by the side of the face, and looks straight at me when he has something important to say, and alwazys end it with a kiss.

Its so weird. All these signs of affection Josh gives me. I can't help but fantasize about what it would be like if my true dream guy were doing it.

Some of you know him. Never as a boyfriend, but always as a love that I've always strived for.

I don't know what I want.