I can spend hours trying to deconstruct what’s happened in my life; what I’ve done, and what others have done to me.  I look at everything I’ve dealt with in my past, and I have handled it all with great ease.  But I look to the present, and what I’m dealing with now, and I realize that it’s a struggle. 

I’ve never been one to know what I want in my life.  And I mean that in the best way possible.  When I was little, I never had this set dream job that I just had to have.  I handled everything in a day-by-day structure and I didn’t plan too far into the future. 

And then I met him… I met the guy who made me weak in the knees.  I met the guy who makes me want to be better, who makes me smile and laugh, who makes me feel like I can achieve anything I hope for.  This guy… he’s the guy that I want to spend the rest of my life with.  For as long as we have together, I want there to be an “us”.  He’s my first love, and I know it’s true.  He makes me feel comfortable and safe.  I never had sex with anyone before him, I was one of those girls who wanted to wait for true love, and I did.  I knew from the moment I met him that he was something special.  I remember, at first, I was so scared and nervous about being with me, he was older, so much more experienced, and here I am: the plain girl, the girl next door type.  And he was interested in me.  We got to know each other, and it was amazing.  We spent every waking moment together, and I’ve never gotten sick of him.  I remember the first time we had sex… he was so gentle and sweet about it, and made sure I was ready and I was ok.  And when we were finished, he cuddled me and held me close and told me that he loved me.  It was so sweet and I wouldn’t change it for the world.