the way i want to love

i want to be able to kick it at his house without worrying about his parents being home.. and vice versa. i want to hold his hand to make all my "bad day" troubles go away. i want to have "the moment" kiss with him, where my breath is so taken away and i'm at a loss of words everytime. i want to lie in bed with him and not worry if he's expecting a little more. i want to fall asleep with him when the nights are cold. i want him to be the first one i call when i have grand news. i want to buy him shoes. i want to be close with his family.. like it was my own second family. i want his cousins/siblings/nephews/nieces to be able to look up to me for advice. i want to see them eye to eye, or at least understand where he's coming from. i want him to be nice about me gaining weight instead of poking fun, literally and figuratively. i want to have mobile to mobile with him. i want him to have a crazy sense of fashion.. but not hardcore japanese style. i want him to find me sexy and beautiful at the same time. i want him to be funny and serious at the same time. i want to be able to not care and wear sweats and/or without fixing my hair. i want to sit on the couch and watch movies with him. i want to know how he feels about me and about us, no guessing games. i want to feel (something) special everytime we're near. i want to think about him and smile ear to ear. i want to laugh so hard that my stomach hurts and my cheeks are locked. i want him to comment on my hair everytime i fix it differently or get it cut a certain way. i want to have plenty of inside jokes. i want to have a mutual admiration for art. i want to be made fun of by him so we can wrestle. i want him to be my soul mate, my best friend, my love, my lover. i want him to wear cool boxers that make me laugh. i want him to not be shy around my parents. i want him to know how to fight but not resort to it every ten seconds. i want him to be honest and openly honest. i want him not to use the word "fag(got)". i want him to feed me. i want to be able to kiss him on the cheek without bumping heads. i want to be called his girlfriend in front of his friends. i want him to want to share a meal with me. i want to have plenty of pictures of us. i want to go to the beach, travel, the park, the mall with him. i don't want to feel jealous or feel insecure about him, myself, or us. i want to trust him and him trust me. i want to be able to talk to friends without him trippin out. i want to make mistakes but not be condemned by him. i want to learn and grow with him and/or because him. i want to feel comfortable with him. i want him around.

i miss it. :(